[Aubrey]

Even though my father had a heart attack a little over a year ago, he refuses to change his eating habits. I am not exaggerating when I say that his diet is composed of about 90% meat & 10% white bread & potatoes. My mom tries to help him, but whenever she leaves the kitchen he sneaks in & eats lunchmeat. No bread..nothing...just meat. He does this with every kind of meat.<br><br><br><br>
So, today I was making myself a cup of tea when he came in the kitchen & started one of his little lunchmeat binges.<br><br><br><br>
Dad: What are you eating?<br><br>
Me: What am I eating? What are <i>you</i> eating?<br><br>
Dad: *puts lunchmeat right in front of my face, seriously almost touching my nose*<br><br>
Me: *grabs his arm & pushes it away from me* You shouldn't even be eating that...or doing that to me...<br><br>
Dad: All I wanted you to do was smell it! And I hardly ate anything for dinner, all I had was a hamburger!<br><br><br><br>
Ok, I've been a vegetarian (vegan on & off) for 4 years, and I haven't had any real problems with meat eaters, aside from the constant "do you eat fish?" and other questions about my lifestyle. Is it wrong that I feel really offended by what he did? I don't have any problems with people who eat meat, but I don't the point of him doing that & trying to get me to smell it...for what reason?!<br><br><br><br>
Thinking about it nearly put me in tears, because aside from what he did to me, I started thinking about his situation in general & how not caring about<br><br>
his health is really selfish. He doesn't seem to realize that if he has another heart attack & isn't as lucky as he was last time, our whole family will be affected by it.<br><br><br><br>
Is it wrong to feel as if I deserve an apology? I think my mom does too, because she does everything she can to keep him healthy (aside from not buying meat anymore at all, which is the next step), and he doesn't care about what he's doing.<br><br><br><br>
Sorry this is so long, but this JUST happened & I'm fuming!

 

[~Wonder]

<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":hug:"><br><br>
It's hard and frustrating watching someone do something stupid to themselves. Have you tried talking to him about it? And I don't mean arguing. Be calm and rational and tell him how his unhealthy eating is really scaring you. Maybe ask your mom to help. Just make sure you don't attack him.<br><br><br><br>
Does you dad have a doctor/nutritionist? If so, maybe you can contact them and tell them about your dad's eating habits.<br><br>
~Wonder <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=""><br><br><br><br>
ETA: Here's an article from the mayo clinic regarding heart attack prevention. I figure even the meatiest omni would trust the mayo clinic<br><br><a href="http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/heart-attack/DS00094/DSECTION=9" target="_blank">http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/hea...094/DSECTION=9</a>

 

[ChiKat]

A year ago, my dad went on one of those South Beach diets, and followed it religiously. He really wanted to lose weight. He went jogging three (<i>early</i>) mornings a week, and wanted to get in shape. So he went on that %$*# diet, and you're supposed to eat mainly meat for the first couple weeks. So he did.<br><br>
And a week into the diet, he had a heart attack while jogging one morning. He died.<br><br><br><br>
Anyways, before I start to ramble even more (sorry!) I don't think you're overreacting at all.<br><br>
I really hope your dad starts to take this more seriously...*hugs*<br><br><br><br>
edit: I agree with Wonder, about talking rationally. Tell him that you're really worried about him, and you don't want to lose him.

 

[MZCsmpsns]

-Sorry to hear about your dad Katherine-<br><br><br><br>
I agree w/talking to him rationally and letting him know you worry. About 5-6 years ago I lost an uncle from a heart attack. It's a common thing that can be prevented by a healthier lifestyle. I really hope he listens.

 

[Tesseract]

Certainly I would get angry at his offensive act of shoving meat in your face. I think the best way to handle that may be to (1) avoid bugging him about what he eats, because that is just triggering hostility from him, and (2) if it happens anyway, stay calm and try not to let him rile you. Or at least try not to let him SEE that you're riled.<br><br><br><br>
Try something like this:<br><br><br><br>
Dad: What are you eating?<br><br>
You: I'm having ____________. (Describe it in loving detail and make it sounds as delicious as possible.) I'll be happy to share it. Want to try some?<br><br>
Dad: Eww, gross. You're going to die eating that junk. You need some meat. Want to try some yummy ham? *waves it in your face*<br><br>
You: *staying calm* No, thanks. But this ______ really is delicious, I think you just might like it.<br><br>
Dad: Ugh, no.<br><br>
You: OK, your loss. *walk away whistling with yummy food in hand*<br><br><br><br>
If you're angry about what he's doing to himself with his eating habits, realize that being angry at him won't prompt him to change. It'll only prompt him to dig in his heels and bait you more. Only education has a chance of prompting him to change, and some people never change. Some of them die at 55, but others go on to be 95 and still healthy. If your mother is also trying to get him to improve his eating habits, maybe the two of you ought to join forces. How educated is your mom about diet, nutrition, and health, and how supportive is she of your vegetarianism? One of the best tools I've found to get people to really stop and think about the possibility that it might actually be good to eat a different way is <span style="text-decoration:underline;">The China Study</span> by T. Colin Campbell. Read it, try to get your mom to read it, and then the two of you can try to get your dad to at least glance at it. Or the two of you can casually have a conversation about what you read over dinner. But at some point, you may have to accept that his health is his to destroy, even though it may negatively impact those around him.

 

[Aubrey]

Thank you for all the quick responses!<br><br><br><br>
First off, Katherine, I am so sorry to hear about your dad! *hugs x1000* =[<br><br><br><br>
My dad's doctor has told him repeatedly to change his eating habits, and he has done nothing. Last time he went in, his doctor told him he wanted him to start exercising for 30 min./3x a week & lose 8 pounds by the next time he saw him, so he knew he was taking it seriously. That was a few months ago, so I'm sure he'll have an appointment soon & his doctor will be thrilled to see he hasn't lost a single pound or exercised for one minute.<br><br><br><br>
My mom & I have both tried to talk to my dad calmly on numerous occasions, and he always tries to play the victim & act like we're attacking him when we aren't. He then tries to claim that he "doesn't eat like he used to". Yes, his eating has changed slightly, but that is only because my mom isn't buying as much meat & junk food anymore.<br><br><br><br>
Initally, my mom wasn't supportive of my lifestyle. She didn't think it was heathy at all, and seemed to think it was simply a phase I was going through. Now, 4 years later, she believes in it 110% and is interested in going vegetarian herself! I've started making dinner for the entire family whenever I can. My dad is very closed-minded in every way possible, but I'm getting better at getting him to try things. He had tempeh a few weeks ago & liked it a lot.<br><br><br><br>
Oh, and sometimes my mom will make tacos & things with fake meat & not tell him...he notices sometimes though =/<br><br><br><br>
we keep trying!

 

[~Wonder]

Maybe you can get him to keep a food journal. He may not realize how much bad foods he really eats. If he doesn't want to do it himself, then maybe you can sit down with him everyday and go over what he ate for the day and calculate the numbers. Try to figure out what items are high in cholesterol, sat. fat, and sodium. Make sure to point out these foods to him, like deli meats tend to be high in sodium. If you or your mom go grocery shopping see if you can stop buying meat. If not, then get low sodium/low fat alternatives. You can always pull the "Oops, I forgot to pick that up" routine, this will work great if he's too lazy to go to the store himself. Plus, whoever makes dinner can make a significantly less amount of the bad foods, that way he can't go back for seconds, and a larger portion of vegetables/good foods. If he goes to the fridge after dinner cause he's still hungry, it might be a good idea to keep premade healthy foods in there like fruit salad, veggie rollups, etc. and make sure they're visible, front and center. If he doesn't exercise, you can ask him if he wants to go for a walk, maybe the whole family can go. The key is to be proactive, helpful, and maybe a little sneaky but try not to nag and be confrontational. And be supportive, if he tells you that he ate a healthy meal on his own, give him a big hug.<br><br>
Ok, that was pretty long <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/grin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=""><br><br>
HTH,<br><br>
~Wonder <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/guitarist.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":guitar:">

 

[ketivnilloc]

i know this sounds bad, try to get you dad to eat meats other than lunch meats. the phosphates in lunch meat are horrible for your heart. and, lunch meats and the number 1 or 2 worst thing you could ever eat.<br><br>
also, you should try making a simple wager with your dad. get him to eat veggie for 2 weeks, and check his levels before and after. it might work if he thinks you're challenging him.

 

[DaveToopes]

A friend of mine once shoved a meatball in my face and pushed it against my lips. I was pretty mad for a minute or two but there's no use in staying angry just because you think you deserve an apology.

 

[compassionate1]

Aubrey,<br><br><br><br>
The problem <i>may</i> be in how you are talking to him (I emphasize <i>may be</i> because I don't presume to know how your previous discussions with him went). I think your frustration is really just born out of your concern for him. With this being such an emotional thing, it is easy for tempers to flare and everyone starts to draw their figurative line in the sand. It is also possible that you might be phrasing things in a way where he feels attacked (and I'm sure there's a good bit of defensiveness on his part). When you talk to him, it is important to focus on the fact that you're concerned about him and you love him and you want him to be around for a long time. Really make sure you focus on that aspect of it more than his behavior in particular. Sometimes taking that approach can be big. It may not change his behavior, but it is more likely to have an effect on him.<br><br><br><br>
Now the shoving the meat in your face thing.....that's a different story. Not very respectful there.

 

[angaustinbrody]

If your mom doesn't agree with the way your dad is eating, I'm curious...who buys the food for the family?

 

[GNUmoe]

Your Dad's a grown man. If he understand the health risks involved in his diet, then he has the right to eat what he wants.<br><br><br><br>
Is your dad old? My grandfather had health problems that required him to change his diet, but he was pretty old. He gave up just about everything, but refused to stop eating chocolate, because it was something he enjoyed in his old age.<br><br><br><br>
Much like with smokers who are older, the whole "I'm going to die anyway" mentality. We want my grandma to stop smoking because she's very weak, and may have developed emphysema now. Of course she won't quit.<br><br><br><br>
If your father really believes meat in enriching his life, then that's what he'll eat. My advice is to cook dinner for your family as often as you can. Don't say "I'm making <i>vegan</i> food and you haveto eat it or you'll DIE!!" Don't try to talk to him, don't try to convert him - or he'll never change!! Just make it silently, or put a small portion of meat on the side for him. If you make food geared towards his taste and he enjoys it, maybe he'll ask you to cook more often, or he'll like that food better.<br><br><br><br>
Only be mildly offended by the meat-smelling thing. It's the equivalent of going to dinner and having a family member smirk and say "mmmm...chicken.."<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/rolleyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="">

 

[Silver]

Why don't you make him a big salami sandwich - made with Yves brand veggie salami. Just give it to him with a smile. After he eats it, ask him how he liked it. Then, perhaps you don't have to tell him what it is, just keep making them for him.