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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Sometimes he's very supportive but sometimes I just don't think he gets it. He's cooks for me a lot and makes sure to check the labels on things which I think it really sweet. However, he won't even try being veggie for a week and sometimes he says things that just make me irate. He says he "can't" be veg*n and craves meat too much which really makes me angry and makes me see him as a glutton. He also said something the other day that really irked me, we were talking about dinner and he was about to say a recipe with meat in it. He stopped before he finished and said "Ugh, why don't you why meat?!" What?! We argued after that. I think it's like dating some in another religion it can work but it's HARD. Anyone have similar problems?
 

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It sounds like he tries to respect your beliefs, so you have to remember to respect his.<br><br>
One of the most difficult things to do in situations like this is to try and accept other peoples' standpoints, however wrong you think they are. It relates very similarly to the religion while dating debate, but I don't know your religious stance so I can't make an accurate analogy. I suppose it would suffice to say, imagine a couple in which one member is a Christian and the other is an atheist. The atheist boyfriend believes that there is no god, and that believing in a god to a degree large enough to affect your life is silly. He does not go out of his way to insult or harass Christians and similar believers and is in fact very kind to them usually unless provoked, but nonetheless has his own views. The girlfriend believes that there is in fact a God. She has been raised a Christian her entire life and, while she doesn't go out of her way to attack people who don't believe in God, she is also quite opinionated and has clear cut views. The two of them are together as a couple for other reasons, and find that their religious beliefs clash. Now, I don't know your religious standpoint but you probably agree with one or the other, but can you see what I'm trying to say here? Both think the other is wrong and that they are right. They both have to accept that, however, before they can have a meaningful relationship with someone they definitely love.<br><br>
The feeling that your boyfriend is not quite as accepting of you as you want him to be is probably mutual. He does not believe that eating meat is morally wrong, and he believes that just as strongly as you believe that it is morally wrong. In order to see this, imagine yourself taking a step back from the whole thing and looking at the two of you from a completely neutral standpoint. Think of the couple with religious differences, an issue you do not have, and compare it to your issue. Forget what is right and wrong for a moment, and remember that opinions are opinions and people will always have them. He might change his opinion, but for now, try to be a little more accepting of him because he is obviously trying his best, even though it does not correlate with his beliefs, to be accepting of you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I know, I'm not saying I want him to change I just think it wouldn't hurt him to at least try it for a while. I realize our views are different and that he cares, I'm just saying sometimes it's hard. We have different religious points of view but it's easier for me to deal with that because he's open to other religions more than he is with veg*n.
 

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Ah, I see what you're saying. Also, I friended you <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/grin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":D">
 

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For an ethical vegan, it's not about respecting a meat eater's beliefs. There's nothing respectable about the belief/practice that it's o.k. to create lifelong misery and premature death of innocent animals for a taste preference or out of laziness.<br><br>
You may be able to tolerate the behavior, or accept who he is though. Some ethical vegans can do that with a partner, some can't.<br><br>
It's not really analogous to differing religious beliefs, because a differing religious belief doesn't automatically mean that innocent beings will be subjected to mass torture and slaughter.<br><br>
It would be closer to being an abolitionist who was partnered with a slaveholder, 200 years ago in the south.<br><br>
Maybe you can watch the movie "Earthlings" together (available for free on-line as a streaming video). You might say that this is something that means a lot to you, and here's why...
 

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I think at some point you have to realize that being a vegetarian was as much your choice as not being is his. And maybe you don't agree, and maybe you wish he'd at least try being a vegetarian, but he is who he is and you can absolutely not expect to have a relationship with someone whom you want to change. I'd consider how important it is for you to be with a vegetarian vs. how important it is to be with this person. You hoping to change him is no different for him than if you found out he was dating you, but he hoped to change you into a meat eater...
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Irizary</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2896071"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
For an ethical vegan, it's not about respecting a meat eater's beliefs. There's nothing respectable about the belief/practice that it's o.k. to create lifelong misery and premature death of innocent animals for a taste preference or out of laziness.<br><br>
You may be able to tolerate the behavior, or accept who he is though. Some ethical vegans can do that with a partner, some can't.<br><br>
It's not really analogous to differing religious beliefs, because a differing religious belief doesn't automatically mean that innocent beings will be subjected to mass torture and slaughter.<br><br>
It would be closer to being an abolitionist who was partnered with a slaveholder, 200 years ago in the south.<br><br>
Maybe you can watch the movie "Earthlings" together (available for free on-line as a streaming video). You might say that this is something that means a lot to you, and here's why...</div>
</div>
<br>
You have some amazing posts <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"><br><br>
I would personally aim for a vegan, maybe a vegetarian. I'm not in such a rush that I need a girlfriend this second. I just don't have the temper to deal with an omnivore. If they were interested in the lifestyle and I thought they'd consider changing, maybe. Otherwise it'd probably turn into a fight the first time we sat down to eat.<br><br>
I get that from my parents aswell. That I need to accept what they do. I don't need to accept ****. I'll tolerate it at best, but I'm not going to "respect" their life ending decisions as this isn't a matter of personal preference... there's just right, and wrong.
 

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Well, I'm married to an omni for 6 months now, and thus far am very happy. It can work. It just depends on a few things. For one, he does respect my vegetarianism and doesn't try to get me to eat meat. It sounds like your guy is pretty good that way too. Also, we can have meaningful debates on the subject without hurt feelings. He understands my reasoning and I understand his (even though mine's better of course. :p). Additionally, he doesn't ask me to cook meat and will in fact eat vegetarian meals that I cook, provided he likes them. I make some delicious pesto. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"><br><br>
Finally, I do think there's an important question you have to ask yourself that is what Irizary and Back-Space are talking about. Can you accept something you see as a flaw in the other person and love them anyway? Can you see him as a good person? I can see my husband as a good person, just as I can see a cat as a good animal despite the fact that it tortures bunnies before killing them. I don't say this to start a debate about whether we are naturally omni or anything. I'm just saying that different people have different tolerances for that sort of thing. Different cut off points. Different beliefs. You should figure out where yours is and if this relationship fits in those limits. Whatever happens, I hope you find happiness. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)">
 
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