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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
*warning* If you are an advocate of young women having babies, don't bother reading

So, my half-sister is living with an ultra loser, who she lets spend all their money and they can't even pay their bills or buy food. Now she's pregnant. Well, jolly good.

So, she's all proud that she's 3 months along (11 weeks actually) and has gained about 30 pounds already because "she's eating for 2." Lovely. She's starving the poor baby with junk food, while killing herself at the same time.

The BF is out spending all their money to keep up with his friends. Between the two of them, they make about $40 per hour, and yet cannot even buy groceries. *He* owns a motor bike and a brand new SUV. She isn't allowed to drive either. She has to endure a 2 hour transit ride each way to work. He spends money on his little dancing club (at the tune of $1k per month sometimes) that his ex runs. Hmm...yeah, sure it costs that much to dance.

She still smokes. He still smokes.

She is 21 and, right now, has no greater ambition then to pump out a bunch of babies and stay home and look after them. Well, isn't that sweet. The question I have is who the heck is going to pay to feed these babies, because they sure can't.

The family all knows what is going to happen. The baby is going to be born in January. If she keeps eating the way she is, she's going to have a sick baby and be sick herself. The BF isn't going to like a crying baby and a fat, sick girlfriend. He's going to go out all the time (like he does now) and spend their money. She'll have to call home for money to feed the baby, which none of us will give her. Frankly, everyone has given her too much already and that's why she's still with him. We all bailed her out too many times.

Of course, after he starts whoring around again (well, assuming he ever stopped), she's going to get mad and pack her baby up and move back home. Which means, we are going to have care for her.

Maybe I should have a more positive outlook on this, but I can't. She had all these dreams and goals and as soon as she starting dating him, she lost all of them. I even heard him tell her "go on, break up with me. Who else would want you?" Sure, he was joking around, but a real man wouldn't say things like that. A real man wouldn't spend all their money on jewelry, cars, booze and nights out, when his pregnant GF is home w/o food (and for a while, without electricity). Sheesh.

I could just slap her. /sigh
 

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With a sister like krista who so obviously cares about her, she should know better.

Ay, it hurts the most when those we love do stupid things. (Wait, no, it hurts the most when we do stupid things to people we love, and they won't forgive us.)

I know you're already committed to doing this, but be a good example. Are her biggest problems being hooked on this guy and junk food, or are there other big issues she's dealing--or not dealing--with?
 

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Well, that just sucks. Mrs. Tame's family has a couple of winners like this. We have custody of one of her cousin's kid as a result.

If possible, do what is best for the kid (no matter how inconvenient.) I don't know what to do for your sister. I have always voted to kick Mrs. Tame's kin to the curb, but I usually get voted down.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
women who smoke when they're pregnant piss me off. women who drink too. my parents adopted my sister when she was 3 she has fetal alcohol syndrome. she was less than 4 lbs full term. its a life sentence. she'd 20 now and will always live with my parents. ill have to take care of her if anything happens to my parents. my sister can't bathe herself or talk. she's the size of an 8 year old. she's had to have upwards of 20 sugeries for numerous ailments. my parents adopted 3 special needs kids and everything that is wrong with them physicaly and mentaly was preventable. it's only 9 months. just had to rant
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
To her credit, she is trying to quit, but it is hard when he is still smoking. She doesn't drink, at least, so that's a plus.

Skylark,

She moved away with him 1.5 years ago. They lived together for a while before that. She convinced her mother to move up here, across the country, to live with her. Once her mother got here, they realized that Dawn (my sister) was about to have the gas and the electricity cut off, 2 months behind in rent and about to be evicted. They sent a bunch of money and paid off all the debts and within 6 months, Dawn and her bf moved away. And now she wants her mother to move with them again. LOL (BTW, Debbie, the mother, said no way).

Dawn often lets her friends and bfs dictate her life to her. She acts loud and pushy, but is very easily swayed by friends.

I don't think he hits her or anything like that. She uses the excuse that he believes in traditional Italian family values. Well, forgive me, but I didn't know that traditional Italian values include screwing people over. And his family doesn't follow the same "values" as him, so I don't know where the heck this is coming from.

This all started when she "accidently" got pregnant and had a miscarriage. Then she cried and cried and said she wanted to get pregnant because she missed feeling the life inside her. (She was pregnant a week before she miscarriaged). I suggested she get a puppy instead. No, she said, dogs are too hard to look after. /boggle

We didn't grow up together. She has the sterotypical "never said no to" upbringing, no rules and lots of freedom. She fluked grade 11, so I told her that if she graduated on time, she could come live with me and I'd get her a job. She got herself straightened out and came to live with me in Edmonton. I got her a job as my assistant, which overpaid her. She was saving money to go to school, where she planned to take a combination of nursing administration and computers.

Then she met Mike. He convinced her to quit working for me and then she had to take a minimum wage full time job; working 8 hours for the same money she worked 4.5 hours per day for with me.

I don't understand how she can float around aimlessly, hoping everyone will pick her up. Now that she's pregnant, it's a different story. Thankfully, her mother and finance have decided that yes, they will take the baby in (if it comes to that) but they aren't bailing her out. If she can't look after it, then they'll take it. If she doesn't want that, then she can learn how to be a single mom on her own. I know, it's cruel, but what else is everyone supposed to do?

Of course, they are still together and all in love...except she doesnt talk about him beyond "Oh, everything's wonderful." But no one expects this to survive a crying and hungry baby.

Grrrr there should be testing before you're allow to reproduce.
 

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I know people like this too. Every family has a few. From what I have seen, I don't think directly helping her is going to change her or make things better for the kid and should be avoided.

Does she have family who will give in to all her pleas for sympathy? No doubt it would be very difficult, but a tough love approach (from the whole family) may be in order. If she is actually neglecting her child, perhaps a call to social services is in order, to at least scare her a little. (or like in Tame's situation, family may end up taking custody.) But any kind of help that benefits her, and not just the child is going to make things worse. Plus it is too much of psychological burden to be sponged off of.

Hang in there and try not to feel guilty about anything (let the people who raised her take care of her!) I share your anger in these kinds of situations. What can you do?
 

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I know the situation looks bleak, but at the very least the family's already discussed the situation and has a plan, which will help down the road. (Nothing like being dumpd with your stupid relative's problems and having no clue what to do about them.)

And you never know, she might still turn around. Not very likely, but it does happen. She had goals before this guy came along, and if the guy leaves the picture *and* she figures out the responsibility she now has, it might just save her life.

Either way, I hope it works out for you.

~NS~
 

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The smoking-while-pregnant part is bothering me the most at the moment, but the whole situation sounds terrible. If there's no food and no electricity when the baby is born, Dawn's mom & near-step-dad shouldn't have trouble taking custody of the baby. It would really have nothing to do with what Dawn wants once social services gets involved. Technically, I could take custody of my little brother & sister (I've thought about it), and they don't suffer from any kind of neglect. My parents are just poor as heck and there isn't always food for a while at a time. I love to visit, but I also almost always take someone there out to eat, or bring over food, or something when I go by. My little bro and sis are old enough to work now, though, so there's not as much to worry about. They can fend for themselves.

Just try to remember it's not the baby's fault that his/her parents are so irresponsible. If her life doesn't change, it would probably be best to get the child out of there. Personally, I'd help Dawn until she gave birth, just so the child would have a fighting chance by having a well-nourished mother. But I'd make it clear that the minute she got to the hospital, I would only help the baby, not her, and only if the living situation changed or the baby wasn't living with them.

What a mess.

Aj'smommy -- your parents sound like wonderful people to take in so many children who need them. It's infuriating that most (according to my health book) birth defects are 100% preventable since they are due to the mother's drinking, smoking, drug use, or other bad habits. I don't know if anything else makes me so angry as not giving a baby a fighting chance in the world.
 

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When I would drop my little girl off at Kindergarten a few years ago, there was a mother of another Kindergartner sitting in her car smoking. Not only was she pregnant, but she was caring for someone else's 3 month old. In the winter her car would fill with smoke, as the windows were rolled up...all 3 children getting a huge dose of smoke.

I always wanted to say something, but I never did.
 
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