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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I need to figure out how to keep my son from taking advantage of my inability, due to my hernias, to take care of my garden this season, and to take care of the surrounding landscape of his 1/4 acre lot -- and do the whole yard his own way without adhering to my vegan methods, or following my instructions as to how to do it veganically -- such as for example he may want to dump cow excrement into an area before planting grass seed; he may want to mow the lawn and then have the grass clippings removed to the dump, instead of composting them, or dropping where they are when the mower, regular or fine-chop, cuts them.

If I do the labor myself, he concedes to let me do it my way. And he knows I get fantstic results. But if I can't do the labor, I find it hard to convince him to do it my way, the way that preserves the health of the soil, and produces more nutritious produce when I get back to it next year, and produces less human-disease transmitting conditions in the produce -- cow excrement concentrates heavy metals; allows micro-organims that transmit diseas to humans to flourish (plus i won't be able to eat small amounts of soil as a source of b12); and throws the whole ecology of the soil out of balance from the ecology that produces the best results for me both in terms of nutritients in the produce, and in terms of control of insects and diseases in the plants, from year to year.

He may even be too lazy to use my existing compost piles and insist on just shoveling these existing piles of superb soil onto the part of the yard where it is not needed for food plants, but only to fill in low spots -- since he may find low spots are nearer to the the compost pile than the area where I grow food. He often has no respect for the amount of work that I did to wind up with those piles of compost, even if I explain it to him.
 

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Wow. I wish I knew what to tell you or point you in the right direction of help. What is your son's favorite medium of learning? If he's visual, maybe somehow watch a video or something like that with him? Or reading if he's inclined that way. I think you'd have a better chance of convincing him through education than anything else. You should maybe try to find a way to reach him on his level. Good luck to you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Unfortunately, there seems to be zero material on veganic gardening that is scientificly sound other than the material I wrote myself and self-published on the web. All the other "veganic" gardeners that have published on the web, or in print, seem to adhere to unscientific "belief systems" involving "organic" methods. There is really no other expert I can refer him to who puts everything together, in a nutshell. I would have to give him a long article on nitrogen cycles in nature and how humans interefere (http://hollandimac.chem.rochester.edu/n2cycle.pdf) and another on compost-making, etcetera.

I showed him my own web article on nitrogen plant food, http://www.materials.addr.com/nitrogen.shtml and informed him that it was recommended reading, at one time, for students of Chemistry 106 at Cornell University (http://www.materials.addr.com/chem106.html ), but this didn't seem to convince him to be impressed with my knowledge, and it didn't seem to influence him to respect my opinion on how we ought to actually go about maintaining the soil.

He knows my garden is the talk of the neigborhood; but he called me today to tell me the yard looks terrible and the neigbors hate my garden. Now he wants to run a fence right thru it, effectively reducing its size by 1/3.

http://www.materials.addr.com/garden5.shtml
 

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wow. i find it really sad that he doesn't respect you enough to try and understand how important this is to you, soilman. if you were my dad, and i volunteered to take care of things for you while you recovered from surgery, i would do it exactly as you instructed.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
He hasn't volunteered to take care of anything for me while I recover from surgery. I live in an apartment in a 2-family house that he owns. He rents one apartment to me and the other to someone else. If I can get to the land before anyone else does, I get to do what I want with it. If I am too incapacitated to work the land, and he feels like working it, because he wants to make its appearance attractive to prospective tenants, he will do it his way, probably the cheapest fastest way to get an acceptable appearance, even if I ask him to do it some other way until I recover.

He has said that as long as I keep his land looking ok, I can do it any way I want. He simply won't come to an agreement with me, to do it my way, since it is his land. Plus he's convinced that I will be just as incapacitated after the surgery as I am before the surgery. If I tell him I will probably be able to do much more after the surgery, unless something goes wrong, he doesn't believe me. Plus he wants me to get the local surgery that I told him has a 15 percent recurrence rate in 5 years, instead of the surgery that has a 1 percent recurrence rate after 25 years, because my insurance will pay for 80 percent of the local surgery. Never mind that the local surgery is 20,000 for ambulatory surgery, while the out-of-town surgery is 3,500 including 6 days of hospitalization. That is, the 20 percent i'll owe the locals, after my insurance pays 80 percent, will be $4,000. He figures they can't force me to pay it if I don't have it, and will do the surgery for a 16,000 down-payment.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
He doesn't seem to accept how serious my hernias are. If I say do you want to see what they look like, he says that he doesn't want to see them. He wants to pretend that there is nothing wrong with me, and that I take breaks to lie on my back because I am lazy, not because I need to to prevent my hernia from becoming incarcerated, strangulated, and starting a massive internal infection and killing me. Yet he has also worked side by side with me shoveling compost, and marvelled over the fact that I could shovel compost for hours without becoming tired, while he was becoming worn out -- and this was while i had a hernia, 2 or 3 yeras ago, but it wasn't as bad as it is now.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
"when do you go in?"

Well,I finally got a doctor to examine me who said I didn't need any more tests and that my ekg was normal, and that he would send a report to the surgeon saying my health was just fine. Apparently my previous primary care phyisican was sending me on a wild goose chase, because I wanted to use a surgeon other than the one he recommended.

He sent me for an ekg, then then wanted me to go to a cardiologist, even tho I couldn't get a straight answer from the pcp as to whether the abnormality on the ekg was benign or malignant, and whether my last ekg, done by the pcp's associate, showed the same abnormality or not (the last ekg, I was told there was nothing wrong with my heart; now they were telling me maybe there was something wrong -- and that I needed a cardiologist to evaluate the situation -- with more tests -- but they couldn't tell me whether the ekg was any different than last time).

When do I go in? Now it is just a matter of raising enough money to afford the surgery. And then I can go as soon as I figure out how to get whatever identification I need to get across the border.

Since you can never tell before hand what identification you will really need, to get across the border, until you actually arrive at the border with the identification you were told, correctly or incorrectly, that you need, I may have to reschedule the surgery a second and third time, if my attempts to get across the border the previous time, don't work they way I was told they would. I have no experience crossing the border.

I also have to figure out, first, how I'm going to collect enough food for my stay, to supplement the food they have available at the institute, and how to carry enough food on the train, or ship it there previous to my arrival.

I have to lie on my back a good part of my waking hours, so I think I need paid work that I can do while I am next to a bed, and able to lie on my back for 20 minutes or so, after each 15 minutes or so of sitting at my desk. I can't do gardening any more, or home handyman work, or even office work where they expect me to have both hand outside my pants, and be unable to lie on my back for 20 minutes, every 15 minutes.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
RB writes "You should maybe try to find a way to reach him on his level."

I am unable to discern his level. I am convinced that like many people he often moves from level to level from moment to moment. For many people I don't have any way of discerning what level they are on at any particular time, short of capturing them and interrogating them, and relying on torture to get answers, and I don't have the physical ability to do that.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Spud writes: "The border to Canada? Is that where you're thinking of trying to have the operation?"

Huh, no, not right on the border, but rather, in a place that, to reach, it is required that i cross the border. I live near New York City. The institute is in the vicinity of Toronto.
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
I'm not at all worried about SARS. I don't think the hospital i'm going to has it. From what I understand, it has so far only harmed people who were already rather debilitated, with other parasitic infections, before they got it. I don't have any parasitic infections. The degree of dissection needed to repair each hernia will not be a problem. The cut is only about 3 inches long, and they don't cut into the peritoneum, nor do they invade a large area of pre-peritoneal space (unlike a laproscopic repair, where a large section of peritoneum is dissected away from the abdominal wall, using a balloon that they fill with air or other gas). Nor will the ingredients in the local anesthetic be a problem.

An interesting point is that while a laparascopic repair is sold to people on the basis of the fact that the external incisions are very small, what people don't realize is that once they get into your abdominal cavity thru the small holes the make in your abdomen, for a hernia repair, they then proceed to rip large areas of peritoneum away from the abdominal wall, using the balloon method I described above. The total amount of dissection is actually more than with the traditional approach. To put this more simply: they produce smaller external injury, but they create a greater internal injury. You don't see the internal injury. But your body "know" about it. People mistakenly believe that laproscopic inguinal hernia repairs are "less invasive" than traditional repairs, when in fact they are more invasive, involve more surgery. Doctors obviously often like to allow people to continue to have their mistaken belief.

my comments may not apply to other kinds of laproscopic repair -- but they apply to inguinal hernia repair.
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
Another advantage of the Shouldice method over all methods that use mesh, whether the defect is approaced anteriorly or posteriorly (as in a laproscopic repair) is that your immune system is less taxed. The material of the mesh has a large surface area in contact with a large amount of tissue, and the material itself tends to cause any tissue that it comes in contact with to become infected, and this undoubtedly taxes the immune system. Even if no infection occurs, the immune system must undoubtedly be taxed, stressed, during the process of preventing the infection. Making it weaker in the face of SARS.
 

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How often does your garden need attention, and for how long? I only ask this because I have a very good friend who lives in Rye NY, and he loves to garden organically. He is a very detailed and sensitive soul, much like yourself. Perhaps, I could ask him to drive out to Long Island a few times to help you out. I would love to do it for you myself but I'm up in Boston, and know very little about organic gardening.

I really look forward to hearing about you recovering your health. You deserve to walk through your day without pain or physical struggle.

Do you think your son is feeling territorial?
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
"Do you think your son is feeling territorial?"

I just think he thinks its fun to drive me nuts. I know he is going to be 30 very soon now, but I am reminded that the very next thing he did after I showed him how to tie his own shoes, and after he developed some expertise at that, was crawl around on the floor while I was washing the dishes, after feeding him, untie each of my shoes, and tie them both together.
 

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Soilman, I cross the border frequently with my work related stuff.

All you really need to cross the border into Ontario is valid proof of US Citzenship and 1 or 2 other supporting pieces of ID. Generally speaking, I carry my passport, my driver's license (which has a picture) and a birth certificate. Even a bank debit card or credit card can be used as Identification as can a Social Security Card.

They simply need to verify that you are a US Citizen, IF they even bother checking you. Unless you look suspicious (like your smuggling drugs or somethng), they may just ask you something as simple as, "how long will you staying with us in Canada".

I'd almost go so far as to say you'll have a tougher time re-entering the US with the increased alert level these days.

Best wishes bud... get that surgery done.
 
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