Is my mother being ridiculous?

VeggieFerret · Aug 28, 2006

This is going to a short rant, but mostly i'm just confused. 
My mom is being well for lack of a better word a jerk about my changes. All i hear from her is hwo 'weird' my diet is and such whenever she's talking to someone. My dad has been great! He loves healthy choices so he knows everything i'm making is healthy and ect. so he's very open to it all(he even treats me to some great restruants around here). But my mom.. I can't understand her. 
I posted a while back on her comment about me not being a part of the family because i eat something different. I guess i got in there way and she got upset ,but it hurt. And i always offer her food i make(i always make enough for the family). But when i make anything she refuses to try it. If she does eat it and say its good its usually because there's a big peice of meat put next to it. 
For example i made a huge homemade shepherd pie with veggies and TVP. It was great, i was eating tons of it and made enough for everyone. So i offered it as dinner and she said sure! Great i thought. For once she'd try a dinner without meat. But to my horror and horrible surprise when it was time for dinner she cooked some pork and put my dish as a side. I was dissapointed but said nothing and just enjoyed it. 
And it's always like that. Whenever i offer to make a meatless dinner she always makes meat herself or refuses to try it. She refuses to take one single bite. Not even one. Is it wrong to call it ridiculous to not try ONE bite? I guess she's set in her ways. I've even made the effort to buy some really good italian products and give her really good italian recipes for her to try. They were extrememly easy to make recipes and not incovinient or long. She refused to make any of the recipes i offered. 
I don't understand this because she won't make one recipe i offer her but she'll sit down to a huge dinner of just spaghetti and tomato sauce? 
I'm just really confused. Should i not push the subject? I kinda want her to try them not for me but her. She seems overly upset over not being able to make anything for me(in her exact words she wasn't cooking anymore because she didn't know what to make me) so i thought that'd help. I guess not. 
Well..i guess it turned out a little longer than i thought.

karenlovessnow · Aug 28, 2006

Sounds like a very frustrating situation you are in. My husband and son react pretty much the same as your mom does. I don't really know why they act the way they do. I can take a guess and say that it's just too hard for them to admit that there might be something wrong with the way they have been eating all these years. Plus, we are asking them to give up something they totally enjoy, eating meat. In a weak moment I got my husband to try tofu scramble. He ate it and said it was good, but he hasn't tried anything else I've made since. Some people are just more stubborn than others and refuse to budge. I don't know if I would 'push' the issue with your mom. But I certainly would continue to offer her the dishes you make. Who knows, with some perserverance you just might win her over in the end. Even if she doesn't give up meat, she might become more agreeable to eating more of the stuff you make. Good luck.

GhostUser · Aug 28, 2006

I think your mother just rejects you the way she thinks you reject her by not eating meat. "You're not eating my meat, so I'm not eating your veggies" type of thing. At least to me that's what it seems to be. 
I don't think it's a matter of refusing to admitthe way she eats is wrong for now, because then why wouldn't she just try a bite? 
I think your mother is probably as hurt as you are, and you guys are just maybe not admitting it to eachother (I dunno if you are, I mean I don't live with you). 
Have you tried one of these heart-to-heart conversations?

Elena99 · Aug 28, 2006

Maybe you should lay off on having her eat your food for a while, she may feel as though you're trying to convert her. Give her some more time, and don't expect her to eat anything other than what she normally eats.

Tesseract · Aug 28, 2006

People won't change until they're ready to change. And some people are never ready. If she's willing to eat some of your dishes as a side with her meat and declare them good in that capacity, that may be the best you can hope for. 
As far as her being upset that you're "not part of the family," I'd normally suggest that you cook some delicious dinners for the family or offer up recipe suggestions to help her out, but you're already doing that! It sounds like you're doing the best you can to be a helpful family member and present your food choices in the least offensive possible way. All I can say is keep working at it, and have a laugh with your dad when she gets to be too much. And vent here when you need to!

delicious · Aug 28, 2006

I'm a little confused. You said that she won't eat one bite of your food, but she will eat your food as a side dish? 
If she eats your food at all, I'd just try to be happy with that. I know plenty of people who won't. Some people have a terrific fear of "weird" food.

bstutzma · Aug 30, 2006

I am an adult, and my mother, as much as I love her, HATES that my husband and I are vegetarian. She seriously will NOT touch anything we make - she thinks "organic" means "fake" food, and nothing I tell her convinces her otherwise. I am a pretty accomplished cook - my mother doesn't cook at all. Everything at my parent's house is reheated frozen food, shake-n-bake, or slathered in BBQ sauce. She wont try the stuffed squash I make for thanksgiving, she wont try the veggie fajitas everyone else in the family loves, she won't try my pasta sauce (come ON - it doesn't even have TVP in it!) because its "weird food". 
Your mom, like mine, feels rejected that we refuse the food she raised us on. That is like a rejection of her, in her mind. So she rejects our food. Its not a particularly mature position, and I agree, it is sometimes hurtful, but I have come to accept it, and maybe one day she will feel comfortable enough to try my food. Some things you just have to brush off. I love my mother, and that is enough for me.

Nah-Na · Aug 30, 2006

I would just ignore her and keep eating the way you do. My parents try to tell me that they have seen some pretty unhealthy looking vegetarians, trying to steer me away from it but I don't listen. Some people think its weird for people to one day decide not to eat meat but its about what you want and not them. Hell if I don't like something I am not going to eat it or if it goes against what I believe I am not going to eat it. So if your mom doesn't want to try it too bad, she is missing out. Just put your dish right out there with hers and people can try if they want, if not more for you!

Tofu-N-Sprouts · Aug 30, 2006

I agree with the others who've said don't keep pushing her to try anything. Coming from a parent, I can tell you NO strategy will ever work until she is ready to do it for herself. 
Healthy or not, I would balk at something that someone was continually urging me to try - even in the nicest terms. 
You said she eats your items as a side dish... then you said she won't try one bite. Which is it? 
I'd be plenty happy if most of the omnis I knew tried my food, even if they stuck a pork chop on top and covered it with sausage gravy... at least there's SOME exposure to it. (And honestly, many vegetarians I know won't touch anything with TVP in it 'cause THEY think it's weird...). 
Be happy for what you have - a Dad who supports you AND even takes you out! Thats GREAT - and WAY, WAY luckier than so many people! 
And obviously you must have access to vegetarian food, either enough money to buy it yourself, OR parents who help buy it? Either way, you're much better off than many on this board. 
And you also have a Mom who will let you cook your choices at least - and DOES try some of them and even admits they're good (YES, even if she has added whatever she wants to them...). 
I know, this is bordering on "Mom Lecture' here but look at what you DO have and be thankful for that.

Diana · Aug 30, 2006

I would show your mother this thread. 
Mothers are strange creatures. (I know this, I'm a Mum myself). But most of the time, they love their kids with all their hearts and all their souls, and if she is treating you like this, I think deep inside her she may be hurting real bad. Feeling rejected. Don't forget, a BIG part of a mother's "job" is Nourishing her Offspring. It's sort of part of the Big Motherhood instinct. Maybe subconsciously (or even consciously) she feels you are rejecting all she has done for you in the past. That all the love that she put into making you meals was of no avail... and that you rejecting her as a Mother. 
Tell you you LOVE her and you're grateful for all she has done for you. And for all the hours and hours she has spent in the kitchen for you all your life. And give her an enormous hug. 
Then tell her that you're hurting...

Bits · Aug 30, 2006

Your mum sounds like my sisters bf. He used to ridicule me & what i believed & also refused to try anything that was vegetarian. Well, one day i tricked him into eating a veggie sausage (he was at my house having a BBQ & i put one on his plate)you should've seen his face when i told him it was veggie after he'd eaten it,especially as he'd said how nice it was <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/laugh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":lol:"> Perhaps you could try the same with your mum. It might just take her longer getting used to your new choices. The important thing is, you've made this decsion, you're being responsible by eating well & you have the support of one parent.It's great that your dad has been so supportive, perhaps he could have a word with her? I hope everything works out for you <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="

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Tesseract · Aug 31, 2006

I don't recommend deliberately tricking anyone. How would you like it if they tricked you by assuring you something they made didn't have meat in it, and then telling you it really did after you eat it? 
However, if you serve something and they eat it without asking...

luv4all · Aug 31, 2006

dont worry. i have BOTH my parents harping on about how they know vegetarians who were sick while their body adjusted and how they are responsible for my health until i turn 18 (i am 16) and how i haven't done any research (even if i can show them) and how my reasons aren't reasons "cause you know cows and things are just crops". Try not to worry. My parents have become a bit more tolerant now. While they still make me eat meat ( I don't dare say no, Mum already has dreams about me wasting away and tries to make me feel guilty in the morning) they are doing things like making me fried eggplant while they have chicken schnitzel. Now all i have to do is start telling them what i will need nutritionally......... does your mum listen to your doctor? if she does try taking her there for him/her to talk to her about things. im going to get my parents to our doctor eventually. they really listen to him, and trust him implicitly. do what you can.

Silver · Sep 7, 2006

If you Google "famous vegetarians" and print out the very long list of top athletes, it will impress your mother. 
And don't forget, ANIMAL FLESH IS ADDICTIVE! Especially to long time meat eaters. 
Whatever you do, don't go back to eating animals. For every animal meat-eaters eat, another poor victim has to take its place in those concentration camps. 
People who eat processed meat have a 40% higher chance of getting cancer!

Silver · Sep 7, 2006

Sports Personalities 
* Hank Aaron (home run champion in major league baseball) Source: A Teen's Guide to Going Vegetarian 
* B J Armstrong (US Basketball star) 
* Al Beckles (body builder) 
* Sorya Bonali (ice skater) 
* Les Brown (veteran runner) 
* Peter Burwash (tennis) 
* Andreas Cahling (body builder) 
* Andreas Cahling (bodybuilder) 
* Chris Campbell (1980 world champion wrestler) 
* Joanna Conway (ice skater) 
* Sylvia Cranston (triathlete) 
* Sally Eastall (Marathon runner - UK No 2, vegan) 
* Di Edwards (runner, Olympic semi-finalist) 
* Katie Fitzgibbon (marathon runner) 
* Clare Francis (sailer) 
* Louis Freitas (body builder) 
* Carol Gould (marathon runner) 
* Estelle Gray (cyclist) Source: A Teen's Guide to Going Vegetarian 
* Sammy Green (runner) 
* Ruth Heidrich (3-time Ironman finisher, marathoner, age-group record holder, Pres. Vegetarian Society of Honolulu) (vegan) Source: personal acquaintance, also...her book--A Race for Life 
* Sally Hibberd (British Women's Mountain Bike Champion) 
* Sharon Hounsell (Miss Wales Bodybuilding Champion) 
* Desmond Howard (formerly w/Washington Redskins, now w/Jacksonville Jaguars) Source: PETA mailer 
* Roger Hughes (Welsh National Ski Champion) 
* David Johnson (BAA coach) 
* Kathy Johnson (Olympic Gymnast) 
* Alan Jones (British ski jumper) 
* Billie Jean King (tennis champion) Source: A Teen's Guide to Going Vegetarian 
* Killer Kowalski (wrestler) Source: A Teen's Guide to Going Vegetarian 
* Jack LaLanne (Fitness guru) (vegan) 
* Donnie LaLonde (Former Light Heavyweight Champion of the World. (Lost title to Sugar Ray Leonard)) Source: Article in San Jose Mercury News 
* Tony LaRussa (Manager of St. Louis Cardinals - US team) Source: PETA, Animals Agenda, Animals Voice, Veg Times, others 
* Silken Laumann (Olympic rower) Source: Cooking Television Show 
* Judy Leden (British, European & World Hang Gliding champion) 
* Marv Levey (Buffalo Bills Coach) 
* Jutta Müller (multiple Windsurfing World Cup Champion) Source: Flutlicht 95/6/18 on Südwest 3 (German TV program) 
* Jack Maitland (triathlete and fell runner) 
* Cheryl Marek (cyclist) Source: A Teen's Guide to Going Vegetarian 
* Leslie Marx (fencer;1996 woman's epee national champion) 
* Kirsty McDermott (runner) 
* Lindford McFarquar (body builder) 
* Robert Millar (cyclist) 
* Katherine Monbiot (world champion arm wrestler and nutritionist) (vegan) Source: The Vegan Society UK 
* Monika Montsho (weightlifter, 2 x runnerup GB Championships 60kg, NW woman weightlifter of the year 1991) 
* Edwin Moses 
* Martina Navratilova (Retired Tennis Champion) Source: Magazine Interviews/Genesis Awards 
* Julie Ann Niewiek (Basketball commentator) Source: Grand Rapids press/ Image Magazine 
* Paavo Nurmi 
* Robert Parish (Center - Warriors, Celtics, Hornets, Bulls) Source: Hearsay 
* Bill Pearl (Bodybuilder, Mr America) Source: Getting Stronger by Bill Pearl, pg 399 
* Bill Pearl (Mr. Universe and bodybuilder) Source: A Teen's Guide to Going Vegetarian 
* Anthony Peeler (NBA Grizzlies basketball player) Source: NBA web site profiles 
* Dave Scott (five time winner of the Ironman Triathlon) (vegan) "The New Laurel's Kitchen" cookbook 
* Debbie Spaeth-Herring (Georgia State power-lifter) Source: A Teen's Guide to Going Vegetarian 
* Jonathon Speelman (chess) 
* Lucy Stephens (triathlete - vegan) 
* Jacques Vaughn (All American point guard, #1-ranked Univ of KS Jayhawks) Source: Lawrence (KS) Journal World (numerous editions) 
* Kirsty Wade (runner) 
* Bill Walton (basketball player) Source: A Teen's Guide to Going Vegetarian Writers, philosophers, scientists 
* Scott Adams (writer/artist of comic strip "Dilbert") Source: Vegetarian Times June (or so) 1996 
* Louisa May Alcott (author of the novel Little Women) Source: A Teen's Guide to Going Vegetarian 
* Clive Barker (Author of Hellraiser series, Weaveworld, etc.) Source: Appearance on Politically Incorrect With Bill Maher 
* Jeremy Bentham (Philosopher) Source: Animal Liberation, by Peter Singer 
* William Blake 
* Berke Breathed (US Cartoonist -- writes and draws Bloom County and Outland comic strips) Source: A Teen's Guide to Going Vegetarian 
* Charlotte Bronte 
* Leonardo Da Vinci 
* Charles Darwin (British naturalist in 1800s) Source: A Teen's Guide to Going Vegetarian 
* Thomas Edison 
* Ralph Waldo Emerson (American lecturer, essayist, and poet) 
* Amanda Feilen (writer and poet) (vegan) 
* Henry Heimlich M.D. (created Heimlich maneuver) Source: A Teen's Guide to Going Vegetarian 
* Krishnamurti Jiddu (Spiritual teacher) Source: Krishnamurtis Notebook, His biography written by Mary Lutyens. 
* Steven Jobs (founded Apple computer company) Source: A Teen's Guide to Going Vegetarian 
* Franz Kafka (Writer) Source: Vegetariana Cookbook 
* Carla Lane (Writer & TV scipt writer & animal welfare ) 
* Milton 
* Alan Moore (Comics writer, Watchmen, V For Vendetta, Marvelman, etc.) 
* Sir Isaac Newton (English scientist, astronomer, and mathematician) Source: A Teen's Guide to Going Vegetarian 
* Plato 
* Sir C. V. Raman (Nobel prize-winning physicist - 1930s?) 
* Srinivasa Ramanujan (Probably the greatest Indian mathematician in the last 1000 yrs.) Source: The man who knew Infinity by Kanigel 
* Serge Raynaud de la Ferriére (Founder of Universal Great Brotherhood) (vegan) Source: His Literature: Yug.Yoga Yoghismo. Ed. Diana 
* Ruth Rendell (writer) Source: BBC Vegetarian Good Food mag, Dec 1997 
* John Robbins (author of Diet for a New America and May all be Fed) (vegan) Source: Author's books. 
* Jean Jacques Rousseau (French writer and political philosophers) Source: A Teen's Guide to Going Vegetarian 
* Albert Schweitzer (German philosopher, physician, musician, clergyman, missionary, writer on theology) Source: A Teen's Guide to Going Vegetarian 
* George Bernard Shaw (writer) 
* Percy Shelley (poet) 
* Upton Sinclair (American writer) Source: A Teen's Guide to Going Vegetarian 
* Isaac Bashevis Singer (Writer - Nobel Prize winner in Literature) 
* Peter Singer (Philosopher. Author of Animal Liberation) Source: His book Animal Liberation 
* Socrates 
* Colin Spencer (reknown food writer) (vegan) Source: The Vegan Society UK 
* Benjamin Spock (MD) 
* Chandrashekar Subrahmanyam (Nobel prize-winning astrophysicist - 1983) 
* Emanuel Swedenborg (1688-1772) 
* Nikola Tesla (Inventor; too many to list, including AC Current) Source: Any decent biography of Nickola Tesla 
* Henry David Thoreau 
* Tolstoy 
* Mark Twain 
* Alice Walker (vegan) Source: Her autobiographical text Everything We Love Can Be Saved 
* Alan Watts (philosophical writing) 
* H.G. Wells (British author) Source: A Teen's Guide to Going Vegetarian 
* William Wordsworth 
* Serge Raynaud de la Ferriere (Universal Great Brotherhood Founder) Source: U.G.B. in Mexico. Historical Vegetarians & Advocates of Vegetarianism 
* Clara Barton (founded American Red Cross) Source: A Teen's Guide to Going Vegetarian 
* Annie Besant 
* General William Booth 
* Fenner Brockway 
* Rupert Brooke 
* Cesar Chavez (involved with United Farm Workers union in 1960s.) Source: A Teen's Guide to Going Vegetarian 
* St John Chrysostom 
* Clement of Alexandria 
* Sir Stafford Cripps 
* Diogenes 
* Albert Einstein (certainly supported, but practised?) 
* Henry Ford (Documentary film at Greenfield Village claimed Henry Ford was a vegetarian) 
* Goldsmith 
* Dr John Harvey Kellog (brother of W K Kellog who founded the Kellog Company) (vegan) 
* Lamartine 
* Martin Luther 
* Caitanya Mahaprabhu (Indian saint, Golden Avatar of Lord Krishna, born 1486AC ) Source: Sri Caitanya-caritamrta 
* Mahavira 
* Eustace Miles 
* Montaigne 
* Barbara Moore 
* Canakya Pandit (Indian philosopher and prime-minister of King Chandragupta ) Source: His work Niti-shastra about 300BC 
* Sir Isaac Pitman 
* Origen 
* Ovid 
* Plotinus 
* Plutarch 
* Pope 
* Porphyry 
* H.H A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada (He brought Krishna consciousness to America. Famous spiritualist.) Source: Back to Godhead Magazine July/August 96 
* Pythagorus 
* Ilya Repin (russian artist in 1800s) Source: His friend Leo Tolstoy 
* Anthony Robbins (Success Motivational Coach) (vegan) 
* Richard St Barbe Baker 
* Henry Salt 
* Schopenhauer 
* Seneca 
* Voltaire 
* Dr Barnes Wallis 
* Mary Webb 
* John Wesley 
* Ellen G. White (Founder Seventh Day Adventists Church) Source: Review and Herald 1-1996 
* Zoroaster

veggieeater · Sep 7, 2006

Add Carl Lewis (olympic winner in track) to the list. He's been a vegan since 1990.
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<div class="quote-block"><a href="http://www.earthsave.org/lifestyle/carllewis.htm" target="_blank">http://www.earthsave.org/lifestyle/carllewis.htm</a></div>
</div>

Silver · Sep 8, 2006

Just show your mother the list of famous vegetarians. That would convince anybody. 
Top vegetarian athletes? That disproves the theory that going vegetarian weakens you. Ha!

VeggieFerret · Sep 15, 2006

Thank you everyone! I'm sorry about the late reply but i have great news! I did take everyones advice and i backed down some. She's been away alot and i made sure she knows i love her, we spent time together and i think that helped her alot. 
She even brought me to the dekalb farmer's market to buy some groceries. And now she's a little more accepting! She won't eat what i make when i put some vegan-alternatives ,but she said when she cooks dinner she'll make 2 veggies, one like corn/peas/spinach/ect. and another like potatoe and leek soup or a good vegan side dish. I was so happy, she does make mistakes ,but i try to be respectful and i eat it since this is a big improvment. Its only sometimes a little butter or parmasian cheese in the orzo, never anything else than that. I completely agreed to it without any complaints and i told her if she needs help i can give her some recipes to make. It's a HUGE improvement from before and i know she's trying. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="

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I think she feels better knowing she's giving me food and is more aware of what i'm eating rather than letting me do my own diet. Even though i'm only eating vegetables for dinner, now i make sure my breakfast and lunch is balanced instead of dinner, it's not a problem. 
She even joked with me. Lol She told me i was eating bird food(she eats it to so she was just making a light joke about how all i bought was grains and beans. It was not meant to hurt or insult me or my diet <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="

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I think what helped was getting away. I think she was really stressed because just a week ago she went to italy and london for a little bit and got completely away from everything. It really helped her to relax and she seemed like a whole new person coming home! 
Now all i need to deal with is her telling me she thinks i should eat a little meat or atleast fish because she thinks it has vitamins and such you can't get from any other source(she;s also worried i'm not getting enough protein, not the case). I just told her ,calmly, to let me know what vitamin/mineral she's spacifically worried i'm deficient in ,and i can show her the other source i get it from. I know she's just worrying and it comes from love, so i tried to be respectful and helpful about it. 
Our doctor also told her i should eat a little meat. When i go to the doctor i'll have a chat with him. I've never felt this good before mentally and physically so i don't i'll change back even if he does tell me it's nesscary(i know it isn't, but i'll listen to his point of veiw). <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="

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Thank you everyone! This is a HUGE step. I'm sure i can slowly coax her into more veganized meals(side dishes to her). I think your right, if she eats a vegan dish, even as a side dish, she does eat it without complaint and i should appriciate that. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="

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(I'll have to show her how many people are vegan/vegetarian! That's a big list! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/dancingbanana.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":nana:"> ) 
Again thank you! I'm overjoyed on hwo big a step my mom has made. She's becoming very supportive now. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="

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GhostUser · Sep 15, 2006

Voltaire was a veggie???????? Man I was already completely crazy about this guy, how am I supposed to get better now?? 
And Socrate. 
Les LumiÃ¨res ont disparu, et niveau relÃ¨ve Ã§a laisse un peu Ã* dÃ©sirer!

lunagirl · Sep 23, 2006

Moms feel rejected when we reject the food they 're cooking. That's because humans confuse food with love. Plus if you are a teenager they see your decisions as "weird teen behavior". I'm sure your mom is an open minded person (hey she travels a lot, right?) and she will see your point and even support you if you give her some time and prove you are really into veganism. 
I was lucky I never really had any problems with my family. They were ok as long as I ate a LOT!!! lol they too confuse food with love! 
Good luck!

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