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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I am just curious about everyone's thoughts and maybe I can get some advise. I have been with my boyfriend for about 2 1/2 years. I am a vegan and he is not. This is becoming a major issue for me and the more I think about it the more it drives me crazy. We are living with my parents now so luckily he eats dinner with my parents and I make my own little thing on the side. But I wish I could do more. I wish that it didn't make me sick to cook meat. Anyway, Eventually my parents aren't going to be there to cook dinner so what do I do when we are on our own? He is absolutely against eating a vegan diet because he thinks that a person cannot live as a vegan. I am thinking about going to a nutritionist to kind of debate the issue. I'm just tired of everything being one sided. We have never gone to a vegan restaurant because he doesn't like it and he doesn't care that I always have to suffer at the restaurants that gives him a variety. I just want to be somewhat on the same page and I don't know how to do that.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>jenikristine</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2960172"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
We have never gone to a vegan restaurant because he doesn't like it and he doesn't care that I always have to suffer at the restaurants that gives him a variety.</div>
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How does he know he doesn't like it, if you've never gone? I've been to lots of vegan restaurants, some are great and some are not. Some dishes are much better than others. He will probably have to dry more than once and keep an open mind about it. I think it would be fair to each choose the restaruant half the time.
 

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I've never been to a vegan restaurant either <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/sad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":("><br>
My family refuses to go, even once to try it.<br>
Because "they're not vegetarian, so they shouldn't have to go"<br>
With that logic, I should never have to walk into a Mcdonalds ever again.
 

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I was in a relationship with someone like your boyfriend.<br><br>
Honestly....it's not even about the restaurant choice; its the disrespect of you, your values and not taking them into consideration once in a while. The fact that he is completely against the idea and is not open to trying anything while you bend over backwards to make him happy puts up a seriously red flag if you are looking for your life long partner to be vegan or at least vegetarian.... and in general as well since someone who lacks respect for someone else isn't just a vegetarian/vegan issue, its a relationship issue.<br><br>
I hate to say this, but if you guys don't work on these issues now, you may not break up soon, but you will eventually.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
I have had my boyfriend try different things that I bring home and he usually tries what I give him but he wont eat it for a meal. One bite and he is good. I actually told my mom tonight that I was going to go to a nutritionist with my boyfriend to talk about being vegan and she said "but you are the one who chose to be this way". But I feel that he chose to be with me knowing that I was this way so why should I have to suffer. There has to be some compromising here! At least a little.<br><br>
Phoenix Days, I agree that I shouldn't have to step into a McDonalds again lol.<br><br>
Yellowduckie21, you worded that perfectly!!! He has more people on his side in this debate, which makes it easy for him but he is the one that chose me... I do feel hurt over this and it is, more so than not, disrespect. I really don't ask for a lot, if I even ask for anything. The truth is hard to hear but I agree that there needs to be some changes!<br><br>
Thanks!!!!!
 

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I just have to say that omni relationships are minefields and it is important to consider it from the other person's perspective. Bear in mind that you also chose to date him knowing that he was an omni and he may see any attempt on your part to 'change him' as just as bad as you would feel if he attempted to talk you out of being vegan.<br><br>
By all means talk about this and if he is willing, go see a dietician, but don't expect him to change. Be aware that you are effectively telling him he is doing things wrong and he has been for his whole life, and you are asking him to make what may seem like an enormous sacrifice.<br><br>
On the other hand you should expect him to be respectful of your choices. If you move out together, don't cook meat if you don't want to, if you do the cooking then cook vegan and he can eat it or cook for himself, and have separate cookware and pans if you feel more comfortable. Expect him to be flexible on restaurant choices and in turn you could work out all the places with vegan options so that he cant accuse you of not leaving much choice. I can eat off the menu at 90% of the restaurants here and the others can usually scratch something up if I call in advance.<br><br>
If you want to have children some day their diet and lifestyle is worth thinking about. Most vegans would want to raise their children vegan and that's something he is likely to be opposed to if he finds it unhealthy, but if it's a dealbreaker for you let him know.<br><br>
I have been through all this and bf and I have reached a place of mutual 'acceptance' (he knows I am not happy with his choice to eat meat, dairy and eggs but I no longer voice this, and he goes out of my way to buy me vegan chocolates and we try to find restaurants where we can both eat (he has a high protein low calorie diet) and we are 'in discussion' with the potential future kids issue although he has agreed to children being vegan at home) although there are still some flare ups, but compromise is often the best you can do when in a relationship with an omni.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>jenikristine</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2960172"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
He is absolutely against eating a vegan diet because he thinks that a person cannot live as a vegan.</div>
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how long have you been a vegan? If it's more than a few<br>
months why don't you just ask him to explain your continuing existence.lol.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>jenikristine</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2960172"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
Anyway, Eventually my parents aren't going to be there to cook dinner so what do I do when we are on our own?</div>
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Make him cook his own food. I'm not sure if this will work in the long run though, you being the absolute opposite of him regarding lifestyle.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Phoenix Days</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2960188"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
I've never been to a vegan restaurant either <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/sad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":("><br>
My family refuses to go, even once to try it.<br>
Because "they're not vegetarian, so they shouldn't have to go"<br>
With that logic, I should never have to walk into a Mcdonalds ever again.</div>
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I have to agree, you shouldn't!
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
That is great advice lucky_charm! You are are right, I did choose him knowing he ate meat and I have learned that it is a minefield! I'm not so much asking him to change but just be a little more open minded and maybe go to a restaurant where I have more options once in a while. I can eat at many of the restaurants we go to but it is usually the same thing....burritos and veggie burgers. I can try calling in advance for a change to see if that makes a difference though. I am still going to have him go with me to see a dietician because I want her to explain that it isn't as bad as he thinks. It may also just be a cool guy act that he is putting on. I would love to raise my kids without meat and he doesn't. He said that there is absolutely no way and maybe that is something else the dietician can help with. It's not really a relationship that I can just let go of easily. We have been together for so long and we have a lot of commitments so I am trying to just work through this. It helps a lot knowing you have been through this so I am going to kinda try to do what you did and just talk to him about how I feel. I like the idea of the kids being vegan at home. Then I guess as the kids get older it would be up to them to decide what path to take.
 

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You don't even need to go to a dietitian:<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">It is the position of the American Dietetic Association that appropriately planned vegetarian diets, including total vegetarian or vegan diets, are healthful, nutritionally adequate, and may provide health benefits in the prevention and treatment of certain diseases. Well-planned vegetarian diets are appropriate for individuals during all stages of the life cycle, including pregnancy, lactation, infancy, childhood, and adolescence, and for athletes.</div>
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<br><a href="http://www.eatright.org/about/content.aspx?id=8357" target="_blank">http://www.eatright.org/about/content.aspx?id=8357</a><br><br>
That's the official stance of the American Dietetic Association.<br><br>
If he's not willing to go to veg*n restaurants with you, then he's an uncompromising d-bag who you should dump. Not because he won't eat veg*n food, but because he's unwilling to make "sacrifices" or compromise, both of which are essential to a relationship.<br><br>
I know, you're not going to dump him over that, but keep it in mind. My boyfriend is an omnivore (I'm almost done converting him), and in the beginning stages of our relationship he ate way more meat and dairy than he does now. But he had no problem going to veg*n restaurants with me and eating veg*n food. He knew how much animal cruelty bothers me, and didn't want to eat meat in front of me because he knew it would upset me. He would NEVER expect or ask me to cook meat for him. I want to add at this point that I have never "forbidden" him from eating meat or made a fuss about it. He has done all of this of his own volition because he loves, respects, and cares about me (and, increasingly, the animals).
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Sequoia....<br><br>
Thanks for the site! That is awesome that your boyfriend is the way he is! Must be nice to be you. My boyfriend may be this way because I was always willing to suffer at a steak house to please him. I just never got the same treatment in return. Now the more that I talking about it, it is bothering me more. He wouldn't make me cook for him but he also wouldn't make any sacrifices at a restaurant. My birthday is coming...maybe there's some hope in that.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>jenikristine</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2960998"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
Sequoia....<br><br>
Thanks for the site! That is awesome that your boyfriend is the way he is! Must be nice to be you. My boyfriend may be this way because I was always willing to suffer at a steak house to please him. I just never got the same treatment in return. Now the more that I talking about it, it is bothering me more. He wouldn't make me cook for him but he also wouldn't make any sacrifices at a restaurant. My birthday is coming...maybe there's some hope in that.</div>
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Insist on going to a veg*n restaurant for your birthday. If he fusses, then I feel you are well within your right to angry and hurt. It is your birthday, after all.
 

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he is a big boy he should cook for himself.<br><br>
I hope it works out for you. I could never survive this relationship :/
 

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Threads with stories almost identical to this seem to pop up every week or so <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"><br><br>
Where do you want to go with this relationship? Where do you see yourself in a year, 5 years, 10 years, 20 years? Considering your stance on being vegan, and anything else you value for that matter, does he share this vision? My advice is simply to think about what you want in life, decide whether or not things as they are now have the potential to fit into this plan, and then set to work making it happen either way.<br><br>
Every time my girlfriend and I spend a weekend cooking sharing wonderful veg*n meals together and going out to veg*n restaurants, I am reminded of how lucky I am to have a significant other that shares this way of life with me. Now if you had a boyfriend that wasn't veg*n but was willing to make sacrifices to meet your needs, that would be one thing. This is a crucial part of a relationship regardless of dietary preference.
 

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A lot of people have pointed out that you chose to be vegan, but at the same time he is choosing to be omni. Things should be equal...as someone said before, you choose the restaurant one week, he chooses the next. I've never understood why the veg*n is always the one to compromise and do what the omni wants. In other parts of your relationship is it like that? Do you always see the movie he wants to see or watch the TV show he wants to watch?
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>sequoia</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2961006"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
Insist on going to a veg*n restaurant for your birthday. If he fusses, then I feel you are well within your right to angry and hurt. It is your birthday, after all.</div>
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I agree! We'll see what happens!
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Ira</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2961010"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
he is a big boy he should cook for himself.<br><br>
I hope it works out for you. I could never survive this relationship :/</div>
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Oh no don't say that!... But thanks for hoping!
 
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