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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I have this male friend who I would never date. He's the coolest person in the world, but I could never be attracted to him for some reason. It just doesn't work. I hate to hurt his feelings because he's actually never had a girlfriend before and he's very new at even liking girls because he's so shy and inexperienced. So he has this huge crush on me, and I'm trying to get him not to like me so much in that weird romantic way. But I'm trying to be his close friend at the same time.

Yea, so this guy has said he stopped eating meat and he's trying it out and stuff, but I wonder, is he doing it just for me? Is he doing it to be more like me or to impress me somehow? Or just curious? I don't want him to feel like I'm influencing him too much like this, cause I really didn't push him in any direction, although I may have asked him a few questions about what his views are about animals, etc. I don't think he even knows what he thinks for sure. He has said he doesn't believe people can do whatever they want with animals, but he says that meat still tastes good to him, and sometimes he doesn't even realize when something is meat, and when something else isn't. It's really kinda interesting what seems to be going on here.
 

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What I used to do is talk about someone I *did* like to him. Make sure to treat him like a buddy. Even maybe call him, buddy or say, "You're such a good friend."

Or, if you don't like someone and want a boyfriend, say, "Geez, it's hard to find a guy to like. It's good to have guy friends like you, though, to give me insights into men!" Or something like that. Or, if you are not interested in finding anyone (I'm not sure where you are on this, you didn't state), you can just make that point. Maybe, " Ugh, I'm SO not into men right now. I couldn't imagine dealing with anyone right now. I have so much going on..." Or, you get the idea, right?


You could always say something, but that's presumptuous and might sound wrong; so I understand your apprehension. I think those hints will work; they worked for me!
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Heheh... yea, actually he and I did have a few conversations about it and I hope I made it clear that I just "don't feel the same." I fear that he still kind of hopes that maybe someday I'll change my mind. I don't think I should have anyone right now either, but I hope when the times comes, I'll have some options there waiting for me. I hope this guy friend of mine stops liking me soon though because it makes me all uncomfortable, and it makes me not want to hang out with him even though I was totally into hanging out with him before he confessed his feelings! I don't want him to think it was a bad thing to tell me that. Well anyway... it's really no big deal, I got it all figured out.
 

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I think you should find out if he really feels that way and tell him that it just won't work. The sooner you do this, the sooner he gets over you. The longer he goes on thinking he has a chance, the more crushed he'll be when he finds out he has been wasting his time.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Hehe... yes, I've already done this. It was heartbreaking though, and I felt really guilty for hurting him. He cried, with tears and everything!
He seems better now though and I think he's starting to forget about it based on how he's been acting lately. We still hang out a lot. I think he's still not eating meat though, which is good too. He told me he didn't even have any of the traditional ham his family has for Easter! I think this is a big step for him.
 

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Quote:
Or, if you don't like someone and want a boyfriend, say, "Geez, it's hard to find a guy to like. It's good to have guy friends like you, though, to give me insights into men!" Or something like that.
Ugh, DON'T say something like that. That's just cruel.

I've been on the other side of the fence, and its not fun to feel like you are being used.

I eventually had to end that friendship, because it was just too hard and painful.

Always be honest with your friend and remeber that he can't help how he feels or who he likes. It's just the way it is. Hoping he's "get over it" probably won't work.

Start introducing him to some of your female friends. Try to get him to focus his feelings on someone else. That's usually a good way to deal with this
 

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yea just say you aren't atracted to him. thats all there is to it. otherwise its cruel. but be very nice about if of course.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Ugh!

It was so hard because I didn't want to come out and say that. It's almost like hearing, "I'm sorry, but you're too UGLY for me!" I basically said that I just don't feel the same and kind of hinted at the fact that I just knew it wasn't going to work out, and we weren't going to be good for each other like he thought we were. He kept pressing for more specific answers, and said that if he knew, then he could maybe figure out why other girls don't like him. Like I should tell him what to fix before he tries asking another girl out. I dodged that one as much as possible because it would just make him more upset and self-conscious. He should just be himself and wait for a girl to like him just the way he is.
 

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OMG! This morning, I find an envelope on my desk that has my name on it. I'm like, okay, don't recognize the handwriting, what the heck is this?? So I open it and this guy had MADE ME A NECKLACE. There's a note with it and it's like "sorry this isn't very good, but I'm not a good writer either. If the necklace breaks, just tell me and I'll fix it for you." I was going to melt, it was so sweet. The only problem is, I don't like the guy. I don't even know him that well, I just talk to him occasionally. So I haven't seen him since I got the necklace, but I had NO IDEA that he liked me. Ahhhh!!
 

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I totally know how you feel B4S. I have a guy friend who has been in love with me since we met 4 years ago. I am totally not interested in him at all and I even dated his best friend and he got really mad at him. My friend is not really that attractive so he doesn't have much luck picking up other girls, and sometimes he makes me uncomfortable because I know he still has feelings for me, even though it's sooo obvious that I don't! It is very frustrating.
 

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its frustrating for him too, I know how he feels... oh well. I thought girls wern't supposed to care about looks and all that, guess I was wrong.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
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Originally posted by magates

I thought girls wern't supposed to care about looks and all that, guess I was wrong.
I feel that two people should be physically attracted to each other if they're going to date. I require that because how could I kiss someone I wasn't even attracted to? Also, I think I'm an attractive female, so I expect that I should be able to attract an attractive male.
 

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Originally posted by Brake4Squirrels

I feel that two people should be physically attracted to each other if they're going to date.
Sadly, I think this is true. I went out with someone who asked me to a New Year's Eve party her company was having. At the stroke of midnight, everyone was kissing. She gave me this look and kind of raised her eyebrows, so I kissed her. I didn't think a lot about it. It seemed the appropriate thing to do at the time.

I regretted it later when I found out that she had told all sorts of third parties about our "relationship." This made me really uncomfortable, as though I had misled her, and finally I had to tell her that I was not attracted to her in a romantic way. I guess I hurt her more than if I had just refused to kiss her in the first place.

By the way, following this she did two things. One, she got LASIK surgery and got rid of her glasses. Two, she got the "Chyna Phillips" surgery and got her stomache "stapled" or whatever. The next time I saw her, I hardly recognized her. The transformation was shocking.

Quote:


I require that because how could I kiss someone I wasn't even attracted to? Also, I think I'm an attractive female, so I expect that I should be able to attract an attractive male.
I guess I don't feel the same way. Almost every woman I know is reasonably attractive enough that I'd be willing to kiss her--if there were no consequences of doing so--which in fact there are--as exemplified above.
 

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Oh do I ever know this story! One of my male friends from high school had a huge crush on me but I totally didn't like him that way and it was really akward. Senior year he died from diabetes complications and it was rumored that he had intentionally caused it.


He had just broken up with another girl though (I was so relieved when he started dating her) so I didn't feel nearly as horrible as I would have otherwise. On a completely unrelated note I wound up working at the same grocery store as this girl after high school and we became pretty good friends even though we didn't really know each other in HS,

As far as attractiveness goes, it doesn't hurt for a guy to be attractive, but it's not necessary either. If I like a guy enough he will start to look attractive to me regardless of what I thought of him before. This has happened a couple of times. I honestly didn't find my husband to be all that attractive when we first met, but now I do.

There was this other guy in high school who when I first saw him I though, "Ewww!" but I fell hopelessly in love with him after I got to know him. Sadly he was inlove with my best friend who was dating a jerk, so it was never to be, but I'll always love him.


I dated a guy in college for a few months who was around 400 lbs. I was really small at that time too. I still thought he was really cute. His weight wasn't really a factor at all. He turned out to be a raging alcoholic so it didn't really work out but we stayed friends anyway.
 
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