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Discussion Starter #1
My brother is going to marry a non vege girl and they have made all kinds of rules about meat when they finally live togther. He went from "no meat" at all in the house to "limited meat". My big question is how will he raise children that are vegetarians? This is very important to him. How will he be able to raise kids on one diet when the mother is on a different one and how will having meat in the house effect it? Have any of you experienced this situation or have any thoughts?<br><br>
Thank you <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/yes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":yes:">
 

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I've known a few 'mixed' couples and each one has done it differently. One raised their kids veggie the other raised them omni. It's up to them to decide whats best for them.
 

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Sounds like he might have to make the sacrifice and let his future kids make up their own minds. This is going to be my situation because my bf, soon to be husband is an omni and has already made it clear that any kids we had would have to be allowed to have meat. Considering how he feels about the health benefits of eating meat I can't really blame him, and telling him all about it doesn't help.<br><br><br><br>
I think the best thing that parents can do is lead by example. If your Brother isn't eating meat, and he tells his kids (in developmentally appropriate language) why he doesn't, then that might be the best he can do.<br><br><br><br>
He probably has a little while before they have kids to convince his new wife that she should go veg, maybe he should focus on that.
 

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I would trust your brother that he and his fiance have made decisions that will be in their best interest overall. In other words, don't stay up nights worrying about it.<br><br><br><br>
I live with my omni bf, and there is some meat in the house. Never raw meat. He buys lunch meat for his lunch (which I support since he WAS eating out every day at work and eating very poorly. at least this way I can sneak fruits and veggies into his lunch bag), he often has a frozen pepperoni pizza in the freezer, and occasionally buys hot dogs. Other than that, he eats vegetarian at home, and eats whatever the heck he wants when he's not home. I'm happy with this arrangement.<br><br><br><br>
I've spoken to him about how I would like my children to be raised vegetarian, and it took him a while to understand (and perhaps accept) my reasoning for this. In a nutshell, he doesn't cook at all, I plan on being a SAHM while my children are young so I'd be responsible for 100% of their meals, and I don't cook meat. When they are old enough to be out of the house on their own, they can eat whatever they want. I can't keep them in a bubble. I just hope that when they're old enough to make their own decisions, my brainwashing has set in.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
I know that I am just the sister and I will not effect the outcome. Our whole family Mom Dad Two sisters and two brothers are all strict veggies because of religious beliefs. I married a veggie and my sister married an omni ( there are small amounts of meat in her house : take out for example) but because she will be the mother and main meal supplier there is no worry in the family about her future children. My brother has the same strong beliefs about animals and has brought me into his concerns by asking for advice. I really like his future wife but I don't believe she understands or really cares about my brothers desire to have veggie kids. To think that his kids would eat meat is heart breaking for every one in the family. I know that time can change a persons attitude and I hope that she understands his wishes more deaply. ( I am asking here and not sticking my nose into it) Sorry to blather on <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)">
 

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I think in order for him to ensure that he gets his way with their kids' diet, he's going to have to be prepared to be the primary cook. It's not fair to expect her to cook his way because of his beliefs if she doesn't share them.<br><br><br><br>
It'd be like asking an atheist mother to take the kids to church alone every sunday because the christian father wants them raised christian. It's one thing to ask them to silently go along with it, quite another to ask them to take an active role in it.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
Ah but he has made those aggreements. He has agreed to go to church and raise the kids Catholic. That was the trade off.
 

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off topic: It would have been so awesome to grow up in a veggie household (sans the religion.)<br><br><br><br>
That is all! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)">
 

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If they've made all those agreements, then that ought to be the way things are gonna be. If he's going to support her efforts to raise their kids catholic, then she'll have to support his efforts to raise their kids vegetarian. Sounds like a fair tradeoff to me, but I suppose they just have to wait and see if it will work. They sound like they've got it under control. Why are you worried?
 

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I am just curious what religion is your family? You said your brother is veg for religious reasons, I would think that if religion plays a big part in his vegetarianism his fiance would know and understand that. Doesnt make sense that she wouldnt.<br><br>
btw my hubby is omni, but for the most part he is veg except when out of the house on his own. the kids are veg and i will let them decide for themselves when they are old enough.<br><br>
my 6 yo already is starting to understand.
 

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I am guessing you are Jain, or maybe Seventh Day Adventists. Am I right ?<br><br>
We are a mixed family too but the deal is no dead animals in the house and our kid is raised veggie. Of course I am the veggie (as I was raised, for health, ecological and ethical purposes) and I am the cook, which does simplify things (as stated before in this thread).<br><br><br><br>
But... before they have any children, I agree your broter may be able to convince his wife to "convert" to vegetarianism. It's not unheard of ! Or get to some sort of deal where 2 out of 3 meals are veggie meals, something like that.
 

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Discussion Starter #12
My family is quazie Hindu. My brother follows some of the principles, mainly the diet ones. His number one wish about religion is that his kids grow up veggie. His fiance ( a lovely woman) says she will facilate this. The big red flag has been the plans for the wedding. My brother wants a veggie wedding ( to respect everyone in his family) and she had a very hard time with this. A bit of background: my parents don't eat out with meat eaters, the only exceptions has been the engagement party that her family gave and my father said he would only do it because he loves his son. Also her mother is having a "big" problem with all of this as well. She wants to feed the kids her meatballs. O.K I am rambling. Why did I even ask the question? My brother has called me each time this issue has flared up. I just wondered what advice to give him the next time he called. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"> Also my mother is always wondering if she will loose her grandkids to the "dark side". I know conversion is possible because my husband changed to a veggie a year before we married and now 7 years later he is still on the soapbox. My sister is making it work with her omni husband but he readily compromised to her house rules. I rambled again. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/bow.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":bow:">
 

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I think Astarte's right. If raising the kids veggie is important to your brother, and it clearly is, he needs to be prepared to take charge of their feeding. It's one thing for the omni wife to SAY she'll facilitate, but it's quite another for her to stick with a plan that is not in line with her own personal convictions, day in and day out, for the next umpteen years. Particularly when the in-laws get involved in the picture. He will have to deal with grandparents who don't respect his beliefs regarding how his kids should be raised, and the wife may wind up more on their side than his side.<br><br><br><br>
IMO, it is one thing for two adults to agree on how the household will be run as far as meat vs veg, but when kids come along, all bets are off.<br><br><br><br>
This is a huge issue, and it's one your brother knew would be an issue going into this relationship. All I can say is, he had fair warning. This problem with the wedding SHOULD be a red flag.
 

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I'm assuming their situation has to do with ethics? I'm a health vegetarian and my husband is omni, and we have never had one single relationship problem having to do with our diets. Not one. But I think that might be because my decision had little to do with animal rights.
 

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Next time your brother calls tell him the truth, this is between his new wife and him and there's nothing you can do to help him with it.<br><br>
Mixed relationships are always tough, no matter what the differences are. Both sides believe they are doing the right thing and saying you'll change is a lot easier than doing it. Your brother gave up the easy thing here, with the religion. You said the religion wasn't as important to him as the vegetarianism. So he gave an easy bend and he's asked his fiance to give a harder one. Food becomes part of our culture, our celebrations, our mournings and our connections. It provides much more than mere nourishment.<br><br>
I disagree about the wedding. His fiance didn't agree to go veg, she merely agreed the children would be raised that way. She had every right to serve what she wanted at her wedding as did he. Your family is going to have to accept that their son chose someone who feels differently on the issue than they do. Her mother will eventually have to accept that her daughter has made a different choice than she did. You all need to step out and let them work it out on their own imo.<br><br>
Mary
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>RiverGuna</strong> <a href="/forum/post/0"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
My family is quazie Hindu. My brother follows some of the principles, mainly the diet ones. His number one wish about religion is that his kids grow up veggie. His fiance ( a lovely woman) says she will facilate this. The big red flag has been the plans for the wedding. My brother wants a veggie wedding ( to respect everyone in his family) and she had a very hard time with this. A bit of background: my parents don't eat out with meat eaters, the only exceptions has been the engagement party that her family gave and my father said he would only do it because he loves his son. Also her mother is having a "big" problem with all of this as well. She wants to feed the kids her meatballs. O.K I am rambling. Why did I even ask the question? My brother has called me each time this issue has flared up. I just wondered what advice to give him the next time he called. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"> Also my mother is always wondering if she will loose her grandkids to the "dark side". I know conversion is possible because my husband changed to a veggie a year before we married and now 7 years later he is still on the soapbox. My sister is making it work with her omni husband but he readily compromised to her house rules. I rambled again. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/bow.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":bow:"></div>
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So, this woman is marrying into a family where evryone feels they are superior to her and that her views are from the "dark side"? Yeah, this will work well.
 

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My husband and I are vegetarians, but no-one in any of our immediate families are. We were dead set on having a vegetarian reception, which sent our parents (and aunts and uncles) reeling in disbelief. "What will we eat? I bet we'll be hungry!" Our caterer was a family friend, who looked up vegetarian recipes for main dishes and appetizers, and it was an absolutely amazing feast. (Not that, being the bride, I ate much besides a bite of spanikopita!)
 

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Discussion Starter #19
I believe she feels very loved. We have been nothing but kind and loving to her. It is not out hope that she converts completely but that she raises her children whole heartly vegetarian. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)"><br><br><br><br>
Let me explain about the "dark side": if you believe that every animal has a spirit soul and that killing and eating them is equal to killing any soul then it is "dark" or "passionate" to eat meat. I also believe that one can always change their conscienceness. I have my own kids and I feel that if they were fed any meat or meat products that they would have been poisoned. Extreme maybe but it is where i am at spirtitually and as a mother.
 
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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Let me explain about the "dark side": if you believe that every animal has a spirit soul and that killing and eating them is equal to killing any soul then it is "dark" or "passionate" to eat meat. I also believe that one can always change their conscienceness. I have my own kids and I feel that if they were fed any meat or meat products that they would have been poisoned. Extreme maybe but it is where i am at spirtitually and as a mother.</div>
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i think it's their marriage/wedding/issue and they should sort it out as they see fit, they both knew what they were getting into when they got together, and they need to sort it out between themselves, sooner rather than later. the imput of anybodyelse from the family might muddy the waters, and cause a lot of upset. i know that if/when i choose to get married and/or have kids with my omni bf, we've already discussed it in detail, and have come to a joint decision on food, our expectations, even a possible wedding, and how the kids will be raised diet wise. i'm sure his family will have plenty to say about it- but it really will be none of their business what so ever.<br><br><br><br>
if me or my bf have an issue with any thing to do with our relationship, including how we feed our kids, should/when the time comes, i'd hope we could handle it ourselves without any of his or my family getting involved- the last thing i'd want is his family talking about our choice or problems, and 'helping' him with advice or suggestions or opinions from the sidelines- just like i'd not like my mum or dad or brothers sticking their oars in- even though they'd just tell me to sort it out myself anyway!<br><br><br><br>
sorry if this sounds blunt, but i really do think your brother needs to sort it out for himself, and that nothing good can come from other people from either side of the family getting involved here. if he sees her as poisoning his children, or likely to, by giving them meat, or as unwavering and inconsiderate in her choice of wedding food, then perhaps they shouldn't have any kids together, and should consider rethinking their marriage. perhaps some premarrital councilling from an independant proffessional party might be the way to go?
 
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