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My brother died. it was mostly unexpected. everyone worried about him, that he would die the way he did, but he was thirty four. still living hard, but i thought he had figured it out, how to live hard and not die. but, he hadnt figured it out. he had just been lucky.

grief is still painful and hard. and confusing and stupid, so stupid, and uncomfortable.

for a time, though, grief was so comforting it was exhilarating. I felt like my brother came to me twice in dreams with really powerful messages. The first...there is life after death. Gosh, he was there, smiling like a cat who ate the canary as he showed me these messages. Usually that **** eating grin is reserved for people who "get it." In the dream, I didn't get it. There was a valley in the shadow of death, and he was there, asking people to stay with him. And, I didn't get it until my younger sister told me he came to me and brought me this message. When I pray, sometimes I pray he comes back with other messages, or just to say hi. We weren't close, but I would miss him if I really thought he was gone. His 35th birthday is coming up...

The second message....

Oh, my older sister and i were looking for him in our parent's attic. And, then she asked me, "do you think he's huntin' and fishin' in heaven?"

And, i absolutely pontificated at this point in the dream. Which is so like me in real life. I am such a freakin' Know it all. I've tried to fix that about myself, but it's just not happening.

"No. in heaven, they don't eat animals because they know animals have souls. It's OK to eat animals on earth because we don't have a universal understanding that animals have souls. But, not eating animals is like cleanliness...it's closer to Godliness."

I felt like the message was a message from God brought to me by my brother, and I still think so. It had an immediate and fleeting impact. I quit eating meat for at least 2 weeks, but it was a struggle. I started eating meat at Thanksgiving which was only about 2 weeks after the dream. It was a struggle. If i believe this message, and I do, then I *know* that animals have souls, and I *know* I shouldn't eat them. But, I took the second part as a pass. It was OK because not all people *know* this. It wasn't really a pass, though.

I visited a farm sanctuary over the weekend, and oy, the baby goats, the chickens, the sheep and baby cows acting like cats rubbing on my leg and asking for love. I think I'm done. No more meat for me.
 

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I'm sorry for your loss, sooki. But thank you for sharing your experience.

I, too, feel like being a vegetarian is a more noble path than eating the flesh of other creatures. I'm not sure I think it brings me closer to godliness or to Divinity but I think it makes me more like the person I want to be.
 
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