VeggieBoards banner
1 - 15 of 15 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
89 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
The Boyf's Mother is mad because she wanted to fix eggplant parm this Sunday for lunch, but I mentioned to him earlier today that I am trying to not eat dairy or eggs. I seriously started this last week and it's just a coincidence that she wants to make a dish that's battered in eggs and drenched in cheese!!! She's made it before for me and while it was yummy as heck I left there feeling like I was going to 'splode!


I feel sick after eating cheese most of the time even though I do like the taste. I use soymilk, soy creamer, and I never really liked eggs, so I am now trying to ween myself off of the cheese. I wanted to not only do this for veggie/vegan related reasons but for my poor rocked stomach as well! I assume that she's probably whining to him that she has nothing left to fix me. *my ears are burning as I type!*

I offered to bring my own dish but now I feel bad!

Sucks that I have to feel badly about a choice that is clearly personal and doesn't affect her really.

It's a dilemma! What do I do?

Like, do I eat it for the sake of eating her prepared meal? Or forgo my desire and thus far hard work to eliminate dairy and eggs???



I feel like everything I do offends her!

I guess soon we'll both be on the other side of the country and I won't have to worry about it. *slightly happier now*


But it all seems unfair on me still.

~sk
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,104 Posts
argh the boyfriend parents thing. its awful, isn't it?

i hate feeling like a stereotyped vegetarian and like im a hippie hassle to everyone. what im doing is BENEFICIAL TO THE PLANET people, not me trying to be cool. sigh.

i dont know what you should do, because ive exhausted the options, myself.

ive tried saying 'no thank you' when served up (finally) something vego at their house (all too often it comes down to 'oh you dont eat lamb EITHER?! i thought if i didn't cook beef you'd eat THAT. ' ) that was covered in egg and cheese and milk, didn't work well. tried just eating it, as it sounds like you did, but was racked with guilt AND stomach pains, since i DO eat dairy but not that much coz its always made me feel ill.

i wish i had some advice, but i just wanted to post and say i know exactly how you feel and it just comes with the territory. guess you just have to stand strong and respect your decision so much that other people have to as well? i dont know.

xoxo
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,691 Posts
At least she's willing to cook for you. My fiancé's mother says I'm a "conniving *****" and forebode me to ever speak to or of her family ever again. That woman makes me laugh.

Honestly, do what you think is right. Maybe suggest a different recipe?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,691 Posts
[Not meaning to thread-hijack]

The woman's a psycho and her hate comes from me being vegan. She really hates that I complain about Global Warming and the negative impact on the environment. She says I'm evil and insists I'll "force" her son to go vegan.

She has no faith in anything. She is incredibly selfish. She treats her son like he is her property. We're leaving soon. She's a childish brat.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7,014 Posts
You know, if part of your reason for avoiding dairy is that it hurts your stomach, you should say so. Just explain that you're somewhat lactose intolerant. People tend to be much more understanding when you avoid foods due to allergies than for moral reasons. I actually have a friend who sometimes claims to be allergic to things so he doesn't have to explain his vegan diet to people. In this case, it really is true, so use the valid excuse that they'll understand.

--Fromper

 

·
Registered
Joined
·
237 Posts
Is she mad at you or frustrated that she can't find anything to fix that you'll eat? I would tend to think it's the latter. I mean, she just wants to be a good host and provide something that you'll eat and enjoy. She thought, because you ate it before, that she'd be safe fixing the eggplant again, but now that's not okay, either. People that don't regularly fix veg*n food have no idea what's okay and what's not, and can get easily frustrated. They're not necessarily mad at anyone; just frustrated.

Maybe just explain to her your reasons, and suggest some specific things that she might fix. It'd probably also help her to tell her how much you appreciate her efforts. I don't think going and just not eating anything would be a good option, nor do I think bringing your own food, either. Both could imply that you don't like, trust or want her food.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
89 Posts
Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Thanks everyone for the support. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one who is dealing with this, although I hate to hear that we are. It's just sad to know that we are trying to do better for ourselves, animals, and the environment but it's taken as offensive and at the worst cases 'weird' or even 'cultish'. Just sucks. And yes, if I were allergic rather than sickend by it or against it she probably wouln't react the same way as she has. But that's still unfair I think.

My boyf asked me what she could fix for me because this is something she wants to do. So I suggested a few low-maintenance dishes that are satisfying to me and not much of an additional strain upon her. I'm just not used to people going out of their way for me so I always feel guilty. But a nice spring mix salad with mandarin oranges, walnuts, and raspberry vinaigrette sounds easy and SO much better on my stomach than the previously discussed eggplant dish.

So, wish me luck on Saunday! haha...

~sk
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
897 Posts
maybe an open and honest dialogue between her and yourself? let her know that you don't want to be a burden, but that you feel strongly about your convictions, and you don't want to offend her, and you appreciate her trying to accomodate you in the past, etc. ?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
516 Posts
Eh, I go through this with my own mother!

Mom - " Want a pizza? "

Me - " What will be on it? "

Mom - " Cheese, probably. "

Me - " I don't partake in cheese anymore. I just... I don't feel right doing it. "

Mom - " Gosh... Just trying to share a meal with you. I just thought that we would eat together. I will just eat alone, then... My pizza... "

Me - "Can't we share a meal that I can eat? "

Mom - " I don't like soy. "

Me - " Not everything I eat has soy, just like not everything you eat has meat. "

.... Yeah, well, you get the point. Everytime a meal is brought up, she ends up mad at me because I will not eat "her food".
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
89 Posts
Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Welp, she went and made it weird.

My boyfriend told her before Sunday that I could just eat a salad and that I'd be fine with that instead of all the cheese and egg in the eggplant parm dish. I offered up a simple salad that she could prepare for me so that we could all be happy. I didn't want to have her make anything complex in addition to their meals so I just said a salad with mandarin oranges, walnuts, and a rapberry vinagrette dressing. She wanted to make it so I suggested it. Plus a fact I wasn't even that hungry.

SO! I go over there fully expecting them to still be eating the eggplant parm--- but NO!!! They are ALL going to eat the simple salad I offered up as a replacement for my meal. WTF!?? It was so uncomfortable. First of all, she asked me to make it. Like chopping lettuce and draining a can of mandarin oranges is rocket science. No one liked the salad (why I dunno, it's just salad) and it made me feel awful that I had changed everyone's dinner plans. Like "well if this is how you eat them we'll ALL have to eat this way". I felt a little like she had pulled one on me and it made things so weird. If I'd have known the entire family was eating like me then I'd have suggested something far more exciting and yummy.
Had I only known!

I just don't get it.

THEN! She asks me my blood type and I'm sorry that I don't know that right of the top of my head. She goes on to tell me that herself and my boyfriend are O Types. (and I care becauuuuuase???) Anyway she says.."We O types come from a long line of hunters and gatherers". (HUH?? Didn't we ALL evolve from that?) And that "he needs LOTS OF MEAT in his diet". (By this time it's taking EVERYTHING in me to not say a word) She informs me that I need to eat fish since I'm probably a A/B. I just smiled and nodded accepting her bogus info for what it was worth but it wasn't easy. First of all, her son/my boyfriend is a grown man and can eat whatever the heck he desires. She's telling me this like I'm supposed to make sure since his blood type is O that he gets lots of meat. PSHHH!!!

She's crazy. Accept the fact that I am what I am and I'm not changing because of her. And her son can be whoever he wants to be despite her convictions. Since when is she the authority on health and food?

Sorry. Needed to vent that.

Moving to Cali in 7 days. She's going to be out of my (immediate) hair.

THANK GOD.



~sk
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
330 Posts
Reading stories like this [and the ones posted above] make me appreciate how lucky I am.

My boyfriend's parents both support my vegetarianism [and veganism, not too long ago]. Recently I was at their house, and they asked if I would like some soup, possibily vegetable. I explained how I hated that vegetable soup had beef stock, so I wasn't able to eat it. They said, "Oh", and asked about tomato or mushroom. I was silently thrilled that they didn't give me any funny looks, and just smiled and moved on.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
4,482 Posts
Your boy friends mother was probably referring to the theory of Peter Adamo

Basically your blood diet type brings into restoration of your natural genetic rhythm

There are supposedly different types of diets for the O,A,B,AB groups

When people have found out i am vegetarian they have almost stood to attention and yelled they are a blood type what ever and they have to eat meat .....likes its a justification .....it has quite a following

Any way you will always get situations that you have just gone through .You cant change them much but you can change your reaction.... and under fire .....thought you did pretty good


California is only 4/5 days so on to new things
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
267 Posts
Whilst it must have been frustrating for you to end up serving everyone salad, I think its such a lovely idea that she had.

It always seems really odd to me when I visit someones house and they make me a completely different dish that doesnt contain any ingredients offensive to them, and then sit round and eat whatever it was they would have eaten if I wasn't there. It would be sooo nice to be invited into someone elses family and not be made to feel even more "odd one out" because you have to have your own special meal.

It would be even nicer if the fact that they were all eating the same meal as me meant that I didnt have to eat surrounded by steak smell.
 
1 - 15 of 15 Posts
Top