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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Ok, so I was arguing with my parents about the recent abundance of illegal aliens in our community, which a whole other story, and they bring up in the middle of it, how I can have more compassion and respect for a person I don't know and animals I have never seen than my own family. I replied with that if they want respect, they have to earn it by being respectful to others first.

My mom won't buy me vegan things even though I'm living under her roof (I'm not 18 yet), so I buy them myself sometimes. Then she goes and eats my last vegan waffles without asking, and then turns around and tells me that she wont buy me vegan stuff because it means spending more on groceries!


All I ask for is two bottles of soymilk every two weeks, some vegan waffles, and the rest I can pretty much handle. We're talking, oh, $6 more dollars a week. I told her I don't need meat analogs all the time, and she just said, well if you don't need them, I'll stop buying you stuff all together!


She knows I find all animal product to be disgusting. But she thinks that it's ok for a 16 year old to starve because there is nothing in the house she will eat? Oh, yeah, feel the compassion.

Maybe if they stopped and realized that they never respect my choice of being vegan, they would realize why I get pissed off whenever they talk about having respect for my elders. They respect no one but themselves, and they are fine with that, they accept that that's how the world is. They actually openly laughed at me for getting upset (like crying) over their lack of respect for other people.
Then they want me to respect them just for being my parents.

Do any of you have problems like this? Do you respect people who don't respect you? Parents?

I need suggestions or SOMETHING. I cant wait until I turn 18 so I can just move out.

Sorry for the HUGE post.......
 

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Oh my -- sounds like a tough situation.

On a practical level, have you considered working part-time or doing something like tutoring in order to get a little spending cash? That way you wouldn't be dependent on your parents for all the food spending.

In the areas of respect and relationships, you may just need to wait it out... sounds like no one's going to be changing much in the short term. Long term, however, if you keep your cool with your family and show them respect even when they are not showing you respect, you are bound to make an impression and they will likely become more comfortable with and respectful of your choices. They may also need a while for you to "prove" to them that you are serious about your veggie ways for the long haul and that this isn't just a passing fad.

Regardless, best of luck to you. I'm sure things will work out for the best some way or another.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Thanks Guacivore, for the support and suggestions. But with working, I do work full time in the summer, part time in the school months. So I have the money, they are just complaining about the extra cost just to complain. Most people don't know I work 40 hours a week just because I'm 16.....
 

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Yeah my father and mother both felt they deserved respect and life-long servitude for being the sperm and egg doners that led to me. I Know what your parents are doing. They are trying to wear you down. It is a consious choice and they probably talked about it. Their behavior may be appropriate if you were 12 years old and had the rediculous notion to run away to Africa and save the meercats-- but this is about something you believe with your heart-- and they don't get it. You need to find a sympathetic guidence councellor. and you need daily access to someone else's refrigerator, and you need a job.
 

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That is a tough situation. I'm playing devil's advocate here, but it seems to me that when parents do this, they probably most often do it out of genuine fear for their teen's health because they are convinced their teen is doing something harmful. They probably think they are doing their best for you by taking the "tough love" approach and that when you get hungry enough, you'll start eating "proper" food again and this whole "vegan" scare will be over. Yes, it's a horribly misguided approach, if that is what they're doing, but I think MISGUIDED is the key word. Maybe they just can't distinguish between normal fads and crazes that kids go through and something that is really incredibly important. After all, to be fair, sometimes when kids do decide to go "vegetarian," it really is just a phase. Not that I think it's appropriate to try to starve them out of it, but maybe educating them on the health aspects and helping to set their minds at ease that this isn't really dangerous might help. Maybe try sitting down and having a talk with them where you show them information about the health benefits and let them know that you've researched th issue. Using the ADA position paper might be a good place to start.
 

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Since you already have a job, maybe you could buy yourself a cooler for your room. Make an effort to always ensure the ice trays are full in "mom's frig", but also keep your cooler iced. In the cooler, keep your soymilk and waffles. If these are the only items that you need to buy with your own money, I don't see why you would need anything bigger than a cooler.

*If I were you, I would do the above mentioned on my own.* I would not bother involving my parents. In their eyes, you've stopped carrying on about your soymilk and waffles and they feel at peace. You no longer have to worry about other people stealing your food or complaining about buying it.

Ideally you do want to try to get along. Taking responsibility for your own diet / food supply, may help them see you as serious and also a little more mature. JMO.
 

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However, I think if it's an electric refrigerator, it better get okayed by mom. I can imagine you buying it and the idea being rejected because she pays the electric bill. Also, if you are working (especially full time,) I think you can afford to stock up on soy milk and waffles; even if she eats them.

I agree that it sucks, but if you're old enough to work, and you ARE working and earning your own money, why not buy a couple things on your own? Especially if you don't pay any bills or rent or anything (and you shouldn't at your age.) Working, earning money, and taking care of some of your own "needs" is an accomplishment. I guess I think you should pick your battles, and soymilk shouldn't be one of them. Good luck.
 

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This is a tough situation. It sounds like you've made an adult decision about your diet and your parents haven't caught up yet.

I think you just have to keep acting like an adult and eventually they'll catch up. Unless you can find some way to move out sooner, you're just going to have to ride out the storm.

Getting your own fridge would be good, but if they're not willing to pay the power it could be trickey.
 

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The mother can be like that sometimes as well. She won't let me starve, but she yells when she wants to go out to eat and we can't go much of anywhere because everything closeby is a restaurant made for carnivores.

She also feels that my problems are petty and ridiculous and will laugh at me when I cry because my life is in shambles.

Just hang on and do what you can for yourself and never step down. Your strength is something to envy and it is something that can get you through the toughest things.

Oh ... if you really want to show 'em who's boss ... raise your kids vegan.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Yeah, sorry for sounding like it is the end of the world, but it really was (and still is) an issue with them. Money is really tight around here. I do pay for my own food when I get a good paycheck, but most of it has to go for car insurance. Trust me, if you lived where I live, having a car is a necessity, so most of my paycheck goes to that.

I just want them to realise that I am still 16, and that I can't be expected to pay for all of my food. And that they need to respect my choices even if they don't agree with them. That is all I ask. If I won't eat something because it's not vegan, they'll say, to bad. But when I do have them, they eat it too. I'm like, go eat your own non-vegan bars and leave mine alone. They are all I have to eat in this house sometimes, and they feel like they can eat it too. Even if I bought it.

I don't think that the cooler or fridge idea would work, though thanks for suggesting it. I barely have enough space for my bed, a set of drawers and a desk in my room.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by raw jess View Post

You can find something to eat anywhere. I have never had a problem finding food at any restaurant i've been to. I think you're making it more complicated than it is, which doesn't help your fight.
It's not that I have a problem finding food, it the actually buying part that we argue over.
 
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