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Is it possible to change who you are without changing who you are? Which sounds like an odd question so I'll try to explain the background on this. I am very tomboyish, most of my friends are guys and I hate wearing dresses, makeup and heels. I can't flirt at all, a lot of people tell me I come across as a flirt but when it comes time for me to actually flirt I get awkward and kind of like "I have a belly button".
Needless to say I'm single. Last night I ran into my crush at the bar and there was this girl there and my crush kind of blew me off for this chick (he knows I'm into him cause we kissed a week ago).
This isn't the first time I've been blown off for a chick who's "hotter" than I am. I think I'm naturally pretty and guys do flirt with me a lot but I can't compete with dresses and such. So if I were to do some shopping maybe buy a dress + nice shoes for clubbing and start putting on makeup before I go out would I be changing who I am?
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by vegansarawr View Post

Is it possible to change who you are without changing who you are? Which sounds like an odd question so I'll try to explain the background on this. I am very tomboyish, most of my friends are guys and I hate wearing dresses, makeup and heels. I can't flirt at all, a lot of people tell me I come across as a flirt but when it comes time for me to actually flirt I get awkward and kind of like "I have a belly button".
Needless to say I'm single. Last night I ran into my crush at the bar and there was this slut there. (Normally I don't call girls sluts but she was trying to get with three different guys that I counted) Anyways my crush kind of blew me off for this chick (he knows I'm into him cause we kissed a week ago).
This isn't the first time I've been blown off for a chick who's "hotter" than I am. I think I'm naturally pretty and guys do flirt with me a lot but I can't compete with dresses and such. So if I were to do some shopping maybe buy a dress + nice shoes for clubbing and start putting on makeup before I go out would I be changing who I am?
I think it's sad and awful that you'll call this girl a "slut" because you perceive she was trying to "get with three different guys".

I think people *can* change.

I hope you do.


As far as you trying to get the attention of a guy by changing what you wear and such, I'm no help here, as I like people who are open minded and accepting and such. I also think it's cool to wear different stuff at different times, try on different looks. It's part of ME.
 

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Impeach the gangster
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No, you'll just be adapting to the environment, not changing who you are. You'll be changing your clothes, not yourself. Sounds like your crush is asking for some visual stimulation. If it works, you'll be changing him.
 

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Herbivorous Urchin
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vegansarawr View Post

Is it possible to change who you are without changing who you are? Which sounds like an odd question so I'll try to explain the background on this. I am very tomboyish, most of my friends are guys and I hate wearing dresses, makeup and heels. I can't flirt at all, a lot of people tell me I come across as a flirt but when it comes time for me to actually flirt I get awkward and kind of like "I have a belly button".
Needless to say I'm single. Last night I ran into my crush at the bar and there was this girl there and my crush kind of blew me off for this chick (he knows I'm into him cause we kissed a week ago).
This isn't the first time I've been blown off for a chick who's "hotter" than I am. I think I'm naturally pretty and guys do flirt with me a lot but I can't compete with dresses and such. So if I were to do some shopping maybe buy a dress + nice shoes for clubbing and start putting on makeup before I go out would I be changing who I am?
I don't think people should *change* for a partner, or to get a partner. They should want and like you for exactly how your are, tomboy and all. **** them if they don't.
 

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1. It is possible to learn new skills.
2. One should only learn new skills for themselves, not for another person.
3. Whether exposure to new skills and environments connects with one on a deep level and reveals parts of one that one did not know existed is a matter to be discovered individually.
 

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I think it's perfectly acceptable to change in order to get a partner.

That depends on what you are changing though.
 

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Originally Posted by *AHIMSA* View Post

I think it's sad and awful that you'll call this girl a "slut" because you perceive she was trying to "get with three different guys".
Yeh, I wouldn't call trying to "get with three different guys" the kind of behaviour that is going to be beneficial for the girl involved, but calling her a slut over it unnecessary.
 

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Ankle Biter
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I think you might want to try having a dress or two in your wardrobe. It's always good to have options - either for clubbing or to attend a funeral
. So try it - you might like it!

As far as changing your look for one particular person - I'd just make sure that person is you!
 

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If your goal is to improve your looks then it's important to find clothes that you feel comfortable and confident wearing. But it's also important to step a little outside your comfort zone and try new things. Go shopping and check out some dresses and try some make-up. You'll know what's your style and what's too much.

On the issue of change. Well I certainly believe that people can change. I couldn't advocate for animals at all if I didn't hold that belief. People become better, kinder, more responsible, more aware, etc all the time! (change the other direction is also possible.)
 

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There's nothing wrong with trying some dresses to see if you like them. Maybe you could put your own little twist on it so you're still being you (I like to wear dark jean capris under my dresses, personally).
 

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You don't need to wear a dress to "dress yourself up"...a pretty/flirty top can go a long way...maybe add a cute pair of earrings or necklace...a touch of makeup just to enhance a particular feature, like your eyes... or some lip gloss.
I wouldn't over-do it, especially if it's not going to feel comfortable for you.


Of course, if you are feeling adventurous and you want to go for it, then you should!
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
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Originally Posted by danakscully64 View Post

I think you'll find that in the long run, you'll be a hell of a lot happier if you're just you. If you have to change who you are to attract someone, the cost is too high.
Yeh I worded it wrong, I get over looked by people I'm trying to flirt with a lot. And people tend to be attracted to more feminine looking women. Its not an issue centered around this one guy, I've felt this way for a few months now, last night was just the straw that broke the camels back, so to speak.
 
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