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Inappropriate Husband?

3K views 35 replies 25 participants last post by  yally 
#1 ·
Ok, so, I have a friend from the shop where I volunteer. I was round her house drinking wine this evening, we got pretty tipsy and didn't realise how late it was. Her husband offered to walk me to the bus stop, took my tennis racket and then HELD MY HAND. Wah? I didn't know how to react so I just jabbered random crap til we got to a main road, he gave me a hug then gave me 50 quid to get a taxi home.

Freaking out a little. Am I overreacting? I don't think it's normal for married men to hold other women's hands...

Also he may or may not have tried to kiss me, I'm not sure so I don't want to read too much into that. But man that was a long hug...

Dammit, this crap is giving me stress pains


I don't know what to think or how to react or anything. I have a tendency to overreact.
 
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#6 ·
To be optimistic, he might have thought you were a bit tipsier than you were and trying to lend some support without the connotations of, say, an arm around your shoulders. Also, was he drinking too? It could be that he didn't really realize how huggy he was being. If he had tried to kiss you, which you're assuming he did not, I suppose, yes, that would be very off.

Since you like the wife well, I'd say to act like it didn't happen, be optimistic, whatever, but if it happens again, bring it up with him and see what he thinks he meant by it.

If he was/continues advancing on you, It's a difficult situation that needs more comprehension than this short paragraph: Turn him down, tell his wife if you think it's warranted (not 'don't tell if you're scared', but if you think it was harmless and not worth breaking their relationship or your friendship over). If it goes further than a little crush on the side, tell wifey. Or whenever you think is best, really. Some people, a bit of a crush on the side is fine as long as he still loves her and doesn't actually cheat and it's short lived. Others, it's straight-up wrong.
 
#7 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by affidavit View Post

To be optimistic, he might have thought you were a bit tipsier than you were and trying to lend some support without the connotations of, say, an arm around your shoulders. Also, was he drinking too? It could be that he didn't really realize how huggy he was being. If he had tried to kiss you, which you're assuming he did not, I suppose, yes, that would be very off.

Since you like the wife well, I'd say to act like it didn't happen, be optimistic, whatever, but if it happens again, bring it up with him and see what he thinks he meant by it.

If he was/continues advancing on you, It's a difficult situation that needs more comprehension than this short paragraph: Turn him down, tell his wife if you think it's warranted (not 'don't tell if you're scared', but if you think it was harmless and not worth breaking their relationship or your friendship over). If it goes further than a little crush on the side, tell wifey. Or whenever you think is best, really. Some people, a bit of a crush on the side is fine as long as he still loves her and doesn't actually cheat and it's short lived. Others, it's straight-up wrong.
I think this sums up pretty much exactly what I was thinking


Sobered up and calmed down, I get into silly little tizzes sometimes. I don't spend much time with other human beings, struggle to interpret
 
#8 ·
he was drinking. nuff said.
Men tend to do stupid stuff when they get drunk.

Its one of the reasons I wont drink more than one drink. I know I have the potential to do something that might not be in my best interest.

Let it go, next time walk to the stop alone, or insist that you all make a trip of it, that way his wife is there to observe should something odd happen again.
 
#12 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ira View Post

yeah if you all were drinking i don't see it as a biggie, ptherwise it would be weird
Yeah, I'm starting to agree with soberness.

I was left shaking at the time though, partly because I think the psychological effect of being handed a big wad of cash by a guy saying 'please let me take care of you' freaks me out a little


Arg I wish I hadn't started this thread, I am paranoid someone will read it and I'm making a massive deal over nothing.
 
#13 ·
I would be mad if my husband held the hand of a young lady he was escorting to a ride. I don't think it's appropriate for a married man to hold hands with a young, single girl - much less give her a looooong hug.
I'd find a way to mention it to the wife, in a non-threatening, but honest way: "Gosh, Don is quite the gentleman, isn't he? He made sure I wasn't going to trip over the curb by holding my hand the whole way to the bus stop."

If it feels creepy - it probably was.
 
#16 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by affidavit View Post

To be optimistic, he might have thought you were a bit tipsier than you were and trying to lend some support without the connotations of, say, an arm around your shoulders. Also, was he drinking too? It could be that he didn't really realize how huggy he was being. If he had tried to kiss you, which you're assuming he did not, I suppose, yes, that would be very off.
Ditto
 
#17 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by yally View Post

Her husband offered to walk me to the bus stop, took my tennis racket and then HELD MY HAND. Wah? I didn't know how to react so I just jabbered random crap til we got to a main road, he gave me a hug then gave me 50 quid to get a taxi home.
50 pounds translates to about $80.00 USD. That seems pretty pricey for a cab ride.

The hand-holding thing seems odd.

Hugging may be different, depending on the context. For example, I used to attend twelve-step meetings where it was the custom for everyone to hug everyone else, including hugging members of the same sex. There was nothing really erotic about it. I also hug many of my women friends, and it's just a gesture of friendship.

But it seems like your friend's husband was not being quite so platonic.

If you have any friends who are airline stewardesses or work in other areas where they are likely to have men make passes at them and yet they cannot afford to alienate them as customers, as them what they do to fend off unwanted advances yet without causing any hard feelings.
 
#18 ·
That's London for you. I got took the taxi to the nearest night bus and it was £20. Home would have been A LOT more.

I am annoyed at it now, because it is unnecessary awkward at such a silly thing.

We hug goodbye all the time but this was a looong hug. Gonna put it down to drinks. Nothing to worry about.

I do need to get better at 'hey don't do that'. I fail at it with things worse that hand holding sometimes
 
#20 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by Poppy View Post

I would be mad if my husband held the hand of a young lady he was escorting to a ride. I don't think it's appropriate for a married man to hold hands with a young, single girl - much less give her a looooong hug.
I'd find a way to mention it to the wife, in a non-threatening, but honest way: "Gosh, Don is quite the gentleman, isn't he? He made sure I wasn't going to trip over the curb by holding my hand the whole way to the bus stop."
Yeah, the hand holding thing is very weird.
 
#21 ·
I'm trying to imagine if my husband did that. If the lady was so tipsy that she was unsteady on her feet, I would understand him holding her hand or putting an arm around her or something. Some people get very huggy when drunk so a long hug could also be excusable. I think I'd be more pissed about him giving someone £50 of our money


Then again if he WASN'T a touchyfeelyhuggy drunk, or if he had tried to kiss her, or if she didn't need any support, I would raise hell.

It's very hard to tell from one incident, especially when you were a bit drunk. All his actions could have multiple motives. I would just wait and see and try to act normal in the mean time
 
#23 ·
I'm going to go with the whole drinking thing, especially since you said that his wife was worried about you. Alcohol makes people do weird things, things they normally wouldn't do sober. If it happens again, talk to her and see what she says.
 
#25 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by affidavit View Post

To be optimistic, he might have thought you were a bit tipsier than you were and trying to lend some support without the connotations of, say, an arm around your shoulders. Also, was he drinking too? It could be that he didn't really realize how huggy he was being. If he had tried to kiss you, which you're assuming he did not, I suppose, yes, that would be very off.
Lending support?
yeh right. Why did this opportunistic wanker wait until he's out of the view of his wife before holding the hand of a drunk young woman and trying to kiss her. Pissed or not, that is predatory behaviour. I know plenty of guys who wouldn't do this cos they know it's taking advantage.
 
#26 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by yally View Post

I'll also mention he is a fair bit older than me. I'm 25 and he's 40, he should be more SENSIBLE dammit.
That, plus being a bit tipsy, is probably why he did it. Wouldn't you hold a little girls hand if you were walking her to the bus stop? That's how he may have been viewing you at the moment in is somewhat impaired state. I wouldn't worry about it unless he does it again. Then you should probably talk to him about it, or his wife.
 
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