[MoonJumper]

Alright, so I would have developed one looong ago if I could figure out how to make myself throw up. I still try to a lot, I'll stick a toothbursh in my throat, etc. but I guess my body is just too...good or something and unless I'm really sick I don't throw up.

Anyway, I am in high school and really involved in acting. That, my dears, is a terrible combination. In high school, well obviously there is an obsession with being thin, but at least there are a lot of people who aren't stick thin. Unfortunately in the showbiz world, hardly anyone is overweight in the slightest. People in the healthy range look fat. So, when I was younger I used to be overweight, weighing 135 lbs at 5 feet tall. My sister and I went on a very healthy diet, actually, and I went down to 125. I was happy, life was great. I began to excercise more, watch what I ate, etc and eventually reached my goal of 117 lbs! but now, a year later, I am up to 124 and I feel terrible. It seems like everytime I eat I feel guilty. It's not even "I shouldn't have eaten that cookie" now it's more like , "I'm so fat, I can't believe I ate all that cereal for breakfast" (with "all that" meaning less than a cup). Seriously, even when I'm starving and I eat an apple or something, I feel bad afterward for eating. I count the calories of everything I eat. If I consume more than 1300 in one day I feel TERRIBLE...and you know what the worst part of all this is? I STILL CAN'T LOSE ANY WEIGHT! It sees like the less I eat, the more weight I gain. Or if I start to eat healthy and lose a pound, I'll suddenly want chocolate. So instead of buying me one little bar, my mom buys a whole bag and I end up eating it all...in like a week...

Point: I want to lose weight, but I really don't want to go down the scary path that I seem to be headed towards. My mom would jokingly say before that anorexics, etc, counted calories and obsessed over food like I did, but she thinks I am so healthy that it's not even possible. heck, I didn't think it was possible for me! Anyone have any advice over how I can eat healthy,lose some weight, but not obsess?

 

[gas4]

You're lucky you've recognised this now. It sounds like you're headed for bulimia nervosa which often involves feeling terrible about being 'fat' so trying to fast, and then having uncontrollable binge episodes where you eat much more than is usual in one sitting, followed by purging behaviour, including vomiting to deal with the fact that you've just eaten so much.

Please please please get help for this. There's a really good success rate if you catch it early, but if you don't there's a good chance you'll be dealing with this for the rest of your life. This is VERY serious! Eating disorders have an extremly high mortality rate.

 

[Mish]

I totally agree with Gas4. You remind me of, well... me! A couple of years ago, I started to count calories and thought it was just a harmless way to make sure I didn't eat too much (which was stupid because I was underweight). Eventually though, I began to see food as the enemy, and calories and exercise were all I ever thought about. DO NOT GO DOWN THIS PATH! You are worth so much more than that. I have recovered from my ED and so have loads of others on this site who have been seriously ill. You can too. Weldone for recognising the problem, and please keep talking about it even if you only tell us.

Your body size and weight are not the most important things in the world. It is far far better to just enjoy life, enjoy a healthy diet and regular exercise, and enjoy being you. Please please please keep posting xxxx

 

[Groovy chick]

I agree with Mish.

This is an extremely dangerous path to go down. Trust me, you do not want to go down this route.

I have suffered from bulimia for many years now, and it has made my life a misery. It does not aid you in losing weight whatsoever.

I strongly advise you to visit your doctor. Please help yourself.