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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vegan_Liz View Post

Well the trust is lost at this point.
I dont see how you can continue a relationship without trust.
Once its gone, its over in myopinion. The person you are with must be someone you trust utterly, with every aspect of your life. And reguardless of what people say I dont think its something that can be earned or won back. Ever.

My friends boyfriend did pretty much the same thing, talked to other women online and even met them in bars behind her back. She took him back but she still doesnt fully trust him after 2 years...
 

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Stasher is right. As hard as it is to separate your emotions, you must. If you let him get away with it this time, what makes you think he won't do it again? He clearly knows you are dependent on him so maybe his train of thought is that you won't leave him, so why not? Just put yourself first and don't let a relationship dictate your life. Hugs!
 

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I know this is a bit of a corny metaphor but it illustrates my point....Men are like outdoor cats, you nurture them and have the honeymoon phase, and then you let them out. Sometimes they find new homes, and your heart hurts for a while, but, when they come back to you time after time it's worth it.

I have a feeling that your tomcat has wandered into another household and is getting milk elsewhere unfortunately. If you have that suspicious feeling that he can't be trusted, and there is evidence to support those feelings, then you both need to talk. However, he is resistant to the conversation it seems, and a relationship without trust and communication is like a fishing boat without paddles...it goes no where.

I am so so so sorry to hear this. I know the pain because it happened to me. In fact, he even took her (who was an ex) on a boating trip and told me 'another time we can.' Yeah, right. Then when I tried to befriend her she was a total ***** to me....hmmm.......interesting. It hurt, but it had to end. Now I am with someone I can trust, who has female friends, but never, ever, gets touchy with them, has secret meetings, hidden photos, etc. Once an old love interest of him called him at work trying to get him interested, he flat out refused her and told her (she's in her 40's) that he has me and it's staying that way. (She was pretty shot down since I'm 25 and he's 52 LOL). I may of rambled a bit here....but there's an example of a 'cat coming back.' He was worth all the heartbreak to find.

It's entirely your call, but I think that you are obviously a loving and caring person who deserves someone who makes you a priority in their life. (Hugs).
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vegan_Liz View Post

I live in a dorm I should say. I just meant that he is the only person I know here.

And I said this to her "I realize that you're single but my boyfriend is not. Please respect that and be a woman's woman. I made Ben block you because I feel that what you guys said to each other was wrong and crossed the line. You're an attractive girl, you don't need to be confirmed on that by every guy."
Although you were very diplomatic here (I really admire your self restraint...seriously) I think that he, and she, are both adults who knew you two were together. They know what they were doing was wrong, and they continued on anyway. She's not worth your words. As for looks, they fade. All the 'hotties' I know from college days now are 20lbs heavier, 10 years older, have C-section scars, and are a bit bitter about slowly losing the one thing they cherished most - their looks. She'll be one of them. As for him, like most cheaters, this may be a habit that's hard to break.
 

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Discussion Starter · #45 ·
Hey you guys, I really appreciate the posts on here. They've really given me a lot to think about.

He and I talked late into the night, and he apologized and said that he didn't know what he was thinking and that it will never happen again. He's planning on coming back to pick me up today and we're going to spend the rest of the week together. I don't know if it's a good idea or not. I'm still really mad and hurt but I still love him.

And you guys are right, I shouldn't date someone that I don't trust but...I feel like that was just really out of line and really out of character. I mean I feel that he is flirty but that was just too much.
 

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If you continue to make unwise decisions, the results you get will continue to result in unhappy feelings.
 

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If you read my story above then Ill say this.
That friend took him back, he said he'd never do it again, she meant more to him.

3 days later she heard him phoning a sexline.

People rarely change when it comes to things like this in my opinion.
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vegan_Liz View Post

Is it unwise for me to give him a second chance?
Sometimes if they think there is a 'second chance' they assume there will be a third, and a forth. I'd suggest telling him how you feel right now about TRUST. If you can't trust him, tell him he made his choice, and it's her.
 

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Discussion Starter · #50 ·
I looked at him and said that if he ever does anything like this again, I'm going to break up with him and I meant it.
 

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Discussion Starter · #51 ·
The funny thing is is that she doesn't even want him because she just moved to another state but still wanted his attention. And he still gave it to her as much as he could. And what really hurts me is that he was still talking to this girl and all of this was happening right under my nose.
 

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Personally when my boyfriend starts giving all his attentions and emotional affection to another woman...id be calling it a day.
 

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Discussion Starter · #53 ·
He said that he doesn't know what he was thinking, that he kind of wasn't really even thinking- but they've been together since may.
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vegan_Liz View Post

I looked at him and said that if he ever does anything like this again, I'm going to break up with him and I meant it.
If you want to pursue a second chance, that's cool, it is truly your choice. However, tread carefully and guard your heart a bit dear one. He needs to work damn hard to get your trust back and he had better stop communicating with her (by his own will) because it's clear they aren't just friends. If he does one 'mis-step' (texting other women, calling them, lying, etc) then just end it before history repeats itself.
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vegan_Liz View Post

The funny thing is is that she doesn't even want him because she just moved to another state but still wanted his attention. And he still gave it to her as much as he could. And what really hurts me is that he was still talking to this girl and all of this was happening right under my nose.
It's the rush of 'I got the attentions of a guy who is attached!' that really gets these kind of chicks off. They typically have low-self esteem despite good looks, and this helps them feel better about themselves.
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vegan_Liz View Post

So that's a long time of not thinking.
I think this answers any questions you were asking about trust and second chances.
It was going on this long because he wanted it to. He liked the attention too...flirting is addictive. Everyone likes to be flattered.
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by .Goth-Alice. View Post

I think this answers any questions you were asking about trust and second chances.
It was going on this long because he wanted it to. He liked the attention too...flirting is addictive. Everyone likes to be flattered.
+1
 

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I don't think I'd have done the second chance thing in this situation. I could be way off base, but it almost sounds like you gave him a second chance because you were scared that you'd be on your own. Remember this: You are never trapped. You can meet new people. You deserve respect.
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vegan_Liz View Post

He and I talked late into the night, and he apologized and said that he didn't know what he was thinking and that it will never happen again.
The reason men like your boyfriend get away with treating women disrespectfully time after time, is because so many women like yourself are desperate to believe this absolute crock of **** they tell you.

Quote:
And you guys are right, I shouldn't date someone that I don't trust but...I feel like that was just really out of line and really out of character
It's not out of character, that IS his character. The guy that didn't care when the drunk perve at the bar was hitting on you and walked away with another girl, the one that hung up on you on the phone when you started asking awkward questions, the type that is ****ing another woman (possibly more) behind your back, the type that uploads secret facebook photos that you are blocked from seeing. That's all HIM Liz.
 
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