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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Ok, so, I have a friend from the shop where I volunteer. I was round her house drinking wine this evening, we got pretty tipsy and didn't realise how late it was. Her husband offered to walk me to the bus stop, took my tennis racket and then HELD MY HAND. Wah? I didn't know how to react so I just jabbered random crap til we got to a main road, he gave me a hug then gave me 50 quid to get a taxi home.<br><br>
Freaking out a little. Am I overreacting? I don't think it's normal for married men to hold other women's hands...<br><br>
Also he may or may not have tried to kiss me, I'm not sure so I don't want to read too much into that. But man that was a long hug...<br><br>
Dammit, this crap is giving me stress pains <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/sad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":("><br><br>
I don't know what to think or how to react or anything. I have a tendency to overreact.
 

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If you're totally not good friends with the husband, then it was totes weird. Some of my friends hold my hand and give me hugs, though, but only people I'm actually close to. If it was just random and out-of-the-blue, I would probably be a bit perturbed.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>dormouse</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2933536"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
Yeah, that's really strange. I would avoid this guy as best you can from now on.</div>
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I really like his wife though, I don't know how to avoid him without avoiding her.<br><br>
I really liked him up until to the point he had my hand <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/sad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":(">
 

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To be optimistic, he might have thought you were a bit tipsier than you were and trying to lend some support without the connotations of, say, an arm around your shoulders. Also, was he drinking too? It could be that he didn't really realize how huggy he was being. If he had tried to kiss you, which you're assuming he did not, I suppose, yes, that would be very off.<br><br>
Since you like the wife well, I'd say to act like it didn't happen, be optimistic, whatever, but if it happens again, bring it up with him and see what he thinks he meant by it.<br><br>
If he was/continues advancing on you, It's a difficult situation that needs more comprehension than this short paragraph: Turn him down, tell his wife if you think it's warranted (not 'don't tell if you're scared', but if you think it was harmless and not worth breaking their relationship or your friendship over). If it goes further than a little crush on the side, tell wifey. Or whenever you think is best, really. Some people, a bit of a crush on the side is fine as long as he still loves her and doesn't actually cheat and it's short lived. Others, it's straight-up wrong.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>affidavit</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2933598"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
To be optimistic, he might have thought you were a bit tipsier than you were and trying to lend some support without the connotations of, say, an arm around your shoulders. Also, was he drinking too? It could be that he didn't really realize how huggy he was being. If he had tried to kiss you, which you're assuming he did not, I suppose, yes, that would be very off.<br><br>
Since you like the wife well, I'd say to act like it didn't happen, be optimistic, whatever, but if it happens again, bring it up with him and see what he thinks he meant by it.<br><br>
If he was/continues advancing on you, It's a difficult situation that needs more comprehension than this short paragraph: Turn him down, tell his wife if you think it's warranted (not 'don't tell if you're scared', but if you think it was harmless and not worth breaking their relationship or your friendship over). If it goes further than a little crush on the side, tell wifey. Or whenever you think is best, really. Some people, a bit of a crush on the side is fine as long as he still loves her and doesn't actually cheat and it's short lived. Others, it's straight-up wrong.</div>
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I think this sums up pretty much exactly what I was thinking <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"><br><br>
Sobered up and calmed down, I get into silly little tizzes sometimes. I don't spend much time with other human beings, struggle to interpret <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/tongue3.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":p">
 

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he was drinking. nuff said.<br>
Men tend to do stupid stuff when they get drunk.<br><br>
Its one of the reasons I wont drink more than one drink. I know I have the potential to do something that might not be in my best interest.<br><br>
Let it go, next time walk to the stop alone, or insist that you all make a trip of it, that way his wife is there to observe should something odd happen again.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
One thing that bothers me is it's such a SILLY thing. It's not like anyone is going to get anything out of it but it still crosses a weird line.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
I'll also mention he is a fair bit older than me. I'm 25 and he's 40, he should be more SENSIBLE dammit.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Ira</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2933627"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
yeah if you all were drinking i don't see it as a biggie, ptherwise it would be weird</div>
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Yeah, I'm starting to agree with soberness.<br><br>
I was left shaking at the time though, partly because I think the psychological effect of being handed a big wad of cash by a guy saying 'please let me take care of you' freaks me out a little <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/tongue3.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":p"><br><br>
Arg I wish I hadn't started this thread, I am paranoid someone will read it and I'm making a massive deal over nothing.
 

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I would be mad if my husband held the hand of a young lady he was escorting to a ride. I don't think it's appropriate for a married man to hold hands with a young, single girl - much less give her a looooong hug. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/veryangry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":grr:"> I'd find a way to mention it to the wife, in a non-threatening, but honest way: "Gosh, Don is quite the gentleman, isn't he? He made sure I wasn't going to trip over the curb by holding my hand the whole way to the bus stop."<br><br>
If it feels creepy - it probably was. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/sad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":(">
 

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I am sorry you had to go through that. I had experience with someone's husband once moved on me and later on got me in bed with him for almost a year off and on. I am lucky that my husband came along so I was able to stop the mess at the time.
 

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Yes I agree with the person who says next time ask if the three of you can walk to the bus stop. Avoid being alone with him if you can so he cant try any more of his weird actions.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>affidavit</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2933598"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
To be optimistic, he might have thought you were a bit tipsier than you were and trying to lend some support without the connotations of, say, an arm around your shoulders. Also, was he drinking too? It could be that he didn't really realize how huggy he was being. If he had tried to kiss you, which you're assuming he did not, I suppose, yes, that would be very off.</div>
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Ditto
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>yally</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2933527"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
Her husband offered to walk me to the bus stop, took my tennis racket and then HELD MY HAND. Wah? I didn't know how to react so I just jabbered random crap til we got to a main road, he gave me a hug then gave me <b>50 quid</b> to get a taxi home.<br></div>
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50 pounds translates to about $80.00 USD. That seems pretty pricey for a cab ride.<br><br>
The hand-holding thing seems odd.<br><br>
Hugging may be different, depending on the context. For example, I used to attend twelve-step meetings where it was the custom for everyone to hug everyone else, including hugging members of the same sex. There was nothing really erotic about it. I also hug many of my women friends, and it's just a gesture of friendship.<br><br>
But it seems like your friend's husband was not being quite so platonic.<br><br>
If you have any friends who are airline stewardesses or work in other areas where they are likely to have men make passes at them and yet they cannot afford to alienate them as customers, as them what they do to fend off unwanted advances yet without causing any hard feelings.
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
That's London for you. I got took the taxi to the nearest night bus and it was £20. Home would have been A LOT more.<br><br>
I am annoyed at it now, because it is unnecessary awkward at such a silly thing.<br><br>
We hug goodbye all the time but this was a looong hug. Gonna put it down to drinks. Nothing to worry about.<br><br>
I do need to get better at 'hey don't do that'. I fail at it with things worse that hand holding sometimes <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/sad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":(">
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
And he was also telling me how his wife was worried about me. Could have well been friendly, though misguided, attempt at friendship and support...
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Poppy</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2933640"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
I would be mad if my husband held the hand of a young lady he was escorting to a ride. I don't think it's appropriate for a married man to hold hands with a young, single girl - much less give her a looooong hug. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/veryangry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":grr:"> I'd find a way to mention it to the wife, in a non-threatening, but honest way: "Gosh, Don is quite the gentleman, isn't he? He made sure I wasn't going to trip over the curb by holding my hand the whole way to the bus stop."</div>
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Yeah, the hand holding thing is very weird.
 
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