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Two weeks ago, on Saturday,

I took the train to a far off,

beautiful outdoor hotsprings

up a winding path deep in the

mountains.

It was wonderful.

But since it's summer, they

had a sign up Beware of Wasps.

It said the wasps bite.

So I tiptoed on the green, mossy

stones, slowly sunk deep into

the warm hotsprings water and

opened my paperback book to

read.

Then I heard a slight humming.

It soon became the purr of a toy

Cesna and I looked down and saw

a wasp friend was preparing to land

on my ear.

So I wacked it away.

Not a meatatarian wack, but a

gentle vegan one.

Next, I lowered my glance to the

>water, and the wasp I had flung off

>was on its back flapping the warm

>water with both wings.

>It was trying to breathe, and its

>tiny fluttering lashes pleaded with

>me for life. I want to live too.

>My heart could hear the whisper

>of its eyes Why...? Why...?

>So I quickly grabbed a nearby

>bamboo sun hat, scooped the

>friend out of the water and

>tapped it onto a nearby stone.

>It made two or three splashes

>in a small puddle of water, and

>then flew straight up towards

>the heavens.

>

>I felt so proud.

>

>I felt something sacred.

>

>I was happy.

>

>That day when I got home

>I counted twenty-two wasp

>bites on my body.

>

>That was two weeks ago.

>

>I made so many wasp friends!

>

>Then last Saturday I went again.

>

>This time I put anti-wasp gell all

>over my body and even on my hair.

>

>I layed again in the warm water

>against a big rock and watched

>the green leaves flutter against

>the high blue sky.

>

>It was so peaceful.

>

>Then I heard two men say

>"There's a wasp in the water."

>

>I heard splashing sounds.

>

>I looked and they were bobbing

>a wasp up and down with something

>in their hand, trying to delete its

>name from the Book of Life.

>

>I'm shy, so it's hard for me to

>interrupt complete strangers and

>say "Excuse me servant of Satan.

>Could you cease to sin before

>God and man before I beachslap

>you?"

>

>But I had to.

>

>So I rushed between the two

>human handmaidens of Beelzebub

>and up to the wasp friend and said

>"I can't stand to watch this" and

>scooped the friend up with my sun

>hat like before.

>

>I shook it up toward the heavens

>and hummed the first few

>verses of Born Free through my

>nose.

>

>But as I sang I felt a twingle on

>the knuckle of my left index finger.

>

>It was the finger of my hand that

>held the bamboo cap.

>

>I looked down and blood was

>oozing from a fold below my

>knuckle.

>

>And a wasp was perched on the

>knuckle part and was moving

>its tongue to and fro to stir wasp

>excrement into my knuckle blood.

>

>I shouted out a term for copulation,

>and instinctively vegan-wacked it high

>into the firmament.

>

>But then, still in shock, I felt

>another tinkle and looked further

>up and -- you may not believe this,

>but it's true -- the wasp's friend

>was perched on my left nipple, and

>had its lower jaw open wide, like the

>Visitors just after they returned to

>mother ship and prepared to snack

>on mouse, and it was tilting its glance

>ever so slightly up towards me.

Time froze.

>There was only me and the wasp,

>Ich and Du.

>And the flutter of its tiny eyelashes

>towards me above its poised mouth.

>It gave me a loving sideglance,

>and our hearts were one.

>Then time started again, and

>I heard myself proclaim a synonym

>for number two since I had already

>screamed the one for relations

>a few moments ago.

>My hand moved, and the wasp,

>still living of course, shot up to

>the clouds to join her friend

>of a few moments earlier.

>

>On the way back on the train

>I felt my left chest hurt.

>It still tingles a little now as

>I write.

>Then it struck me.

>I'm a saint.

>Mother Theresa helped thousands

>of humans and was bathed in the

>love.

>I extended a hand of caring to the

>forgotten, and was bitten on the

>nipple by a wasp.

>She bathed in love.

>I bathe in ooze.

>So I told this to my friends, making

>comparisons when appropriate of

>myself to Mother Theresa.

>They told me that I'm lazy,

>self-centered and am only vegan

>to agrandize myself and brag about

>stories like the one I'm telling you

>now.

>So I have scars, a tingling nipple,

>and now I've been humiliated too.

>When there's a vegan pope I will

>be canonized.

>There will be justice in the world.

>The gentle will be rewarded.

>My left nipple will hang from the

>rear view mirrors of the faithful,

>with a golden wasp perched on it.

>I will be called Mother Bruno, and

>will give hope to all.

>Or perhaps Bruno Claus.

>History will fill in the details.

>I'm worth something too.

>I participated in giving the

>greatest gift of all!

>I got bit and humiliated.

>But who cares!

>My reward was seeing the happy

>wasp flying towards the clouds.

>That's enough.

>I'm glad I was born.

>I'm so thankful I could share in

>that.

>I'm happy!

>The day of the early vegans

>will come.

>We will be saints.

>We will bless all and wipe

>away the tears of the sad.

>We're surrounded by killing

>and hurt.

>The face of McDeath stands

>proudly on cement.

>Our self esteem should be

>infinite.

>We've done enough to feel

>happy about ourselves.

>We should be proud..

>It's nothing to be ashamed of.

>It's true.

>And I'm happy.
 

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Attitude is Everything

by Francis Altazar-Schwartz

Chapter 1

I walk down the street.

there is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I fall in.

I am lost...I am helpless.

It isn't my fault.

It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter 2

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I pretend I don't see it.

I fall in again.

I can't believe I am in the same place.

But it isn't my fault.

It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter 3

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I see it is there.

I still fall in....it's a habit.

My eyes are open.

I know where I am

It is my fault.

I get out immediately.

Chapter 4

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I walk around it.

Chapter 5

I walk down another street.
 
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