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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm just ranting, I'm sorry that it's rather whiny.<br><br>
Just to clarify before I begin, I'm an 18-year-old girl, just graduated from high school. living at home but going away for university in September.<br><br>
Within the past six months or so, my relationship with my mother has just turned strange. She's getting upset at the family for not keeping the house clean (I was, again, in school, and now am at work 5 days/week for almost the same hours, my brother was working and going to the local university, and my father works from home. She works four days/week, same hours as me but thankfully elsewhere). This is the first thing. My father can be a bit untidy, but my brother is immaculate, and I don't leave anything outside of my own room.<br><br>
My mother, however, leaves her things everywhere, and worse, never cleans the goddamn kitchen. The rest off us are all 'I've made it, now while it cooks I'll clean up' type people. She, on the other hand, leaves food mess smeared on the counter (eg, spilled peanut butter, refried beans, salsa, coffee). She never puts anything away, and sometimes I get home to find food spoiled from being left out all day (avocados + hot day? not good). Again, this is only in the last couple months. When she gets home, she throws her lunch dishes on the counter and goes on the computer so we can clean up- which we have to, or there's no counterspace for us to cook with (time constraints and the fact that I'm the only veg*n mean often separate meals, especially for my brother and myself). Which brings me to the next thing.<br><br>
She goes on the computer in the room below my own, and puts on music so loud it shakes my bed. When I ask her to turn it down, she gets angry at me and says she needs down time too, then turns it up ten minutes later. Usually, I don't ask her to turn it down until past ten, when I'm trying to go to sleep or at least begin to relax so I can work or go to school in the morning. Once I went downstairs at midnight, started crying because I was so frustrated, and she still turned it up as soon as I was out of the room. This was a morning when I had to be at school for a band event by 6am. All she does is sit on facebook playing poker with people she only knows through it, with the sound on chat on so I also hear it beep through my floor every time she gets a message.<br><br>
Her room's the most soundproof one in the house, I might mention, just because of how it sits in relation to everywhere else, and she has her own laptop computer as well, so nothing's stopping her from going in there, or anywhere else that isn't directly below my room.<br><br>
In the morning, she slams every door she encounters on her way out, to ensure that I'm awake and can't fall asleep again an hour before I need to be.<br><br>
During the day, if I talk to her, even if she brought me in to talk about something, she stops listening/looking at me after a minute, then turns her music up over me and starts chatting online. I'm not sure which one of us is supposed to be a teenager.<br><br>
She doesn't exactly owe me money, also, but she keeps saying, before I make a big purchase (notably new bed ($150) because my cousin needed my old one for a bed at my grandma's house (long story of family drama), prom dress ($150), and the less avoidable first term of university ($1700)), she says she'll cover/pay ha;f/help me. In the case of bed and prom dress, I went 'oh, good, that makes me feel a lot better about throwing money away on something I don't need, although I'll still get something affordable'. I've never seen any of the money. And she keeps telling me that no, she won't help me set up online banking (under 19, so my bank has issues) to pay my tuition, because her and my dad are going to. I'm terrified that I'm going to end up paying the day before term starts because they won't let me until.<br><br>
Last, if I step out of line in any way- asking her to let me sleep, missing cleaning up a speck of my own kitchen mess, try to pay my tuition, ask her to clean up after herself, get under an 80% in class, and so on- she yells at me, doesn't talk to me for a day, then goes on like nothing happened.<br><br>
I know I'm out of here in a couple months, but it's just so frustrating, and I have enough wrong in my life. I've got things I don't discuss with people to worry, and I'm going to be in debt for years, and I'm moving out and paying rent for the first time, and I just can't deal with her on top of this.<br><br>
This whole thing came out really whiny, especially the money stuff, but I don't know. You have to see how she looks at me, I guess. The rest is just frustration at her, but how she doesn't pay me any mind isn't worth being here, and I'm getting used to that.<br><br>
/rant<br><br>
ETA- I'm just tired. I'll get over it
 

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I am sorry that sounds terrible. : ( My advice is to hold out until you can move away for university in September. Go to the bank and see if someone will help you to set up online banking and explain how it works. Explain that you are going away to college and you want to pay your tuiton yourself. There might be somebody helpful there.<br><br>
Then in September, move away and never go back again.
 

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She sounds like a teenager. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/tongue3.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":p">
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>sequoia</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2932816"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
She sounds like a teenager. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/tongue3.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":p"></div>
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I was just going to ask if she was sure this was her mom and not her daughter. Yikes. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/shocked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":eek:">
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Werewolf Girl</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2932817"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
I was just going to ask if she was sure this was her mom and not her daughter. Yikes. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/shocked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":eek:"></div>
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My friend's mom is like that. EXTREMELY immature. She acts like a 13 year old. It's hard to respect her.
 

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That sounds really odd. My mum started acting really abrupt and snarky with me for about 6 weeks before I went off to university for the first time, but I know now that it was because she really didn't want me to leave, doesn't like change, was worried about me etc etc.<br>
But to that extreme?! Surely something must have occurred in her for such a change to happen...I feel really really sorry for you <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/sad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":("> A couple of months can feel like years when your living situation is so difficult as that must be!
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Marie</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2932968"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
Is she going through menopause? Moms get a bit loopy when that happens.</div>
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I don't think it's fair to put it on hormones.<br><br>
Even if she were having some effect of hormones, someone mentally capable or mature would deal with it without doing the things this person is doing.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Irizary</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2933065"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
I don't think it's fair to put it on hormones.<br><br>
Even if she were having some effect of hormones, someone mentally capable or mature would deal with it without doing the things this person is doing.</div>
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No, but if she was already a little borderline immature for a woman her age, then that could be something that would drive her over the edge. It's worth considering as a possibility, anyway.<br><br>
--Fromper<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/juggle.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":juggle:">
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Fromper</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2933116"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
No, but if she was already a little borderline immature for a woman her age, then that could be something that would drive her over the edge. It's worth considering as a possibility, anyway.<br><br>
--Fromper<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/juggle.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":juggle:"></div>
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Yes. But I really dislike that when females act crazy or mean or immature that people sometimes put it down to p.m.s. or menopause or some biological "female problem" thing. Most of us deal with our hormones just fine and take full responsibility for our behavior regardless of what might be happening with our bodies.
 

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Your mother sounds like a sad person. Maybe she is unhappy with the way that her life has turned out and sees your life as being full of excitement and possibilities, as you head off to college. Could she be jealous?
 

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Has she always been like this and her behavior has just become more extreme or are all these things totally out of character of her?
 

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I feel for you my parents did simliar stuff while I was living at home between 18 after high school and until I moved out of their house in 01 at age 23ish or so with my husband my fiancee at the time. My parents left dirty dishes and used paper towels around and expected me to pick up after them. It was getting very upsetting and most of the time they were doing that I worked several hours at a grocery store.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
The odd thing is, there's something it could really obviously be blamed on, but it started about two months before that event. My mom came off some medication she'd been taking for a long time, but again, she didn't even begin weaning off them until a notable amount after it matters. (If she's started weaning off pills and this happened later, I'd blame it, but it seems just coincidental).<br><br>
Clarifying: Started acting weird -> Couple months pass -> Starts Weaning off medication -> couple months pass - > Off medication<br><br>
So I'm assuming this weirdness was another thing.<br><br>
PeacefulVegLady- So is this some strange phenomenon with parents whose kids are graduating? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/tongue3.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":p"><br><br>
Delicioso, I don't really think so. She had a rough time in college herself, but does a job she enjoys (she's a CDA), mountain bikes and runs often, participating in some of the biggest races in the world (like the Test of Metal) and all the local competitions. We have a big property, a house full of animals, we live near rivers and lakes, and those are all the things she likes.<br><br>
The other thing, which I forgot to mention, is stranger. This sounds like early-onset alzeimers or something, but it only hapens to me. Never my brother or father or any of her friends. But ayway, she forgets everything I do tell her a minute later (on the occasions she doesn't blare music over me).<br><br>
One example would be the other day. I was making a skillet pizza for dinner, which I make pretty often, and also is pretty much the only thing I use cornmeal for. Seeing me pouring cornmeal, she walks into the kitchen.<br><br>
"What are you making?"<br><br>
"one of those pizza things"<br><br>
"What pizza things?"<br><br>
"The skillet ones I usually make."<br><br>
"Oh, sounds good."<br><br>
About five minutes later, she walks in as I'm cooking it. In a pan, in front of her.<br><br>
"Have you had dinner yet?"<br><br>
"No, I'm cooking it right now"<br><br>
"What are you having?"<br><br>
"A pizza, remember?''<br><br>
"Oh."<br><br>
Again she leaves. When it was finished and I was eating, she asked what I was having. Then about an hour later, she asked me whether I'd eaten dinner.<br><br>
Like I said, this only happens to me. I don't know what it is, but she can't pay attention to what I say once, let alone the third or fourth time. It's kind of freaking me out, and the whole situation is just annoying. My bed's shaking from her music right now, but I'm going outside to let the chickens out in a minute, and maybe won't come back in. I just don't know at all what's going on with my living situation right now, and I'm not the sort who can cope with all the noise that's happening. The biggest thing I was looking into in apartments for next year is that they're quiet.<br><br>
What scares me is that I might not be able to spare the two grand (rent's about $500/month where I'm looking) plus food expenses for the four-month summer, and I have free rent here as long as I'm in school, as well as a job that is here for me whenever I come back to it. It'll be here next summer, or whenever I come here. So if I can't secure a job while I'm in university, I'll be kind of screwed. But it might mellow out with Brother and I gone for a year. Or it might be worse. I want to stay where I'll be living, but I love my work here, and I can't take my pets there, so I feel drawn to come back again.
 

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What was the medication for?
 

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I remember how my mother freaked out and was quite nasty to me after I informed her that I would be living on my own and would not move back in with them again, not even for the summers between university. I think she was angry and hurt, even though I wasn't doing it to hurt them. She was also going through menopause so I'm sure that didn't help. She would do things like watch me clean my dishes after cooking dinner myself (which I offered to share with her but she didn't want any), then as soon as I was done she would dump her dishes in the sink and tell me to clean them. Or she would purposefully not call me for dinner when I told her I wanted to eat dinner with them that night. Or she would make fun of me for sleeping all day due to the fact that I worked the graveyard shift and had to sleep SOMETIME obviously. Basically, she was a bully. I think she resented me even being in her house.<br><br>
But she was not bad to the extreme that your mother is. It worries me that you say she ignores you in favour of doing online gambling. I'm wondering if she's okay. She sounds like a really unhappy person.<br><br>
I don't think it will be a problem for you to find a job when you go away to university. It's difficult to think so far ahead anyway, when you don't know how you'll feel after moving out.
 

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Did she stop this medication with the consent of her dr? Are you sure that timeline is correct and that she didn't start tapering off the meds sooner without your knowledge? Has she been taken any medication in place of the old one?<br><br>
It just seems like there would be some connection with this medication and all her drastic personality changes and memory loss.
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
No, she talked to me quite a bit about going off her meds, and had to get a new prescription to wean (the pills were capsules, so she couldn't break them, although breaking them would be rather unsafe for keeping moderated amounts anyway). Her doctor and her discussed it and agreed, and she was put n things to help with withdrawals as well.<br><br>
Although this sounds a bit contradictory because of this thread in whole, I don't really feel comfortable talking about what her meds were, but she didn't need them anymore (hadn't for a couple months before weaned, either), and, again, her doctor was involved.<br><br>
I know though, it seems like it should be related. But it also seems like certain things, like singling me out over anyone else, are rather conscious. Maybe she doesn't like being 'normal' again- ie, before she could blame/procrastinate because of school, like 'oh, I'm too tired' or 'my prof was being a *****' or whatever, and now she's back to real life and trying to deal with things, and not having that excuse when she screws up.<br><br>
Chrysallis, maybe there is some weird connection, and whatever happened with you and I, peacefulveglady and Veganosaurus rex is all a conspiracy.<br><br>
Whether it's something mental, her not having school to blame, or a conspiraacy, I don't know what to do about it. And yes, I am nice and polite and normal to her in person, although I don't know how else to help, I'm not alienating her for it, as much as she'll let me.
 

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They actually didn't start doing that when I graduated per se, it started after I got into my one job and got really messed up however, my life was different back then.
 
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