[luckiecharms]

i seem to be going through a bad patch in my life and the only one i want to blame is God. i hate him for even making the world. I feel so mad I could scream. And though i remain silent I continue to scream inside. I feel like there is a demon in me lighting flames of anger and hatred. The reason I remain silent is because nobody wants to hear about other peoples problems and I dont want my friends to stop hanging around me if they knew my feelings. i dont want to annoy anyone or bother them. But my mom seems to have figured some of this out and wants me to go talk to someone if i dont want to talk to her. i feel confused about everything. I dont want to see my mom crying anymore because of me and becasue she thinks im sad. Because I hate to see the pain i have caused on her just by no longer caring about my life. i just want to know how can i convince her im fine. and if there is anyone who has ever been through anything like this that has advice or can help please post here or pm me. thanks

 

[GhostUser]

*gives LC a big hug*<br><br><br><br>
I'm not sure what kinds of things fill you with anger or hatred, but it does help to get that **** out of your system, be that with a professional (like a therapist) or in some sort of private journal. If you keep that stuff in, it just ferments you, you know? It just festers. You gotta purge it all out, girl.<br><br><br><br>
For one thing, it's TOTALLY NORMAL to have those kinds of feelings. Not that it was that long ago, but when I was your age (I feel funny saying that), I was a pretty dern miserable person. Really. I'm not sure what pulled me out of that funk, though I can say it was a combination of mannny factors and took a couple of years. High school f**king sucks and, socially, can seem like cruel and unusual punishment.<br><br><br><br>
Why do you want to convince your mom that you're fine? You're obviously not fine...you just said that yourself. Be honest with her, as much as you can. She cares for you. That's why she's after you about your feelings.<br><br><br><br>
If you're up for it, I think you should talk to <i>someone</i> about your feelings and thoughts.<br><br><br><br>
I wish I could recommend more, but I'm not sure exactly what's hurting you... Anyhow, you're always free to PM me if you need to...

 

[magates]

When I get in bad period (and that happens like once a month or so) I don't like to talk about it either. I have some bad ways of dealing with it that both of us should avoid like just sulking around, letting just unreasonable anxiety or negative feelings take over me. The good ways to deal with crap/negative emotions are extremly heavy aerobic exercise for at least 30-45 minutes, writing down my feelings and what actions I should take to get into a good/happy state. music and meditation are good too. I understand the diffculty of talking to people even people who really do care like your mom. Its so tough some times to say whats really on your mind. But just think what it will be like if you don't say anything or do anything to make your situation better.<br><br>
I hope you feel better about things soon.

 

[stonecrest]

aww LC, i'm sorry to hear about your rough times. i'm pretty sure everyone goes through feelings of this at some point in their life, when they question paths they've chosen and whatnot. i know that i certainly did, high school was a very depressing 4 years for me.<br><br><br><br>
but i think that it basically boils down to looking at the good/happy things in life and really appreciating them. i don't know exactly why you're feeling this way but i think that a lot us believe that happiness should be given to us, that the world somehow owes us happiness. no matter what our life is like though, we always have the ability to be or not be happy - it's all in your head (see: Shawshank Redemption). there are people in terrible, horrific conditions that have to go through real rough things every single day of their life that still manage to be happy while there are people with millions of dollars and an extremely easy life that are unhappy. it's just a matter of finding what makes you happy and embracing it =)<br><br><br><br>
"do you see the way that tree bends?<br><br>
does it inspire?<br><br>
reaching out to catch the sun's rays<br><br>
a lesson to be applied..."<br><br><br><br>
just keep your chin up, you'll get through this. i can tell that you're one tough cookie.

 

[Seadolphin]

I'm sorry to hear you're going through some rough times, *big hug*

 

[Vegankat]

Luckie, I know <i>exactly</i> how you feel. Between the ages of 14 and 16, and off and on ever since, I had a lot of issues with dealing with anger, hate, sadness, and other strong emotions. Everything seemed magnified a thousand times, and I tried to hide it from my friends and family, but these feelings would sometimes show themselves, often at the worst times. It made people worry a lot.<br><br><br><br>
My advice is to try talking to the person your mom wants you to talk to, even if it's just for your mom's sake. I had a really bad therapist at first, and I resented everyone for sending me there, and for making me feel like I was causing such a fuss. I only did it because I knew I was hurting my mother and I wanted to be able to deal with my negative emotions. I can't say the therapy helped me, it was opening up to people who genuinely cared for me that made it easier to cope. I was self-destructive and I didn't care about my life, but I realized that others cared, and that's what pulled me through. It can take a while, but if you just wait it out, and remember that things really will get better, and talk to people who really, truly care about you (believe it or not, sometimes people really do want to hear about other peoples' problems, and if they really are your friends, they should take the time to listen), you'll be able to tame the anger you have in you.<br><br><br><br><br><br>
If you ever need to talk, feel free to PM me or IM me on AIM at eatingt00thpaste.

 

[soilman]

I'd like to suggest that you find something you might like to volunteer to do, that you think needs to be done, and do it. Like maybe volunteer to provide free entertainment for people in a nursing home or hospice; be a big sister to young girl; tutor children of economicaly disadvantaged mothers living at a shelter. Care about all our lives, including your own. we are all in this life together, tho commonly people like to pretend that we are not.<br><br><br><br>
Find out about how the world works, and what is wrong with the way it works; read about it. Try to figure out who is telling the truth, and who is grinding their own axe. Then struggle to change the way the world works. Set goals for change, and try to achieve them. The struggle is fun, even if you don't succeed in your goal. Feel free to move goals. Play chess with the world. Think, if i do this, what will happen; well what if I do this instead, or C, or D. Try to think of all the consequences of each. If you can't find one move you think is the best move, either hold off moving, or try moving a piece tentatively and see what happens. I like to think of living as being like a chess game.

 

[Thalia]

I hope you feel better. Remember, there is nothing wrong with having strong, negative feelings. Don't feel guilty about them or about making your mom worry.

 

[spud]

The thing about friends is, they are often in the same boat as you, but are hiding it really well. And letting their anger and hurt out in weird pointless ways. When I was 15 I got chewing gum stuck in my hair, grafitti carved on the desk saying 'slag'. My school homework destroyed. Lies and gossip about me. I was in misery for a long time. I found out years later that the people I started to hate and who confused me had big problems. One had a mother in an asylum, one was being beaten up by the father, one had a mother who'd been widowed three times and was crazy. Why they made my life hell I never have worked out, it felt totally unfair at the time. But it wasn't god's fault, it was just part of my destiny, part of my growing up wise and strong. A lesson in coping. I wish those friends had confided in me early on instead of keeping secrets and behaving badly. But that's the way it is sometimes. Someone has to take a chance, take risks and open up. Who's going to be first to be vunerable? Real friends love you most when you are making mistakes and being horrid. Everyone is your friend if you are a nice happy person. Companions are not the same as friends. Companions come and go by the thousands throughout your life.<br><br>
Maybe you should trust your mom enough to tell her all about it. Moms were young once too. And if it's any consolation your life has a particular purpose, even though you can't see it right now. You might be one person who saves the world, invents a cure for unhappiness or runs an animal sanctuary. You might be the parent of the next Jesus. You should look after yourself- your place in the scheme of things will become clear. Because you are sensitive and questioning you may not have an easy life, but you will probably have a meaningful and rewarding one.<br><br>
And there's a lot of us on this board who have become very fond of you.

 

[1vegan]

Luckiecharms,<br><br><br><br>
I wish I could help you, but I dont know how..<br><br><br><br>
You can hide a lot, but it will cost you lots of energy and it doesnt work in the end.<br><br><br><br>
Sometimes it helps to know that every goes through river deep, mountain highs periods in live.<br><br><br><br>
I think you all ready made the most important step and that is to share it with others.<br><br>
Dont expect too much from professionals, they can only guide through the valley of your live. (this might be personal, frustrated experience)<br><br><br><br>
You can always Pm or email me.

 

[soilman]

You might want to learn to play a musical instrument or sing and join a music-making group. Music always makes me feel better. Both listening to it, and "speaking" back. Or do dance. Or some kind of artistic craft -- make tables? Bowls? Paintings that express your feelings, rotten as they are, that people enjoy looking at and saying, wow that's rotten, I love it. Or writing stories, about things in your life, only embroider and embellish them so that poeple who read them can say, wow, that's rotten, I love it.

 

[1vegan]

Hi LC, how are things now ?

 

[Seadolphin]

LC, have things gotten better? Where have you been? I haven't seen you around much lately...come back soon!

 

[GhostUser]

Yeah, I miss LuckieCharms. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/sad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="">

 

[stonecrest]

it says that she last stopped by VB today. speak LC! tell us what's happening in your life! hopefully good things <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="">

 

[CaptainSwab]

Big *hug* to you. Just know you can always vent here and we will listen and try to give you support. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="">

 

[GhostUser]

Me likes you already Captain <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/cool3.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="">

 

[spud]

LC had parent hassle methinks.<br><br>
I want to adopt LC. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="">

 

[GhostUser]

I know..she's such a sweetie isn't she? I just find myself wanting to help her all the time for some reason.

 

[spud]

I lurve teenagers. I tried to adopt Vegankat and Mikie but they grew up.