VeggieBoards banner
1 - 9 of 9 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
172 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
hello, i wish to get advice for how to talk to my mother about being, well, noisy about wanting to be vegan around strangers and family. i should explain a few things first. <b>please</b> be gentle with me as far as responses go, as i am not trying to be mean...the computer is so emotionless that i may seem cold, but that is not the case.<br><br>
my mother is naturally VERY loud, as she works in telecommunications--and her husband is deaf in one ear and near-deaf in the other. she also protests the war, and is effective at it near busy streets, due in part to her loud voice. i believe she thinks a vegan viewpoint needs the same amount of noisiness as public protest; she doesn't see the difference between democratic views and pacifism (widely accepted by all sorts of people, to the point of being a part of popular culture) and farm animal rights (wacky, 'out-there', extreme, for 'dirty hippies', tons of questions and insults, et cetera). i should add that my mother is not vegan, but loudly talks to people about being "pretty much vegan" (i think she's lacto-ovo, but i could be wrong). she doesn't understand that wool production isn't happy little brokeback sheep getting a haircut, and i'm not about to start a conversation about such things. i don't believe any of her personal care products, cosmetics, cleaning products, etc. are vegan, either, so i really don't think she should be so loud about it.<br><br>
for instance, i needed to see a physician about strep throat recently. i was prescribed amoxicillin, and i asked her if it was available as a tablet--i didn't even have to use the good old capsules-upset-my-stomach excuse, and she wrote the prescription. then, my mother proclaimed, "we're pretty much vegan, and the problem is the gelatin in the capsules." i was very lucky that the physician was so nonchalant about it, rather than being confrontational.<br><br>
in the grocery store, things get a little awkward, too. (keep in mind, this is her talking-to-her-husband voice she uses in public.) we wanted to give our elderly doggie something special that he would love (i got him vegetarian dog cookies, which he adored <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smitten.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":smitten:"> ), and we were looking for steak, preferrably pre-cooked. mom was using her loud voice again, practically yelling, "i don't want the smell of flesh lingering around the house, you know?" granted, i think it's great that she tries to make a difference, but her loud speaking will someday lead to <i>both</i> of us being harrassed obnoxiously by strangers when we normally would not be.<br><br>
she was even louder in the produce aisle. i was looking at oranges and raspberries one day, and beside the fruits were containers of pom wonderful beverage. "we're protesting this, you know. they actually test it on animals. can you believe it? JUICE!" she gets louder and louder when she's excited about something, and her voice was already quite loud to start--at home i would be in deep trouble for using that sort of voice.<br><br>
i finally talked to her about it one day. i don't remember what we were talking about that gave me such an opportunity to explain to her as best i could in a few minutes' time that it would be wonderful if she could be quieter about being "vegan" (again, i'm pretty sure she's ovo-lacto, and only vegetarian when it comes to food), and this is different from protesting what the president does. her response was "(loud gasp) there's nothing wrong with being vegan!" i wanted to slap myself in the forehead. she's a smart lady, and saying something like that was pretty...well...asinine. i finally broke down in a moment of vulnerability, and countered by pretending to be a "normie" (granted, i was having a nervous breakdown that week.)<br><br>
"how do you get your protein? how do you get your calcium? what about iron? how many plants had to die for that? what's wrong with leather? what's wrong with silk? what's wrong with honey? what's wrong with wool? but milk is so good for you! that can't be healthy. but, tofu is so gross! i bet you miss having a big, juicy slab of beef. animals were meant to be eaten--the bible says so..."<br><br>
i tried to explain how veganism is something you don't tell the whole world about, only people you have known and trusted very well for a long time. i'm gentle with her about claiming to be vegan, but i just don't need her to shout about it wherever we go. does anyone have any suggestions for possibly discussing this with her?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
8,777 Posts
Maybe she loves being (nearly) vegan and wants other people to know about things she finds important.<br><br><br><br>
If she's loud, talk to her about using a lower voice. If she's talking about something you find embarrassing, well, welcome to being in public with a parent. At least she doesn't talk about bodily functions at that volume. If it weren't the veganism, it'd be something else.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10,153 Posts
I normally tell kids to use their indoor voices when they get too loud. Maybe that'll work on an adult too. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/tongue3.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":p">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,691 Posts
Sounds like she's "out and proud." Good for her. I don't see the problem. It's not like you're going to be beaten up over it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
8,777 Posts
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Marie</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
I normally tell kids to use their indoor voices when they get too loud. Maybe that'll work on an adult too. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/tongue3.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":p"></div>
</div>
<br><br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/laugh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":lol:"> I almost said to tell her to use her indoor voice. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/tongue3.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":p">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
0 Posts
Maybe you can just ask her to do this one thing for you, even if she doesn't quite get why you want her to be more quiet about it. You can pull the "please just do this for your daughter" card and hopefully she'll see that's it's something that bothers you.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,260 Posts
Asking her the omni questions definitely wasn't the route to go, unless you wanted to put her on the defensive and have her get louder.<br><br><br><br>
Try whispering something to her, and see if she lowers her voice. Then say, "I was thinking it'd be nice if we could hold a conversation at a fairly normal volume. No offense intended, but I feel like I am talking to a bullhorn. You're really awesome in protests like that, but I'd like to talk to my mother in a more relaxed tone."
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10,153 Posts
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>OregonAmy</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/laugh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":lol:"> I almost said to tell her to use her indoor voice. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/tongue3.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":p"></div>
</div>
<br><br><br>
*L*
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
185 Posts
My grandmother has a very loud voice like that, I don't think she tries to be loud, it's just what's natural for her. And while I love her to death, she can be a bit bigoted, especially when it comes to immigration issues. So I would just be happy that she isn't loud about offensive topics like that!!
 
1 - 9 of 9 Posts
Top