VeggieBoards banner
1 - 20 of 58 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,984 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I've been pondering and thinking about raising children one day, and just thought I would take an interest survey on what you all think about certain things.

A few things with each point:

Would you raise your own children like this?

Are there any benefits or downfalls you see from this?

Any you really like? Really don't like?

Any not-so-common raising techniques/traditions/events/actions you participate in that you think is beneficial?

anything else?

"no-silverware" day:
One night a week, we gather 'round the table, and play with our food. (spaghetti, veggies, whatever!)(dress clothes
not recommended XD)

painting wall
A wall in the house that the children (and parents!) can paint/draw/color/whatever on
children's room
Allow the children to explore creativity on their own bedroom walls. They want to draw poke'mon all over? use crayons? markers? leaves, sticks, mirrors, old cd's? it's ok! everything is art!
no t.v.
No television in the home. Perhaps a monitor, but no cable or antenna line. Mostly because of the obvious reasons of media addiction, moral degradation, it contributes to adolescent ADHD, stifles creativity, and more. TV isn't going to raise my kids
music appreciation
children will be exposed to music from conception, perhaps a "family band" just for fun... when they're like 3.
no holiday mascots
aside from the belief that Santa and the Easter Bunny make a mockery of the supposed meaning of the celebrations, I'm not a fan of lying to children.
vegan from conception
obviously
teach 'em Jesus from birth
worship music, bible verses, story's about our God and His incredible love
no circumcision
genital mutilation? yeah, um no.
Christmas as giving
instead of asking them "what they want for Christmas", will place the importance on "what to give others". Wont even encourage them to "make a self list" but rather make a list of things to get mommy/sister/friend/stranger/etc
extended breastfeeding
optimum and preferred, but would depend on the mother
cry = hugs
Crying in their room? They get attention. They get all the love and attention they need, and hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs.
And many other things, mostly by example, such as respecting all life, fighting for what they believe in, not bowing down to the status quo or pop culture, to have fun and play, to enjoy sunsets, hold doors open for strangers, play dress up and pretend, and to love their mother more than anything except God.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,003 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by troub View Post

"no-silverware" day:
One night a week, we gather 'round the table, and play with our food. (spaghetti, veggies, whatever!)(dress clothes
not recommended XD)

painting wall
A wall in the house that the children (and parents!) can paint/draw/color/whatever on
children's room
Allow the children to explore creativity on their own bedroom walls. They want to draw poke'mon all over? use crayons? markers? leaves, sticks, mirrors, old cd's? it's ok! everything is art!
no t.v.
No television in the home. Perhaps a monitor, but no cable or antenna line. Mostly because of the obvious reasons of media addiction, moral degradation, it contributes to adolescent ADHD, stifles creativity, and more. TV isn't going to raise my kids
music appreciation
children will be exposed to music from conception, perhaps a "family band" just for fun... when they're like 3.
no holiday mascots
aside from the belief that Santa and the Easter Bunny make a mockery of the supposed meaning of the celebrations, I'm not a fan of lying to children.
vegan from conception
obviously
teach 'em Jesus from adolescence
worship music, bible verses, story's about our God and His incredible love
no circumcision
genital mutilation? yeah, um no.
Christmas as giving
instead of asking them "what they want for Christmas", will place the importance on "what to give others". Wont even encourage them to "make a self list" but rather make a list of things to get mommy/sister/friend/stranger/etc
extended breastfeeding
optimum and preferred, but would depend on the mother
cry = hugs
Crying in their room? They get attention. They get all the love and attention they need, and hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs.
And many other things, mostly by example, such as respecting all life, fighting for what they believe in, not bowing down to the status quo or pop culture, to have fun and play, to enjoy sunsets, hold doors open for strangers, play dress up and pretend, and to love their mother more than anything except God.
Troub, I think this is all great, except, of course for the jesus bit, as I am a raving atheist.

Also (likely connected to the religion thing) I am all for holiday mascots. There is a difference between fantasy, make believe and lying. Teaching the bible would be closer to lying...IMO IMO IMO


As to the hugs - I love it! We do that with our small one (she's still a baby) but she is a super happy little pod, whether that's because of us, or we're just lucky, who's to say. We've also played music for her from about 6 wks in utero. For the first 2 months or so after she was born, the best way to calm her was to play for her the cd we played while I was pregnant.


I also really like the christmas as giving bit. I think the give list is a great idea.

And I have always thought that allowing kids to play with their food (within reason) is a great way to help build a positive relationship with food. Something so few of us have.
I play with my food all the time!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7,858 Posts
well, I personally wouldn't go for the religion thing but I don't think I'm gonna change your mind on that one.


A lot of the other stuff I like. I had family friends who allowed their child to draw on her bedroom wall though and they once had a babysitter who didn't understand the boundries of this agreement...they came home to scribbles all over their livingroom and a babysitter who just sheepishly said "I thought you let them draw on the walls!" >.<

I really like the art & music ones in general though. We had a similar idea to the art wall except it was massive boards on the huge wooden gates accross my backyard. I loved it.

I like the no TV thing for children. As they get older though I would think it would be better to give them the choice to get a TV when they get to an age for making those kinds of decisions, and there is a lot of wanting to share interests with friends. I probably wouldn't carry that on after age 9 or 10, myself, if they wanted a TV.

I like the cry=hugs thing but I wonder how far you would take it? Seems like a way a manipulative child could get his/her own way and make other children seem resentful.

But all in all, you have some great ideas.
And you shouldn't be afraid to be 'different' to do what's best for your child.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,983 Posts
"no-silverware" day:

I'd be hesitent about this because a) kids hands are not the cleanest things around, but more importantly, b) if you're doing this with spaghetti, you're going to spend the rest of the week (or longer) removing spaghetti stains from things. I think this could be a good idea, but only with certain foods, and with an emphasis on "This is only okay when Mommy and Daddy say it's okay, never in public."

painting wall

This sounds incredibly cool.

children's room

This also sounds neat, but the kids will hate it when they're older and they have to deal with a toddler's crayon drawings. Maybe only allow them to use temporary things like sidewalk chalk? My mom stenciled my room with pink and purple cats and hearts, which I loved at the time, but are kind of embarrassing now that I'm nineteen years old.

no t.v.

When I was a kid, I actually wanted to do this when I grew up. Now I'm not so sure. A family movie night isn't a bad thing, and would be fine if you had just a monitor and a DVD player. I also would like to be able to turn on the news occasionally, at least for storm warnings (I hate not being able to get storm warnings at school--that's probably what I miss most about not having a TV) and local news that you can't get online. I guess I'm kind of indifferent about it in the end. I've got some fond memories of watching children's movies and television shows, but if you're really worried about it, it certainly wouldn't hurt not to have one.

music appreciation

You make all these plans, then when you actually have kids you'll find you're too busy to do them or the kids aren't interested. If they like it, great, if not, don't force it on them. Playing a variety of music around the house is a good thing, though.

no holiday mascots

I wholeheartedly agree.

vegan from conception

Great!

teach 'em Jesus from adolescence

There's nothing wrong in raising a child to share your faith.

no circumcision

Absolutely.

Christmas as giving

This is interesting. It's a nice take on Christmas.

extended breastfeeding

Definitely the mother's decision, and I get a little wigged out by people who still breastfeed their six-year-olds, but within reason of course this is optimal.

cry = hugs

I think every time I cried as a kid was because I was mad at my parents (I was fond of tantrums). Obviously I didn't want hugs. I guess it would have been okay for "ouchies" but I didn't want hugs then, I wanted the pain to go away.

I think you're going to make a great father.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,126 Posts
I don't have any kids yet, but I think about raising them someday too. I saw the title of this thread and had to see what in the world you were talking about lol.

Quote:
Originally Posted by troub View Post

"no-silverware" day:
One night a week, we gather 'round the table, and play with our food. (spaghetti, veggies, whatever!)(dress clothes
not recommended XD)

not crazy about that idea.

painting wall
A wall in the house that the children (and parents!) can paint/draw/color/whatever on
children's room
Allow the children to explore creativity on their own bedroom walls. They want to draw poke'mon all over? use crayons? markers? leaves, sticks, mirrors, old cd's? it's ok! everything is art!
I have actually thought about like, a big white-board, with the special erasible markers.

no t.v.
No television in the home. Perhaps a monitor, but no cable or antenna line. Mostly because of the obvious reasons of media addiction, moral degradation, it contributes to adolescent ADHD, stifles creativity, and more. TV isn't going to raise my kids
I agree with not too much TV, and what they should watch should be supervised. But not TV at all is too extreme.

music appreciation
children will be exposed to music from conception, perhaps a "family band" just for fun... when they're like 3.
Absolutely. I was raised with classical music, and I hate popular music to this day. I hate most of pop-culture but that is something else...

no holiday mascots
aside from the belief that Santa and the Easter Bunny make a mockery of the supposed meaning of the celebrations, I'm not a fan of lying to children.
Fantasy isn't lying.

Quote:
No Santa Claus! Thank God! he lives, and he lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood. http://www.newseum.org/yesvirginia/
vegan from conception
obviously
Absolutely as pure-vegetarian as possible.

teach 'em Jesus from adolescence
worship music, bible verses, story's about our God and His incredible love
One, Holy, Catholic and Apostolic for me and mine.

no circumcision
genital mutilation? yeah, um no.
I don't see anything wrong with circumcision, but I would probably leave that decision to my husband. Who am I really to say?
<--- I'm a girl.

Christmas as giving
instead of asking them "what they want for Christmas", will place the importance on "what to give others". Wont even encourage them to "make a self list" but rather make a list of things to get mommy/sister/friend/stranger/etc
I agree. That is the true spirit of the legacy of Santa Claus/St. Nicholas.

extended breastfeeding
optimum and preferred, but would depend on the mother
I want to breastfeed my kids but only early on when it isreally beneficial. The milk does stop being beneficial to them at a certain point, so there is no nutritiona advantage to b-f-ing a 5 y/o

cry = hugs
Crying in their room? They get attention. They get all the love and attention they need, and hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs.
I want to teach my kids to be honest and express their feelings with words. (when appropriate of course.) And I want to set a good example by talking to them if they are upset. But I do think there should be ome discipline. I would rather leave a naughty kid crying alone for a bit than do something like hit them. That I will never do.

And many other things, mostly by example, such as respecting all life, yupfighting for what they believe in, yupnot bowing down to the status quo or pop culture,like i said, i hate pop-culture to have fun and play, to enjoy sunsets, hold doors open for strangers, play dress up and pretend, and to love their mother more than anything except God i like that one.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
471 Posts
troub said:
I've been pondering and thinking about raising children one day, and just thought I would take an interest survey on what you all think about certain things.

A few things with each point:

Would you raise your own children like this?

Are there any benefits or downfalls you see from this?

Any you really like? Really don't like?

Any not-so-common raising techniques/traditions/events/actions you participate in that you think is beneficial?

anything else?

"no-silverware" day:
One night a week, we gather 'round the table, and play with our food. (spaghetti, veggies, whatever!)(dress clothes
not recommended XD)

Maybe not once a week, but given Dad's personality this will happen on a regular basis.

painting wall
A wall in the house that the children (and parents!) can paint/draw/color/whatever on
Absolutely.

children's room
Allow the children to explore creativity on their own bedroom walls. They want to draw poke'mon all over? use crayons? markers? leaves, sticks, mirrors, old cd's? it's ok! everything is art!
Meh. I'm all for creativity, but I also believe that children thrive in an orderly environment, they they need to learn basic housekeeping skills, and that taking care of one's own space should be engrained from an early age. We'll probably keep the bedrooms as a retreat and allow creativity to flow in a treehouse, playhouse, or playroom.

no t.v.
No television in the home. Perhaps a monitor, but no cable or antenna line. Mostly because of the obvious reasons of media addiction, moral degradation, it contributes to adolescent ADHD, stifles creativity, and more. TV isn't going to raise my kids
Would love, love, love to do this, but there's no way hubby will go for it.
He has agreed that TV won't be a regular part of our children's lives during the early years. (Of course, that may mean that the TV stays in our room, and I end up in the kids' rooms to escape it.)

music appreciation
children will be exposed to music from conception, perhaps a "family band" just for fun... when they're like 3.
Yep.

no holiday mascots
aside from the belief that Santa and the Easter Bunny make a mockery of the supposed meaning of the celebrations, I'm not a fan of lying to children.
Agreed. I don't mind my kids knowing about fantasy creatures, but I will not pass off fantasy as reality.

vegan from conception
obviously
Will have to see how this one plays out. I'm veg; Dad isn't. He does trust my judgment on health/dietary matters, though, and I'm not going to be cooking dead animal.

teach 'em Jesus from adolescence
worship music, bible verses, story's about our God and His incredible love
I'll be exposing them to these from early childhood on.

no circumcision
genital mutilation? yeah, um no.
Agreed.

Christmas as giving
instead of asking them "what they want for Christmas", will place the importance on "what to give others". Wont even encourage them to "make a self list" but rather make a list of things to get mommy/sister/friend/stranger/etc
Definitely.

extended breastfeeding
optimum and preferred, but would depend on the mother
I'm planning to breastfeed until Baby weans himself/herself, unless medically prevented from doing so.

cry = hugs
Crying in their room? They get attention. They get all the love and attention they need, and hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs.
There will be plenty of hugs available any time they need/want them. Letting a kid "cry it out" is totally not OK in my book.

We're also planning on co-sleeping, baby-wearing, saying no to most vaccinations, avoiding processed and/or chemical-containing foods (i.e. the Standard American Diet), home schooling, etc.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
11,049 Posts
Troub, I admire your pondering and your great ideas and enthusiasm! You will make an exceptional parent! Parenting is my PASSION and I could write and write and write, so be prepared for a book...

As a parent for the last 16 years, my thoughts:

"no-silverware" day:

Love it. Now that two of my kids are teens, they wouldn't see the point I'm afraid, We do have Paper Plate night where supper is something simple and no one's stuck doing dishes. (We even leave the cooking pans 'till morning if there are any...).

This translates to "Picnic Day" in the summer - even if it rains and we have to picnic indoors.

We also have Dress-Up Dinner Night where I use my wedding china, the "real" silver, a white tablecloth, stemware and sparkling cider and candles. Everyone dresses up (the fancier the better - THAT'S the fun part!!) The actual food might be mac-n-cheeze but the kids learn manners and use utensils in the way they were meant to be used in a more relaxed environment than your 4-star restaurant.

painting wall

children's room

LOVE LOVE IT! My kids just moved into their own rooms (we did a major remodel) so they FINALLY get the opportunity to design their rooms from the ground up. My 7 year old has drawn some elaborate drawings of monkeys and palm trees.

I'm going to enlarge her artwork with an overhead projector, paint the outlines in black and then let her paint in the colors - like big color-book pictures on her walls...

My teens have pretty elaborate color schemes planned as well and just chose the fabric for curtains and bedspreads....

no t.v.

I ABSOLUTELY agree. (And as a Special Ed. teacher, agree with you about it's effects 10000%!)

We had a TV only in my bedroom that only got 3 local channels - until about three years ago, (did have a TV set, that we watched videos on). We just got basic cable 2 years ago (because the rooftop antenna doesn't work any longer) and I have ALMOST every channel locked out.

My kids have never complained. Even at friends houses, they get quickly bored when everyone else wants to plop in front of the TV and watch "mindless stupidity" (my 13-year-old's latest quote).

Any video my kids watch, I sit and watch it with them. They love the extra time with me and if there's something they have questions about, they'll ask.

music appreciation

Hey - my first-grader took my Elvis albums to school for show-n-tell... maybe not quite the same - but eh, I think it's great.

My oldest self-taught herself guitar and now plays with a small group for church, school events, etc.

Music is a major part of our lives thru piano, orchestra, youth choir, etc...

no holiday mascots

OK, this is the only place I will strongly differ with you on.

I was raised in the most conservative home imaginable, I assure you, and we still enjoyed Holiday stories about made-up characters such as these... I continue that with my kids.

We have a fairly conservative Christian home and they know the real reasons for the Holidays we celebrate. It's hard to explain, we celebrate with a Christian point of view, to be sure, but I have no problem with them enjoying the "made-up-fun" part that Santa and the Easter Bunny bring to the whole Holiday too...

They have always known Santa and The Easter Bunny (and leprechauns and cupids, etc, etc) were simply imaginary stories and they appreciate them for what they are.

We do Easter Baskets, it's a tradition my kids still love in their teens, but they have ALWAYS known it was Mom and not the Easter Bunny. We also give Easter Baskets with flowers and cookies to elderly residents in the local nursing homes. Assembling those baskets is more of a looked-forward to tradition for my kids than the candy they get... same for Christmas.

vegan from conception

If your partner supports this, I say go for it! I was married to a guy who was omni so my kids got mixed messages though I think they survived... also my Pediatrician wasn't all that well informed, I had to educate him (and I was only lacto-ovo).

teach 'em Jesus from adolescence

My only question here is why not from birth?

"Train up a child in the way he should go..." and all that? My kids went to church with us from day 1 because this was as much a part of our lives as visiting reletives or recycling or going to the library.

I made sure it was always something they would enjoy, they had their own services and programs as well as attending the main service with us adults. I provided quiet activities while they sat through adult services and they always acted appropriate and eventually started listening and participating in the singing, text-reading, etc...

I never "forced" anything though... by their own choice my kids are very strong in their faith and beliefs now as teens. I would (and do) respect their own choices here, there's been times when they didn't want to go or participate or questioned things and I always was OK with all of that too, but they have made their own choices and I'm incredibly proud.

no circumcision

I have girls. If I'd had boys...eh... I don't know on this one...

Christmas as giving

We celebrate Christmas as Jesus' Birthday and find ways to give during the season. We usually have several elderly friends over for Christmas dinner and share gifts with them as well. We do give gifts to each other, but they are "needed" gifts. Clothes, coats, boots, tools, craft supplies, etc. The season is definitely about giving though...

extended breastfeeding

Agreed. I did until my kids were long past age two, at least.

Be prepared for as much flack as you get for being vegan... people can be violently opinionated about what and when and where and how long... and they will NOT hesitate to tell you...

This WILL depend on the mum though too, and she will have to be EXTREMELY determined to make it work, as statistics are sadly stacked against it. It's not always the "easy and natural" option that people think it should be. It can be VERY DIFFICULT! Only 12% of Moms continue to breastfeed after the first four weeks!

Many Moms are told they "can't" and they believe it. Formula companies pay Doctors and Hospitals to push their products at every opportunity, etc., etc., etc. DON'T get me started.

cry = hugs

No argument there. I never thought to do otherwise.

Other ideas we have in our home:

A Volunteering Weekend once a month or so (less often with my teens busy schedules now) where we serve dinner at a local soup-kitchen, clean the roadside on a stretch of roadway, walk dogs for the shelter, etc... my kids have learned SO SO SO much this way!

"Kids Meal Night" about once a month or so, I give my kid a certain amount of $ (like 10 - 15$) and they plan the menu from scratch, decide what to buy, go shopping for the items, and make dinner of their choice.

I have done this in one way or another since they were about 5. Of course I had to do a LOT more of the helping back then, but they planned and made the choices still.

Their Dad and I had to eat hot-dogs, tater tots and gummy worms in jello, back in the day, but fortunately tastes change... lately, I have been treated to vegan lasagna and cheesecake as well as other things I had no idea my kids could cook! Definitely a tradition we all love.

All other nights, my kids still help in the kitchen, and if they want to cook dinner, they are always welcome to, as long as they include some veggies and fruit. Lately, that's happening more and more


Family Camp-Outs:

Always, every summer. Best experience with my kids I'll EVER, EVER have!

My two oldest kids have gone on four mission and medical service trips to South America - Ecuador, Mexico, Peru, Chile... with their school, their grandparents and their church youth groups... through these trips they have grown, matured and learned far, far more than I could have ever imagined - about themselves, about other cultures and about helping others and living unselfishly. Each time, they seem to come home as incredibly and awesomely changed young ladies.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
0 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by troub View Post

Would you raise your own children like this?
You already know.


TnS, I loved reading your post.


Quote:
This translates to "Picnic Day" in the summer - even if it rains and we have to picnic indoors.

We also have Dress-Up Dinner Night where I use my wedding china, the "real" silver, a white tablecloth, stemware and sparkling cider and candles. Everyone dresses up (the fancier the better - THAT'S the fun part!!) The actual food might be mac-n-cheeze but the kids learn manners and use utensils in the way they were meant to be used in a more relaxed environment than your 4-star restaurant.
AWESOME ideas. Seriously! I can't wait to do these with my children someday. I also love the volunteering weekends/kids' meal night/camp-outs!


Quote:
I'm going to enlarge her artwork with an overhead projector, paint the outlines in black and then let her paint in the colors - like big color-book pictures on her walls...

My teens have pretty elaborate color schemes planned as well and just chose the fabric for curtains and bedspreads....
That's so cool, what a fun idea!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
820 Posts
"no-silverware" day:

I'm all for finger food once in awhile, but it needs to be finger food (chik'n nuggets, tacos, oven fries, raw cut veggies, etc.) I really believe that people's table manners have gotten atrocious, and I have no intention of raising a child to have poor table manners.

painting wall

Cool idea, but it wouldn't work in my home (open floor plan, no "family room).

children's room

Once the baby's old enough, I would be more than willing to help him decorate his room any way he wants.

no t.v.

NO TV for the first two years, educational shows once in awhile after that. No child should grow up without Mr. Rogers.

music appreciation

Music, yes. Family band, no, because this child has two tone deaf parents.


no holiday mascots

This is the only place where I totally disagree with you. Your children's friends will think your kids are freaks, and you're taking all the fun ou of childhood. It's not lying, it's fantasy and fun.

vegan from conception

Agreed. My husband had issues with this at first (lots of childhood memories tied to food), but he's come around.

teach 'em Jesus from adolescence

I don't know what to do about this. I'm a very spritual person, but I'm not a big fan of religion. Since my husband never bothered to convert, and I never bothered to get confirmed, and I don't go to Church, I don't even know what to do about getting the bab baptized.

no circumcision

Personally, I'm not a big fan of the practice, but this one is kind of the price for getting my way with the kid being Vegan.

Christmas as giving

I like the focus on others, and I wish my parents would have instilled more of that attitude in me, but I want to be able to watch my kids open up gifts.

extended breastfeeding

Depending on what you mean by extended, I totally agree. Until age two, if possible (I understand that some babies do not cooperate and wean themselves before age two.

cry = hugs

Yes (as long as they aren't throwing a tantrum). If parents handed out more hugs (for all kinds of reasons) and less STUFF, kids wouldn't be so bratty.

Although I wouldn't raise my kids exactly the same way your would, I don't disagree with most of your ideas. As a matter of fact, I think you have demonstrated how disgustingly bourgeois I am. LOL! I wish you luck.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
471 Posts
A few more things my parents did that I'll probably do with my own children:

(1) Emphasize life learning.

School was important, but it wasn't the end all of education. We did every bit as much out of the classroom as in it.

Music was a required part of life. We got to pick the instruments, but we had to be actively involved in something. As a result, both my sister and I play the piano and organ. I play the xylophone and the psaltery. She plays the flute and violin.

Art was something we were encouraged to explore. My sister took wanted to take an adult art class at a community college when she was just 12 years old. Ten years and a degree in commercial art later, she embarked on a career as an illustrator and art teacher. I was never that interested in traditional art -- probably because my older sister was good at it -- and wasn't forced to pursue it. I enjoyed crafts and ceramics, though, and was given ample opportunity to pursue these interests. I also took an interest in cake decorating. Once again, Mom volunteered to go along to a community college course so her middle school daughter could participate. I ended up being a teenager with a moderatly successful home baking business.

Gardening -- My grandfather (who lived next door) was an avid gardener and grew most of the produce we ate for many years. Gardening was a family affair. There was never any discussion about whether we were going to help. It was just assumed that since the garden provided food for everyone, we all pitched in together to do the work involved. To this day, I don't consider stringing beans, cutting corn, or juicing tomatoes to be work. They're just normal life activities -- as normal as opening a can is to most people. (Beyond the educational benefits, I'm sure eating a diet that consisted almost entirely of home-processed foods had major health benefits as well.)

Nature study -- We lived on 40 acres in the Carolina foothills, surrounded by a university experimental forest, with a 10,000 acre federal forest preserve behind that. While other kids watched cartoons on Saturday mornings, we were generally out traipsing through the woods with Daddy or Papa. By the time I was in second or third grade, I could identify pretty much any insect, snake, or tree I saw. At one point, my dad decided he was going to start hunting some of the deer on our property for food and built tree stands in various locations. Before anyone throws rotten tomatoes, he never brought himself to actually shoot a single deer. But those stands have made great lookouts for observing various forms of wildlife over the years.

Animal husbandry -- My father was a hobby farmer. While I'll certainly never raise animals for food, I'm very glad that I had the opportunity to grow up around a variety of animals, and I hope our children have the same. I think seeing baby chicks hatch, helping to deliver calves, curling up under a shade tree and napping on the belly of Grandma's milk cow, and running and playing with the neighbor's goats gave me a deeper appreciation and love for all forms of animal life.

(2) Encourage personal autonomy

From an early age, my sister and I were encouraged to be independent and to everything we could for ourselves.

Mom did laundry when we were younger, but it was up to us to get our clothes to the laundry room and put them away afterward. As we got older, responsibility increased.

From the time we were old enough to use the stove (Mom considered six "old enough") we were encouraged to take an active part in meal preparation. If I had friends over and wanted cookies, Mom's response was generally, "So, go make some."

From the time we were old enough to read, we were encouraged to do so and to figure things out for ourselves. My parents had some pretty strong beliefs, but my father especially was not content just to tell his what he thought. He would state his position, give the rationale behind it, and then give us books on the subject and encourage us to make up our own minds based on our research. The first time I disagreed with him about something, his reaction was, "That's fine. You may disagree with me about a whole lot of other things as you grow up. As long as you live in this house, you'll be expected to follow our rules, but I don't really care about making our rules your rules for the rest of your life. I care about teaching you how to think and how to make decisions for yourself."

We were also encouraged (within certain boundaries) to take financial responsibility for ourselves. We weren't required to go out and get jobs, mind you. In fact, my parents expressly forbade us from taking part time jobs that they saw as time-wasters, jobs that would have given us a little pocket money, but not really taught us anything. But we were expected to set up our own budgets and live within those budgets. I got my first checking account when I was in fifth grade. To start with, Daddy gave me about $25 a month, and all my discretionary purchases came out of that. By sixth grade, he encouraged me to sit down and figure out how much I spent on clothes, shoes, summer camps, music lessons, etc., and take responsibility for those purchases as well. He supplied the money, but it was up to me to budget it, to write my own checks, and to balance my checkbook. When I hit eigth grade consumer math, Daddy decided I was old enough to learn how to do taxes, complete with itemized deductions, investment income, and farm income. Then, when I hit high school economics, he encouraged me to begin exploring the stocks and bonds and investing small amounts judiciously. ... I left home at the age of 17, but by the time I moved out, I was well-prepared to make it on my own.

(3) Discourage the "I'm bored" syndrome.

The words "I'm b-o-r-e-d" were virtually never heard around our house. I remember my cousin using them once, and his mom rushing to find something to entertain him. We, however, were expected to entertain ourselves, and if we couldn't, our parents would find something less than fun to keep us occupied. My parents didn't respond my putting on a video or handing us a new toy. They would respond with, "You need something to do? Then go do *****" (and ***** was never fun). To this day, I'm wholly capable of entertaining myself without games, TV, shopping, etc.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
12,079 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by troub View Post

I've been pondering and thinking about raising children one day, and just thought I would take an interest survey on what you all think about certain things.

A few things with each point:

Would you raise your own children like this?

Are there any benefits or downfalls you see from this?

Any you really like? Really don't like?

Any not-so-common raising techniques/traditions/events/actions you participate in that you think is beneficial?

anything else?

"no-silverware" day:
One night a week, we gather 'round the table, and play with our food. (spaghetti, veggies, whatever!)(dress clothes
not recommended XD)
I'm not a fan of this unless we are talking about a really young child learning to feed itself. Then I don't see the harm in allowing him/her to explore food textures. I don't see myself sitting around a table with a couple of say, 6 - 12 year olds, playing with our food.

painting wall
A wall in the house that the children (and parents!) can paint/draw/color/whatever on
Absolutely not. Creativity is one thing, but walls are off limits for me!

children's room

Allow the children to explore creativity on their own bedroom walls. They want to draw poke'mon all over? use crayons? markers? leaves, sticks, mirrors, old cd's? it's ok! everything is art!
Still no.

no t.v.
No television in the home. Perhaps a monitor, but no cable or antenna line. Mostly because of the obvious reasons of media addiction, moral degradation, it contributes to adolescent ADHD, stifles creativity, and more. TV isn't going to raise my kids
I definitely love the idea 'limiting' of TV, but not no tv whatsoever. Supervised family tv time is fine. This is where I would implement game night or something like crafts, cooking/baking, etc.

music appreciation
children will be exposed to music from conception, perhaps a "family band" just for fun... when they're like 3.
Absolutely.

no holiday mascots
aside from the belief that Santa and the Easter Bunny make a mockery of the supposed meaning of the celebrations, I'm not a fan of lying to children.
I can't live without Santa and the Easter Bunny, but in hindsight, I don't think I stress so much that they are 'real'.

vegan from conception
obviously
Not sure I'm secure enough to do this. But definitely vegetarian.

teach 'em Jesus from adolescence
worship music, bible verses, story's about our God and His incredible love
This is number one on my list!


no circumcision
genital mutilation? yeah, um no.
Again, it's what I was raised assuming you have done. I would need to do more 'research' on the subject and then decide. I would love to do away with circumcision.

Christmas as giving
instead of asking them "what they want for Christmas", will place the importance on "what to give others". Wont even encourage them to "make a self list" but rather make a list of things to get mommy/sister/friend/stranger/etc
Absolutely love stressing the idea of 'giving' but I would still have to have a present or two for them. I would not have them make a list of what they want that ends up being a mile long. And maybe volunteering at a homeless shelter say, on Thanksgiving.

extended breastfeeding
optimum and preferred, but would depend on the mother
Definite fan of breastfeeding, not to keen on the extended part.

cry = hugs
Crying in their room? They get attention. They get all the love and attention they need, and hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs.
I've seen too many parents go wrong with thinking that a child should never cry. Depending on the situation, I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing when a child cries. Infants should never be left alone to cry for long periods of time, however. I could hold an infant 24/7 for at least the first three months of life. In the end, lots of love, hugs, kisses...they need to know you love them no matter what, totally unconditionally.

And many other things, mostly by example, such as respecting all life, fighting for what they believe in, not bowing down to the status quo or pop culture, to have fun and play, to enjoy sunsets, hold doors open for strangers, play dress up and pretend, and to love their mother more than anything except God.
A simple life motto for me...God first, people second, everything else third. When God comes first, the rest comes naturally! For me, anyway.

I'm not sure exaclty how to do this, but helping them to love themselves, to know they are important, that they have worth. There are too many broken people out there suffering with poor self images.
Also I would want them to be able to react to all kinds of people with the sense that people are inherently good, and the rude/obnoxious ones usually have issues. Reacting with kindness can go a long way rather than retaliation.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,003 Posts
I'm surprised how many of you seem wishy-washy about circumcision. I thought the whole 'no unnecessary mutilation on innocents' bit would carry over from animals to our children...

On another note - Tofu, I really like the 'Kid's meal night". When I was small, My mom gave me a "Deluxe Week" - yup, a whole WEEK - where I got to pick every supper for the whole week. Maybe a week is a bit much, but I remember it so well, it was so much fun. I loved it!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,143 Posts
First of all, thanks, this is an interesting survey some very nice posts to read and fun to answer

Quote:
Originally Posted by troub View Post

"no-silverware" day:
One night a week, we gather 'round the table, and play with our food. (spaghetti, veggies, whatever!)(dress clothes
not recommended XD)
No way Having actual fingerfood once in a while is okay, and very young kids playing with their food to explore it as well, but other foods I rather prefer to eat (and see being eaten) using the (according to my cultural background) appropriate tools.

painting wall
A wall in the house that the children (and parents!) can paint/draw/color/whatever on
Id make that a big (magnetic) blackboard. Drawings to keep can be made on paper or cardboard. We used to have plenty of old posters and wallpaper rolls (to draw on the reverse side) at hand so that we always could start some big size art project without painting on the walls. Besides, its easier to draw or make a collage on a horizontal (or sloping like a drawing table or easel) than on a vertical surface.

Might be interested in a planned project though, like designing and painting an entire wall together, but no scribbling or so.

children's room
Allow the children to explore creativity on their own bedroom walls. They want to draw poke'mon all over? use crayons? markers? leaves, sticks, mirrors, old cd's? it's ok! everything is art!
See above. They can pin up their own drawings, posters, etc. as they wish, and Id encourage them to use frames/pinboards for collages. If they stick/draw lots of things on their walls and later on wish to reverse that design though, it is their own responsibility no parental services/financing supplied.

no t.v.
No television in the home. Perhaps a monitor, but no cable or antenna line. Mostly because of the obvious reasons of media addiction, moral degradation, it contributes to adolescent ADHD, stifles creativity, and more. TV isn't going to raise my kids
No TV before 4 or 5 years of age used to be my parents guideline, which worked very well 30 years ago when we had 3 public channels and a small b&w set, but this is somewhat unrealistic today where there are monitors everywhere. No unsupervised TV before school age, and no random zapping (only intentional watching a certain pre-chosen programme) though. In theory.

music appreciation
children will be exposed to music from conception, perhaps a "family band" just for fun... when they're like 3.
Yes. Lots of singing in any case.

no holiday mascots
aside from the belief that Santa and the Easter Bunny make a mockery of the supposed meaning of the celebrations, I'm not a fan of lying to children.
I wasnt taught to believe in Santa and the Easter Bunny and wouldnt like to tell such stories either, but I dont mind these characters as decorative elements of the respective seasons. You can still teach the real meaning of these holidays.

vegan from conception
obviously
Since that would involve both parents being vegan, Id say veg*n from birth would have been quite a lot already.

teach 'em Jesus from adolescence
worship music, bible verses, story's about our God and His incredible love
I would try (or hope) to pass on values and traditions, but prefer to experience creation (maybe even worship that way, if that makes sense) or nature by hiking on a Sunday rather than dressing up to go to church. I would not encourage the make me pious so that I get to heaven or give me a play station for my birthday kind of prayer, but hopefully teach them to thank for what theyve got. Mealtime prayers (grace) are good.

no circumcision
genital mutilation? yeah, um no.
Not too common here anyway, except among Jews and Muslims.

Christmas as giving
instead of asking them "what they want for Christmas", will place the importance on "what to give others". Wont even encourage them to "make a self list" but rather make a list of things to get mommy/sister/friend/stranger/etc
Thats what we were taught at home, giving being more important than getting (btw we still got plenty). Personally, Ive always enjoyed to give, but would admit that as a child, I liked the getting things part even more

extended breastfeeding
optimum and preferred, but would depend on the mother
Depends on so many things from medical condition to work, also depends on the definition of extended (personally consider one year optimum maybe maximum)

cry = hugs
Crying in their room? They get attention. They get all the love and attention they need, and hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs.
A personal story: I remember that when I was a child, there were times when I was crying, like after a dispute with a parent, or a fight with a sibling, when I absolutely would not have wanted anyone to come and hug me, because I somehow needed that time-out for myself, sorry I dont know how to explain it any further. I would eventually come back (out of my room or from wherever I had retreated to) and start the hugging myself. My brother was like that too. My sister though always needed and wanted to be hugged even if she was crying because of a fight she started, and she got her hugs and consolation of course. I guess it depends very much on the individual childs personality, and I think you cant say what it will be like (or what s/he will need) before you get to know her/him (not that youll ever really know them 100%). Im all for lots of hugs in general (esp. without previous crying) though, and of course you should always react to a crying infant. But in older children like from kindergarten age, hugs may not always be what they need and want every time they cry.

Also, the attention part I find giving and getting attention (or spending quality time as a family as some call it) very important. But I also consider it so important for children to be granted room and time for and among themselves (both with siblings/friends and alone). I dont think parents should be like personal entertainers for their children, who plan for every minute to be filled with some activity organized or supervised by a parent. Being given the freedom (time- and space-wise), esp. with the busy schedules most children seem to have today, being let to entertain themselves, actually having to find something to do (without free TV access or too many toys at hand), enhances creativity and independence, I think.

And many other things, mostly by example, such as respecting all life, fighting for what they believe in, not bowing down to the status quo or pop culture, to have fun and play, to enjoy sunsets, hold doors open for strangers, play dress up and pretend, and to love their mother more than anything except God.

Thats a very nice list. I would add hiking, travelling, also exposing them to art from a young age, go to exhibitions, theatres, concerts. And read, read, read and read, of course.

Also giving them smaller household duties like laying the table, putting the dishes in and out the dishwasher, changing the bedlinen on their own beds, cleaning their shoes, taking out the garbage, carry glass/paper to the recycling containers, be sent to shop for some of the groceries, etc. depending on their age of course. I hated it (at times) back then, but I know I would definitely expect any children of mine to do the same duties, maybe more.
Basically, I would like to do most of the child-rearing (not everything, since I think they were too liberal at times lol) like my parents did. Im constantly being told though (by people of my generation who do have younger kids) that nowadays, it is simply impossible to bring up children in such a way, this is the 21st century not the 1970s (sigh, not that I would not have known), kids just need more toys/entertainment/TV to relax because today theyre under constant pressure to achieve from a young age, you cant let them play outside unsupervised, etc., etc. Sometimes when I hear them talk, Im almost glad I dont have any kids

Anyways, I think its a good thing for younger people (planning to have kids, like the OP) to think about and discuss how they want to bring them up, and to have strong ideals. I know like with many things you plan or intend to do in life, some of it will turn out to be very difficult (in which case you should still try) or impossible (then it should also be okay to let go of an idea). But I prefer being idealistic from the it cant be done that way anyhow, so why bother, well just follow what the mainstream (media) show/tell us attitude many people seem to have, be it on bringing up kids or other challenges.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,219 Posts
"no-silverware" day:

I let the kids use fingers if they choose. Doesn't bother me if my 3 yo chooses to eat his pasta with his hands.

painting wall

Yes I encourage creativity. I actually will put huge pieces of drawing paper up on the wall so they can go to it. I just found out there is chalkboard paint at home depot, you paint the wall with it and when it dries its like a chalkboard, i plan to do a wall for them with this.

children's room

see above response on the paper. i also only buy them the washable markers, crayons etc.......so if they get creative off the paper we can wash it off later.

no t.v.

we have TV and cable, i personally dont believe that if used correctly it contributes to adhd, i have read all the studies so dont throw any at me. i also dont believe it is not useful. i use nova a lot for my dd and lots of programs on discovery channel, even animal planet ( we homeschool)

music appreciation

yes, there is lots of music in this house, always.

no holiday mascots

we do the holiday mascots, its fun for kids, and they grow up too fast and face the harsh reality of the world, why not have a little fun while you can? and their faces light up with the wonder of it all.

vegan from conception

we are striving toward this, and may never get there since i am married to an omni

teach 'em Jesus from adolescence

i was raised catholic, not a practicing one at this time.

no circumcision

i did circ my son. i actually deferred to daddy on this and let him decide, im a girl, i dont know how i would feel about this if it were me. i read all information, studies etc on the pros and cons, and either way was fine with me.

Christmas as giving

yes we do the giving list, we also do gifts for the inmates children at my hubby's work ( he works in a prison)

extended breastfeeding

optimum and preferred, but would depend on the mother

cry = hugs

Crying in their room? They get attention. They get all the love and attention they need, and hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs.

yes i agree with this, we were always attachment parenting types, so this goes without saying.

we also are unschoolers, who believe in consensual living, everyone in this house has a voice and a say, and deserves respect.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
12,282 Posts
"no-silverware" day:

Once they've passed the developmental milestone of being able to USE silverware (hand-eye coordination and all that), as long as their hands are clean and we aren't having company, I'm not opposed to eating food with ones fingers every now and again.

painting wall

Likely not. It would just bug me.

children's room

I'm ok with kids choosing wall colorings/decor etc... but not to the extent that it would cost major bucks to undo whatever they did.

no t.v.

Here's my dilemma with this one. I don't want my kids watching TV, HOWEVER, try as I might, I can't sleep without the TV on. Horrible habit, I know, but I just don't have 4 hrs a night to spend trying to fall asleep when with the TV on, I'm out in 10 minutes. I want to get a co-sleeping crib when I have babies, and I'm just sort of hoping they don't notice much before they get moved into their own space. :p

music appreciation

I'm all about the tunes.

no holiday mascots

I think holiday things are fun, and really don't see any harm in it. I don't think it's lying, exactly. I know I enjoyed the "game" as a kid.

vegan from conception

Well, whatever level of veg*nism I am at the time of conception, they will be too.

teach 'em Jesus from adolescence

Ehh... haven't found a religion I like yet.

no circumcision

I am not hacking off healthy parts of my child's body.

Christmas as giving

My favorite part of christmas is gift giving, and picking things out for people, and doing/making things for people so I don't see how that would be different for my kids.

extended breastfeeding

That's the plan. I was breastfed until I was 2 1/2.

cry = hugs

Unless they're crying because they were misbehaving and are being punished :p

I'm also anti toys with buttons, batteries and/or lights. I'm going to go with wooden toys and cloth toys and homemade things and montessouri type things, etc...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
215 Posts
"no-silverware" day:
One night a week, we gather 'round the table, and play with our food. (spaghetti, veggies, whatever!)(dress clothes
not recommended XD)
I think this is a totally fun idea and might use it!

painting wall
A wall in the house that the children (and parents!) can paint/draw/color/whatever on
I would suggest depending on age making sure the kids know for sure which walls can be played with and which can't.

children's room
Allow the children to explore creativity on their own bedroom walls. They want to draw poke'mon all over? use crayons? markers? leaves, sticks, mirrors, old cd's? it's ok! everything is art!
Again, I might try to draw some lines here. lol no pun intended.

no t.v.
No television in the home. Perhaps a monitor, but no cable or antenna line. Mostly because of the obvious reasons of media addiction, moral degradation, it contributes to adolescent ADHD, stifles creativity, and more. TV isn't going to raise my kids
I think sometimes you just need a break. You can't think of anything at all to do. We don't have cable or anything and so I think the tv is a good idea for movies once in awhile. Besides I think its a great opportunity to bond as a family and sit in front and watch something together and eat popcorn.

music appreciation
children will be exposed to music from conception, perhaps a "family band" just for fun... when they're like 3.
nothing wrong here!

no holiday mascots
aside from the belief that Santa and the Easter Bunny make a mockery of the supposed meaning of the celebrations, I'm not a fan of lying to children.
I don't think it is so much lying to your children, i just can't think of the word for what I want to call it.... But I don't think santa or the tooth fairy is bad. I could take or leave the other stuff.

vegan from conception
obviously
teach 'em Jesus from adolescence
worship music, bible verses, story's about our God and His incredible love
of course!

no circumcision
genital mutilation? yeah, um no.
I think there are pros and cons to this decision. 100% personal choice.

Christmas as giving
instead of asking them "what they want for Christmas", will place the importance on "what to give others". Wont even encourage them to "make a self list" but rather make a list of things to get mommy/sister/friend/stranger/etc
Great idea!

extended breastfeeding
optimum and preferred, but would depend on the mother
For me the teeth ended it! But I still pumped.

cry = hugs
Crying in their room? They get attention. They get all the love and attention they need, and hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs.
I think it depends on the type of cry. If they are crying because you told them no for something, I think explain to them why you said no but don't give hugs.

And many other things, mostly by example, such as respecting all life, fighting for what they believe in, not bowing down to the status quo or pop culture, to have fun and play, to enjoy sunsets, hold doors open for strangers, play dress up and pretend, and to love their mother more than anything except God.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
215 Posts
Rabid_child,

the cosleeping method is obviously totally up to you but I found I had no trouble moving little Dennis into his own room because from the start I had him sleeping in his own little crib. we used one of those travel play pens that have a sleeping thing on it. And because it was light I could have it right next to the bed, but not attached to it. Then later I moved it across the room. After a few months when I felt comfortable with him being by himself I moved him into his own room and then eventually into the crib. Worked out great and I don't think he noticed a thing!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,984 Posts
Discussion Starter · #18 ·
Thanks for all your responses. Some interesting views and perspectives all around. I enjoyed some of your ideas as well! I'd be interested in reading about the certain long term effects resulting from various raising techniques.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MorningCalm View Post

We're also planning on co-sleeping
I've read some of this, but was wondering more about it. Do you know of a website that describes the benefits/cautions relating to this in an objective way?

Quote:
Originally Posted by nookle View Post

For the first 2 months or so after she was born, the best way to calm her was to play for her the cd we played while I was pregnant.
very cool!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tofu-N-Sprouts View Post

Troub, I admire your pondering and your great ideas and enthusiasm! You will make an exceptional parent! Parenting is my PASSION and I could write and write and write, so be prepared for a book...
Thanks
They weren't all my ideas though, in fact most of them were brought up by a certain special someone - which was awesome to find out we agreed fully on all this stuff, even though most of them are rare to society.

I enjoyed reading your thoughts and think your ideas were fantastic! Really enjoy the dress-up day, and projector, volunteering, kid's meal night, and family camp out ideas! I would love to speak more about raising children with you some time!

Quote:
My kids have never complained. Even at friends houses, they get quickly bored when everyone else wants to plop in front of the TV and watch "mindless stupidity" (my 13-year-old's latest quote).
Very encouraging and good to know! and glad to hear it!

Quote:
[My only question here is why not from birth? ...My kids went to church with us from day 1 because this was as much a part of our lives as visiting reletives or recycling or going to the library....
I meant from birth, not sure why I put adolescence, perhaps a mental typo. Also good to hear of their upbringing!

Quote:
Be prepared for as much flack as you get for being vegan...
Thanks for the warning, lol.

I can see it now:

"You're still breastfeeding!?" . . . "Yeah, and they're vegans, are home-schooled, haven't received full vaccinations, don't believe in santa, aren't circumcised, we let them eat with their hands, draw on the walls, theres no tv, and we never let them 'cry it out', and they are the most loved little wierdos on the planet."

They wouldn't know where to begin, lol, I can't wait.

Quote:
Originally Posted by veggiejanie View Post

You already know.
maybe not


Will respond to others later! Thanks again! Great advice and perspectives!!!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
0 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by troub View Post

I can see it now:

"You're still breastfeeding!?" . . . "Yeah, and they're vegans, are home-schooled, haven't received full vaccinations, don't believe in santa, aren't circumcised, we let them eat with their hands, draw on the walls, theres no tv, and we never let them 'cry it out', and they are the most loved little wierdos on the planet."
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
820 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by troub View Post

"You're still breastfeeding!?" . . . "Yeah, and they're vegans, are home-schooled, haven't received full vaccinations, don't believe in santa, aren't circumcised, we let them eat with their hands, draw on the walls, theres no tv, and we never let them 'cry it out', and they are the most loved little wierdos on the planet."
You may want to look into the vaccination issue in more depth. Do not just take the word of the anti-vaccination folks, because a lot of the information they present is very misleading. Not trying to start any arguments, but I really encourage you to do a lot of research before choosing not to vaccinate your children.
 
1 - 20 of 58 Posts
Top