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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I don't want to make this way too long! But is it even worth it to date anymore? I have been through several bad relationships, my last one being by far the worst thing that I could have gone through. I was vegetarian for a while and still dated meat eaters. Now I am vegan and single and wondering if its worth it to date at all? And if I should try to find a veg*an instead? OR just someone who would be good to me with something in common. I'm frustrated to say the least!!! And if it does turn out to be worth it, how do you even find someone who isn't just trying to get in your pants??
 

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I can completely understand the frustration... I was there myself just a few years ago. I was 30 with several bad relationships under my belt (abuse, cheating, alcoholic, etc) and couldn't figure out why I bothered to keep trying. I gave myself a break for awhile. Then along came R. I found him during a three day free trial on a dating site, of all places. Turned out we had a mutual friend who I had just reconnected with after 12 years. She convinced me I had to meet him. He's not perfect, but he's perfect for me.

I truly believe there is someone special out there for everyone who is seeking... and sometimes for those who didn't know they were. I think the journey to them just makes finding them that much sweeter. Maybe take some time for yourself and the right person will stumble upon you?
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by vegbee View Post

I don't want to make this way too long! But is it even worth it to date anymore? I have been through several bad relationships, my last one being by far the worst thing that I could have gone through. I was vegetarian for a while and still dated meat eaters. Now I am vegan and single and wondering if its worth it to date at all? And if I should try to find a veg*an instead? OR just someone who would be good to me with something in common. I'm frustrated to say the least!!! And if it does turn out to be worth it, how do you even find someone who isn't just trying to get in your pants??
I never looked at dating as something you should 'try to do'. If someone comes along who you like and would like to see more of, that's awesome. If not, that's pretty awesome too. Also, playing hard to get works great, and setting a time and/or 'fact' requirement. Like, 6 months and know his mothers maiden name :p Being friends with someone first is always the best plan, Always.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
I agree with taking some time. I have been taking some time. About a year now to just find out who I am exactly and to know and love myself. I believe that no one can really love you unless you love yourself first. I certainly don't go out looking for it. I just get fed up sometimes being the 3rd or 5th wheel and feeling a little lonely. I am totally self-sufficient and take care of myself. In fact I would never want someone to take care of me. But I do sometimes wonder what it would be like to be in a relationship with someone who love me for me and who can understand me for who I am.
 

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I believe that as well, PeaceLoveKnit. It's rather...difficult, dating at times. But chances are, one day you'll find the right person. Sounds like it may be good to take a break for a bit though, it will help a lot.
 

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Originally Posted by vegbee View Post

I agree with taking some time. I have been taking some time. About a year now to just find out who I am exactly and to know and love myself. I believe that no one can really love you unless you love yourself first. I certainly don't go out looking for it. I just get fed up sometimes being the 3rd or 5th wheel and feeling a little lonely. I am totally self-sufficient and take care of myself. In fact I would never want someone to take care of me. But I do sometimes wonder what it would be like to be in a relationship with someone who love me for me and who can understand me for who I am.
Im right there with you, I never feel like I 'need' someone, but it's interesting to think about. Then I remember how many requirements I have, and I won't go below my bar. It makes things difficult, but worth it.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
I certainly don't "need" anyone. I don't want to need someone and that isn't my personality. But love, so I hear, can be great when its right. I want a family one day when its right, but I don't want to be 35 simply because my step-mom had a lot of complications with my brother when she was that age. I'm just frustrated, and to be honest, I am not the one-night-stand type at all. But I do have a high, um.... drive, so I supposed I could join that sexually frustrated thread too! I'm just got so irritated with men after my last relationship that I took a break. And now I'm wondering if I should make it a life-long commitment!
 

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It can be fun being single; it can be fun dating; it can be fun in a monogamous or nonmonogamous longterm relationship.
All gooood.
 

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Originally Posted by River View Post

Also, playing hard to get works great,....
I have no idea on the percentage of men, but I certainly can't be the only man where the "hard to get" thing doesn't work at all. Lets say there have been women I've come across in my life who were playing hard to get. If so, in each case, I took it as they didn't like me, and I didn't give them another glance (at least not in that way).
 

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Don't settle. Ever. If you feel like you'd be "settling" by dating somebody who isn't veg*n, than it's not going to be a healthy relationship. It will be a relationship born of desperation and loneliness, not of love and mutual attraction.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
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Don't settle. Ever. If you feel like you'd be "settling" by dating somebody who isn't veg*n, than it's not going to be a healthy relationship. It will be a relationship born of desperation and loneliness, not of love and mutual attraction.
I agree completely on not settling. I don't want to do that. I guess I was just contemplating if I should skip out on someone who may come along that isn't veg*n but is still a good person. It would be hard to date a meat eater... my life now revolves around veganism. And if someone didn't share that it would be difficult, even if they were a wonderful person.
No one like that has come along regardless. And that's fine. Usually I am ok being on my own, and again I take care of me. But occasionally (today appaarently is one of those days) where I feel like I would love to be able to just have a deep conversation over dinner with someone who I do truly love. I'd never be desperate enough to just be with someone for the sake of not being alone... But that doesn't stop the occasional want for companionship.
 

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Originally Posted by Empty_Shell View Post

I have no idea on the percentage of men, but I certainly can't be the only man where the "hard to get" thing doesn't work at all. Lets say there have been women I've come across in my life who were playing hard to get. If so, in each case, I took it as they didn't like me, and I didn't give them another glance (at least not in that way).
*shrug* I look at it as if a man's only interest is a sexual one, he'll drop out of spending time with me pretty fast. And they do. The men who want to actually be with someone, hang around and hang out with no further expectations.
 

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Originally Posted by vegbee View Post

I agree completely on not settling. I don't want to do that. I guess I was just contemplating if I should skip out on someone who may come along that isn't veg*n but is still a good person. It would be hard to date a meat eater... my life now revolves around veganism. And if someone didn't share that it would be difficult, even if they were a wonderful person.
No one like that has come along regardless. And that's fine. Usually I am ok being on my own, and again I take care of me. But occasionally (today appaarently is one of those days) where I feel like I would love to be able to just have a deep conversation over dinner with someone who I do truly love. I'd never be desperate enough to just be with someone for the sake of not being alone... But that doesn't stop the occasional want for companionship.
I guess it depends how serious the relationships are typically when you date someone. I know different people date differently. For me, relationships are quite serious, and I can't date casually. I don't want to be a in a relationship that I don't think is serious. However, if you're the type of person who can date somebody happily for a little while, knowing that they aren't your soulmate, then it probably would be okay for you to date some omnivores.
 

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Yes, it's worth it if you want to. It is easy to get jaded and cynical. I've dated enough losers to start my own Tool Academy (including a stoner who ended up selling everything he owned to buy more pot and a verbally abusive alcoholic), but my last few relationships have been wonderful.

Don't feel that you have to date. And don't feel that you have to be in a relationship. Just let things happen naturally. If you find someone you click with and he is a sweet guy who respects you, go for it
 

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Date the guy who enriches your life and makes you feel good, regardless of his eating habits. And don't look. I've only ever found love when I was busy doing my own thing and not looking.

Says the woman who has dated her share of cheaters and other assorted bastards.
 

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Originally Posted by GreenNEasy View Post

Date the guy who enriches your life and makes you feel good, regardless of his eating habits. And don't look. I've only ever found love when I was busy doing my own thing and not looking.

Says the woman who has dated her share of cheaters and other assorted bastards.
You can't say regardless of eating habits, if that's one of the most important things to someone. I'm not saying it is to the OP, but in general, that might be your 'okay thing' but maybe not someone elses.
 

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Originally Posted by vegbee View Post

I don't want to make this way too long! But is it even worth it to date anymore? I have been through several bad relationships, my last one being by far the worst thing that I could have gone through. I was vegetarian for a while and still dated meat eaters. Now I am vegan and single and wondering if its worth it to date at all? And if I should try to find a veg*an instead? OR just someone who would be good to me with something in common. I'm frustrated to say the least!!! And if it does turn out to be worth it, how do you even find someone who isn't just trying to get in your pants??
I just had a pretty rough breakup, so I totally understand what you're getting at and I'm right there with you. There are lots of things I like about being single, but I like being in a relationship, too (as long as it's with someone I really like), and I wish I could just hurry up and find the right person so that all this dating crap would be over. I have no advice. But I know how you feel.
 

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vegbee, just take time for yourself for a while. See where life takes you. I had dated meat eaters as a vegan, but never worked. I'm still open to the idea, but I'd much rather date a vegan. I haven't dated anyone or been intimate in a while, but that's just the way it is. I'd just say try to focus on you and what makes you enjoy life. Then maybe someone will surprise you.
 

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Originally Posted by vegbee View Post

I certainly don't "need" anyone. I don't want to need someone and that isn't my personality. But love, so I hear, can be great when its right. I want a family one day when its right, but I don't want to be 35 simply because my step-mom had a lot of complications with my brother when she was that age. I'm just frustrated, and to be honest, I am not the one-night-stand type at all. But I do have a high, um.... drive, so I supposed I could join that sexually frustrated thread too! I'm just got so irritated with men after my last relationship that I took a break. And now I'm wondering if I should make it a life-long commitment!
I wouldnt worry too much about the 35 thing because your step mom is not a genetic relative, so the complications she have may not necessarily be ones you have.

I have 2 aunts who had healthy baby boys at 39 and 40 (they are teenagers now, one is 6 feet) and I know people who had problems with their birth when they are in their 20s.

I read some articles online which suggested that though your chances of complications do increase when a woman gets older, it doesnt automatically mean you will have complications, and it doesnt mean that being a young woman is a guarantee a woman will have an issue free birth.

So I wouldnt worry too much about the age thing. I am actually in the same boat, turning 34 this year and if I want a baby I had better hurry up. but I am single.
 
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