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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Me and my brother used to be best friends when we were little.(like 5 or 6). Now its different. Sometimes we argue but usually we never talk. and i mean he lives in the same house as me but its like as if i dont even know him. And i dont. I dont think i have actually had a conversation with him in over a week and all that was is "the phone is for you" or something. My brother has terets but not the kind where you just yell out something stupid but he gets the spasms and people on our bus used to make fun of him and I felt bad but couldnt bring myself to stand up for him. i thought for some reason he would get mad at me if I did. And he was in one of my dreams. I dont know why but remebering how when we were little we used to be best friends and now we never talk always makes me sad. And my mom said once "I dont know what joey thinks of us" As if he doesnt like any of us. And i wish that we could atleast talk more. But i dont know what to say. What would you guys do if you were me? Does anyone else have family members that you used to be close but dont talk much anymore?
 

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Me and my sister always go through spurts of not talking to each other. The longest was 3 years. What a shame. We are both very very stubborn. Bullheaded idiots sometimes. Too much pride. She's 3 years older than me. This last phase of not talking to each other lasted almost 2 years. We just started speaking over the holidays. And I think the only reason is that she found out about some medical trouble I've been having and got scared. It turned out to be benign, but still I think she realized just how close she came to loosing her one and only sister. It was a reality check. Not everyone lives to grow old.

Anyhow, the point I'm trying to make is that tomorrow is so unknown. You love your brother and he loves you. If neither of you take a step toward either and extend the olive branch, you'll continue to be distant and grow further apart. Hasn't enough time passed already??? Wouldn't you totally regret not trying to mend this relationship and make it strong again if he all of a sudden wasn't there anymore??? The worst feeling is 'I should have' or 'I wish I could' or 'If I'd only known then what I know now'. Those are terrible feelings to have to deal with.

You also have to be prepared for your brother to reject you at first. I'm not sure about his illness so I'm not sure how it makes people react in emotional situations. But approach it gently. Give him a couple of days to mull over the fact that you want to have a relationship with him again. Realize too that it's going to take real time to build the trust again. Let him know at some point, if he is real resistant, that you are here when he's ready to start over. Let him come to you on his own terms after your first initial contact if that's what it takes.

Once you get the relationship to the place you both want it to be, don't let the silly little things eat away at it again. Deal with the smallest of situations instead of brushing them under the rug. That's sometimes tends to build resentment. And external forces, like people that pick on him, it may be uncomfortable for you, but you need to speak up for him and help him. Do leave him feeling abandoned when he needs you.
 

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LC, why don't you invite you your brother to watch a movie with you or play a board game? Sometimes my kids open up to me more when they are riding along in the car...maybe you could take a drive?

I have 2 teenage sons and they have become fairly distant...I think it is pretty normal. One thing we do, is have Sunday our no electronics day...(no t.v., computer etc.) and as much as they ***** about it, it never fails that I hear my kids laughing together off and on during the day.

Good - luck
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Yeah, I have tried a few things like that a while ago. Once I was going to see a movie with my friend and Joey wanted to see it also so he came with but never sat by us. I will ask him and my sister to see The Lord Of The Rings 2 with me. I guess I just miss the past.
 

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yeah you can't expect things to change if you don't do something about it. talk to him or just make more effort to get him to do things with you.

my brother and i played together when we were little but as he started getting bigger than me we'd always end up fighting in the end. course when he became a teenager we were at each others throats more often than not, and he faught with my mom constantly too. did the whole long hair loud music pout in his room all day teen phase. wouldn't talk to anyone and avoided us like the plague. beat the snot out of me too. but once he started highschool and started hanging out with a different crowd he changed totally, cut his hair, dressed better, stopped hiding in the basement all the time, etc. now we get along fine and his friends are like part of the family, i hang out with him and the guys sometimes when i'm in town, and call him now and then cause we live in different cities.

how old is your brother, maybe he's going through the whole teenage angst bit, or maybe he's getting into some kind of trouble at school or with his friends or is depressed and just doesn't want anyone to find out or whatever. just try to talk to him if you can and find out what's bothering him
 

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My 13 year old sister and I go through times when we just argue like there's nothing else to do. Monday afternoon was a bad time... we disagreed over some small thing that had everything to do with our two concepts of justice and fairness. We get over it with a good night's sleep, and things go back to normal. At least until we butt heads again, and it's usually over household chores or borrowing the other's stuff. Makes me glad that I'm gone most of the time at school or work now-- when I'm gone, we don't fight. Its when I'm around a lot that the arguments flare up. When I leave the house for good, I expect that it'll get better yet. I don't argue anywhere near as much with my 17 year old sister. I've heard that 2 years difference in ages can cause more disagreements than 6 years difference, so perhaps I am the person who skews the stats.
 

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My younger brother and I are a year apart, and we were pretty much raised as twins, and there was never really any rivalry or competition between us like there was with me and my two older brothers. A couple of years ago, Aaron (my younger brother) and I grew really distant, and I didn't notice until one day my mom told me to try to pay more attention to him, because he was diagnosed with clinical depression and she said he told his psychiatrist he felt really lonely sometimes. I started including him in things a lot more often, and now he and I are closer than we ever were.

I think the key is to not try to make your relationship with your brother like it was, but try to just start from scratch. Find out the sort of things he's into, and try to incorporate those things into conversation. My brother really likes it when I invite him to join my friends and I when we go to the arcade or to go see movies. Since he's younger (but not by much) he sort of resented being treated like a brother, and prefers to be treated as a friend.
 

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LC, why don't you ask your brother to do something that involves just the two of you. It might help both of you open up a little more than if you include a third party.

I think writing him a letter expressing what you shared with us is an excellent idea. That way no one has to get defensive when you share your thoughts. BTW, focus on telling him how you feel, don't assume to know how he feels. Let him come to you with a reply if he wishes too. Best of luck.
 
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