At around 10:45 tonight, it will have been a year since I found out that my good friend and neighbor had hung herself in her bedroom. I don't know how to feel about this. It doesn't seem like a year. I haven't brought it up with any of my family, and, although my best friend (she came over a year ago as soon as I called her) is coming over later, I don't really want to bring it up with her either. No one has said anything to me. I think maybe they forgot what else happened on this day, other than America's freedom. It's not like I want to forget about it, I cherish every memory that I ever made with Britney. I loved her so much. And I've never wanted anything more in my life than to have her back with me. It feels like something's inside my chest and is trying to push itself out... maybe to go get her. This is a pretty meaningless post, I mean, I'm not asking for adivce or anything, I just need to get this all out. I love Britney so much, and I'll never forget her, but in some ways, her lack in my life may be a good thing. I've grown so much closer to my parents and sister (who's leaving in August for school <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/sad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=""> ), and a lot closer to my best friend, who I realized is always there for me, no matter what it is that I need. I think Britney's family is a lot closer too. I can't believe it's been a year since I've been up their driveway, asking Britney if she wanted to go on a walk. The last time I saw her, we sat on her roof and talked. The thing that really hurts is that I knew she was having a hard time. I saw the cuts on her arm, and when I told her sister, she said "I know, she just does it for attention." Why didn't I tell my mom or dad? Or Britney's mom or dad? I told Britney if she ever felt like she needed someone that she could come to my house. I mean, I was just next door! Did she even remember that? It just hurts that you can be so close to someone, and not even know what they were thinking, if they remembered you in their last moments... all that stuff. I know she's better off now, and I know it's selfish, but I've really never felt anything like I feel when I think about her. I want her back. And I know I'll see her again, and I can only believe that God has her, but I still want her with me. Thanks to everyone on this board for being so supportive, and all those people who posted last year, you've really helped me through this. Can I ask just one more favor? Can you all please pray for Britney? No offense to those who aren't religious <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/wink3.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=""> But can you all ask God to keep her near him, and to ask Him to tell her not to be sad for us, but to know that we'll see her again soon? I just want her to be happy, and I know she is. I love you all. Although July 4th will never be about fireworks and cookouts again for me, I hope you all have a good time.