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So, I have been attracted to this woman who I have been working with for almost a year and finally had a friend ask her if she was single. Come to find out she was attracted to me as well and we sat down to talk. After she disclosed some very personal information, I did the same. She is in therapy for some issues and all of a sudden felt the need to tell me I should be too. Which I don't disagree with.<br><br><br><br>
Then she shows me off to all her friends, continues to be flirtatious and asks me to go out with her a small group of girls to have coffee and play games the next day. As soon as I leave work she calls me and tells me that she cannot date me until i'm in therapy and working on my issues because she is afraid that we are too much alike and that she will end up trying to help me and i'll get better and leave her.<br><br><br><br>
SO.. I feel completely rejected and almost hurt considering that I've been dealing with issues almost my entire life. We go out, she invites me and another of our friends to her apartment. We leave after a few movies, she calls me back and asks me back over. I go back over and she wants to kiss and I hesitate because I don't want anymore feelings for her than I already have considering she does not want to date right? She tells me, "How do we know if we like eachother if we don't kiss?" I get myself together and it happens, it's a little awkward, but sweet and awesome. We watch another movie and she holds my hand. I leave..<br><br><br><br>
The following day she calls me and tells me, "You know we aren't dating right?" I tell her I knew that and that is why I didn't want to kiss her... i'm somewhat crushed by this remark. Then she says she is "falling for me", but again we aren't dating right?<br><br><br><br>
So now, i'm completely confused and it seems like she is as well. I just don't know how to act or what I should do?? Anyone have any ideas?? Thanks!
 

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Relationships- isn't it interesting that the same sort of issues come up no matter who we're attracted to? If a guy did that to me, I'd try to distance myself. She's setting criteria (and claiming you don't meet them) and playing the mixed messages game (which always irks me). I'd tell her to call you when she figures out what she wants, but in the meantime, you really can't do the maybe/maybe-not game, as it's not fair to you.
 

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Yeah, dating can be nasty and confusing sometimes, but it's usually because when there seem to be mixed messages there really aren't. It sounds like you've put out more than enough signals to let her know that you're interested, and if she's not going for it unless you meet certain "criteria" then that's one giant glowing red flag for you.<br><br><br><br>
If you think you ought to be in therapy then do that, but not because it's what she wants. This sounds like a really bad way to start a relationship to me.
 

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^^agree with all of the above<br><br><br><br>
You aren't even dating yet and she's already placed expectations/criteria onto you. That's a gasoline drenched, set on fire, burning red flag right there. Even if you do go into therapy for her, what other hoops will she ask you to jump through in order to "qualify" as dating material? I agree with Ctfwo's advice about distancing yourself while she figures out what she wants.
 

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Games are only fun when they come in a box from Milton Bradley or Parker Brothers.<br><br><br><br>
Tell her to let you know when she's got her **** figured out.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>ljp_lsw</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
...she calls me and tells me that she cannot date me until i'm in therapy and working on my issues because she is afraid that we are too much alike and that she will end up trying to help me and i'll get better and leave her.</div>
</div>
<br><br><br>
Ummm.... <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/inquisitive.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":stinkeye:"> Couldn't you "get better and leave her" if you are in therapy just as easily as if she ends up "trying to help" you?<br><br><br><br>
I think I would run from anyone who sounds as confused as this person... male or female.
 

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i agree with the others. She sounds like SHE has some serious issues - think about it, do you really want the drama? She sounds horrible high maintenance, I wouldn't touch someone like that with a 40 ft pole. There is a girl at my work a lot like that. Very physically attractive, but everything is drama to her, she's the most high maint. person I know. Needless to say, most people give her one or two dates and then run as fast as they can. Its sad, but I wouldn't wish her upon anyone. I say, you can do better! :)
 

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she sounds like my ex...be careful...think about what you really want out of this, and if you could accept the fact that it might not last forever, however close you get.
 

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Sounds like too much drama to me, personally. I think I'd take this as a warning sign and move on. ^^;;
 

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Just the fact that she disclosed a bunch of personal information so soon seems a little odd. That would put up my antennae.
 

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Agree with everyone. She's the one having issues, not you. And she sounded like my ex gf too (I'm lesbian as well) who thinks everything she says is the truth and only truth, and she's the biggest bull-crapper I've ever met.<br><br><br><br>
If you needed therapy, you yourself would know it or someone very, very close to you would know or tell you to do so. Not someone whom you just met.<br><br><br><br>
Stay away from her, just move on with your life.
 

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No one's remarked on this yet, sooo...<br><br>
I have a lot of experience with women, but because of sh*t like you've described, I have never dated one, only had sex.<br><br>
It's v. common for lesbian relationships to involve huge amounts of such drama, psychobabble about "healing", beating around the bush (pardon the pun), etc., so I have romantic relationships with men & occasionally attend a lesbian bathhouse event to have no-strings flings with girls.<br><br>
I got sick of women playing games like the one you;ve described.<br><br>
Maybe try a bathhouse? Or run a personals ad saying "no games, no bs". Maybe you'll find someone. But as I've said, I just date men & avoid the drama by only having sexual encounters with women.
 
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