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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
But I don't know if I <i>should</i> be upset.<br><br>
I'm going to just say now that this is basically my first relationship so I'm not exactly an expert when it comes to relationships. And this has nothing to do with veganism or vegetarianism conflicts in a relationship.<br><br>
It's just that I really don't have anyone that can give me objective advice on this, I'm new to the area and don't have anyone I can depend on except my boyfriend.<br><br>
So with that being said, I am upset right now because I'm not sure if I'm being disrespected or not concerning how my boyfriend is with other women.<br><br>
He and I have been dating over 8 months now and by and large I'm really happy with him and for the first time ever, I'm in love and I feel like I have a great best friend in him. But there are certain things that just don't feel right regarding how he is with his female friends but I feel like I might be over reading it because I've never been that close with anyone of the opposite sex.<br><br>
My boyfriend makes an effort to make sure that I'm friends with his girl friends but there is one girl that I still haven't met that he has a romantic past with. And he's around her all the time but I still haven't met her and I asked him why and he said that he has a feeling that she's avoiding meeting me and I can't help but wonder why he's okay with that. Also there have been some instances where I feel as though he's been putting her before me...I can give you some examples if you think that would help you decide what's up better.<br><br>
And last night I was out with him and another one of his girl friends and he was very huggy with her and had his arm around her while they talked. The previous night there was a guy hitting on me at the bar and she was standing with me but my boyfriend came over and rescued her while leaving me to stand there alone with this perverted drunk.<br><br>
Now here is where I'm going to sound bad, his facebook was up today...and I looked at it. There are photos on it with him hugging his past love interest and these are photos that I can't see. And I went to his messages and he calls his girlfriends "hun." and I don't know how I feel about that because I thought I was the only person that he calls hun. I feel like the only difference between me and his girl pals is that he's having sex with me. And sometimes I feel like he's much sweeter to them than me and it really throws me off. The inside jokes that we have together, I found out that he also has them with them too and him calling me pet names, it's not just something he does with me.<br><br>
I just feel very unspecial....and maybe even a little betrayed?
 

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I'm sorry you're feeling betrayed by your boyfriend. I think it really does depend on your relationship - some peoples relationships are much more casual/open/less possessive/etc than others. That said, if it's making you unhappy, something needs to change - because relationships are meant to make you feel good!<br><br>
I think it's fine for a boyfriend to have female friends, even ones you haven't met (infact my boyfriend and I haven't met many of eachothers friends and we've been going out nearly 3 years!), and I think if you trust eachother it shouldn't be a problem.<br><br>
I think a lot of the things you describe could be taken many different ways - to me, putting your arm around a girl is a girlfriend-boyfriend thing, as it's possessive and flirty - but then to somebody else it might just be friendly behaviour. I know my boyfriend would be very possessive if I was being hit on - but I know other peoples boyfriends who don't mind at all and don't take any notice. Calling people "hun" could just be friendly, but for other people pet-names are kept for intimate relationships. So it's understandable that you're confused - but you <i>know</i> your boyfriend, is he a very friendly guy and this is just how he treats his friends, or is it something he's been hiding from you?<br><br>
What I do think is quite telling is that you've been checking up on him - it sounds like you don't trust him. The pictures could have innocent explainations - but it does sound suspicious - it's certainly something that would worry me.<br><br>
I think what you really need to do is talk to him - don't come down on him like a ton of bricks with a list of what's upsetting you - but maybe let him know you're not comfortable with how intimate he seems with his other girlfriends? Try to put it into "I" sentences, not "you" ones, so it doesn't look like you're blaming him, rather you're telling him how you're feeling.<br><br>
I'd also wait untill you've stopped feeling so upset before talking, so you can think about what you want to say, and talk with a clear head. I hope it works out for you - could you maybe chat to a parent or close friend? I often find it's good to get the perspective of someone who knows the two of you <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"> plus a trouble shared really is a trouble halved, as corny as it sounds.
 

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I would absolutely be upset by all of that. I don't think you're overreacting. Does this other girl have a boyfriend or something? From what you describe, it does sound like he has some hang-ups with her, perhaps he still likes her. Maybe your boyfriend doesn't take your relationship as seriously as you do. It might definitely be worth talking to him about, and his response will give you more insight into his feelings and motivations.<br><br>
Honestly, it reminds me a little bit of me and my current boyfriend, but the roles were switched. He had a girlfriend six months or so ago when he got back from a study-abroad trip. I didn't want to meet her, since I had developed a crush on him. (He had told me he liked me months earlier, before he went to study-abroad.) Well, obviously, he's broken up with this other girl, who he basically just had a fling with, and is dating me seriously. I feel bad that this other girl got caught in the middle of our awkward timing, but I don't think there's anything that could be done about it.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
My boyfriend called this girl Beautiful and told her that he dates down, but in a joking way. I called him and told him how I felt just now and he hung up on me.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Vegan_Liz</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2931216"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
My boyfriend called this girl Beautiful and told her that he dates down, but in a joking way. I called him and told him how I felt just now and he hung up on me.</div>
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That is so disrespectful to you, both of those things. I hate to say this, but this guy doesn't sound like he's good for you. If he were a good boyfriend, he'd care that you were upset about something and at least listen to what you had to say. Bad news. You can do better.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
I can't stop crying and I'm at his house, stuck here while he's hanging out with his friends. I called asking for him to come home and he hung up and isn't responding to my text messages.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":hug:">
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>dormouse</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2931223"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
That is so disrespectful to you, both of those things. I hate to say this, but this guy doesn't sound like he's good for you. If he were a good boyfriend, he'd care that you were upset about something and at least listen to what you had to say. Bad news. You can do better.</div>
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I gotta say I agree. At first I was cautious because I know a lot of people with much more casual relationships than me, and I thought this guy could just be very friendly and touchy-feely. But that is not a respectful thing to say about your girlfriend, joking or not, it's downright horrible.<br><br>
Do you have a friend, or family member, or somebody you could call to chat to and spend time with? Being sad on your own isn't nice. I think you need to think about what you want in your relationship, and what you're actually getting, and go from there.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
I have no family or friends here. I'm from the west coast and I'm living in NE. I have no one. I'm alone.
 

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I hope you do. Even if he has some explanation, he's being a pig.<br><br>
Break up, that was. I missed the last two posts.<br><br>
Call someone up, if you can. Talk with them until he comes home. Use his long distance <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/wink3.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=";)">
 

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Leave him, certainly. Where you move or leave to is up to you. Some independence might be good for you, but so might moving back home and getting some support.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":hug:"><br><br>
He really doesn't sound good for you. You deserve someone who will respect you.<br>
Stay strong, you'll get through this.
 

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I am so sorry, Liz. My last relationship i certainly felt similar to how you do. The advantage of having dated someone who is all over other people, is that it is easier to recognise them when they come along in the future, and weed out the octopuses and the Mr Many Female Friends's and be able to recognise a great, committed guy when he comes along. (((((((hugs))))))))
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Vegan_Liz</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2931106"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
But I don't know if I <i>should</i> be upset.<br><br>
I'm going to just say now that this is basically my first relationship so I'm not exactly an expert when it comes to relationships. And this has nothing to do with veganism or vegetarianism conflicts in a relationship.<br><br>
It's just that I really don't have anyone that can give me objective advice on this, I'm new to the area and don't have anyone I can depend on except my boyfriend.<br><br>
So with that being said, I am upset right now because I'm not sure if I'm being disrespected or not concerning how my boyfriend is with other women.<br><br>
He and I have been dating over 8 months now and by and large I'm really happy with him and for the first time ever, I'm in love and I feel like I have a great best friend in him. But there are certain things that just don't feel right regarding how he is with his female friends but I feel like I might be over reading it because I've never been that close with anyone of the opposite sex.<br><br>
My boyfriend makes an effort to make sure that I'm friends with his girl friends but there is one girl that I still haven't met that he has a romantic past with. And he's around her all the time but I still haven't met her and I asked him why and he said that he has a feeling that she's avoiding meeting me and I can't help but wonder why he's okay with that. Also there have been some instances where I feel as though he's been putting her before me...I can give you some examples if you think that would help you decide what's up better.<br><br>
And last night I was out with him and another one of his girl friends and he was very huggy with her and had his arm around her while they talked. The previous night there was a guy hitting on me at the bar and she was standing with me but my boyfriend came over and rescued her while leaving me to stand there alone with this perverted drunk.<br><br>
Now here is where I'm going to sound bad, his facebook was up today...and I looked at it. There are photos on it with him hugging his past love interest and these are photos that I can't see. And I went to his messages and he calls his girlfriends "hun." and I don't know how I feel about that because I thought I was the only person that he calls hun. I feel like the only difference between me and his girl pals is that he's having sex with me. And sometimes I feel like he's much sweeter to them than me and it really throws me off. The inside jokes that we have together, I found out that he also has them with them too and him calling me pet names, it's not just something he does with me.<br><br>
I just feel very unspecial....and maybe even a little betrayed?</div>
</div>
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Express these concerns to him. If he's dismissive, defensive or angry about anything you say to him (bring it up in a nice way, don't accuse, just express what's bothering you), well, you should take that as a major red flag. Your gut/instinct is usually right.
 
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