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Just a saying (can't remember the exact wording) that a freind used to quote quite frequently that I always felt to be unquestionably wise ...

"When it comes to a choice of being either freind or parent to my children then I am not my children's freind."

Opinions?
 

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I think most of the time, and especially when the children have grown up a bit, it's possible to be both. Still, sometimes it's definitely more important to be a parent because children need discipline and it's impossible to do that if the parent their friend first. I think parent first, but friend as well - but I suppose there will be some situations where the parent just has to be a parent and not a friend. I guess it depends on the parent, the children, and how good their relationship is.

Having said that, though, I think you can be friends with your parents in a way that they're still your parent first and foremost - it's not going to be the same sort of friendship as you might have with your peers or even with older people who aren't relatives. It will always be uneven. the vast majority of parents wouldn't share their problems with their children or phone up their children in tears (when they're older) but would expect their children to come to them with their problems no matter what age they are. I think it means a different thing to be a friend to your children/parents than it does to be friend in the general sense.

I have no idea how coherent that was. Basically, I think parent first and sometimes parent-friend hybrid.
 

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"A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush."

"Never mix, never worry."

"An apple a day keeps the doctor away."
 

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I'm often called "Hitler Mom." I think that term should explain my parenting style quite well, lol. Always parent first. But the thing is, that part of being a parent is knowing how to be their friend as well. I know that may sound like complete hogwash so I'm going to try to give an example. One day, after picking my 7 year old up from school she just randomly says, "Mom, Maury told Hudson that I liked him and now he won't talk to me." I was COMPLETELY thrown off guard. I did not even realize my daughter was at that stage yet. I could have freaked out but I saw that she was trying to communicate with me and needed my guidance so I just asked her questions and told her what I thought. Being the overprotective mother that I am...I wanted to turn around and tell her she was WAAAAYYY too young to even be thinking about liking boys, blah blah blah. But I knew that wasn't what she needed and that would just deter her from ever sharing her life with me again. So I chose to be her friend, (and her parent), and just listen to her.

Anyhow, I agree with this:

Quote:
I'm always a parent first. I'm a friendly parent most of the time. I'm a tough loving parent when needed.
Balance is needed in everything in life, especially parenting.
 

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I agree that it depends on the age. My parents were parents while growing up. I didn't really consider them friends until I was out of their house. Now my mom is my best friend and I'm really close with my dad. But I'm 23. At 15 I would have said I would never be friends with my parents.
 

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I think it depends on how old your children are. I would like to think that now that I am in my 40s and the need for my parents to actively parent me is no longer existent that we have a relationship that more closely mirrors a friendship than a parent/child relationship.

I know that as my daughter gets older our relationship is changing and I can clearly see a point in time where we will be more like friends than parent and child.

But when they're little? Or during adolescence? Parent first. Friend if you can, but only if it doesn't get in the way of being an effective parent.
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Forster View Post

I don't know that the difference is that substantial other than parents ought to be some sort of a mentor and disciplinarian when needed to their kids.
When I think of the idea of parent vs friend ... I sort of think of the parents who are so busy trying to be "cool" and "liked" that they do stupid things like buying beer for their kid and a group of other underage kids to sit around and get drunk. Or the mom who smoke pot with her son so he'd think she was cool. Or parents of my daughter's friends who are completely okay with their kid's boyfriend/girlfriend spending the night in their house, in the same room and sharing a bed ... when the kids aren't even out of high school.

Some parents are trying so hard to be a friend that they forget entirely to be a mentor, disciplinarian or at the very least guardian of healthy boundaries.
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by SquarePeg View Post

When I think of the idea of parent vs friend ... I sort of think of the parents who are so busy trying to be "cool" and "liked" that they do stupid things like buying beer for their kid and a group of other underage kids to sit around and get drunk. Or the mom who smoke pot with her son so he'd think she was cool. Or parents of my daughter's friends who are completely okay with their kid's boyfriend/girlfriend spending the night in their house, in the same room and sharing a bed ... when the kids aren't even out of high school.

Some parents are trying so hard to be a friend that they forget entirely to be a mentor, disciplinarian or at the very least guardian of healthy boundaries.
I see where you're coming from, but imo they're being neither in this case. Again imo good friends shouldn't encourage destructive behavior either.
 
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