VeggieBoards banner

1 - 20 of 30 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,072 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Oh my god!<br><br><br><br>
I don't know what to say<br><br><br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/shocked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":eek:">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,351 Posts
<span style="font-size:large;">RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!</span> ......j/k...congrats, I think<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/grin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":D">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,541 Posts
Wow blue! A bit out of the blue? (LOL) Does this have anything to do with Hong Kong outta interest?<br><br><br><br>
What are your instincts saying?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
12,374 Posts
Man, if you're that shocked, I'd assume you're not remotely ready to say yes. Good luck sorting this out!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,072 Posts
Discussion Starter · #8 ·
he said it was spead up because he wanted to tell me before i made decision about hong kong<br><br><br><br>
i think hes trying to sdtop me from going<br><br><br><br>
he was my best friend i've been seeing him for a very small amount of time<br><br><br><br>
i'm in too much shock to say anything
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
8,440 Posts
May I be open and blunt ?<br><br><br><br>
I think that considering your previous experiences in relationships you shouldn't rush in to a marriage.<br><br><br><br>
Marriage should be considered a serious thing.<br><br><br><br>
If you said yes, would you stay in the US and if so what would you do then (job etc)<br><br><br><br>
Would he move with you to HK ?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,541 Posts
Darlin, don't say yes just because he asked you! If you're not sure about where the relationship was going, if it's just because he's trying to make you stay, then it's not the right reason...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
350 Posts
Perhaps you should tell him as flattered as you are, it's a bit premature. Tell to ask again in six months. I'm sure he was quite sincere in his purposal but, it does seem to be a little manipultive. You have a great opportunity for adventure in front of you, as much as he wants to keep you near, he should also want you to do what's most fulfilling for you.<br><br>
There's time to walk the path single, and time to walk with a partner, you need to decide where you are on your path.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
8,451 Posts
i agree with everyone here.<br><br><br><br>
also, why would someone who loves you want to stop you from doing something that you want to do?<br><br><br><br>
if i wanted to go to hong kong for 6 months to teach, my husband would pack my bags and get me to my immunizations. Why? because he wants *me* to be *me*--and if that means going to hong kong, then that's what it means.<br><br><br><br>
conversely, my husband applied for a great fellowship with Paramount Pictures in California. If he gets it, he has to live there for a year. I need to stay in pennsylvania because of my work. If he decides, after tht year, that he needs to stay in CA, then we'll need to figure otu what to do (perhaps just be a bi-coastal couple).<br><br><br><br>
I want him to be him. You know, each person has a vision of themselves that they want to reach: work goals, personal goals, fitness goals, family goals, etc. I shouldn't come into conflict with what he sees for himself. I should be *helping* him make that a reality. and He does the same for me.<br><br><br><br>
If our realities become drastically different, we've actually mentioned that we would get a friendly divorce. If we needed to--in order to live out our true selves. Not that we're looking for one. BUt if it is necessary, then it is necessary.<br><br><br><br>
So, what i'm saying is, if this guy is being selfish (thinking more of his needs and desires to have you around over your needs to be a full human being with certain life experiences that you want), then perhaps not only should you not marry him now, but you should question the foundation of the relationship altogether.<br><br><br><br>
BTW, 6 months is not that long to be apart. If he can't handle 6 months without you, what sort of relationship do you really have?<br><br><br><br>
please.<br><br><br><br>
he doesnt have the "right" to "let you go" or "not let you go"--he doesn't (or shouldn't) have that power.<br><br><br><br>
And even if you are engaged, that doesn't mean that you won't or shouldn't go to hong kong if you want to go. What difference does that make? I went to africa to study for 3 months while engaged to my husband who stayed home!<br><br><br><br>
Really, what is going on underneath?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,133 Posts
If the first word out of your mouth isn't "YES", it isn't right. If you are even thinking the word NO, it isn't right. It's cheaper to say NO now than a divorce a year later.<br><br><br><br>
That is all.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
435 Posts
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">BTW, 6 months is not that long to be apart. If he can't handle 6 months without you, what sort of relationship do you really have?</div>
</div>
<br>
Zoebirds right. When my fi and I started dating, we spent 6 of the first 7 months of our relationship apart (overseas). It only made our bond stronger, and I am grateful for that. That kind of a test on a relationship can be a wonderful thing, because it allows you to explore your emotional connection to someone, without the physical connection interfering. If your relationship cant survive 6 months apart, then I would guess it wouldnt survive years of marriage.<br><br><br><br>
If I was in your position, I would take the job in HK. It sounds like the opportunity of a lifetime. If your relationship survives the trip, maybe then start talking about marriage.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
604 Posts
If his rich and has a heart condition or something then marry him <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/grin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":D">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7,691 Posts
true enough.<br><br><br><br>
if you're still not sure maybe try this: tell him that you both need time to think about it and if time apart will change things you should keep all your doors open until you get back from HK. tell him you'll wear his ring to HK (did he give you a ring? if not skip this) as a reminder, but as a promise ring, and when you get back in 6 months if he still wants to get married he should ask you again, if not you can give back the ring.<br><br><br><br>
i think time apart is a good way to decide. if all you can think about while you're there is him and how much you miss him and all he can think about is you, then maybe you've got something there. if you're completely ok being without him for that long and don't get homesick for him then you'll know what to do when you get home<br><br><br><br>
in either case good luck
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,351 Posts
i still say <span style="font-size:large;">RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!</span> as fast as you can blueserendipity..........go to hong kong...learn wing chung
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
8,451 Posts
yeah<br><br><br><br>
go to hong kong either way<br><br><br><br>
wing chung is great. my friend does it. it's fun to watch. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10,153 Posts
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block"><i>Originally posted by monkeyandbunny</i><br><br><b>If the first word out of your mouth isn't "YES", it isn't right. If you are even thinking the word NO, it isn't right. It's cheaper to say NO now than a divorce a year later.<br><br><br><br>
That is all.</b></div>
</div>
<br><br><br>
Well said.
 
1 - 20 of 30 Posts
Top