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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
OK.I've never posted anything personal like this but here goes.A few months ago I started seeing a boy who is the nicest,most generous and loving person any girl could want.I have a 2 year old and they get along great.He has a great job and takes me on dates.He is really perfect.So why do I still love my baby's father who is abusive and a drug addict?I just broke up with the perfect one,partly because I still love the bad one but mostly because I don't think it is right.My heart is telling me it isn't but my heart is also still loving the bad one.He does deserve some credit because he's been in rehab and therapy for a year and the abuse took place when he was drunk which he isn't anymore.But he was so mean to me and I can't forget that.I don't know if he deserves another chance.I don't want to hurt the good one and he thinks the breakup is temporary while I sort things out.He doesn't know I'm thinking about my baby's dad.I know I shouldn't be.I just don't want to hurt anyone.So,should I try to work things out with my baby's dad or should I try to work things out with the good one who I don't have as strong feelings for but logicly should.It all makes no sense to me.
 

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thats really hard !<br><br>
i would also try to think of your child plus your 1st boyfriend was abusive you never know if hes really changed<br><br>
maybe give the good guy a little more time you mite to start to like him more if your other feelings for the bad guy lessen<br><br>
good luck with the desion !
 

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i am curious if you have spent time by yourself?<br><br><br><br>
the new guy sounds great, but that is not always enough. the baby's daddy sounds as though he has a lot to work on, so why not just be with your child and give yourself time to decide what you really want.<br><br><br><br>
people can get help and change, but you must be careful not to put yourself in a dangerous situation. anything beyond casual dating could possibly be a bad situation until you can see how he does and how he deals with stressful situations. your safety and your childs safety is more important then anything else.<br><br><br><br>
for me when someone is so torn between two people i believe it is time to step away from them both, so you can really think.<br><br><br><br>
i hope you find you answers.
 

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It looks to me you haven't really parted from your ex.<br><br><br><br>
Maybe your aren't ready yet for mr.right.<br><br><br><br>
About the second chance: My personal advice is don't do it.
 

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go to councelling. getting over abuse is a difficult process, one that is greatly aided by the help of a professional. this person will give you skills to understand your situation and make good decisions for yourself.<br><br><br><br>
be well and happy!
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
thank you all for the advice.This new guy is the first boyfriend I have had in 2 years but I still don't think I am ready.It isn't fair to him or me to be in the relationship so I think I should be alone.And about my son's dad,I am not going to let him know that I am still interested but I am going to pay close attention to see if he has changed and to see if he still has a bad temper.My first concern is my son's and my safety.I would never do anything eith him if I thought for a second that he would hurt either of us.
 

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I dated someone for 3+ years, and it grew into a miserable relationship. I recently met a Mr. Wonderful and promptly pushed him away and ran back to my old bf, because I was truly afraid that maybe I didn't deserve to be that happy. There's a lot of other baggage that contributed, but that's the basic gist. I knew very well what I was getting with the old bf, and on some level had made peace with it. Quickly though, I realized that the old bf, was still the same old bf he always was. He's a wonderful person with a kind soul, and I have many fond memories, but memories and history aren't a reason to subject yourself to a sub-par relationship. Remember, we all deserve happiness. Be honest with yourself too, is it love undying that is keeping you attached to daddy, or fear and doubt? It's frightening, I know. And if your Mr. Right is really right, you might want to try out the truth on him to see if it helps you clear your head and maybe that will allow you to be open to being happy with him. I've also been married. I love my ex, always will have a piece of my heart dedicated to him, but he doesn't change, I've considered going back to him many, many times. Fortunately, my new Mr. Wonderful is accepting of all of this and realizes that being with me means taking it slowly enough to allow the fears to melt away and allow the love to grow.<br><br><br><br>
Best of luck, and take good care...and remember, you do deserve happiness.<br><br><br><br>
P.S. Professional counseling never hurts, I've done that too!
 

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I don't think you should be with someone new, no matter how great, when you aren't over someone else yet. You have these feelings for a reason. Honestly, it isn't fair to the new guy OR you.<br><br>
Instead of working on a new relationship, you should be working on getting over the old.<br><br><br><br>
Take time alone.<br><br><br><br>
If you've tried with the ex -- and I don't know the full story, but breakups are usually for a reason -- then you have to work on letting go and moving on with yourself first, then when the time is right, with a new beau. You'll know when you're ready; just like you know now that you're not.<br><br><br><br>
Good luck : )
 
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