My kid's Grandmother is driving me mad!

1496 Views 10 Replies 8 Participants Last post by GhostUser, Oct 30, 2006

laura*ann

Discussion Starter · Oct 27, 2006

I have been vegetarian pretty much all my life (until I realised the horrific truth that minced beef was chopped up dead cow) and its just been a natural progression for me until now I am very nearly vegan - lactose sneaks in sometimes in packet foods when I'm out but I'm working on it. I breastfed both kids first for 9mths then gave up because of pressure from others, put her on formula, got really bad eczema, put her on soya. The second I breastfed for 21/2 yrs (mostly in secret because of others opinions) and the same happened. Anyway every time my partners mum has them she always gives them milk even though she knows what it does to them and we've told them numerous times. Sometimes she lies and says they've not had anything but its obvious as my sons legs get all sore the next day when they've been at hers. The other issue I've got is that she gives my girl beef for breakfast and has just come back from the farm and taken them to mcdonalds on the way home raving about how good value it is and given my son a milkshake from there (which will make his eczema come up meaning he'll be up half the night scatching) and my daughter a burger. She tried to make him have nuggets but he would'nt. I know shes been brainwashing my 5yr old girl because she comes home saying stuff like "I'm a omnivore and your a herbivore, mum" and she just lied to me & said she had a vegeburger and looked all guilty. When I'm shopping with her I ask her if she really wants me to buy meat and stuff but she always declines but when shes with her she always comes home saying stuff about how she's different from me. When I'm talking to her she shows signs of not wanting to eat meat but if she was at a party or something I wouldn't make an issue about her eating a sausage as much as I'd want to. I just feel like I'm being pushed into a corner and I want her to know why I'm a veggie but I think the truth is too horrific. Last Christmas there was a big issue because she wanted to take the kids to a fox hunt despite being illegal and neither me or my boyfriend wanted then to go - he eats meat but really loves animals- but she got moody and just took my children anyway. To make things worse she's a teacher but she acts really ignorant. She even bought me one of those stuffed cats that are real imported from China or somewhere. When I refused to take it home they thought it was hilarious until I found out that they could give the kids that disease toxo something then she eventually got rid of it. I am so fed up with her. When we were on holiday we were looking for something to eat and their were loads of nice restaurants and I didn't want to eat the chips from mcdonalds as they are fried in animal fat but she just kept going "Iwant a burger!" like a kid when we suggested going somewhere else. Shes 60 for goodness sake. She cuts articles out from her newspapers about veggie children being deficient and thick - despite Einstein being a vegan! My kids are doing great I wish she'd butt out! Aaaargh!!!!!!!! Sorry, this is the first time I've posted but I can't rant to their dad as he gets mad at me now. I feel like telling someone who understands. Thanks guys.

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Jennifer N

· #2 · Oct 27, 2006

Why do you let her take the kids when she gives them things they are allergic to? That's not fair to your kids.

And how come she was allowed to take the kids to the fox hunt when both you and your bf said no? Does she have partial custody or something?

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Elena99

· #3 · Oct 27, 2006

I don't have kids, so I don't know how easy this is, but don't let her be alone with the kids. Period. She's a grandmother, not a parent, being with YOUR kids is a privelege, not a right. Until she understands that, she shouldn't be allowed to be in charge of them.

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meatless

· #4 · Oct 27, 2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elena99

I don't have kids, so I don't know how easy this is, but don't let her be alone with the kids. Period. She's a grandmother, not a parent, being with YOUR kids is a privelege, not a right. Until she understands that, she shouldn't be allowed to be in charge of them.

exactly, I agree with this 100%.

YOU are their mother and you and your husband have every right to shield your kids from this woman. If she's not going to respect your wishes, then it should be HER loss, not something you have to put up with.

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meatless

· #5 · Oct 27, 2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elena99

I don't have kids, so I don't know how easy this is, but don't let her be alone with the kids. Period. She's a grandmother, not a parent, being with YOUR kids is a privelege, not a right. Until she understands that, she shouldn't be allowed to be in charge of them.

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Aimra

· #6 · Oct 27, 2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by laura*ann

Last Christmas there was a big issue because she wanted to take the kids to a fox hunt despite being illegal and neither me or my boyfriend wanted then to go - he eats meat but really loves animals- but she got moody and just took my children anyway.

I would have called the cops. That is kidnapping.

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MRSSHF

· #7 · Oct 27, 2006

I'm pregnant with my first. If my mom were to do things like this (not that she would), then she would not be allowed to see her grandchild. Period.

Are you in a situation where you're working and need her to provide daycare or something? I'm just curious as to why you're letting this woman walk all over your beliefs like this.

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Aimra

· #8 · Oct 27, 2006

It sounds like you've been confronting her about it and she doesn't seem to care. I would either, as I said before, resort to calling the police when she takes them without permission or not let her be with them alone anymore.

Her convincing them to directly go against you and question your parenting is not healthy for your relationship with your children, husband (sine it makes him upset) or your mother-in-law.

Children can be confused enough without being pulled in different directions by authority figures. Consistency is key and it doesn't seem like your MIL is very keen on the idea.

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Blue Plastic Straw

· #9 · Oct 27, 2006

Why on earth would you leave your children alone with someone who is giving them food that they are allergic to, and telling them to lie to you? I agree that she shouldn't be allowed to spend unsupervised time with the kids. You need to talk to your husband about this, so you can present a united front. He's allowing his mother to harm his child and he needs to be the one to speak to her.

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Jennifer N

· #10 · Oct 27, 2006

Seriously, allowing a child to be fed a food that you know is harmful to him/her? That is bordering on (or not so bordering on) child abuse. Not that you are a bad mother, you are obviously a very concerned one, and I'm sure you have been under pressure by your partner, but honestly, you chose to have children, and you need to put them first, no matter how upset that crazy lady gets. And that woman is abusing your child when she gives him dairy. What if one day he has a stronger reaction and something worse than skin problems happen to him?

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GhostUser

· #11 · Oct 30, 2006

Hi Laura*ann

I really feel for you - I have been exactly where you are and as I couldn't come to a comprimise with my mum - we no longer see her or even speak to her. She STILL sends gross presents to my boys just like that cat from China you talked about. I actually think there is something seriously wrong with her. My last straw was when she hit my 2 year old and I have always made a HUGE point of making sure everyone knows I don't hit my kids (my mum hit me - a lot - so I decided to end the cycle with me).

To me, a lot of the other replies seem to imply that not letting grandma look after the kids anymore is an easy thing to do - from personal experience this is definitely not the case. Firstly, if she minds them while you are at work or school then you've got to find another child minder. Then there's the problem that she's your partner's mum - not yours. This relationship is sooo difficult because you probably feel you don't have the right to call the shots.

Laura*ann - you DO have the right to call the shots - those little angels are YOUR angels not hers. She is making them ill and going against your beliefs. I can't stand when people think vegetarianism is a flippant issue and silly phase! I know you feel like there is nothing you can do but there is always a way. Perhaps it would be a good idea to write down all your issues with her, write down all the problems it would cause if you didn't let her see your kids anymore (getting a new babysitter etc) - then talk it over calmly and quietly with your partner. Try not to argue about it and show him how serious you are - see what he says. Hopefully you can come to some solution where maybe she only sees them at your house where she can be supervised.

Just so you know, I am very happy with my decision not to let my mum see my kids anymore. Life is so much easier and happier and far less stressful without her!

We are mothers - it is our privilege and duty to protect our children. Try and do whatever you can to make it a win/win situation for you, your partner and your children. Grandma is far down the queue of people to please.

Please let us know how you get on - I'll be thinking of you!

vegmumma xxx

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