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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I don't mean to whine or complain, but right now I'm having a really rough day.<br><br>
I just feel so lonely. I started my family young, as did a few of my other friends. But those friends do daycare all day and having parenting styles and morals that clash so much with my own that it's difficult to find anything in common with them. Being vegan doesn't help.<br><br>
My husband works long days, and when he gets home it's shower, eat dinner, put the kids to bed and then we are pretty much in bed too. But he has a job outside of the home, some sense of accomplishment.<br><br>
I find myself spending lots of money on things like kids clothes or stuff for our apartment just to have something that I can share with him when he gets home. I don't drive, and my only family here is my parents who don't really understand.<br><br>
I get jealous of my husband because of his job, and because he has interests like golfing (which he does with my friends and his, while I stay home with the kids). My friends that don't have children don't understand why we can't just drop everything and go with them places on a whim, plus there's very little any of us have in common anymore. My only vegan friend doesn't have children, has a job, etc. It's tough to relate.<br><br>
I really don't have any interests. I've always just wanted to be a Mom. I've been a stay at home Mom for four years now and counting, with our third baby on the way. I'm just so bored and lonely lately I don't know what to do. Conversations only go so far with wee ones. Does anybody else feel this way, or feel like it's amplified with being vegan and interested in animal welfare and the environment?<br><br>
The only thing I can think to do really is become a Work At Home Mom by starting my own business of some type. But I'm still at home, and my only connection to the outside world is this computer screen - a tiny little box.
 

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Ankle Biter
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I'm sorry! Staying home with little kids can be very isolating in a world where nearly everyone works. I'm glad you have the computer to connect with people! Do you live in a place where you have some public transportation and can take the kids for outings?<br><br>
As for having different values than those around you, perhaps you can meet up with people on neutral grounds - like at a playground or in a park. The kids can play and the adults can chat and you don't have to eat or discuss religions. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/no.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":no:"><br><br>
Anyway - welcome to VB. I'm a SAHM, too, kinda sorta, but much older than you.
 

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Sorry you're lonely.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":hug:"> I'm pretty much the opposite of you though, so I don't really have any advice to give. I hope you feel better, though.
 

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I feel the same way. I don't have a "real job." It's one of the reasons I'm online all the time! It's also one of the things that motivates my animal advocacy.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/sad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":("> Sorry you're so lonely.<br><br>
You say you don't have any interests, but also that you're interested in the environment. Have you ever thought about starting a garden?
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Thanks everyone. I'm a very shy person to begin with, which definately doesn't help! I take the kids to play groups and library outings, etc. But I usually end up sitting there listening to the other Moms talk about their careers or other such things, and feeling left out.<br><br>
I have wanted to start a garden actually. We just moved and are renting a house (that is in deplorable condition) so I've been trying to dig up the ground and plant some bulbs for next year. The problem is, I can stand on the shovel and jump with both feet, and it doesn't move into the ground at all! LOL. If hubby was home more, I'd ask him to help. Basically it's a very slow and tedious process.<br><br>
I just contacted one of my Mom friends, whom I sometimes find it difficult to get along with based on her personality style/values. Recently she started doing daycare with her sister for long days and we haven't had much time to talk so I asked her if we would be able to go walking every night like we had originally planned. Now that I live closer to her, it will be easier. So we are planning to walk once the kids are in bed and our hubbies are home each night during the week. I'm hoping this will help, and maybe strengthen our friendship to what it was pre-kids. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/cool3.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":cool:">
 

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Are you near any large cities? There may be a vegetarian or vegan meetup group where you could find some other people with small children.<br><br>
I'm getting ready to be a SAHM soon (due November too!), and worry too, a little about the loneliness. I've been nannying for two girls since one of them was about 5/6 months old so had some experience with baby playgroups, etc. I definitely had a nice time at the groups themselves, but did sometimes run into the problem of different lifestyles.
 

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Herbivorous Urchin
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First of all, tell your husband how you feel if you haven't already.<br>
Next, You must have other interests besides being a mom, you're a WHOLE person, not just a mom. Develop those interests! Hell, get more involved with animal advocacy (that's why you're a veggie, or environmentalism if thats why, or healthy eating, if that's why).<br>
Lastly, Can you get a job, like, do you really have to stay home?
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">I'm getting ready to be a SAHM soon (due November too!), and worry too, a little about the loneliness. I've been nannying for two girls since one of them was about 5/6 months old so had some experience with baby playgroups, etc. I definitely had a nice time at the groups themselves, but did sometimes run into the problem of different lifestyles.</div>
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If you want and have facebook, add me. What day are you due? I'll send you a pm.<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Lastly, Can you get a job, like, do you really have to stay home?</div>
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Maybe it's just the whole internet thing, but I don't really appreciate the written "tone" your words imply. I have been staying at home raising my two current children for 4 years so any job I apply to, they tell me I do not have enough "current experience." It doesn't matter if I've done the job before, for years. I've been out of the workforce so long that I can't get hired. Other than maybe at a factory, but most factories have closed. Jobs are really hard to come by here, we had a huge economy crash. Second, nobody will hire me at 22 weeks pregnant. Would you hire somebody on who is only going to stay for another 18 weeks, if the baby is on time and there are no complications? Not too many would.<br><br>
But as I said in a more recent post, things are improving. I've finally found a way out of this rut, and I believe coming here and venting to all of the wonderfully understanding people here on veggieboards has helped. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/cool3.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":cool:">
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>VeganSAHM</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2941652"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
Maybe it's just the whole internet thing, but I don't really appreciate the written "tone" your words imply. I have been staying at home raising my two current children for 4 years so any job I apply to, they tell me I do not have enough "current experience." It doesn't matter if I've done the job before, for years. I've been out of the workforce so long that I can't get hired. Other than maybe at a factory, but most factories have closed. Jobs are really hard to come by here, we had a huge economy crash. Second, nobody will hire me at 22 weeks pregnant. Would you hire somebody on who is only going to stay for another 18 weeks, if the baby is on time and there are no complications? Not too many would.<br><br>
But as I said in a more recent post, things are improving. I've finally found a way out of this rut, and I believe coming here and venting to all of the wonderfully understanding people here on veggieboards has helped. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/cool3.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":cool:"></div>
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It really must be, because I didn't intend a rude tone, I promise. I just frequently hear of at home mothers, who would rather not be.<br><br>
I'm very pleased things are improving for you!!
 

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Love the gardening idea...and if you go the veggie route....healthy food and your children will eat EVERYTHING they grow, a very satisfying experience.<br><br>
I lived in an area that had clay soils, impossible to break ground and a small <b>pick axe</b> became my best friend!
 

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Why is pick axe in bold?<br><br>
(Is this secret code? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/tongue3.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":p">)
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>IamJen</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2944241"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
Why is pick axe in bold?<br><br>
(Is this secret code? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/tongue3.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":p">)</div>
</div>
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LOLOL.....<br>
I just wanted to emphasize the importance of my GARDEN TOOL <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/broccoli.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":bobo:"> in the middle of our sea of loneliness.<br><br>
If you have ever worked in soil that is akin to highway concrete, you would surely understand. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/tongue3.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":p">
 

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I am sorry your lonely I am a stay at home wife and my husband and are both disabled and have no children yet however, planning too soon. Why not think of a long term career choice into Vegan lifestyle or dietary field? Why can't your friends that has no children offer to babysit your children so you want your husband can have some time together?
 

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Hi!<br>
I am a SAHM - (sortof- I work on Mondays) but I am with my kids 24/7 otherwise.<br>
I feel the same things you do- my husband gets to have all the "adult" time in the world. He has a cushy job with hour long lunch and beer meetings and goes out to happy hour after sometimes. He plays lacrosse 2 times a week and often meets friends out. Me- I'm a damn babysitter. lol. He says he works so hard, but I would love to see him try this out for a week. I have a 2 year old and a 1 year old. Its bananas.<br>
That being said, I do love what I do. I've made the sacrifice of giving my social life and sanity for raising my children according to my morals and values. These are the formative years, I want to be there for them. I don't want a babysitter or daycare watching them. That is my personal choice. I get to see my son and daughter grow and learn and do adorable things. I also am in charge of feeding them and teaching them what I feel is important for them to learn.<br>
When I get bogged down (lonely, kids screaming all day, nothing going right) I try to picture myself as having a career of my own doing this. I try to remember why this is important. In any career, you experience really tough struggles and challenges, as well as a sense of accomplishment once in a while. I try to imagine that I am the CEO of my household and put all my energy into being a mom and a wife and a homemaker. I keep it clean, organized, have activities and crafts planned out for the kids, cook wholesome meals, and then I don't have time to get down- I'm so busy. When I do need support, I turn to mommy boards and friends for playdates that I have met along the way.<br><br>
Sometimes its not as easy as just going and getting a job because you are unhappy. This is the most important thing you are choosing to do with your life. I think its more about making the most of your situation and how you can be happy doing what you are doing. There are many times I could just go and get a job and put the kids in daycare- in my field there are jobs everywhere and the pay is amazing. I could have adult time, more money, and be less stressed out. But then I would miss out and have regrets. So I throw myself into it 100% and don't look back.<br><br>
Good luck to you- try joining a local mom group and find support in other girls in your situation. And try to remember why you are staying at home- it will keep your chin up!
 

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Have you thought about developing some interests and hobbies of your own? Not having one now doesn't mean you can't get into them. I'm not a SAHM, but I find that setting some time aside to knit, make jewellery, do storytelling, read and take on different creative projects is both gives me a sense of satisfaction and calms me.<br><br>
You could always employ yourself, too. One suggestion, if you're particularly crafty, is to open an etsy shop and sell stuff you make.<br><br>
It's worthwhile to start networking with your local groups, be them playgroups or even knitting circles, so you can get out of the house and meet more people. You could also ask your husband for his help and support if you need to go out while he watches the children once or twice a week, or maybe you could also start doing some activities together.
 

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Ah, I remember those days ( my baby is now 25). What you're experiencing is normal; it comes with the deal. It gets easier once the kids are in school. The schools are always in need of volunteers. Some of the best memories of mine are the years of being room mom back in the elementary grades. Not sure if you're into crafting, but one thing I enjoyed was making and selling Christmas ornaments. I could work on the projects during nap time and loved having the extra cash in my pocket.<br>
I also used to volunteer to work in my church nursery when my daughter was small. She enjoyed the play time and I had fun taking care of babies and meeting their moms. Yes, there will be lifestyle differences, but you'll also forge many friendships. Whatever you decide, I wish you luck . It will get better, I promise, and before you know it, you'll be wondering how the years flew by so quickly!
 

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Hi Im sorry you feel lonley <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/sad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":("> Im a 22 year old stay at home mom with my two year old daughter so kind of get you, But try to find a hobby that you can include the kids in so it keeps your life fun <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"> My little girl helps me in my garden all the time and at two we go for lots of wlks in the nearby parks or woods<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"> Anything you like to do im also starting to go to online school so i feel some sense of accomplishment. Dont feel like you havent accomplished anything of course you have youve been accomplishing raising your children <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)">
 

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Hi! I am a SAHM of 3 and it does get lonely all the time. I dont want my kids in daycare or with a babysitter but I also had an entire life planned without having any kids. I am giving everything up to raise them (they had better not turn out to be criminals) but it seems to be worth it. I have no family near me and no friends. I dont know any other vegans in my area (my sister is but she still lives my parents). I am coming up on my 5 year wedding anniversary and Im actually unhappy and depressed about it. I try to stay positive but on the inside I feel very differently. I have hobbies and interests but they dont fill the void. I just take it one day at a time.
 

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I was a stay at home dad so i can relate. The first five years were really difficult, probably the hardest thing i've ever done, but now my son is a teenager, sometimes i look back and I miss the days when it was just me and him hanging out together.<br><br>
i understand it can be lonely sometimes, but try to enjoy this time you have at home with your kids right now, because the time goes by so fast.
 
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