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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">New term: mom-zilla. We know all about temporary bridal insanity, and the underreported groom version, but in some families, its the parents who are seized by irrational wedding meltdowns.<br><br>
Last month, 60-year-old British florist and total mom-zilla, Carolyn Bourne attacked. After her stepsons bride-to-be, Heidi Withers, was a guest in her house she had a thing or two to teach her before she entered the Bourne family.<br><br>
So Bourne sent the 29-year-old a soul-crushing email. The subject line: Your lack of manners. The bullet points for the bride, in paraphrase: her wedding is going to be tacky, shes too picky of an eater, her sense of humor sucks, and her stepson is making a dreadful choice in marrying her. And one more thing: her out-of-work parents are cheap.<br><br>
(Read part of the e-mail by following the link)<br><br><a href="http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/sex/mother-in-law-sends-worst-email-ever-to-bride-forgivable-2504517" target="_blank">http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/sex/m...ivable-2504517</a></div>
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One part cut out of this article: "Bourne goes on to complain that Withers' diabetes disrupted a walk, and argues that as a longstanding diabetic she should have been prepared for such "extraordinary eventualities."<br><br>
Who do you think is more in the wrong? Is the future MIL just nitpicking? It's a little ironic, complaining about the bride's manners, yet the e-mail was poor manners in itself. I think the fact that she complains about her food intake says it all, considering she's diabetic, not "picky."
 

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The MiL seems like a crappy person, imo. The bride seems whiny, until you point out that they cut out the part where she was diabetic. They probably didn't want to accommodate her for the millionth time, and she got fed up.<br><br>
As for sending the email to let the world see, if you're gonna piss someone off, you've got to expect someone else to hear of it.
 

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I wouldn't even know what to say if I got an email like this. What she thinks is rude is nowhere in my books. As a host, when I have guests, I want them to be comfortable and to feel at home. I don't expect them to go out of their way or to starve to death for the sake of 'manners'. I would wipe their behinds if it were socially acceptable, because nothing is too good for my guests. I also to a degree expect this when I'm a guest at someone elses home. I don't ever want to feel like a burden, but a friend. Being now part of a first nations family (my husbands family) I've gotten very used to 'our home is your home' My mother-in-law took it upon herself to redecorate our house last time she was over. I didn't like her taste, but her doing it was totally acceptable.<br><br>
Ok, I've rambled enough. I think this mother in law was seriously out of place, and I agree with the irony that her email is very poor manners. It's going to be tense at family reunions.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Snowcone</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2927914"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
The MiL seems like a crappy person, imo. The bride seems whiny, until you point out that they cut out the part where she was diabetic. They probably didn't want to accommodate her for the millionth time, and she got fed up.<br><br>
As for sending the email to let the world see, if you're gonna piss someone off, you've got to expect someone else to hear of it.</div>
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I wasn't sure how I felt about it until I read your post... The girl is diabetic and the MIL was complaining the the girl was making special food requests??? Horrible...
 

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I'd slap that woman lol. What if instead of diabetic she was vegan? You must eat meat while at anothers house to be polite? No.
 

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As a huge fan of Judith Martin (<i>Miss Manners Rescues Civilization</i> should be required reading in school), there are several breaches of etiquette here. The email message may have been well-intentioned, but a cardinal rule of manners is to never draw attention to someone else's poor manners. This just makes everyone more uncomfortable, especially the person who has committed a faux pas. Likewise, it is extremely poor manners to broadcast what was clearly intended to be a private message for the purposes of revenge.<br><br>
As for the content of the message, well it's hardly the worst email I've every seen, especially from a mother-in-law, however she does seem to have a distorted sense of manners. I won't go point by point, but for example: a gracious host(ess) will inquire ahead of time whether the guest has any dietary restrictions and make an effort to accommodate them. If the guest arrives and begins to "declare what you will and will not eat", then you can gently remind them that they should have mentioned it when you asked, etc...<br><br>
None of this unpleasantness was necessary. The real underlying issue appears to be the expense of the wedding and the groom's family's impression that the bride is being ungrateful towards their contribution. (the bride's family <i>is</i> expected to foot the bill for many of the expenses)
 

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Full e-mail: <a href="http://news.sky.com/skynews/Home/UK-News/Mother-In-Law-Email-Carolyn-Bournes-Stern-Etiquette-Message-To-Heidi-Withers-Goes-Viral/Article/201106416021513?f=rss" target="_blank">http://news.sky.com/skynews/Home/UK-...16021513?f=rss</a><br><br>
Parsnip - I think the underlying problem was that the future MIL is a giant stuck-up c-word, but that's just me.
 

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I don't consider what she thinks manners, i consider it snarkiness and she is a person i would never want to be around, and honestly idk if i would stay with the dude, that family might be a deal breaker for me.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>AlixJ18</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2927991"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
I don't consider what she thinks manners, i consider it snarkiness and she is a person i would never want to be around, and honestly idk if i would stay with the dude, that family might be a deal breaker for me.</div>
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Really? You'd leave someone you love and care for, and who loves and cares for you back, based purely upon who raised them?<br><br>
I'm damn glad not everyone thinks like that, because I'd sure as hell have trouble finding companionship.
 

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The forwarding of one's private communication to all their friends, without the knowledge or consent of the sender, is such a violation of good manners that I think it lends a lot of validity to the mother in law's claims. As far as I am concerned the bride is a clod, diabetic or not. I probably wouldn't have written an email like that to her though.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
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<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>SomebodyElse</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2928014"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
The forwarding of one's private communication to all their friends, without the knowledge or consent of the sender, is such a violation of good manners that I think it lends a lot of validity to the mother in law's claims. As far as I am concerned the bride is a clod, diabetic or not. I probably wouldn't have written an email like that to her though.</div>
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I disagree 100%. I agree with this post on Etiquette Hell: "I don't blame her for passing on the e-mail. It is a verbal beating. MIL assumed her victim would be too ashamed/scared/whatever to do anything about it. That's what bullies count on whether they are 12 or 61."<br><br>
If the bride had passed it around so it would go viral, then that's different, but I don't think that's what happened here.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">It is tragic that you have diabetes. However, you aren't the only young person in the world who is a diabetic...You do not need to regale everyone with the details of your condition or use it as an excuse to draw attention to yourself. It is vulgar.</div>
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<div class="quote-block">I understand your parents are unable to contribute very much towards the cost of your wedding. (There is nothing wrong with that except that convention is such that one might presume they would have saved over the years for their daughters' marriages.)</div>
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Holy ****...are you <i>kidding</i> me?<br><br>
See You Next Tuesday. Seriously.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>danakscully64</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2928033"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
If the bride had passed it around so it would go viral, then that's different</div>
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Normally I'd agree, but somebody this ****ing obnoxious deserves a public shaming.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
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<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Herbivorous B.I.G.</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2928049"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
Normally I'd agree, but somebody this ****ing obnoxious deserves a public shaming.</div>
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Insulting her parents was over the top and honestly, I don't feel sorry for the FSMIL. At all. She brought this all upon herself.
 

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I'd be curious to know who the groom is siding with, or what he has to say about it whether or not he sides with either.<br><br>
(Pssst... Guys... always support your wife, but if you want to live to see 30 you'll learn when to take ten steps back and just let the catfight run its course.)
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
It also especially angers me how dismissive the FSMIL is of her diabetes. Diabetes can be deadly, we've even lost a very loved member of VB to the condition. I'm sure that every single one of the "food" issues was simply related to that.<br><br><br>
And this line: ""Unfortunately for Freddie, he has fallen in love with you and Freddie being Freddie, I gather it is not easy to reason with him or yet encourage him to consider how he might be able to help you. It may just be possible to get through to you though.""<br><br>
^ Just shows how nasty she is.
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
Oh, and this is being discussed at E-Hell: <a href="http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=98132.0" target="_blank">http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/ind...?topic=98132.0</a><br><br>
Everyone is siding with the BTB.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>SomebodyElse</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2928014"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
The forwarding of one's private communication to all their friends, without the knowledge or consent of the sender, is such a violation of good manners that I think it lends a lot of validity to the mother in law's claims. As far as I am concerned the bride is a clod, diabetic or not. I probably wouldn't have written an email like that to her though.</div>
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What makes you think she's a clod? I think she had every right to forward it to her friends (and I'm guessing her fiance). If my mom sent an e-mail like that to my fiance, I would go off on her. The mom/stepmom/horrid ***** got what she deserved when she sent that. Not taking the first bite, really? That is so freakin' outdated, as are most of those rules. How the hell does that woman treat guests in her household? Does she make them ALL obey those rules? If so, I'm assuming people don't come over very often.
 

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Yeah, I don't know if her friend letting it go viral was smooth, but if I had gotten that email I would have sent it to a few friends....
 
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