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Discussion Starter #1
For no particular reason, I was thinking this morning about a conversation I had a year or two ago with my mom about the possibility of the reception for my not-in-the-forseeable-future wedding being vegan. My mom is one of the most open-minded, supportive, accepting people I have ever known, but when I brought up my desire that this hypothetical reception should be vegan, she bristled. She said that my family just wouldn't understand, that it wouldn't be fair to them, blah blah blah... and then changed the subject when I tried to explain that it was really important for me for one of the most important celebrations of my life not be contributing to the meat/egg/dairy industry.<br><br><br><br>
So why do you think that omnis bristle so much when they are forced to eat vegetarian/vegan food? I know that it makes them uncomfortable to have their eating habits criticized, intentionally or otherwise, but I have to wonder if there isn't some other underlying reason that they go into fight or flight mode over something essentially so minor. Any thoughts?
 

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<span style="color:#FF0000;">when I first started planning my wedding I was adamant about having vegan cuisine. almost everyone I spoke to said ewwww I'm not eating that rabbit food. So Ry and I eloped and had no reception, if noone was going or eating because I'm serving what I want at my wedding then I wasn't going to have one. It saved lots of money though so we got hitched a lot sooner and took a nice long trip.</span>
 

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I think it's a guilty conscience, especially when the vegan doesn't make a huge deal about it.<br><br><br><br>
for instance, just sitting there and ordering the vegan meal makes omni's feel uncomfortable, even if the word veg*n isn't mentioned.<br><br><br><br>
My ex's family refused to come to a vegetarian thanksgiving at my house one year. it was the least they could have done, after i had been forced to eat nothing but a mealy sweet potato 2 years in a row.
 

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Discussion Starter #4
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>purrpelle</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
My ex's family refused to come to a vegetarian thanksgiving at my house one year. it was the least they could have done, after i had been forced to eat nothing but a mealy sweet potato 2 years in a row.</div>
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<br><br><br><i>That's</i> the kind of thing that I just can't really understand. Why is it that omnis who are good people and who are usually reasonable and logical turn stubborn and unfair in situations like this? At least with my family and friends, I KNOW that they notice that I go out of my way not to be an inconvenience, and that more than once I've kept my mouth shut and gone with the flow when I would much rather be ranting about why it's wrong to eat this or that. I'm sure that they've noticed, so why do they get mad and run the other direction when you invite them for an all-veg Thanksgiving dinner? They aren't <i>usually</i> close-minded... just when veganism comes up.<br><br><br><br>
(This might be more my situation than that with the ex's family, purrpelle, I don't know.)
 

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Oh wow, bad flashback!<br><br><br><br>
I wanted vegan food for my first wedding (1995) too. So did my wife-to-be.<br><br><br><br>
But my mother-in-law wasn't so much planning a wedding as putting on a big show for her family and friends.<br><br><br><br>
I didn't care about the hall, flowers, centerpieces and all the other frivolous, shallow and pointless accoutrements that seem important to some people but aren't. The one thing I wanted and fought for was the food.<br><br><br><br>
She made such a stink forgetting that the wedding was for us and should represent who we are.<br><br><br><br>
I think the reason is that for a lot of people (mothers and mothers-in-law doubly so) the wedding is a big attention seeking ostentatious extravaganza. They want to impress people and show off. And while they may support your veg*nism, they know that most people are narrow-minded and judgemental and they don't want to be embarrassed by serving veg*n food---gasp! What <i>would</i> people think?!<br><br><br><br>
I got the old "Well uncle so-and-so isn't going to like it; he loves his meat!"<br><br><br><br>
Well he can eat as much as he likes before and after. But if he wants to celebrate the union of two people then he should respect their beliefs.<br><br><br><br>
In my case in the end I compromised with a vegetarian lasagna. (And if you ever meet my ex-mother-in-law you'll know that this was more of an enormous victory than a compromise). But I was always miffed about it, even now to be honest.<br><br><br><br>
Cheers!<br><br>
TJ
 

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Discussion Starter #6
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>jeezycreezy</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
She made such a stink forgetting that the wedding was for us and should represent who we are.</div>
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Exactly!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/yes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":yes:"><br><br><br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">I got the old "Well uncle so-and-so isn't going to like it; he loves his meat!"<br><br><br><br>
Well he can eat as much as he likes before and after. But if he wants to celebrate the union of two people then he should respect their beliefs.</div>
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I've gotten this one, too, even when I've just suggested cooking dinner for a group of family/family friends. I would really like to reply that when cousin Arwen (me) had to attend her multiple cousins' weddings, they didn't go one tiny bit out of the way to make it easy/possible for to eat and she didn't say a d*** thing. When my wedding rolls around, I should think that the least they could do is return the favor. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/brood.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":brood:"><br><br><br><br>
Sorry, I'm just feeling extra-ranty about this right now, even though I know I'm preaching to the choir. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/tongue3.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":p">
 

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It has to do with how most people are raised, I mean think back to when you were around six or seven and you refused to eat some kind of meat, (I use to do this) you were told right off the bat that you had to eat the meat if you wanted to grow up big and strong. Things like that are imbedded in our subconscious because we're at such an impressionable age, so by the time you're an adult having to eat meat is familiar and basic human instinct is to be uncomfortable around something that isn't familiar; and everyone has seen how defensive people get when they're not comfortable with something.<br><br><br><br>
At least that's my reasoning for the hostility against veg*n food. =>
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>chiaraluna</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br><i>That's</i> the kind of thing that I just can't really understand. Why is it that omnis who are good people and who are usually reasonable and logical turn stubborn and unfair in situations like this? At least with my family and friends, I KNOW that they notice that I go out of my way not to be an inconvenience, and that more than once I've kept my mouth shut and gone with the flow when I would much rather be ranting about why it's wrong to eat this or that. I'm sure that they've noticed, so why do they get mad and run the other direction when you invite them for an all-veg Thanksgiving dinner? They aren't <i>usually</i> close-minded... just when veganism comes up.<br><br><br><br>
(This might be more my situation than that with the ex's family, purrpelle, I don't know.)</div>
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his family were hardly reasonable or logical, but I know what you mean. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/tongue3.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":p">
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>jeezycreezy</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br><br><br><br>
I got the old "Well uncle so-and-so isn't going to like it; he loves his meat!"<br></div>
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I expect to get similar comments from my family someday. I can just hear my Grandma saying it now.<br><br><br><br>
I'm with purrpelle, about it being a guilty conscience thing, with a combination of what pheniox said. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)">
 

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If I ever get married-hopefully to a veg*n- Damn Skippy it's going to be a vegan meal. if the guests don't like it, screw 'em, who cares what they think.* doesn't bother me in the least if they come or not. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"><br><br><br><br>
i've eaten bowls of lettuce at other people's functions- they can eat a fabulous vegan 5 course dinner one night.<br><br><br><br>
* George C Scott
 

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I plan to have a small wedding at City Hall with my spouse-to-be and have a large reception done by us with no alcohol or food I won't eat.<br><br><br><br>
I simply wouldn't let anyone else plan it and I wouldn't tell anyone the food is vegan. Chances are most of them won't even notice and later they can all tell me how great the food was and I can just smile at them and myself. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"><br><br><br><br>
I agree that it's guilty conscience. I got attacked in a group about keeping bunnies as pets on MySpace yesterday for being vegan. They were all talking about how "tasty" rabbits are and I commented on how I was happy to be vegan. It was just disturbing listening to these people go, "Rabbit is delicious!" in a group called "Bunnies Are Awesome".<br><br><br><br>
However, I fought back and I did get an e-mail from one member saying she was going vegetarian and looking into going vegan because of what I posted. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/grin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":D"><br><br><br><br>
They either don't get it, or they do and they ignore it. Both of these instances cause omnivores to freak out.
 

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I think part of it too is that it makes people nervous that anyone decides to think for themselves and go against the grain.<br><br><br><br>
people dan't trust those that aren't exactly like them. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/sheep.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":sheep:">
 

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I totally agree, its your wedding, you should serve what YOU want, and not try to accomodate the guests.<br><br>
Maybe I don't understand WHY people are afraid to eat something vegetarian or vegan. Like they think its going to kill them. Thats really disappointing too. I think there might be several reasons. One, they are used to meat and animal products and afraid to eat something "strange" to them. Another might be that when you are vegan, they see this as you thinking you are better than them, or weird, and afraid it'll make them seem weird too if they eat vegan food. They don't like feeling threatened by their eating habits. Of course, this is what I personally believe. So many people are ignorant, and its not really even their fault sometimes, its just because they really don't know any better. So what do I do....? If I fix something vegan, vegetarian, or something with tofu in it, I wait until AFTER its been consumed and raved about to mention that it was indeed veg*n. I've made lasagna and manicotti before with tofu, and after my brother (the biggest omni) ate a bunch of it, mentioned the tofu, and he was like "Oh." Yesterday I made two batches of vegan cookies, one chocolate chip, and one chocolate with chocolate chips. As soon as my brother came home, he grabbed a few, then a few more after dinner, and this morning I noticed that more than half of the entire batches were gone. I didn't mention a word about them being vegan, not that I'm sure he knows what they mean, or at least that they were made with ener-g egg replacer and a banana.<br><br>
So anyways, here's my suggestion: Serve what YOU want to! If your guests are going to raise a big stink over what you want to eat at YOUR wedding, tell them not to come, because if it was me, I wouldn't want relatives at my wedding who are going to be mad about the food instead of being there to show love for me and congratulate me on my wedding.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>purrpelle</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
i've eaten bowls of lettuce at other people's functions- they can eat a fabulous vegan 5 course dinner one night.t</div>
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LOL! I KNOW!!!<br><br><br><br>
I've found this handy little phrase comes in handy at such functions: "Mmm, mmm. Please pass the dinner rolls. Again."<br><br><br><br>
I just can't count the number of times I've had to scarf down buns or lettuce or, if I'm REALLY lucky, cucumber slices or some other pedestrian crappy vegetables.<br><br><br><br>
Not that when there is a veg*n option it is ever particularly good. And one time I was served fish. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/rolleyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":rolleyes:"><br><br><br><br>
But, back on track, you're right. People seem to react like you're saying you're going to serve people nothing.<br><br><br><br>
No.<br><br><br><br>
We're serving food.<br><br><br><br>
It will be good food.<br><br><br><br>
You will like it.<br><br><br><br>
It will nourish you.<br><br><br><br>
It will fill you up.<br><br><br><br>
You won't be charged any money for it.<br><br><br><br>
So what the <i>hell</i> is the problem?<br><br><br><br>
Cheers!<br><br>
TJ
 
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i think sometimes there is an element of fear and discomfort around the unknown. for a lot of people, the idea of full meals with no meat (let alone no meat, dairy, or eggs!!!) is seriously unknown territory. and in other circumstances, when i'm afraid and uncomfortable about something unknown or unusual, i've myself been known to project my own imaginings of what i think it means (usually very wrong, lol), then panic, flap, dig my heels in, argue till i'm blue in the face to get my way and avoid it happening, and then sulk.<br><br><br><br>
i can see how, if you've been bought up in a very traditional meat eating family, as a 'slab of meat and sprinkling of potatoes for every meal' kinda person, the idea of a vegan meal conjures up visions of vats of gross slimy brown lentil stews, seaweed and dandelion salad, and mountains of dreadful tasting tofu, probably accompanied by strange dancing dervishes, prayers to the mystical god of sunshine and trees, and all kinds of other traumas to the sensibilities. i'd be worried about that kinda thing too, if i didn't know better, lol.<br><br><br><br>
example: my omni bf sees me eat all kinds of interesting things, but they are things he's never been exposed to in his life before meeting me. things that look weird, are made from weird ingredients, and have weird names, aren't comfortable food choices for him. he's got preconceived ideas that he won't like them, and they don't even feel like food to him, cos he's never had them, and they look and sound so weird- guacamole and hummus both sound like the names of aliens from startrek, and also look pretty much like intergalactic space slime, and don't smell much better.<br><br><br><br>
he's sworn on his life that he hates tofu, for 3 years now, despite having never actually tasted it- until 2 days ago, when i was eating some somewhat chewy, crispy and brown looking panfried tofu, which didn't look anything like the tofu he's seen me eat before, but looked more like 'food' to him. it was intreuging to him, and under much persuasion, he tried the teeniest bit, and liked it! he actually asked for it for his dinner yesterday, and now says he likes tofu, 'but only when you cook it like that, so its nothing like real tofu'. if he was around anyone like his brothers, or the other big butch mechanics at his work, he'd probably still go 'bleurgh' at the mention of tofu, probably not wanting to look like a hippy, or something equally bizzarre, i assume.<br><br><br><br>
not only are you dealing with people worried by the idea of weird scary horrible tasting foods, but the connotations that come with them, and the idea that everyone might see them eating it without a fight, and make a fuss, or assumptions of hippy traits running in the family, etc, etc, etc, but heaven forbid, they might find they even like the vegan food, and then they'd have less excuse to keep eating cows and feeling mildly guilty about it, but justifying their own behaviour because 'vegan food is horrible and i could never live like that'.<br><br><br><br>
its scary territory. much safer to push the vegan into serving 'normal' food. way less risky to the sensibilities.
 

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Discussion Starter #16
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Jill</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
Maybe I don't understand WHY people are afraid to eat something vegetarian or vegan. Like they think its going to kill them.</div>
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That's something that I find veeeeery strange indeed. The vast majority of the food I eat is eaten by omnis every day! If I didn't tell an omni that I wasn't vegan, it would probably take them a while to conclude that by just watching. The only things in my diet that I eat frequently that omnis wouldn't are the veggie "meats" (I use that term loosely) like tofu, tempeh, and seitan. So if I have a glorious vegan feast for my wedding, there would probably only be THREE foods that aren't in a normal omni diet. If the veg-meats bother them so much, they can just not eat them -- everything else is "normal" food!<br><br><br><br>
But they never seem to recognize that, even when I explain it to them...<br><br><br><br>
I am in such an anti-omni mood right now. I usually don't get like this. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/sad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":(">
 

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To me, it's more about how people react when their "routine" is disturbed. In this case, the "routine" is that many weddings are fairly lavish events filled with gourmet food. We expect to be treated to great food at weddings. And most people's ideas of great food include some type of meat or seafood. Those that don't eat veg*n food regularly probably don't know how good it can be, so they knee-jerk it and call it rabbit food. It's a preconceived notion that can't be changed until we actually experience it.<br><br><br><br>
The same can be said for Thanksgiving meals. Growing up, we always had turkey. It was our routine and we loved it. When my mom decided one year to have a ham, I remember being extremely upset. My routine, everything I associate with Thanksgiving, was being changed and I wasn't ready for it.<br><br><br><br>
Basically, it boils down to that people don't like to be forced to do anything. The reaction is predictable. Telling people that they are only going to be able to eat veg*n food at a wedding isn't really giving them a choice. However, our wedding food was vegetarian, but we didn't tell anyone beforehand. And hardly anyone (or at least anyone we'd invite) would tell us they didn't like the food at our wedding.
 

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Discussion Starter #18
Good point, jen. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/yes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":yes:"><br><br><br><br>
(And very good point from you, too, Trail Mix!)
 

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whenever someone says "eeeww! I can't eat vegan food! what do you eat anyway?"<br><br><br><br>
I always say "what? like Oreos and Beer?" :p
 

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Wow: I suddenly feel really lucky. I got married with a vegetarian and alchohol free wedding in Gujarat (India), where plenty of our omni friends flew in from the UK, and everybody really loved the food. That included my observant jewish in-laws (and Ashkenazi jewish cuisine isn't the most veg friendly), who don't eat anything from a kitchen which has cooked non-kosher meat. Kosher meat is kind of hard to find in India, so a veggie wedding was perfect!<br><br><br><br>
Seriously, I think part of the omni fear is that people often seem to have very odd ideas about what constitues veg*an food (judging from all the "rabbit food" comments and some of the meals that I have occasionally been served), and are just scared that thats what they'll be getting, because they genuinely have little idea that veg*an food can be really, reallly delicious. To the OP, do you necessarily have to announce that the food is vegan? Just serve some great food and tell them its vegan afterwards! (like when my husbands uncle came over for dinner, and when we happened to mention that we were vegetarian after dinner, he says "You're vegetarian?! But, but the food was really nice!") <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/rolleyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":rolleyes:">
 
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