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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
How do you deal with it when your family repeatedly refuses your offers to host Thanksgiving because they just can't get past needing to eat turkey on that particular day? We go through this every year with my husband's family and it really stings. Their house is too small to host so we are always the one to offer. However, they never accept so we often end up with just our small nuclear family on Thanksgiving (me, husband & 2 kids). I just don't get it. If someone offers to cook you a multiple course dinner, complete with all of the grocery shopping and clean up and all you have to do is show up and eat it, who cares if there is no meat at that one meal? Isn't spending time with your family and grandchildren more important? I have even (albeit reluctantly) offered to let them bring their own small pre-cooked turkey if it meant that they would come. This hasn't happened though. I am just so bummed (especially for my kids' sakes) as here I am, planning another delicious gourmet vegetarian dinner and having to halve all of the recipes... I would be grateful for any advice or support. Thank you.
 

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Impeach the gangster
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You're doing a wonderful thing for family, however small. Have a great day!
 

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I think it is really mean and thoughtless of them. Especially because they could bring their own darn turkey if it's so important to them. How can food be more important than family???
 

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If you offered to let them bring their own turkey, is it just about food? Or is it something more?<br><br>
In any event, stand your ground!
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Thanks so much, you guys are great:). @ Tailfin: No, sadly, I think it really is all about the turkey. I think it would make them feel uncomfortable to bring their own turkey because we, their hosts, don't eat meat and because they would definitely face difficult questions from their grandkids about the turkey (who are also enthusiastic vegetarians:). However, since they can't imagine Thanksgiving dinner without the turkey, it probably just seems easier to avoid us during this traditionally meat-centered holiday. We get along fine the rest of the year.<br><br>
I recently polled a couple of meat eating friends on this issue and was surprised by the responses I received. One told me she would not come to my house for Thanksgiving if I was not serving turkey, because it really is all about the food, and she would find it offensive if I suggested that she bring her own. The other friend was of the all too common mentality that vegetarians should just "suck it up" and go mainstream for occasions like Thanksgiving for the comfort of their guests. It was then that I turned to this web board for a little support because, not knowing many other vegetarians in my daily life, it can feel a bit isolating at times like this. Thanks again to everyone for your responses. Much appreciated:).
 

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And I'm not supposed to get offended when people tell me to bring my own vegetarian dish? I'm happy to, and never get offended. I guess I just don't understand some people.<br><br>
Good luck with Thanksgiving!
 

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Less than a month until first day of winter.<br>
Not many families have a first-day-of-winter-feast tradition so theres no expectation of a specific meat (or meat at all). You could just invent a new tradition and host it at your house.<br>
And they would have 4 whole days to digest all that good vegetarian food before any christmas feasting ;-)
 

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How sad. I'm so sorry, Veggie Cat. It's still a puzzlement to me how some folks react to the idea of one meatless meal.<br><br>
Auxin's idea sounds like a very good one. Maybe that would be something to consider. Thanks for being such an awesome roll model for your children.
 

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Mine had the potential to be kind of lonely with no one around, but I think it will end well. It's too bad so many people still feel Thanksgiving is about the meal. Their loss, but unfortunatley your kids too.
 

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<div class="quote-container">~</div>
 

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I'm hosting TG as well. I am cooking a turkey for them, they are my guests, I love them and enjoy their company and don't mind cooking things they like. There will plenty of veggie options for those who don't want to eat the dead bird and they do reciprocate when we go to their house. My mom is already trying to put a menu together for my wife and I when we eat at their home for Christmas.<br><br>
It is a locally raised turkey as I won't (and haven't for a long, long time) buy poultry from a grocery store.
 

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We have always accommodated the bird eaters, too, although it's been two years since I've T'giving at my home. But that was when my husband ate turkey, so I really didn't feel like I could do much more than have mom bring the bird already cooked at her house and just put it on the table. But since then, my husband has given up poultry, and has agreed that we will no longer have meat of any kind for any occasion in our home. So I can see this as being a problem down the road! No turkey for Thanksgiving - what a crime! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/laugh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":lol:">
 

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Traditions are hard to give up for some ppl. I would go with the suggestion of inviting family over just because. That way your meatless meal isn't taking over their "turkey holiday". Aren't you just wanting to spend some lovely time w/ family with the spirit of being thankful? I think we can do this anytime of the year. :)
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Forster</strong> <a href="/forum/post/3044239"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
I'm hosting TG as well. I am cooking a turkey for them, they are my guests, I love them and enjoy their company and don't mind cooking things they like. There will plenty of veggie options for those who don't want to eat the dead bird and they do reciprocate when we go to their house. My mom is already trying to put a menu together for my wife and I when we eat at their home for Christmas.<br><br>
It is a locally raised turkey as I won't (and haven't for a long, long time) buy poultry from a grocery store.</div>
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This is how I feel, when we find a way to go a locally raised turkey then we'll have this in future holidays. I don't mind holiday birds if its locally raised.
 

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I have a feeling I'll have all this come when my boyfriend and I move in together. I made a gorgeous lasagne with meat substitute the other and when I asked his mum to have a taste she said very sarcastically "that is YOUR food, for YOU, not for me"<br>
I only offered her to try it. My boyfriend laughs it off now, but I have a feeling it will cause problems in the future
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>peacefulveglady</strong> <a href="/forum/post/3044359"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
This is how I feel, when we find a way to go a locally raised turkey then we'll have this in future holidays. I don't mind holiday birds if its locally raised.</div>
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For your guests?
 

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where's the graciousness of eating what your hosts serve...in our cases, meat free fare in our own homes? Both my girls, now out of the house, wouldn't even think of eating "my food"....God forbid if it has beans in it, or vegetables they don't care for.<br><br>
I'm seriously in a conundrum.....I haven't cooked meat in the house in a long time, but did buy cold meat and cheese for my daughter's graduation party this past summer, which really burned me up, but it was her party....<br>
Anyway, I don't want to have to cook meat for holiday dinners, yet they don't want to eat veg food...so do you let your relatives go by the wayside? These are my own kids....and no they weren't raised veg at all,and don't eat enough vegetables either.....I'm feeling esp lonely today, without my kids around and my husband already left to go back to his work site....I'm still going to eat dinner where I planned to go....but this kind of sucks....esp for Christmas.<br><br>
I haven't made up my mind how to handle next month yet.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Photojess</strong> <a href="/forum/post/3044896"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
where's the graciousness of eating what your hosts serve...in our cases, meat free fare in our own homes? Both my girls, now out of the house, wouldn't even think of eating "my food"....God forbid if it has beans in it, or vegetables they don't care for.<br><br>
I'm seriously in a conundrum.....I haven't cooked meat in the house in a long time, but did buy cold meat and cheese for my daughter's graduation party this past summer, which really burned me up, but it was her party....<br>
Anyway, I don't want to have to cook meat for holiday dinners, yet they don't want to eat veg food...so do you let your relatives go by the wayside? These are my own kids....and no they weren't raised veg at all,and don't eat enough vegetables either.....I'm feeling esp lonely today, without my kids around and my husband already left to go back to his work site....I'm still going to eat dinner where I planned to go....but this kind of sucks....esp for Christmas.<br><br><b>I haven't made up my mind how to handle next month yet.</b></div>
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I'm sorry to hear all this, Jess. Perhaps, if everyone is game, <a href="http://www.google.com/cse?cx=partner-pub-1415334591037307%3A19ja508cah0&ie=ISO-8859-1&q=christmas+vegan+cruises+&sa=Search#gsc.tab=0&gsc.q=2011%20vegan%20holiday%20cruises%20" target="_blank">a vegan holiday cruise</a>, if finances allow. Travelzoo and Orbitz are 2 websites that would have good deals on them.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>delicioso</strong> <a href="/forum/post/3043768"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
For many, it just isn't TG without a big, dead bird on the table.</div>
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This is the truth.
 
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