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Ok I remember this thread being around a long time ago (or so it seemed) and enjoyed it when it was. I couldn't find it in the old threads list and after going through 10 pages I decided to just make a new one.

Any funny jokes you know. Just put somethign up if the joke has questionable language.

Q: What happens when frogs park illegally?

A: They get toad.
 

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This is one of my away messages on AIM. I used a few veg*n jokes I found somewhere online.

Quote:
How many vegetarians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I don't know, but where do they get their protein?

How many vegans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to screw it in and another to check for animal ingredients.

I'll be back, if in fact this light bulb contains no animal ingredients and I have sufficient protein.
 

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Here are my 2 favorite corny animal jokes:

One day, a man walked onto his porch to find a snail creeping across the top step. He kneeled down next to it and flung it back into the grass.

One year later, he heard a knock on the door. He opened it to find the snail back on the step. "What the hell was that for?!"

*************************************************

A baby polar bear was curious about his heritage and approached his mother:

"Mama, am I a real 100% polar bear?"

"Of course you are, honey. I'm a real polar bear, and daddy's a real polar bear, and all of your grandmas and grandpas are real 100% polar bears."

"Are you absolutely sure I'm a real polar bear?"

"Yes, I'm positive. Why do you ask?"

"Because I'm F***ING cold!!"
 

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Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: a fish

Q: What do you call a mushroom that buys you lots of drinks?

A: a fun-gi to be with!

(oh groan....I know, but I love that joke!
)
 

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Well, if you want a few blonde jokes . . .

Q: What do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you?

A: Pull the pin and throw it back.

Q: If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first?

A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.

Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?

A: Her IQ goes up!

Q: Why did God create blondes?

A: Because sheep can't fetch a beer from the fridge.
 

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two blondes were driving from Sydney to a Dreamworld. They saw a sign reading "Dreamworld left", so they turned around and went home.
 

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Hehehe...blonde jokes...

What do you call a smart blonde?

A golden retriever.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?

Are you sure it's mine?"

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing an extremely wealthy neighborhood.

She went to the front door of a beautiful mansion and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch on the side of the house" he told her, pointing off to the blonde's right ... How much will you charge?"

The blonde thought for a moment, and said, "How about 50 dollars?"

The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage.

The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation, and said to her husband, "Does she realize, that the porch goes all the way along the side of the house?"

The man replied, ... "She should. She had to have seen it when she came up the drive.

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

"You're finished already?" he asked, somewhat surprised.

"Yes," the blonde answered, ... "and I even had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."

Impressed, (and thinking he'd made a great bargain) the man reached in his pocket for the $50.

..... "And by the way," ... the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
 

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OK:

Two dumb blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door open, but they couldn't.

The girl with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxiously,

"Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down."
 
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