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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I never cared much whatever people around me ate or wore , I was happy it wasn't me doing it. But recently it has started bothering me a lot. I have always been a vegetarian, I used to eat egg until I realized there was something wrong with it. Maybe its because college is not like my home used to be. Most of the people are non vegetarians.<br>
(<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/huh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":confused:"> And some who eat only fish call themselves vegetarians <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/huh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":huh:">)<br>
Not one non-vegetarian has been able to tell me one valid reason for eating meat besides that it tastes good or because they don't care. I'm not considering the points that they will be eaten anyway and that is what they are raised for valid(I'm sure most of you already know why).<br><br>
So it has been very difficult for me. Because somewhere inside I can't accept the kindest of them because they've been cruel to an animal and don't even feel bad about it. I'm sure there's something I'm wrong about. I don't expect them to leave it right away (though I want them to at least realize there's something wrong or rather immoral/unethical about it).<br>
And still they are not bad people, but I can't accept them. I feel like I'm doing something wrong by even dining on the same table with them, as if I am a part of something wrong.<br>
Am I going crazy? What do I do ?
 

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You can use the same techniques that most omnis use to deal with unpleasant feelings surrounding the unecessary animal suffering:<br><br>
- Distract: think about something else, talk about something else, etc.<br><br>
- Ignore: try to just ignore all the evidence of cruelty that you see (pretend all the leather is fake and all the meat is tofurky just like how they pretend the animals died of natural causes or without suffering)<br><br>
- Avoid: plan activities with nonveg*ns in a way that doesn't involved food (go for a hike or a swim instead of out to lunch)<br><br>
- Rationalize: figure out a logical trick to make the hypocrisy seem consistent<br><br>
But the best thing is probably just to be honest with people and tell them how it makes you sad to see them choosing to support animal cruelty.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>ElaineV</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2926736"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
- Rationalize: figure out a logical trick to make the hypocrisy seem consistent<br><br>
But the best thing is probably just to be honest with people and tell them how it makes you sad to see them choosing to support animal cruelty.</div>
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Can't find a logic. I've tried a lot.<br>
I've tried telling them and that ends up in me being called weird. And even if someone chooses to not eat meat around me, they usually don't like hanging out with me.
 

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If you want to have a social life, you can't let your veg*nism dominate your interactions with other people. If you go out to dinner with someone who orders a burger, don't make a big deal about it. Don't make comments. If you do, that will be the last time you hang out with that person.<br><br>
You have to make a choice to accept these people for who they are. Yes, they eat meat, but they are more than that. Focus on the positive of your friends and family, not what's on their plate.
 

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You need to learn to choose your battles. It's possible and even likely we'll one day live in a veg*n world, but it's not gonna be today, tomorrow or next year.
 

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All of that but also maybe find a vegetarian meet up group in your area.
 

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I'm sorry, but the advice in this thread seems sooo bad: become emotionally detached, tune out, look for the good in the heart of the abuser. Yeah, don't let a little thing like systematic animal abuse affect your opinion of someone. I guess it's more indicative of the cards we've been dealt than anything else.<br><br>
I say you seek out some veg*n friends irl. Maybe you can even find housing with them. It's not a quick solution, but telling you to detach yourself from the things that bother you reminds me too much of 1984
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>AlainWinthrope</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2926861"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
I'm sorry, but the advice in this thread seems sooo bad: become emotionally detached, tune out, look for the good in the heart of the abuser. Yeah, don't let a little thing like systematic animal abuse affect your opinion of someone. I guess it's more indicative of the cards we've been dealt than anything else.<br><br>
I say you seek out some veg*n friends irl. Maybe you can even find housing with them. It's not a quick solution, but telling you to detach yourself from the things that bother you reminds me too much of 1984</div>
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Only socializing with veg*ns sounds like a pretty impossible task. Any of us is going to encounter situations where someone is eating meat in front of us, or wearing a fur coat. I don't think it's practical to push all of those people away, but you are welcome to live your life that way if you want.
 

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It is unavoidable IMO. I am lucky enough to have one veggie friend, and the ones I have which are not are veggie friendly at least. My family is not at all though my mother sort of leans towards being veggie friendly.<br><br>
*by veggie friendly I term a person who says "I am not vegetarian, but I can understand why you are."
 

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You will never change the world by nagging. It will just make people defensive and angry. Instead, stay quiet, and let people think it through for themselves. Offer nice vegan cake, that tends to help, be calm and friendly, offer info if asked, and don't tell people they're evil, or stupid, or hypocrites. Being right won't help you or the animals.<br><br>
I operate a kind of double-think. Meat on my plate = bad, animal flesh, murder, torture. Meat on their plate = meat.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Deis</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2927082"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
I operate a kind of double-think. Meat on my plate = bad, animal flesh, murder, torture. Meat on their plate = meat.</div>
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+1<br><br>
You have to remember that these people are clueless about what you think, regardless of what you inform them, in the same way that you are clueless about how they can go on eating meat when the industry is so bad.<br><br>
If you really think you can convert people, go ahead and try, but more times than not you'll be sorely disappointed. I suggest trying to be a bit less sensitive about it, because these people are not going away and you're going to have to deal with them the rest of your life.
 

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I live by example. I just try to be a good vegetarian and when I go to braai's or invite friends I make awesome veggie dishes even, always overing to make meat on the side.<br><br>
I have found that by example, not even saying a word, they have changed, some having a meat free day a week, most not eating meat when around me.<br><br>
I can't judge them for eating meat as I might not eat animals but I am def not a perfect person either. Just doing my bit.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>AlainWinthrope</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2926861"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
I'm sorry, but the advice in this thread seems sooo bad: become emotionally detached, tune out, look for the good in the heart of the abuser. Yeah, don't let a little thing like systematic animal abuse affect your opinion of someone. I guess it's more indicative of the cards we've been dealt than anything else.<br><br>
I say you seek out some veg*n friends irl. Maybe you can even find housing with them. It's not a quick solution, but telling you to detach yourself from the things that bother you reminds me too much of 1984</div>
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Be sorry then. You're still wrong. Most of us didn't start life as vegans and a lot of people who aren't vegans today may one day be, but not by being shunned and ignored.
 

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Okay, I am probably going to sound harsh saying this, but an omni doesn't owe you a valid reason for eating meat. And guess what? You don't owe them a valid reason for not eating meat. They are going to do what they are doing whether you accept it or are at their table or their friend. You can only control yourself, you cannot control others. But, you do have zero chance of being a positive influence on anyone if you refuse to be friends with someone b/c the eat meat etc... You really sound like you are working yourself into a tizzy over something you can't control. You can, however, control your own thoughts and reactions to the situation (after all, if you aren't in control of you, who is?)<br><br>
Here is an almost fool-proof therapy trick: Every time you find yourself ruminating on the negative actions of non veg*ns, make yourself think about 5 good things about that person that have nothing to do with eating. Or, think about 5 good things that have happened to you in the past week, or think of 5 ways you have contributed positively to the world recently. If you do this long enough, you can stop the bad thoughts. Plus, it will help you see the world in a more positive light. You will find yourself being a happier and more pleasant person to be around. I promise.<br><br>
Also, someone mentioned bringing vegan cake. I like that idea. If every time people see you, you have yummy vegan baked goods in your hands, you will win friends b/c people see it as an act of love, and you will show people just how good vegan food can be.
 

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Just let people know where your boundaries are if they are close to you. Example....I have no veg*n friends and family. They know what I won't eat, and they also know that I hate when people bring it up as something to argue about because I have heard all the omni excuses at length. I just want to hang out, not discuss my calcium intake at great length. I just let the people in my life do their own thing. They already know where I stand, and I know where they do so there is no need vocalizing it. After you have been veg*n for a while you get used to the odd bizarre look and seeing blatant hypocracy all over the place. It's all about picking your battles. If someone seems open and curious about it - by all means talk about it with them. If they seem defensive and bring it up all the time, I usually just tell them: "I can tell you already have made up your mind on the topic, but if you are ever genuinely interested just let me know. I just don't feel there is much point in discussing it as you have no true interest." That usually shuts up the negative ones.<br><br>
If someone discusses animal genocide (also known as 'hunting') I usually just leave the room quietly. They know where I stand, so this doesn't happen too often, but there are times when a new guest to the group doesn't. Hunters aren't allowed in my home, but I can't make that rule in the homes of others and I don't want to start a debate or negative energy there.<br><br>
Over time, I have developed gentle ways of making a treaty between myself and my meat-eating friends and family. They know that a pig roast is an event I won't attend, but I will go to a other events provided the slaughter and abuse of animals isn't the highlight of the whole thing and my friends and family usually make sure there is at least some fresh veggies and fruit at events for me.<br><br>
I understand why they do these things, and ignorance is a huge factor, and I just try to be a good example so that if they decide to change I can help them. More often than not people tend to gravitate towards me and take things into consideration when I don't get over the top vocal. I keep my advocacy to events, donations, and protests. I'm a peaceful warrior.<br><br>
So the big question is, what skills are you going to develop to handle being vegan in a society that largely is not? because walking around angry and disgusted sucks - I have been there.
 

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I don't have any advice, because it bugs me too, but I sympathise and I'm sorry you're feeling this way <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":hug:"><br><br>
Actually I do have one thing I can say: a lot of omni friends in my life have stopped eating meat around me voluntarily. It took some time after I went veg*n. I'm not sure if they needed to get used to it or if I was too preachy in the beginning and have mellowed. So maybe give it time.<br>
*
 

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Being preachy never does anyone any favours when it comes to friends and family, believe me. After learning the hard way I have now discovered that it's best to just lead by example.
 
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