VeggieBoards banner
1 - 20 of 21 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,902 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So my now former SO of 2.5 years that I wanted to marry and all that which broke up with me 6 weeks ago is now in town until Friday. He's going to hang out with me for a while (I took off work to hang out with him this week before we broke up).

I laid my cards out on the table this morning and said, I hate to bring this up, but you know my ex from 10 years ago that I was at least as close to as you recently blew me off and told me he was married as an after thought. That's probably going to happen to us, and choose how you spend your time here wisely, because this might be the last time you see me or talk to me.

I said if he really wants to be friends the only way that will happen is if I completely fall out of love with him as quickly as possible and fall in love with someone else, so he won't be able to be friends with me again until I'm in love with someone else and there is zero chance that he can hurt me anymore.

I told him I think of losing him as like losing my recently deceased cat. I can't replace him or her, but I can learn to love another in a different way for different reasons.

I slept on the couch last night and let him sleep in my room. I had all kinds of bizzarre dreams of trying to crawl towards his door and get his attention, but I knew it was all pathetic and he totally ignored me. Then in my dream I started listening to "The Last Day of Our Aquaintance" by Sinead Oconner.

I think about how loyal I'm willing to be towards people and how easily they have trashed their relationships with me and it's really upsetting.

I honestly don't think it's hit him how serious this is. Or at least that's what I tell myself to feel better about the idea that he could throw me away. This is my 4th 2year plus relationship that's end the same way, they basically got bored or scared and ditched me. It's really starting to piss me off how unappreciative people are. I'm not a push over or needy, but I'm a damn good, loyal and caring girlfriend.

 

·
Registered
Joined
·
564 Posts
Try to be positive,oneday you'll find 'the one' & he won't ever leave you
Sorry, but my advice on this type of thing is really bad.I hope someone can offer you some words of wisdom & i hope you're feeling better soon
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
0 Posts
Well yes and no, Bits. Who said the one couldn't ever leave you? Or get tired?

I mean, you can be a "damn good girlfriend" like you said, but maybe they got tired of this too
I'm afraid the day when men understand women perfectly and vice versa is pretty far from now.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
336 Posts
Thalia I think you are jumping the gun here. Maybe it would be best if you and your ex distance yourselves a little more. Also I don't think it was the greatest idea to have him stay at your house.

Its true though you can't replace him or your cat and you'd find yourself in a decent amount of **** if you tried. Good you won't


Lastly, well its good you have your self confidance in tact I doubt your relationships have ended because someone thinks your not a "good girlfriend". Relationships end for a huge variety of reasons, really it would not be love if it was not complicated. And you know is it not a little unappreciative to assume the past lovers did not appreciate you? remember significant others in the past were probably putting in as much work as you were, but they have to look after themsevles and their needs too.

and remember to eat all your oatmeal

Peace
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,902 Posts
Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Actually, I think I was just feeling sorry for myself and wanted sympathy. I am still tired of all this. But we talked about it a little more and I feel better. We're just hanging out and drinking beer and watching TV. And he's not staying over night the whole week or hanging out the entire time with me. It's just that he lives 3,500 miles away and we might not ever see each other again, so I thought it be worth it to hang out. Plus, we haven't seen each other since the break up.

Now that I review, I guess I did end one of my relationships. And I am grateful in that this current one has a good explanation that I am satisfied with, I still wish something would change so that he could change his mind but oh well, life sucks sometimes.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
16,090 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by Thalia View Post

And I am grateful in that this current one has a good explanation that I am satisfied with,
What was the explanation? I was trying to remember. Was it because you two had moved physically to different parts of the country and the long-distance thing wasn't working?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,902 Posts
Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by kpickell View Post

What was the explanation? I was trying to remember. Was it because you two had moved physically to different parts of the country and the long-distance thing wasn't working?
No, that he has issues that keep him from feeling confident about being a good partner, either for the time being or permanently. So I take him at his word and am glad he told me.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
16,090 Posts
Oh okay. Well you were right about one thing:
Quote:
but I'm a damn good, loyal and caring girlfriend.
You'll find the right guy. And hopefully I will to someday, this single-forever thing sucks.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
0 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by kpickell View Post

Oh okay. Well you were right about one thing:
You'll find the right guy. And hopefully I will to someday, this single-forever thing sucks.
How I agree. I'm not a member of the club anymore, and not too unhappy to have left it.

I'm an ex "Almost all guys suck, damn this testosterone attitude"-believer.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,902 Posts
Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Well I just read some advice today that made me feel better- "Don't chase after a bus or a man; there's always another one coming."
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,902 Posts
Discussion Starter · #13 ·
I have also been reminding myself that although a new person might have some flaws the old person didn't have, it's very likely that I will no longer have to live with some of the unique annoyances of the old person.

Although I am always relieved when a boyfriend does not have facial or body hair. My old one was very good in that respect. I guess I'll have to start worrying about that again when I meet new people.


Or maybe I can up my supply of this:
LL
 

·
Vegan Police Officer
Joined
·
5,211 Posts
Thalia:

He should have been sleeping on the couch, not you.

In your next relationship, continue being loyal, kind and whatever that you do so well, but do not allow yourself to take the backseat.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
1,774 Posts
^^ I was thinking along the same lines.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Thalia View Post

I'm not a push over or needy, but I'm a damn good, loyal and caring girlfriend.
I'm not meaning to be disrespectful or anything Thalia but it does sound to people reading this that maybe you could be acting like a bit of a pushover. I mean, you say that your BF split up with you only very recently and you're still very upset about it (understandably), yet you're letting him stay at your house, taking time off work to be with him and you're giving up your bed for him.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,902 Posts
Discussion Starter · #16 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by astro View Post

I'm not meaning to be disrespectful or anything Thalia but it does sound to people reading this that maybe you could be acting like a bit of a pushover. I mean, you say that your BF split up with you only very recently and you're still very upset about it (understandably), yet you're letting him stay at your house, taking time off work to be with him and you're giving up your bed for him.
I understand that. I already had the time off. The bed is very uncomfortable compared to the sofa. And he didn't ask, I offered, warning him that I might change my mind at any minute. We've been getting along pretty well, actually. The way I figure it, I am an adult and I know the risks in a situation and I can make my own choices. I am confident that If I didn't want him around I could boot him out. Any negative consequences of his being here is something I accept as being a consequence of my own choice. I put a lot of thought into this. I wanted to spend time with him since the last four months were spent soley over the phone making decisions about our relationship soley over the phone with a 3-hour time difference.I've had many important people in my life drift away never to be seen again. This is probably going to happen with him.

The first day when I posted this was difficult, but it's been fine since then. Part of that was also due to my being off my hormones because they were late coming in the mail. I actually regret starting the thread because it's kind of whiny, but I was feeling emotional at the time and needed support.

However, my status as pushover is something I will consider over the next few months, I'm sure.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
19,134 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by OregonAmy View Post

yep. and sometimes they arrive completely off schedule.

Indeed.


Thalia...I'm glad that you and Ludwig had a chance to see each other. You are a good girlfriend. So, next time around, remember that. YOU are a catch. If you're with someone, they should be proud to have you on their arm (figuratively speaking of course
).

/end pep talk.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7,577 Posts
Quote:
Originally Posted by Thalia View Post

I've had many important people in my life drift away never to be seen again. This is probably going to happen with him.
Would that actually be such a bad thing seeing as he dropped you in the way that he did? I don't really get why you would still want to hang out with this guy when you're not over him. Like, aren't you even slightly PO'd with him after realising that he wasn't as emotionally invested in the relationship as you were?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
19,134 Posts
Ditto that. Moving on may just be part of learning from this situation, that is, knowing that you're not right for each other.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
162 Posts
I've been worried about you having him over but it seems to have brought you some of the closure that you needed. I hope that you are over him soon and find someone who you will be happy with long term.
 
1 - 20 of 21 Posts
Top