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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
One of my closest friends where I live (KS) asked me out-again... the first time (about a month ago) I just ignored it-(I'd just gotten out of a serious relationship and didn't want to deal w/stuff like that) He didn't bring it up to me after that.

I'm planning on moving w/in the next few months (which might not happen-that's another story) and got an e-mail from him asking me out, he said since this might be his last chance before I move he thought he'd go for it and ask. I don't like him like that, and I don't know how to tell him. Also, I don't think I should jump into a relationship right now... I've had 2 relationships over the past 6 months and both were pretty serious-and I might get back w/one of my ex's once he gets back from Iraq (in like 7-8 months) Also there's someone who I was just told is into me, so I'd like to get to know him better and see where that goes... yadda yadda yadda...

Other than my dad, I only have 2 friends around here that I can trust 100%, and he's one of them. I don't want things to be weird w/us. I've been going through a lot of stuff lately, and really need my friends.

Anyway, any input on how to let him down while still being able to remain friends would be greatly appreciated. The easy way out would just be to tell him I'm not looking to date/be in a relationship w/anyone right now-but I don't want him to think that there's still hope for the future, ya know? Sorry I'm ranty, but right now there's no one I can talk to about this & I figure I should get back to him ASAP. Thanx for listening!
 

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I think you should just be honest. No long speeches or anything, just tell him how important he is to you, but you can't see him as a boyfriend. I know how hard it can be to let down people, especially those close to you, but there's no reason in delaying talking to him or overthinking about it. Good luck with everything!
 

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I agree, as hard as it might be. Stress how much you love having him as a friend and that he is one of two people you can trust 100% (like you said in our post!). There is the chance that it may 'weird things out' between the two of you, but unless he expresses his undying love for you or something like that, it should be ok.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Yeah, I figured I'd just have to be straight up... I talked to him online last night, and he didn't say anything... he probably figures I didn't read the e-mail yet... Just sucks, cuz I've got a lot of problems right now, and they just keep coming and coming and coming & this is something I just don't want to deal with, but I guess that's life for ya.

Thanks for the input, I appreciate it! & I'm still open for any advice etc...
 

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But he was waiting there so patiently for your other relationship to end! :p Personally I don't think it's possible for a guy and a girl to be really good friends without there being some "sexual tension", at least in the view of one of the two...
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by mazikeen View Post

I think you should just be honest. No long speeches or anything, just tell him how important he is to you, but you can't see him as a boyfriend. I know how hard it can be to let down people, especially those close to you, but there's no reason in delaying talking to him or overthinking about it. Good luck with everything!
I agree completely.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
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Originally Posted by justin730 View Post

But he was waiting there so patiently for your other relationship to end! :p Personally I don't think it's possible for a guy and a girl to be really good friends without there being some "sexual tension", at least in the view of one of the two...
Most of my best friends are guys (I only have 3 close female friends).. some I've slept with and always/still remain very good friends, therefore the tension isn't there, I haven't slept w/him, nor plan/want to. The ones I haven't slept with are still very close and there's no tension.

Still haven't told him anything yet, nor has he mentioned it. We were gonna go out Saturday, but couldn't get ahold of him & was staying at my friends' place, but next time I talk to my friend I'll bring it up and let him know I don't want to be more than friends w/him & all that. Hopefully he'll take it well & things will be fine...
 

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Sounds to me like you've got a classic case of OHCS - Oblivious Hot Chick Syndrome. That's when a pretty girl just doesn't seem to realize that every guy who meets her is physically attracted to her.

If they hit on her right away, she thinks they're just trying to get laid. If they're slick about it, they can flirt with her without seeming too interested. Those are the guys who get all the girls, mostly by being jerks.

If the guy is too nice/shy for that and tries to be friends first, then she'll always just see him as a friend. So if they do eventually ask her out, she says she just wants to be friends, never realizing that this guy has probably been madly in love with her since day one, and that she may as well have ripped his still beating heart out of his chest and stepped on it.

Trust me on this. In your initial post, you said that this guy has asked you out twice, and that the first time was right after you broke up with another guy. And he did it by email, because he doesn't have the guts to ask you out to your face. He's totally in love. He was waiting for months for you to break up with the other guy so he could ask you out, and you're just oblivious. And the fact that you've ignored him for this long just makes it worse. Just go break his heart and get it over with already.

--Fromper, poster child for the phrase "Nice guys finish last"

 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
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Originally Posted by Fromper View Post

Sounds to me like you've got a classic case of OHCS - Oblivious Hot Chick Syndrome. That's when a pretty girl just doesn't seem to realize that every guy who meets her is physically attracted to her.

If they hit on her right away, she thinks they're just trying to get laid. If they're slick about it, they can flirt with her without seeming too interested. Those are the guys who get all the girls, mostly by being jerks.

If the guy is too nice/shy for that and tries to be friends first, then she'll always just see him as a friend. So if they do eventually ask her out, she says she just wants to be friends, never realizing that this guy has probably been madly in love with her since day one, and that she may as well have ripped his still beating heart out of his chest and stepped on it.

Trust me on this. In your initial post, you said that this guy has asked you out twice, and that the first time was right after you broke up with another guy. And he did it by email, because he doesn't have the guts to ask you out to your face. He's totally in love. He was waiting for months for you to break up with the other guy so he could ask you out, and you're just oblivious. And the fact that you've ignored him for this long just makes it worse. Just go break his heart and get it over with already.

--Fromper, poster child for the phrase "Nice guys finish last"

Well, I've been friends w/guys first... that's typically what I prefer before jumping into anything.

Anyway... I don't think he's totally in love... he'd asked one of my friends out a few months ago... so I'm thinking he might just want a gf really bad right now. Yes, I did ignore it at first, but I haven't been able to get a hold of him since, only once he wrote me (on my b-day) and I've tried calling him and seeing if he was online because I know I need to sit down and talk with him.

Hmm.. sounds like you've had some personal situations involving at least somewhat similar things...
 
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