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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Vegan_Liz</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2932059"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
Is it unwise for me to give him a second chance?</div>
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Oh Liz...<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/sad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":("><br><br>
We all have to make our own mistakes, I suppose.
 

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I missed so much while I was asleep.<br><br>
I wouldn't give him a second chance, but if you're going that route, make new friends and things anyway- even if the relationship lasts, it's not healthy to be so dependant. And at the first sight of indiscretion, let him go. Chances are much greater than not that you're going to end up hurt.
 

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Discussion Starter · #64 ·
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>affidavit</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2932142"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
I missed so much while I was asleep.<br><br>
I wouldn't give him a second chance, but if you're going that route, make new friends and things anyway- even if the relationship lasts, it's not healthy to be so dependant. And at the first sight of indiscretion, let him go. Chances are much greater than not that you're going to end up hurt.</div>
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You're 100% right. I need my own life and not have him be my life. You're right about that.
 

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Discussion Starter · #65 ·
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>kpickell</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2932119"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
I don't think I'd have done the second chance thing in this situation. I could be way off base, but it almost sounds like you gave him a second chance because you were scared that you'd be on your own. Remember this: You are never trapped. You can meet new people. You deserve respect.</div>
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Well, the reason my life revolves around him is because I love him a lot. But you're right in the sense that he's all I have right now.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Vegan_Liz</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2932145"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
He's not having sex with anyone else, I'm pretty certain of that.</div>
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<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/dizzy2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":dizzy:"><br><br>
If you do take him back, this guy will be thinking he has it made.<img alt="" src="http://www.veggieboards.com/newvb/image/png;base64,iVBORw0KGgoAAAANSUhEUgAAAA8AAAAPCAIAAAC0tAIdAAABFUlEQVQokZ2QPUvDYBSFn18h9D+4VGiXDOLPcXNwcpCX4BBRaCklpNhCKkVCAkaoStCSvmAc6mCHQikIhToVXApOHSQOedOP0A56pnPPfbgcLvxb+9rOKMrNx8yGTPuELlphCyqfjPj7Mv46+PlU9KTHxwt2aRPafbYW42y4XNUvqBnrBbqPh0CcKuOrZxTzKT2KcoCUUkq5IDJjs5zS8/FKJSmTdWYMWptabqPbdhpN+9xeKS+EEEIs6MTrx0uA0GXSU/8adHgPeL0jdHm4xm/gWXgWFT2ltYLiBh3e7tc+61k4Jo7J3u5KapcUGvmELucnKndMbqqcHpFVzVAFghZtG7+hrm5AExXzNMtLuqKvF/irfgEz/q/+pKc7gwAAAABJRU5ErkJggg==" style="border:0px solid;">
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Vegan_Liz</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2932147"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
You're 100% right. I need my own life and not have him be my life. You're right about that.</div>
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Well, that's a step in the right direction, no matter what happens. Even if you love him so much, your life doesn't have to revolve around him.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>affidavit</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2932189"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
Well, that's a step in the right direction, no matter what happens. Even if you love him so much, your life doesn't have to revolve around him.</div>
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Not only does it not have to...it shouldn't. It's just not healthy. You are 2 separate people. Don't become his property, become an independently happy human being, in a relationship that propels that happiness to a greater height, not one that keeps you at it's mercy out of fear.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Alicia Avocado</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2932002"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
I know this is a bit of a corny metaphor but it illustrates my point....Men are like outdoor cats, you nurture them and have the honeymoon phase, and then you let them out. Sometimes they find new homes, and your heart hurts for a while, but, when they come back to you time after time it's worth it.</div>
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I dont believe most men are like cats at all. Men only stray if they want to and that is the opportunity to shut the door on them forever.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Vegan Wannabe</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2932196"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
Not only does it not have to...it shouldn't. It's just not healthy. You are 2 separate people. Don't become his property, become an independently happy human being, in a relationship that propels that happiness to a greater height, not one that keeps you at it's mercy out of fear.</div>
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I agree.<br><br>
A lot of people stay in crap relationships using the excuse "but I love him." You might want to think whether or not that's even true? Why do you love him? Do these new details you've learned about him mean that the he isn't who you thought he was? Are you really in love with him or just who you thought he was/could be? Don't let the desire to have a boyfriend and the fear to be alone compel you to stay with someone who doesn't respect you. I really think his hanging up on you says it all. He needed time to think of good responses; he knows he did something wrong.
 

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I think the saying goes: "Dont make someone a priority in your life who makes you an option in theirs." This man sees you as an option of many, and he likely wants to keep his open. Do you really want someone who is looking over your shoulder all the time?
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Freesia</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2932309"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
I dont believe most men are like cats at all. Men only stray if they want to and that is the opportunity to shut the door on them forever.</div>
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You mis-understood my metaphor. I didn't mean if they cheat and come back, I just meant if you give a man freedom and he comes back - it's a good sign. If he wanders off it's a sign that he's just not ready or interested. Example: You can be the kind of girl who thinks she 'owns' him and texts him 20,000 times a day to see what he's doing. Or you could take things slow, give time and space, and see if the effort you put in, and the caring you put in, is given back to you.
 

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If you give him freedom he shouldnt walk off, he should stay put of his own volition. I would not want someone who strayed and tried to come back. Especially if they hung up on me, or left me talking to a drunken weirdo while rescuing the female who is with me.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Freesia</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2932331"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
If you give him freedom he shouldnt walk off, he should stay put of his own volition. I would not want someone who strayed and tried to come back. Especially if they hung up on me, or left me talking to a drunken weirdo while rescuing the female who is with me.</div>
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I think that's what Alicia means. The "straying" bit is only to fit into the cat metaphor if I'm not mistaken.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>dormouse</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2932316"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
I agree.<br><br>
A lot of people stay in crap relationships using the excuse "but I love him." You might want to think whether or not that's even true? Why do you love him? Do these new details you've learned about him mean that the he isn't who you thought he was? Are you really in love with him or just who you thought he was/could be? Don't let the desire to have a boyfriend and the fear to be alone compel you to stay with someone who doesn't respect you. I really think his hanging up on you says it all. He needed time to think of good responses; he knows he did something wrong.</div>
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<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/yes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":yes:"><br><br>
Personally, I don't think any good can come of second chances. A second chance to be a jerk will just prolong the whole thing and add more pain than there already is. The things he did were pretty bad.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>dormouse</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2932338"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
I think that's what Alicia means. The "straying" bit is only to fit into the cat metaphor if I'm not mistaken.</div>
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Thanks Dormouse - exactly.
 

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Discussion Starter · #77 ·
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>dormouse</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2932316"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
I agree.<br><br>
A lot of people stay in crap relationships using the excuse "but I love him." You might want to think whether or not that's even true? Why do you love him? Do these new details you've learned about him mean that the he isn't who you thought he was? Are you really in love with him or just who you thought he was/could be? Don't let the desire to have a boyfriend and the fear to be alone compel you to stay with someone who doesn't respect you. I really think his hanging up on you says it all. He needed time to think of good responses; he knows he did something wrong.</div>
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I've always thought of love as...what you love in someone else is what they do with their freedom and I do believe that apart of being human is to make mistakes, sometimes really horrid and painful mistakes that not only hurt you but others around you. I feel that by and large I know him- I know things that he's done and somethings that he's done I don't agree with but I still love him for all that he is. But if he can't stop hurting me, I'm going to to have to end it because that's no way to live.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Vegan_Liz</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2932501"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
I've always thought of love as...what you love in someone else is what they do with their freedom and I do believe that apart of being human is to make mistakes, sometimes really horrid and painful mistakes that not only hurt you but others around you. I feel that by and large I know him- I know things that he's done and somethings that he's done I don't agree with but I still love him for all that he is. But if he can't stop hurting me, I'm going to to have to end it because that's no way to live.</div>
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The thing is, it doesn't MATTER that you love him. You are thinking entirely with your heart. You need to listen to your brain, which I'm sure is telling you that this guy is bad news. I have loved alcoholics, liars, gambling addicts, and druggies. That doesn't mean that I should have stayed with those men. They had no place in my life, and consistently hurt me. He WILL continue to hurt you, so why not end it now?
 

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Well I am glad you have in mind that you have to watch him and get proof that he really does want to be in a relationship. I think I was quite fortunate in a way, I was dumped. I probably would have stayed with him if he had asked, I dont know if I would myself have had the courage to end it.<br><br>
It meant that I had no choice but to go and I had to go through all the awful crap I went through. 6 months later, I am actually glad that he broke up with me. I am glad not to be with him because I felt so lousy when I was with him, I felt really bad about myself and I felt like it was my fault that he didnt seem interested in me.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>sequoia</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2932513"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
He WILL continue to hurt you</div>
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^This needs repeating until it sinks in.<br><br>
Be strong! *ehugs*
 
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