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I don't really have any friends in real life and it's kind of a problem. I'm really shy and even when I do become friends with someone I tend to keep it on a real surface level. There are people I've known for years through my husband and I don't feel comfortable calling them or even talking to them if I see them at the store or something.<br><br><br><br>
Last year I found a mothers of preschoolers group and I called to find out when they were meeting, but then I chickened out at the last minute and never went. The only friends I've ever had in my life were pretty much people who went out of their way to get to know me and stay friends with me.<br><br><br><br>
My psychologist has told me I need to have some friends and I know he's right, but I just don't know how to do it. It's like I can't make myself do something I really don't want to do. And I'm afraid that if I ever tried to make real friends I'd be so nervous that I would just make them uncomfortable. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/sad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":(">
 

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My advice is to just get out...go places where you will see other people. Take your child to the park, library etc. Then just try talking to people you meet a little. I think if you do this often, you will begin to feel more comfortable.<br><br>
I also think it's good to involve yourself in some type of group activity (something of interest to you) where talking is optional...how about a pottery class? Knitting? Cooking?<br><br>
Try to think of something that you like to do that also involves human contact. Don't go out searching for a friend. Just let it happen naturally. Good luck!
 

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I agree with mushroom!<br><br><br><br>
I know how it is to have complexes to communicate b/c twice in my life I was literally teleported into a different country with a different language. Fortunately for me, my need to communicate is so big that I eventually overcame my inhibitions.<br><br><br><br>
So - talk to people! You'll be amazed how easy it is. And when it gets going, it will give you a tremendous boost - a "positive feedback loop" so to speak. Just talk - really. You will lose the communication-threshold pretty soon you'll see. Most dialogs between people are very banal - but hey! So is um, sex, if you think about it for instance, and is there anything we wouldn't do to get our fix!<br><br><br><br>
Also, maybe you are aiming too high if you're looking for "friends" right away. I personally reserve this word for a few individuals close to me. I don't expect to meet a friend when I go to OSH. Moreover, I like to just chat with people and then disappear leaving no trace <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)">. Hanging out is too much work, lol! I'd do it only when the person is really interesting... (Maybe that's what makes you uncomfortable - the thought that you would have to follow up and and such)<br><br><br><br>
Go for it! Talk to them people!<br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br>
p.s. Hey! did I just make a useful post into the "Relationships" forum? Wow - what's happening here...? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/grin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":D">
 

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Mosquito- I am a stay at home mom with a 3yr old and I've been trying so many diferent things to meet other mommies. Maybe some of this could help. First, go to <a href="http:" target="_blank">www.vegfamily.com,</a> check out the playgroups or start your own. You just might be suprised to find other veg parents in your area. Maybe sign up for a reading group at your local library, they almost all have a children's story time. I also had signed up at the YMCA for toddler gymnastics, the kids run around, the parents talk. I met a great mom there. Get involved in local activities, does your area have a veg group? If they do, ask them about forming a mother's group. Or get in and start your own! It takes a bit of confidence at first, but there's nothing to loose, and the only thing that's stopping you is your shyness. Just smile and talk to people, and you'lll find that most people aren't that scary. Maybe they're even looking for friends too, mommies can get lonely!
 

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Don't know if you're working or not, but if you are, try to plan an after work happy hour or dinner or something with some of your co-workers. Or if that's too scary, plan a food day or something.<br><br><br><br>
If you have time, find something you like to do and see about volunteering. I made a lot of friends through the humane society where I volunteer. It only takes a few hours a week and you'll be doing something good for yourself and the community, too.<br><br><br><br>
Good luck! I know how hard it can be to be shy. Keep us posted.
 

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I think taking classes is a good idea. What are some things you've always been interested in (or maybe things you think might be fun) like a martial arts class; sewing; dancing; writing; painting, or other art classes, like sculpting; etc. Join a city league/team! There are local volleyball teams, softball, etc. You will definitely meet people this way.<br><br><br><br>
I always wanted to take swing dance, some sort of martial arts, sewing, and fencing! Damn, I better get busy! But the sports teams are good because you *will* interact with others and you will laugh <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)">
 

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Mosquito, this isn't going to really help you, but I just wanted to let you know you are not alone.<br><br><br><br>
I am also very shy and have trouble making friends. When I am with a group of people, I try to force myself to talk, but it just doesn't work. I have a hard time feeling comfotable around people.<br><br><br><br>
I had a pretty close group in college, but thats over now. It took me almost 3 years to build those friendships to what they were. I met them at a swing dancing club by the way, and I joined the perfomrance teams so we were forced to see each other 3-4 times a week. Maybe this will help you? I did this before, but yet I am having the same problem again with having trouble talking with people.<br><br><br><br>
To get past this, I have told myself that I hate people, and its better to be a loner anyways and I would just spend my days hiking and camping alot alone..(well, now I do those things with my finace....) but I know this isn't exactly healthy.<br><br><br><br>
I dunno. I know this situation sucks. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/sad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":("> I wish you luck!
 

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I don't have any r/l friends either. I seem to attract the worst in society. Ever time I get what seems to be a really good friend, they do something horrible to me. So I've pretty much given up on the entire thing.
 

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I'm not shy (well not really) but at the moment my friendship cycle is chanjging and it feel like i have no real friends aqauintences but no realy friends<br><br><br><br>
but that could be due to my break up<br><br><br><br>
anyhow my point is that i'm in a similar position and i find classes are good even if you don't find friends the more you build up your interaction the better you feel and the more likely you are to find friends
 

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I am kinda shy, but I have a small group of friends. Some are friends from high school, and we have kept in touch. Others are work related.<br><br><br><br>
I found going back to college, helped me meet a lot of nice people. You just have to find an interest, and not back out at the last moment.
 

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I am in the same situation as jenangelcat. I meet what seems like great people and we hang out...then it either fades away or they do something horrible to me. I am getting pretty jaded.
 

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I haven't made any new friends scince I moved from NY almost three years ago. Sure there are people I'm friendly with, but no one I would consider a friend. I still have many of my NY friends that I talk to a couple of times a week, and visit when I go back to the city, but I miss sharing the day in, day out, common experience.<br><br>
I really haven't met anyone in this area I liked so much I wanted to call them, and talk about a whole lot of nothing. There are people I chit chat with when I'm walking my dog, taking a yoga class with, or participating with in a cultural event, but like I said, no one I want to take into my home, and heart. The weird thing is I was a highly social person up until the time I moved here. I think it might be a sign of depression. I know I'm not currently living my ideal life, and I don't feel like inviting people in to witness it.<br><br>
I think my new goal should be to cultivate friendships, whether I like it, or not. Perhaps it will breath some new energy into my life, and encourage me to change what's not currently working in my life. I'm glad I read this thread...sort of.
 

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I agree with muppetcow....volunteering at an animal shelter is a good idea. I'm very shy (but not quite as much as I used to be) and I don't have many friends, but I did meet my best friend volunteering at a local shelter (plus she's vegan, so she was a great influence for me). Plus think of all the good you'll be doing for homeless animals <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"> .
 

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I have troubles making & maintaining real-life friends myself .. So I'm not sure how much advice i can offer..<br><br><br><br>
As far as just getting out and meeting people, let me second the suggestion to volunteer! I just started volunteering at a local animal shelter myself - I haven't made any friends yet, but i've already met a lot of nice people.<br><br>
I could also suggest taking a look through at <a href="http://www.meetup.com" target="_blank">meetup.com</a>. I haven't actually gone to any meetings myself yet, but it looks promising.
 

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Seems to be a problem a lot of us here have. Like a lot of you I don't have any real friends... this is partly due to some difficulties I've had with former friends recently. I've realized that I'm better off without these people, and they weren't the sort I should be putting my trust in. Even so, it's not too easy.<br><br><br><br>
It's funny because I'm not unfriendly and I'm not markedly shy... but I'm not overly sociable and there's not a whole lot I'm interested in that involves leaving home. So it's hard to meet people and make good friends. There's not a whole lot that I can do at this very moment about it, but when I get back to school I plan to work on the musicals which would put me with a whole bunch of people who could potentially be friends.<br><br><br><br>
We'll see what happens. It'll be interesting at least.
 

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Yeah I agree with the organized activity ideas. I find for myself, I need a social life imposed on me bc I take little interest in initiating sustained contact with people.<br><br><br><br>
But like you all, I too have trouble with friends. I started being friends with someone from class, then I found out he was psycho and had delusions of romantic relationships with his female friends. That ended badly!
 

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i too feel as if i am "done" with people. i believe i treat people decently, yet i always end up getting treated poorly. i havent any friends here and have tried joining parenting groups yet because of the ways in ehich i choose to parent i am often unable to join in conversation. i was also dismayed at the amount of husband bashing that went on in the two groups i joined. my husband is great, and i did not expect that this sort of thing would be a MAJOR topic of conversation. i feel like i just should not try any more as all it ends up being is TRYING!!
 

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I find it very interesting that practically everyone who posted said they have a hard time at maintaining friendships! I have no problem meeting people and making friends, but I have a really bad habit of, when my life changes, my friends change and I sort of loose touch with the other friends. For example, when I got married I started to make friends with other married people and didnt see my single girlfriends as much. Now that I have a baby I spend time with other mothers and dont spend as much time with couples that are childless and I never see my single girlfriends.<br><br><br><br>
As for making friends, I am not shy, so it is hard for me to give advice. However, if you have the time, you could sign up for some Mommy and Me classes. Try looking for them by asking other moms or through your local adult school. Also, see if you have a M.O.M.S. group in your area. You can look at momsgroup.org . My experience with my mommy groups has been very different from smedley's experience- it has been very positive with no husband bashing. Just some suggestions.
 

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husband bashing aside, i have little in common with all of theri parenting styles. being a lowfat health food veg sets me a part, the kids do not watch tv or movies, i do not value overindulging my children with material goods and do not at all value spanking. i cannot comment when people say stuff like"oh you knpow after they have been begging for so long you know you just end up giving in" no--dont know and dont care to comment as i know you will be offended. it just sucks
 

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Smedley, I'd like to be your friend. Even though I don't presently have children, I believe we share similiar beliefs and values about how to parent them. Good for you, your children sound blessed.
 
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