[MNM03]

ok him is my male parent, currently not respecting him back by calling him "dad"

anyway yesterday was the day i finally got tired of him. see for years, like 8 or 9 i have been nicely asking him and my youngest brother to not talk about their hunting trips and skinning their hunts around me. they never seemed to listen and i never once in all those years lectured them on hunting even though i am 100% against it. i was showing what i thought was respect. well this past weekend was the second in a row he and my bro had gone this month and this time it was non stop talk, like literally its all they ever talked about. well i was talking to my mom when she got home from work and they but in with some stupid crap about this "golden hunting spot they found and how they cant wait to use it and get some stuff there" etc and i was really mad but i nicely asked when are you gonna stop talking about this around me? i havent heard it like two weeks straight and there is more to talk about. well he got mad and told me it was his house and he will say whatever he damn well wants. so then mom tried sticking up for me by saying that i deserve respect too and its not that hard to talk about it elsewhere when i am not around. then he chewed her out for "turning on him" so i got mad, stormed off yelling about how i am sick of hearing about people kill animals for fun and i took a drive. when i came back mom had turned on me, like she always does.... she was on my case and started using the its HIS house line. like first off, they both pay so its not just his and second, i thought we were a family so it should be our home. its not a home. thats for sure. so anyway needeless to say no one will talk to me until i appologize for my unreasoable childish behavior. i am wondering seeing as none of you actually know us what do you think? who was wrong? i am feeling like major **** right now since i have no one who gets why i am so upset and i am not going to appologize this time. he can first for once. i always say sorry even when it isnt my fault. it isnt just abotu the hunting, yes thats why i was angry cuz i was tired of it but its about the respect factor and how my mom turned on me. i just dont know what to do, i try stickin up for myself like they always tell me to do and then it blows up in my face. thank God i have dogs and a cat to talk to cuz no one else even wants to be in the same room as me right now.

 

[kpickell]

 

[Seusomon]

You really cannot control what other people talk about, especially when it is just a conversation you are overhearing, not participating in. The most you can do, I think, is say that you'd rather they didn't talk to you about it. If they are talking to each other, then I think your only realistic choices are to ignore it and try not to let it bother you, or else leave the room or the house.

 

[bstutzma]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MNM03

ok him is my male parent, currently not respecting him back by calling him "dad".

The first line alone, regardless of the story, convinced me that you were the one who was wrong.

Its his house. You live there. He has the right to hunt, and you have the right to leave the room when they talk about it. You might not think so, but you'd be wrong. If you're driving, you're old enough (almost) to move out on your own. Concentrate your energies on bettering yourself, rather than worrying about what those around you do.

 

[Laura_I]

I can understand why you're upset about it, but he's your dad. He raised you, and is making sacrifices so that you can have things that you want, etc. The fact that him and your brother talk about it a lot just shows me that they really enjoy talking about. You making a scene while father and son are bonding must annoy them.

Being a vegetarian, not hunting, etc, is a choice that we all have to make for ourselves. You need to respect other people's choices (so long as they're legal) the same way you would want someone to respect your's. If their talking about hunting bothers you, you should go elsewhere.

I know this answer isn't the one that you wanted to hear, but the fact that you're asking if you were right or wrong shows me that you had some doubt to begin with. It's tough being a teenager, and being right on the cusp of moving out and being independent. Just think, one day you'll have your own place and invite them over for dinner, and they'll have no choice but to enjoy the wonderfull vegetarian feast you'de cooked for them.

 

[MNM03]

ok first off i am not a teen, i am 24. secondly he hasnt really dont **** for raising me. my mom did most of that and i am not moving out yet because of two things. first i cant afford it --tryign to get a second job but no luck and i am HIS son's pca worker, my second youngest brother. i actually have been caring for my brother for free for most of my life since my parents basically pawned him off on me. right now until i get a second job to afford a place and to get him-- my brother, a nice replacement, i wotn move anywhere except maybe with my grandma temporarly.

i understand what you guys are saying to a point but its not like i just walk into the convos, i am already there and they start them. i dont understand how me asking them not to around me isnt acceptable, i am a adult and i deserve respect too. esp if you knew all the **** i did for this family and never once complained. i am not the bad guy, i will tell you that. i may of been wrong to yell about it, thats what i was wondering but by no means is someone who sacrfacies most of their life to care for their disabled brother and who asks for a little respect a bad guy...or girl in my case

just had to point a few things out

melissa

p.s. btw to the person who said the first line alone says i am wrong... well he hasnt called me his kid in years and he hasnt said he loved me since was porabbly 10. he isnt really a dad to me at all, he was lucky i ever called him that.

 

[eggplant]

Wow, this sounds like it is about a lot more than the hunting talk. It sounds like you have a lot of issues with how your parents, particularly your father, have treated you your whole life. You're an adult though, so even if you don't have enough money right now to move out, it definitely seems like you should be headed in that direction. Instead of concentrating your energies on being angry with your dad, because it sounds like nothing you ever say to him about his behavior will change it, focus on your future and the steps you need to take to become financially independent. You can only control your own behavior.

 

[bstutzma]

You're 24, living at home, and trying to tell your dad what he can and cannot talk about?

I'm sorry you feel like you had to raise your younger brother. I have done the same myself. I put two of my siblings through college, for crying out loud. But that doesn't give me the right to tell my parents what to do, let alone, what to say.

I'm sorry if this is not what you wanted to hear, and also sorry if people believed you were a teen, because your message definitely sounded like some form of teenage rebellion. Seriously, your parents have NO obligation to house you at all - so I would count my blessings, and seriously re-evaluate the way you deal with situations. No one is going to want to respect your lifestyle if you constantly use it to try to limit the rights of others.

In regards to this:

Quote:

p.s. btw to the person who said the first line alone says i am wrong... well he hasnt called me his kid in years and he hasnt said he loved me since was porabbly 10. he isnt really a dad to me at all, he was lucky i ever called him that.

I agree with Eggplant, you sound like you have serious, serious issues, and I can't imagine living there with the hostility you are describing between you two. Move out and go to your grandma's. Your parents can figure out what to do with your brother.

 

[Gita]

Your not going to like my answer: Your idea of having Veto rights over conversations that are not directed to you is strange to me. You say "excuse me, but I have something to do in my room," and go there. He's right. It is his house (and your mother's if she pays). He allows you to live there for free, and in most cases pays for a lot of your stuff-- like food, or health insurance, or shoes, which is not free when you live at large. If you are paying rent, then you do have tennents rights, but not involving what two people talk about during a private conversation. If they were not talking to you specifically, then you are "evesdropping," and really shouldnt even acknowledge that you heard what they said. So when they talk about hunting, you say, "Pardon me, I am going to weed the lawn," and take off. They need the respect of someone who will not butt in, and not insist on telling them to shut up. I would consider this the ultimate in rudeness. Whether or not they talk about things that "please" your esthetics is really not a right of yours either.

I know some vegetarians who go on no-kill hunts with cameras. They take just as much intrest in the sport as kill-hunters, and talk non-stop. They have the hunting gere, and do exactly what hunters do but take pictures (usually with very expensive cameras). They can never stop talking about it. You should try this-- I 'm sure you would not be able to stop talking about the beauty of nature.

 

[meatless]

Quote:

Originally Posted by eggplant

Wow, this sounds like it is about a lot more than the hunting talk. It sounds like you have a lot of issues with how your parents, particularly your father, have treated you your whole life. You're an adult though, so even if you don't have enough money right now to move out, it definitely seems like you should be headed in that direction. Instead of concentrating your energies on being angry with your dad, because it sounds like nothing you ever say to him about his behavior will change it, focus on your future and the steps you need to take to become financially independent. You can only control your own behavior.

I agree with this (it's the course I took when I had serious issues with my parents).

I disagree with bstutzma's comment about the first line being what determines if the OP is right or wrong. I stopped calling my parents "mom and dad" years ago for very personal reasons that nobody else has any right to judge. It didn't make me a disrespectful, snot-nosed kid, it was a symptom of their treatment of me. Just because somebody's feelings towards their parents do not fall into categorical "norms" doesn't unvalidate their feelings, or their "rightness" in a given situation. (For the record I have adult relationships with each of my parents now that I have been on my own for many years.)

 

[Irizary]

I don't agree with several of the responses here. It's unkind of your father to go on and on when it's clear that it hurts you and makes you uncomfortable. Since it doesn't sound like your father will respect you, I'd suggest leaving the room when he does this, for as long as you continue to live there.

As long as you live there, it's your house too. I'm not of the belief that whoever pays can just trod over anyone else's feelings. Money does not trump everything else in relationships.

 

[Daral]

Quote:

The first line alone, regardless of the story, convinced me that you were the one who was wrong.

Agreed. I don't even think it's about calling your father "dad". It's about the respect thing. If they're your parents, you should respect them, even if you don't like them.

 

[bstutzma]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Daral

Agreed. I don't even think it's about calling your father "dad". It's about the respect thing. If they're your parents, you should respect them, even if you don't like them.

That was my point. I didn't mean that the OP had to call him "dad", or even like him very much. But the OP's attitude was so obviously caustic and disrespectful, it was the tone, rather than necessarily just the content, that so easily sized up the situation to me.

 

[delicious]

While I am of the opinion that a grown up should be able to discuss whatever he or she wishes in their own home, I think it's pretty sad that he doesn't care if he makes you sad or uncomfortable.

I'd just try to move out asap and in the meantime, keep a pair of headphones nearby.

 

[JayBaby]

I dont agree with many of the responses also. My mum would never be so rude as to go on and on discussing something she knew I disagreed with, in front of me. And although you should respect your parents they should repect you just as much.

 

[Kiz]

Quote:

Originally Posted by bstutzma

That was my point. I didn't mean that the OP had to call him "dad", or even like him very much. But the OP's attitude was so obviously caustic and disrespectful, it was the tone, rather than necessarily just the content, that so easily sized up the situation to me.

I've got to agree, I found that first line very telling. Pouting and stamping your feet and screaming "you're not my daddy" doesn't work when you are four. Expecting it to work at 24 is just asking for trouble. If you want to be treated like an adult you need to act like one first.

 

[Scythe]

OP, your plight amuses me. They have every right to talk about what they enjoy whether or not you are there and listening.

 

[Sevenseas]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Irizary

I don't agree with several of the responses here. It's unkind of your father to go on and on when it's clear that it hurts you and makes you uncomfortable. Since it doesn't sound like your father will respect you, I'd suggest leaving the room when he does this, for as long as you continue to live there.

Quote:

Originally Posted by delicious

While I am of the opinion that a grown up should be able to discuss whatever he or she wishes in their own home, I think it's pretty sad that he doesn't care if he makes you sad or uncomfortable.

Yeah, I wouldn't talk about this in terms of "rights" and "obligations", that's a simplistic attitude to relationships. It's bad manners to talk about something like that - I can easily imagine situations where I would talk about something bothering someone else and understand that it's disrespectful. How would they react if you started a monologue about hunt sabbing whenever they're present?

(not that it would be a good idea to do that)

 

[MNM03]

thanks for the replies everyone. sorry if i sounded real hostile. i was really mad because no one would even talk to me. then i came here and felt the same vibe. so it angered me to write the second post. i am sorry if anyone was offended by it. yes we do have major issues. i appreciate all your replies. regardless of what you said you took interest and it meant alot to me. i do very much work on my plan to move out in fact i already have my place picked out. i am setting money aside every packcheck toward it so i can move in with my dogs and cat. i am a very respectful person i always have been. trust me i hear it all the time even from strangers. i mentioned in my first post how i kept my mouth shut for years. about everything. i kept it all in which i hear is bad for you but i did anyway. thats why i was/am so confused i guess. i dont understand why i am considered wrong for blowing up once, sticking up for myself and yet i am still suppose to give respect. i thought it was a earned thing. i am not a child anymore so its not something i need to do to be nice. i just do it because i am nice. i think i deserve respect too but i guess its ok if you dont. right now i am part tyime at grandmas. cant full time do to my job but once i do find another job i will find someone else for my brother or they can. please dont think ill of me. i am not a bad person if anything i am too nice and always let people walk over me. i understand alot of what you said.

i had to say this, i know its probably fighting words but i just have to. please dont take it out on me but to the one who says you know veggies who hunt. maybe so but are they a veggie for the love of animals? are they activists? because if they are to both that is the most bizzare thing. that would be like them visitng a slaughterhouse. i dont understand. i guess i am maybe an idiot but ya weird none the less

anyway thanks again everyone

 

[Irizary]

Like I said, I don't agree with a number of the posts on this thread. I don't think you sounded hostile, and I don't think ill of you at all! I think you're in an unpleasant situation and need some support from people who share your beliefs about animals, and hopefully you can find it from some here