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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Our daughter "R" overheard my husband and I discussing the divorce of my husband's cousin and the reason for it (he cheated and then left her for the other woman). Our six year old daughter heard us talking and turned aroud and told their six year old daughter "M", who is in her class at school and who I babysit after school.

I am so embarrased and I feel so extremely bad. I just got off of the phone with M's mom and she told me what had happened and that M came to her very upset about what R had told her. I said I was sooo sorry and I can't believe this had happened and I am just so so sorry.

Is there anything else I can do or say to smooth this over or make it better. I don't feel like my apology to M's mom is enough. I think it is awful that M heard this about her dad who she loves very much. Her mom told her that it wan't true and ssaid she was okay about it now.

Ug this is so bad.


Does anyone have any advice for me? I know how bad this is and I know we shouldn't be discussing this anywhere near our kids.
 

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Since it's clearly a difficult time for M's mother, regardless of the reason for the divorce, perhaps you could offer your assistance with housecleaning, meals or lawn care. If you have a good relationship with her despite the incident, you might also offer specific times her daughter could come over and play with yours to give her some time off.

Or, you could pay her electric bill for her. She wouldn't even have to know.
 
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oh dear....

from the princess of 'foot in mouth' disease herself, my thoughts are:

i think all you can do with the husbands- cousins- wife is apologise profusely, tell her that you screwed up by letting your kid overhead a private conversation, that you feel awful about what she did (spread it on and upset her kid), and that you won't let it happen again.... and you've done that- its not like you can go back in time and un-do it, so i'd look ahead and start over.

as she's going through a breakup, if you haven't already, you might want to call her and offer to try and give her any support that she might need, (babysitting is a great start, but she might also need a friend... someone to go shopping with, etc, a listening ear at the end of the phone if she needs to let off steam, or someone to help practically where her husband might have before etc).

you should definately let her know that she's still considered family in your books, and that she's always going to be part of your lives regardless of the marriage breaking down (if that is the case) and let her know that you'll do your best to be there for her... although with the offer of help and support, i'd try and be careful how i word it, cos she might not be too keen to use you as a shoulder to cry on, right away, at least after recent events- especially if she's very upset and not feeling too objective/trusting.

i think her strategy of lying to her kid sucks, (when she finds out the truth, she'll be no doubt very upset, and i think its better to be as honest as possible - in a gentle, reasurring, but truthful manner- with a kid in a divorce situation) - kids aren't stupid, and while the truth might not be nice (that her daddy met another lady and decided he wanted to live with her, even though he still loves mummy and her), by pretty much calling your daughter -and therefore you- a liar to her child, she's just opened up a whole load of confusion in both kids' mind. thats neither here nor there.... but i'd watch out for conflict down the line with your daughter coming up to you and saying 'well i know you said this was true, and so and so and her mum says its not true' and think about how you'll handle that one.

um.. the next thing i'd do (i guess you've done this) is have a little chat with your daughter about how its not nice to eavesdrop, or pass on gossip, and remind her that she should think about how her words can be hurtful, and to think about how another might feel when she says something to them... before she says it to them.

i hope everything calms down soon for you... i hate the aftermath of stuff like this- the guilt, the embarrassment... the shame... the tension... eeeeek!
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by skylark View Post

Or, you could pay her electric bill for her. She wouldn't even have to know.
Maybe it's cuz I just woke up and my brain is being fuzzy, but I don't get what that has to do with anything; nor how she would not know..


OP:
I think this might be one of those things that only time will heal. I guess just take it as a learning experience & be careful what you say around your sponge, er... kid(s).
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Thanks for the great thoughtful responses!

This divorce happened about 7 months ago and M's mom is doing great. She even has a new boyfriend so she is handeling it very well. We are friends but not close friends but when this happened I sent her a note offering babysitting (which she took me up on) and if fact I did tell her that my husband and I would always consider her family no matter what happened in the future. So I feel like I have done the right thing when it comes to offering support to her and the kids .

I was really suprised when the mom told me that she told M that what my daughter said wasn't true. I think it sucks too but, I can understand why she would do this. M lives with her dad monday thru friday and thinks he is the best thing in the world. I guess she figures M will find out the truth when she is older and she doesn't want to ruin things for her right now.

And, yes, my daughter has apologized to M and she feels extremly bad. When I brought it up she started crying and she knows she did something bad. We talked to her about not repeating things that might hurt someones feelings.

Thanks again for the great advice!
 

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Originally Posted by Jessica Alana View Post

Maybe it's cuz I just woke up and my brain is being fuzzy, but I don't get what that has to do with anything; nor how she would not know..
If she wanted to help the broken family's situation, helping pay utilities is one way of doing that. While it would be fairly obvious that someone besides the user had paid the bill, AFAIK the user does not have to know who did pay it.
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by skylark View Post

If she wanted to help the broken family's situation, helping pay utilities is one way of doing that. While it would be fairly obvious that someone besides the user had paid the bill, AFAIK the user does not have to know who did pay it.
contrary to popular (or your) belief, just because a woman is no longer with a man, it doesn't suddenly put her in the poorhouse.

From my experience, regarding energy companies, you don't get any account information unless you are the person on the account.

I just didn't (and still don't) see the relevance. But anyway...
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jessica Alana View Post

contrary to popular (or your) belief, just because a woman is no longer with a man, it doesn't suddenly put her in the poorhouse.

From my experience, regarding energy companies, you don't get any account information unless you are the person on the account.

I just didn't (and still don't) see the relevance. But anyway...
Yeah, I thought that was kind of an odd suggestion too. Even if someone could anonymously pay my bills, it would freak me out if someone did!
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jessica Alana View Post

contrary to popular (or your) belief, just because a woman is no longer with a man, it doesn't suddenly put her in the poorhouse.
That's not what I meant. I suggested she make a kind gesture. Offering to help with housework, meals or yardwork could also offend some people who assert a woman can manage just fine without a man (and I agree), but it's a time of transition for the family. That transition can bring extra stresses and costs, which was my reasoning behind my suggestions. It's nice to be independent, and it's also nice to have people recognize a hard time and work to make it a little easier.

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Originally Posted by JA View Post

From my experience, regarding energy companies, you don't get any account information unless you are the person on the account.
Would it not be possible to contact the energy company and say you would like to put X amount of dollars toward so-and-so at such-and-such address? I've never done it, and it probably varies from company to company. Wanna test it out? PM me your full name, address, and contact info for your electric company.
 

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Originally Posted by saileeney View Post

Does anyone have any advice for me? I know how bad this is and I know we shouldn't be discussing this anywhere near our kids.
Actually, gossip, regardless of who hears it, is wrong. I'd be lying if I said I have never gossiped, but after one is the victim of gossip, the point hits home about how awful and destructive it can be.

Story: A man spread some vicious rumors about a person. The man later came to regret his decision and asked for the person's forgiveness. The person said, "Sure, but you must do one thing first."

Of course, the man agreed and followed the person to a hill. The person asked the man to write down on paper the rumor he had spread. Puzzled, the man did so. Then, the person tore up the paper into little tiny pieces and let the wind catch them, and they scattered all over the countryside.

"Okay," said the person. "Go and retrieve all the pieces, and I'll forgive you."

"WHAT?" said the man. "Are you crazy? Those tiny bits of paper have blown all over everywhere. I'll never be able to retrieve them all."

"Exactly," said the person. "That's what happens when you spread rumors. You never know in which direction they'll be carried."

You're human. You live and learn. Use this as a learning lesson to never gossip again, even if what you are saying is true.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Okay Adara, you are absolutly correct. Spreading rummors is wrong and mean. And it is impossible to take it back when you hurt someone's fellings in this way. Very bad.

I'm not sure if your little story really applies to my situation. The "rummor" in this case is actually true. He has never tried to deny it or say it isn't true. My husband and I talk about people all the time. In my opinion this is fine and perfectly harmless. What wasn't fine was letting my daughter hear us.

Live and learn.

Anyway , my husband called his cousin and told him what had happened with the girls ( his x wife hadn't even told him what was going on) and he appologized and everthing and his cousin actually thanked him for calling him and said he would rather hear it from him than his daughter. I was tottaly shocked at his reaction. I thought he was going to go crazy and never speak to us again. Wierd. I guess people suprise you sometimes.
 
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