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Lonely Thanksgiving

2K views 21 replies 18 participants last post by  danakscully64 
#1 ·
How do you deal with it when your family repeatedly refuses your offers to host Thanksgiving because they just can't get past needing to eat turkey on that particular day? We go through this every year with my husband's family and it really stings. Their house is too small to host so we are always the one to offer. However, they never accept so we often end up with just our small nuclear family on Thanksgiving (me, husband & 2 kids). I just don't get it. If someone offers to cook you a multiple course dinner, complete with all of the grocery shopping and clean up and all you have to do is show up and eat it, who cares if there is no meat at that one meal? Isn't spending time with your family and grandchildren more important? I have even (albeit reluctantly) offered to let them bring their own small pre-cooked turkey if it meant that they would come. This hasn't happened though. I am just so bummed (especially for my kids' sakes) as here I am, planning another delicious gourmet vegetarian dinner and having to halve all of the recipes... I would be grateful for any advice or support. Thank you.
 
#2 ·
You're doing a wonderful thing for family, however small. Have a great day!
 
#5 ·
Thanks so much, you guys are great:). @ Tailfin: No, sadly, I think it really is all about the turkey. I think it would make them feel uncomfortable to bring their own turkey because we, their hosts, don't eat meat and because they would definitely face difficult questions from their grandkids about the turkey (who are also enthusiastic vegetarians:). However, since they can't imagine Thanksgiving dinner without the turkey, it probably just seems easier to avoid us during this traditionally meat-centered holiday. We get along fine the rest of the year.

I recently polled a couple of meat eating friends on this issue and was surprised by the responses I received. One told me she would not come to my house for Thanksgiving if I was not serving turkey, because it really is all about the food, and she would find it offensive if I suggested that she bring her own. The other friend was of the all too common mentality that vegetarians should just "suck it up" and go mainstream for occasions like Thanksgiving for the comfort of their guests. It was then that I turned to this web board for a little support because, not knowing many other vegetarians in my daily life, it can feel a bit isolating at times like this. Thanks again to everyone for your responses. Much appreciated:).
 
#8 ·
Less than a month until first day of winter.
Not many families have a first-day-of-winter-feast tradition so theres no expectation of a specific meat (or meat at all). You could just invent a new tradition and host it at your house.
And they would have 4 whole days to digest all that good vegetarian food before any christmas feasting ;-)
 
#10 ·
Mine had the potential to be kind of lonely with no one around, but I think it will end well. It's too bad so many people still feel Thanksgiving is about the meal. Their loss, but unfortunatley your kids too.
 
#12 ·
I'm hosting TG as well. I am cooking a turkey for them, they are my guests, I love them and enjoy their company and don't mind cooking things they like. There will plenty of veggie options for those who don't want to eat the dead bird and they do reciprocate when we go to their house. My mom is already trying to put a menu together for my wife and I when we eat at their home for Christmas.

It is a locally raised turkey as I won't (and haven't for a long, long time) buy poultry from a grocery store.
 
#13 ·
We have always accommodated the bird eaters, too, although it's been two years since I've T'giving at my home. But that was when my husband ate turkey, so I really didn't feel like I could do much more than have mom bring the bird already cooked at her house and just put it on the table. But since then, my husband has given up poultry, and has agreed that we will no longer have meat of any kind for any occasion in our home. So I can see this as being a problem down the road! No turkey for Thanksgiving - what a crime!
 
#14 ·
Traditions are hard to give up for some ppl. I would go with the suggestion of inviting family over just because. That way your meatless meal isn't taking over their "turkey holiday". Aren't you just wanting to spend some lovely time w/ family with the spirit of being thankful? I think we can do this anytime of the year. :)
 
#15 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by Forster View Post

I'm hosting TG as well. I am cooking a turkey for them, they are my guests, I love them and enjoy their company and don't mind cooking things they like. There will plenty of veggie options for those who don't want to eat the dead bird and they do reciprocate when we go to their house. My mom is already trying to put a menu together for my wife and I when we eat at their home for Christmas.

It is a locally raised turkey as I won't (and haven't for a long, long time) buy poultry from a grocery store.
This is how I feel, when we find a way to go a locally raised turkey then we'll have this in future holidays. I don't mind holiday birds if its locally raised.
 
#16 ·
I have a feeling I'll have all this come when my boyfriend and I move in together. I made a gorgeous lasagne with meat substitute the other and when I asked his mum to have a taste she said very sarcastically "that is YOUR food, for YOU, not for me"
I only offered her to try it. My boyfriend laughs it off now, but I have a feeling it will cause problems in the future
 
#18 ·
where's the graciousness of eating what your hosts serve...in our cases, meat free fare in our own homes? Both my girls, now out of the house, wouldn't even think of eating "my food"....God forbid if it has beans in it, or vegetables they don't care for.

I'm seriously in a conundrum.....I haven't cooked meat in the house in a long time, but did buy cold meat and cheese for my daughter's graduation party this past summer, which really burned me up, but it was her party....
Anyway, I don't want to have to cook meat for holiday dinners, yet they don't want to eat veg food...so do you let your relatives go by the wayside? These are my own kids....and no they weren't raised veg at all,and don't eat enough vegetables either.....I'm feeling esp lonely today, without my kids around and my husband already left to go back to his work site....I'm still going to eat dinner where I planned to go....but this kind of sucks....esp for Christmas.

I haven't made up my mind how to handle next month yet.
 
#19 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by Photojess View Post

where's the graciousness of eating what your hosts serve...in our cases, meat free fare in our own homes? Both my girls, now out of the house, wouldn't even think of eating "my food"....God forbid if it has beans in it, or vegetables they don't care for.

I'm seriously in a conundrum.....I haven't cooked meat in the house in a long time, but did buy cold meat and cheese for my daughter's graduation party this past summer, which really burned me up, but it was her party....
Anyway, I don't want to have to cook meat for holiday dinners, yet they don't want to eat veg food...so do you let your relatives go by the wayside? These are my own kids....and no they weren't raised veg at all,and don't eat enough vegetables either.....I'm feeling esp lonely today, without my kids around and my husband already left to go back to his work site....I'm still going to eat dinner where I planned to go....but this kind of sucks....esp for Christmas.

I haven't made up my mind how to handle next month yet.
I'm sorry to hear all this, Jess. Perhaps, if everyone is game, a vegan holiday cruise, if finances allow. Travelzoo and Orbitz are 2 websites that would have good deals on them.
 
#22 ·
I would just have Thanksgiving with your immediate family if you don't want to go with the relatives. One of the best Thanksgivings I ever had was alone with my ex boyfriend. He's in the military and we were stationed in Texas, so we had to do our own thing. It wasn't stressful, it wasn't chaotic, I wasn't rushing around trying to impress anyone, it was awesome.
 
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