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Ludwig called and doesn't want to get back together. So I really don't want to talk to him anymore. He's still coming to Cleveland in Septmber and wanted to stay with me and do a bunch of stuff with me. I even have that week off from work. I guess I'll want to see him once. For a "last supper" sort of deal at least. After that, I'll probably never see him again, ever.<br><br><br><br>
Ugh. Now that it's 100% for real, this really, really sucks. So many things going on for me lately. Jessie's gone, Ludwig's gone.<br><br><br><br>
I have my new kitty to keep me company, and I've been getting in shape and getting exercise, so that's good. I've been "holding up" all summer after all this crap (first he moved, then bad **** happened and I thought we broke up, then we weren't sure, then my cat dies, now we aren't even talking any more.) And my parents are moving out of my childhood home, and all this crap has been causing me to do poorly at work. Something's gotta give. I feel like I need to have a break down or something.<br><br><br><br>
I didn't mention this before, but I had decided that I wanted to marry Ludwig in the last month and a half and was prepared to move or do whatever I needed to. I finally felt I'd gotten over my relationship fears about independence, perfectionism, etc. and I was thinking about proposing. It's really too bad. I thought we were a great couple, but he's not ready. And I can't be with somebody who isn't sure about the relationship even if they are sure about me. So I'm glad he let me know.<br><br><br><br>
All this crap in my life! When are the locusts coming????
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":hug:"> When it rains it sometimes pours. I think after that, it gets so much better in many ways. Good for you for taking care of yourself. That is what matters.<br><br><br><br>
lol at the locusts. They will not come, I promise.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/grin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":D"><br><br><br><br>
Nothing wrong with a break down, I have had a few ones myself.
 

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I'm so sorry <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/sad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":("> I have no idea what has happened in the past because I'm fairly new, but some good luck is BOUND to come our way soon!
 

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Oh Thalia <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/sad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":("> I read all of that past stuff and I'm just so sorry you are going through all of this. *sigh* <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":hug:">
 

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Aww Thalia <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":hug:"> I am sooo sorry to hear that you're going through so much at once <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/sad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":("> The end of a relationship is never easy, and I'm sad to hear that one you felt so strongly about has. I am a firm believer that things do happen for a reason either now is not the right time for you and Ludwig or that he's really not the right one for you. Stay strong, we're here for you are in need of a shoulder etc :HUG:
 

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that sounds a lot like my last serious relationship. The last time we said goodbye at the airport, I said I didn't think I'd ever see him again, and he was like "Of course you will" and now it's almost exactly 3 yrs later and we've just started talking again. It's really really hard. And actually... my parents just put the cat that I grew up with to sleep yesterday (but thats a whole other story) .. blah... but if you want to talk, I can empathize quite a bit!
 

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Closure is good. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/yes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":yes:"> I'm sorry you're having such a rough time. It sounds like you've gone through a lot of personal change/growth, so maybe that a good thing that's come from all this pain..you've learned a bit more about the person you can be.<br><br><br><br>
I know it's a cliche, but it's sooooooo much better for it to end now, then years down the line.<br><br><br><br>
When he comes in September, he's *not* staying with you, right?<br><br>
<<uses her best authoritative voice
 

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Crap, sorry to hear that. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/sad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":(">
 

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I didn't see what all lead up to this, but I'm sorry. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":hug:"><br><br><br><br>
I'm also very sorry about your cat, Jessie. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/sad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":("> I saw that thread but couldn't remember if I responded or just thought I did. double <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":hug:">
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Thalia</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
Something's gotta give. I feel like I need to have a break down or something.</div>
</div>
<br><br><br>
I think it's important that you grieve over everything that's happened. Maybe go to the doctors and get some time off work, so you can have some time to yourself to sort your feelings out.<br><br><br><br>
Sorry you're going through such a rough time <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":hug:">
 

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Sorry to hear about all these challenges, Thalia. I know you'll get through them, and life will be better than before. In the meantime, <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":hug:">
 

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Oh, Thalia, I'm so sorry about everything. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":hug:"> I know how hard it's all been on you. Please, stay strong. We all love you. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/iloveyou.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":lovesign:">
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":hug:"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":hug:"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":hug:">
 

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Hey Thalia, I'm sorry to hear you're going through this understandably rough time. I about burst into tears this afternoon when my parents' neighbor who is housesitting and dogsitting for them told me my dog was hardly able to stand up today, so I have a small sense of your pain without Jessie.<br><br><br><br>
If you want to get an couple of hours away and cry on a friend's shoulder, I'm within driving distance. I'm shooting you a PM, too.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/sad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":("><br><br><br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":hug:">
 

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I am sorry, Thalia. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/bigcry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":cry:"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":hug:">
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>skylark</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
Hey Thalia, I'm sorry to hear you're going through this understandably rough time. I about burst into tears this afternoon when my parents' neighbor who is housesitting and dogsitting for them told me my dog was hardly able to stand up today, so I have a small sense of your pain without Jessie.<br><br><br><br>
If you want to get an couple of hours away and cry on a friend's shoulder, I'm within driving distance. I'm shooting you a PM, too.</div>
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I'm very sorry to hear about your dog. It's really rough. I think the toughest part is just seeing them ill.<br><br><br><br>
Thanks to everyone for your responses. I keep going through a combination of different feelings, denial, anger, faux excitement about exciting new opportunities. It really helps that he was really clear about reasons, and I understand them and am glad he told me.<br><br><br><br>
In a way it helps that I'm used to Ludwig not being around anymore, so it's not such a shock to the system. And I've already been occupying myself with friends, losing weight, weight lifting, and other stuff since he left. And now I'm working on choosing a second cat and helping my parents with their new home and their old one. I am also taking classes again in the fall. I went on meetup.com and am going to meet some local atheists. Not on the "prowl" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/wink3.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=";)"> just yet, but just want to get out and meet people and be social. But yeah, it's going to suck to not be able to send him pictures of cats and mushrooms and birds, describe the latest episode of Reno 911, mythbusters or southpark (he won't pay for cable) and all the other things we've been doing since he moved. :p
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":hug:"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":hug:"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":hug:">
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Thalia</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
I'm very sorry to hear about your dog. It's really rough. I think the toughest part is just seeing them ill.</div>
</div>
<br><br><br>
No kidding. My dog cannot get his back legs under him at this point, and every fifteen minutes or so, he wheezes/yelps like his lungs are in pain. He scratches around with his legs when he's wheezing. I feel so horrible, because I can do absolutely nothing despite being right next to him.<br><br><br><br>
Before I arrived here, at my parents' house, my neighbor was doing a commendable job of taking care of him. How many dogsitters do you know who willingly clean up after a dog who could not get up to go out of the house when he had the opportunity, and so wet and soiled himself? And who call me with updates several times today so I would feel in the loop while I was waiting for an event to be over that I absolutely had to cover for work? People can say what they want to about beef cattle farmers, but this one deserves at least a lemon merangue pie.<br><br><br><br>
The rest of my family is due back in from their vacation tomorrow.<br><br><br><br><br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/lipsrsealed2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":sealed:"> Sorry, I didn't mean to hijack your thread. I sincerely hope that Jessie did not suffer much before she passed. Did you sit with her during her final hours? Sometimes I wonder which is more painful for the human--being there or not being there. I guess both are painful in different ways.
 
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