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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I've been with my boyfriend about 6 months. I'm 25, but this is the first time I've been in love with someone who loves me back (it took me about 1 month longer to use the L word after he said it).

Our relationship has gone smoothly thus far. We've had a couple strained conversations (mostly due to political differences), but no actual fights. And we've made it through some tense situations (pregnancy scare, stomach flu, meeting the parents).

Here's the problem: I'm having doubts and I don't know where they're coming from. Sometimes I feel like I want to have babies with him, other times I think, "what's the point of relationships? I should just be single." Sometimes I'm intensely attracted to him, sometimes I think he's not my "type."

I was raised by a single parent and I have never seen a functioning, healthy relationship. So, I am really lost... I don't have any models of what is "normal" in a relationship, what stages I should expect to go through. At this point, I am kind of scared because he is a bright point in my life, I miss him terribly when I'm not with him... but I can't ignore these doubts. Or, can I? Any suggestions?
 

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everyone questions their relationship at different times.. if you did not want to be with him you would do more then just question it..

best wishes to you both.
 

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Sounds to me like you are just starting to realize how serious the relationship is and you're getting cold feet. Perfectly normal. Committing entirely to someone is very scary. Just follow your heart and you'll be fine.
 

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Hey,

I do the same exact thing with my boyfriend. The thing is, I always know that he's my soulmate...I just switch back and forth to wether he's my soulmate on an emotional level of friendship or companionship. But, for the most part, I think my doubt comes from the fact that he's my first boyfriend...we've been dating since we were both 15 and now I'm close to 19. I love him with all my heart, but it's normal to doubt, so don't feel bad. Just take it one day at a time.
 

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doubt is normal; the companion of doubt is faith.

i read a great quote at a church i drove by today:

faith is not belief without proof; faith is trust without fear.

So, be responsible, stay clear to yourself and your path. Keep the pathways of communication open. Offer both compassion and joy to your companion. Decide to commit to this person each moment. And don't be afriad to allow yourself to be loved.
 

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It seems that you two are definitely committed to each other. But, seeing the fact that you really don't know what it is like to be in a healthy relationship or to grow up in one. I would suggest just taking things as they go. I would not necessarily rush into having kids with him or anything right now. A decision like that one is not one that can be changed if something happens that is unexpected. When the time is right, your heart will let you know what to do.

Good luck!
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
I think it's good you're questioning things. Too many a time people think that everything is honky-doory when they're just choosing not to see the negative aspects of a relationship. The fact that you can see both good and bad stuff means you are open to making them better and improving the situation. My advise is just to take things slowly and don't rush into anything nor out of anything. Take your time and follow your intuition.

Many hugssssssssssssssss
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Thank you thank you for the advice. BTW, that was metaphorical about having babies. I very much hope not to have any babies in the near future.

However, there is another big committment issue looming. I have to relocate at the end of the summer for a new job. I will be 1.5 hours away from my bf, instead of the 10 minutes away we are now. He has mentioned relocating as well (he can transfer his job). But it's unclear if he's talking about moving in together, or us each finding separate apartments.

Part of me would really like us to live together, and it seems to only make sense. But I feel like it would make me so vulnerable to ask. What if he's like, "uh, no, I never meant we should live together"? Also, if I'm having doubts (even if they're "normal" doubts), should I be encouraging him to relocate his whole life just for me? What if it doesn't work out?
 

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We all have to take risk in our lives in order to move forward. If it doesn't work out he can always move back. Let him worry about the choices he needs to make for himself.

You should consider what you want your living arrangement to be, and then express it to him. It doesn't have to be solely based on what he wants. It's okay to be vunerable, and let your desires hang out there. It will make you a stronger person, and give you more control of your destiny.

I promise it won't make you look bad if you would like to live with him, and it turns out it's not what he had in mind. I would think if he is willing to move to a new area to be with you, he is probably thinking about shacking up. But, you won't know till you ask.
 

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Having doubts is perfectly normal.

As for the moving thing....If he is willing to relocate for you, let him! (if you want him to that is). It is only 1.5 hours away, not across country. If he brought up relocating to be closer to you, then he must be serrious about it. I don't think you should feel guilty about that.

The moving in thing....You should have a serrious discussion with him about where he is going to live. Who knows, maybe he is nervous about asking you to live with him, the same way you are nervous about it.
 

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Think about this: If you're not questioning anything.. then how will you find the answers?

I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years and I still have doubts once in awhile. It's completely normal to feel like you're not made for eachother sometimes.. but then the good things about that person will then to overwhelm the bad, and you'll see that no one's perfect anyway!

The living together thing.. I must warn you from my own experience.. DON'T move in together until you know in your heart that you are completely compatible. I made this mistake a few years ago with my EX-fiance and it was really hard to deal with once I realized we shouldn't be together.

Whatever happens.. good luck to you!
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
DirtDiva, thanks for the concern. In the past couple weeks, my doubts have dissipated. Not to say they'll never come back... but I think my doubts were as much or more about relationships in general than about him specifically. He's a really great bf, and he's one of my favorite people in this world!

Finally, two nights ago he brought up moving in together. I know I probably should have been the one to bring it up, but I'm just as glad that he did. When he mentioned it, he said, "I don't want to scare you." I realized, as many of you have suggested, that he was just as nervous to bring it up as I was!

So, we have some logistics to work out, but things are in a really good place right now. And I was so worried... Oh, the drama we create for ourselves!
 
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