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q: what did the buddhist say to the hotdog vendor?<br><br><br><br>
a: make me one with everything.
 

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One summer evening druing a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't, dear," She said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room. A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy!"
 

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Shortly after the Pope had apologized to the Nation<br><br>
of Israel for the treatment of Jews by the Catholic Church<br><br>
over the years, Ehud Barak, the leader of Israel, sent back<br><br>
a message to the College of Cardinals. The proposal was for<br><br>
a friendly game of golf to be played between the two leaders<br><br>
or their representatives to show the friendship and<br><br>
ecumenical spirit shared by the Catholic and Jewish faiths.<br><br>
The Pope met with his College of Cardinals to discuss the<br><br>
proposal.<br><br><br><br>
"Your Holiness," said one of the Cardinals, "Mr.<br><br>
Barak wants to challenge you to a game of golf to show that<br><br>
you are old and unable to compete I am afraid that this<br><br>
would tarnish our image to the world."<br><br><br><br>
The Pope thought about this and as he had never held<br><br>
a golf club in his life asked, "Don't we have a Cardinal to<br><br>
represent me?"<br><br><br><br>
"None that plays golf very well," a Cardinal<br><br>
replied. "But," he added, "there is a man named Jack<br><br>
Nicklaus, an American golfer who is a devout Catholic. We<br><br>
can offer to make him a Cardinal, then ask him to play<br><br>
Mr.Barak as your personal representative. In addition to<br><br>
showing our spirit of co-operation, we'll also win the<br><br>
match."<br><br><br><br>
Everyone agreed it was a great idea. The call was<br><br>
made. Of course, Nicklaus was honored and agreed to play as<br><br>
a representative of the Pope.<br><br><br><br>
The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the<br><br>
Vatican to inform the Pope of the result. "I have some good<br><br>
news and some bad news, Your Holiness," said the golfer.<br><br><br><br>
"Tell me the good news, Cardinal Nicklaus," said<br><br>
the Pope.<br><br><br><br>
"Well, Your Holiness, I don't like to brag, but even<br><br>
though I've played some pretty terrific rounds of golf in my<br><br>
life, this was the best I have ever played, by far. I must<br><br>
have been inspired from above. My drives were long and true,<br><br>
my irons were accurate and purposeful, and my putting was<br><br>
perfect. With all due respect, my play was truly<br><br>
miraculous."<br><br><br><br>
"How can there be bad news?" the Pope asked.<br><br><br><br>
Nicklaus sighed, "I lost to Rabbi Tiger Woods by<br><br>
three strokes."
 

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Bush vs. Bin Laden IM Battle<br><br><br><br>
BinLaden9151: hello<br><br>
XprezbushX: who is this<br><br>
BinLaden9151: osama<br><br>
XprezbushX: thats a funny name<br><br>
BinLaden9151: at least its not bush lol<br><br>
XprezbushX: shut up<br><br>
BinLaden9151: did u get my message<br><br>
XprezbushX: whut message<br><br>
BinLaden9151: u know, my message<br><br>
BinLaden9151: it wuz delivered by airmail<br><br>
BinLaden9151: right into ur trade towers<br><br>
XprezbushX: shut up that wasnt funny<br><br>
BinLaden9151: lol<br><br>
XprezbushX: SHUT UP!!!! :X<br><br>
BinLaden9151: r u mad<br><br>
XprezbushX: yah<br><br>
BinLaden9151: why??????<br><br>
XprezbushX: u messed with my country<br><br>
BinLaden9151: well now u know how i feel<br><br>
XprezbushX: whut do u mean<br><br>
BinLaden9151: other countries and forces hurt my people all the time<br><br>
XprezbushX: hello!!! whut duz that have 2 do with us<br><br>
BinLaden9151: like u give guns and money and missiles and stuff 2 a lot of those people<br><br>
XprezbushX: oic<br><br>
XprezbushX: but ur terrorists, how can u speak out against violence<br><br>
BinLaden9151: jeez u label anybody who goes against injustice a terrorist<br><br>
BinLaden9151: i bet if u were picking on my little brother and i punched u youd start screaming TERRORIST! TERRORIST!<br><br>
XprezbushX: i never touched ur little brother<br><br>
XprezbushX: besides there r other, more civilized ways 2 battle injustice<br><br>
BinLaden9151: ur missing the point<br><br>
XprezbushX: whutz the point anyway<br><br>
BinLaden9151: i love my people like brothers and ur military is all up in our holy land!!! 1 BinLaden9151: its pissing us off<br><br>
XprezbushX: whatever dude<br><br>
XprezbushX: is that all<br><br>
BinLaden9151: no<br><br>
BinLaden9151: another thing is, imperialistic american globalization is a raging torrent thats going to wash away our borders, our cultures and our identities<br><br>
XprezbushX: whut do u mean<br><br>
BinLaden9151: im afraid that tomorrow im going to wake up and see a mcdonalds next to my mosque<br><br>
BinLaden9151: and ur troops will be like, relax yall, just have a happy meal!!<br><br>
XprezbushX: so whut r u wearing<br><br>
BinLaden9151: ???<br><br>
XprezbushX: sorry wrong window lol<br><br>
BinLaden9151: lol<br><br>
XprezbushX: ok so whut were u saying<br><br>
BinLaden9151: like<br><br>
BinLaden9151: basically<br><br>
BinLaden9151: a lot of all the jets and tanks and gunships that terrorize us might as well be painted red, white and blue<br><br>
XprezbushX: a/s/l<br><br>
BinLaden9151: ???<br><br>
XprezbushX: sorry wrong window again<br><br>
BinLaden9151: WHY DONT EVER LISTEN TO ME!!<br><br>
BinLaden9151: THE ONLY WAY I CAN GET THROUGH TO U IS BY BLOWING SOMETHING UP!!<br><br>
XprezbushX: hello r u there<br><br>
BinLaden9151: YESS!!<br><br>
XprezbushX: u started all this anyway<br><br>
BinLaden9151: did not!<br><br>
XprezbushX: u did too!<br><br>
BinLaden9151: u started it!!<br><br>
XprezbushX: lalalala<br><br>
XprezbushX: i cant hear u<br><br>
BinLaden9151: i will make ur life a living hell<br><br>
XprezbushX: haha ur acting like a 13 year old girl who just got her phone taken away<br><br>
BinLaden9151: shut up<br><br>
BinLaden9151: ur immature<br><br>
XprezbushX: no u r<br><br>
BinLaden9151: i know u r but what am i<br><br>
XprezbushX: LALALALALALALA<br><br>
XprezbushX: cant hear u<br><br>
BinLaden9151: SHUT UP<br><br>
XprezbushX: NO U SHUT UP<br><br>
XprezbushX: relax, have a happy meal lol<br><br>
BinLaden9151: ARRRGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!11<br><br>
XprezbushX: i think our blind rage is obscuring solutions--can we set aside our feelings and just talk about this like civilized humans??<br><br>
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------<br><br>
Previous message was not received by BinLaden9151 because of error: User BinLaden9151 is not available.<br><br>
-anonymous
 

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lol, this part makes me crack up. the fact that it shows osama laughing along with bush at his mistake of sending to the wrong im, plus the fact of what he said:<br><br><br><br>
XprezbushX: so whut r u wearing<br><br>
BinLaden9151: ???<br><br>
XprezbushX: sorry wrong window lol<br><br>
BinLaden9151: lol
 

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That was funny<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/grin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":D"><br><br><br><br>
I don't get Kreeli's Joke<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/huh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":confused:">
 

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at the asylum:<br><br>
patient #1: i'm george washington<br><br>
patient #2: no you're not!<br><br>
#1: yes i am!<br><br>
#2: how do you know?<br><br>
#1: god told me!<br><br>
#2: no i didn't!<br><br><br><br><br><br>
did you hear the one about the two silkworms in a race? they wound up in a tie.
 

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Not a joke but one of the funniest stories I've run into lately:<br><br><br><br>
Potty Training and Taco Bell<br><br><br><br>
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training; and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room..<br><br><br><br><br><br>
While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course, I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Matt had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him and he said, "No."<br><br><br><br>
I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident and I didn't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Matt, are you sure you did not have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just knew that he must have, because the smell was getting worse.<br><br><br><br>
Sooooo.....<br><br>
I asked one more time, "Matt, did you have an accident?"<br><br><br><br>
Matt jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled...."SEE, MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!!"<br><br><br><br><br><br>
While 100 people nearly choked to death on their tacos, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down to eat his food as if nothing happened..<br><br><br><br>
I was mortified! Some kind elderly people made me feel a lot better, when they came over and thanked me for the best laugh they had ever had!!!<br><br><br><br>
Another old gentleman stopped us in the parking lot as we were leaving, bent over to my son and said, "Don't worry son, my wife accuses me of the same thing all the time...I just never had the nerve to make the point like you did."
 

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is it like the why did the chicken cross the road joke?<br><br><br><br>
no. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/grin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":D">
 

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omg bartmar haha <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/blush.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":eek:">
 

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SIGNS OF WEAR<br><br><br><br>
"OLD" IS WHEN..... Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs<br><br>
and make love," and you answer, "Pick one, I can't do both!"<br><br>
"OLD" IS WHEN..... Your friends compliment you on your<br><br>
new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.<br><br>
"OLD" IS WHEN..... A sexy babe catches your fancy and<br><br>
your pacemaker opens the garage door.<br><br>
"OLD" IS WHEN..... Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles<br><br>
out of your face.<br><br>
"OLD" IS WHEN..... You don't care where your spouse goes,<br><br>
just as long as you don't have to go along.<br><br>
"OLD" IS WHEN..... You are cautioned to slow down by<br><br>
the doctor instead of by the police.<br><br>
"OLD" IS WHEN..... "Getting a little action" means<br><br>
I don't need to take any fiber today.<br><br>
"OLD" IS WHEN..... "Getting lucky" means you find<br><br>
your car in the parking lot.<br><br>
"OLD" IS WHEN..... An "all-nighter" means not getting up to pee.
 

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Mickey and Minnie Mouse are in divorce court. Mickey's lawyer asks Mickey, "So, I see that you are divorcing Minnie on the grounds that she is insane"? Mickey looks confused and says, "No, I said she was ****in' Goofey".
 

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What do you call a french man wearing sandals?<br><br><br><br>
Phillipe Phillope!<br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br>
What's Mary short for?<br><br><br><br>
She's got no legs.<br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br>
Why are elephants big, wrinkled, grey, and hairy?<br><br><br><br>
Because if they were small, smooth, white, and hairless, they'd be aspirin tablets<br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br>
Whats brown and sticky?<br><br><br><br>
A stick...<br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br>
How are an elephant and a plum the same?<br><br><br><br>
They're both purple, except for the elephant<br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br>
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?<br><br><br><br>
"Where's my tractor?"<br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br>
Why did the girl fall off the swing?<br><br><br><br>
Because someone threw a piano at her.<br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br>
What do you get when you cross a pond and a stream?<br><br><br><br>
Wet feet.<br><br><br><br><br><br>
A man telephones his office and says, "Sorry, I can't come into work today, I'm sick."<br><br>
"How sick are you ?" asks his boss.<br><br>
"Well," he replies, "I'm in bed with my sister."
 

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Mikie:<br><br><br><br>
Double entendre: The buddhist wants an all dressed hot dog, and he also wants to be made "one with the universe".
 

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omg Teri those are the worst jokes i've ever heard lol
 
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