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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I just got off the phone with someone I am honestly not interested in, in a romantic way. I get asked for my phone number all the time (by men...often the Type 1's described in another thread) and I just give it. For one, I have almost all male friends (the couple female friends I have are not close friends)- So, I am always open to being friends with a guy. Often this leads to guys feeling lead on -or, if I do hang out with them, they assume we are in a relationship.

Even when I try to tell them, I just can't get the words out. I don't want to embarrass them or hurt their feelings, or ruin chances of having another great pal.

I'll even try to hint at it or make it clear through actions- but they never get it.

What to do? Anyone else too chicken (or too nice) to tell guys(or gals) to back off and that you are not interested in them that way, until it's too late and they are hurt/insulted/ even angry???

I'm sick of this happening.
 

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I can relate, i definately have more guy friends than girlfriends. Maybe the easiest way to let him know your true intentions are to start up a conversation with him about how you enjoy having guys as friends over girls, and how some other guys have taken it the wrong way and ruined your friendship. That way, you give him a chance to realize how you feel without confronting him and rejecting him. If he still doesn't catch on, let him down nicely, or introduce him to another girl.

***also, make sure you aren't truley leading him on. Try to limit any physical contact. Even a hug can be taken as flirting. Also, i've noticed that a lot of girls say things like 'love ya,' when they're just kidding around. If thats the case, try to get out of that habbit. Although i hope thats not the case...its so annoying
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
OMG- that is exactly what I did in this conversation and he totally didn't pick up on it!!! He started the conversation by saying, "I wanted to go ahead and call you- I never know when the *right* time to call is, so I didn't want to call too soon and have you think I am stalking you and I didn't want to wait too long and have you think I am blowing you off" I just gave him the number at like 6AM- at his party. So, I told him how many guys assume they are dating me or that I am into them just because I am talking to them.,..

I think it totally went over his head. He is really nice though and well-liked in my social circle (a musician, the guy who has the cool parties...etc.)

So, you kinda don't want to create tension or awkwardness, ya know?

DARNIT-
 

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i think you're weighing the difference between one awkwardness and another:

discomfort now in communicating clearly and him getting angry now

or

discomfort later when he feels hurt and gets angry because he thought that he could convince me through friendship that we should be together.

either way, it's going to be discomfort, and in my experience, relationships that are built in this asymentrical manner (he has romantic feeligns for you, you don't for him)--those friendships are complete shams. You second guess his actions, you don't always feel comfortable around him--essentially, you're not really friends. And he's always trying to gain your attention, your interest, or whatever else, for you to get romantically involved with him.

so in reality, in the friendship, neither of you is free to be yourselves, which is terribly uncomfortable. And truly, you never really get to be friends. Why? the whole thing lacks honesty.

I posted in your other post about this, about what i would do.

And often, when i was asked out, i would say "honestly, i'm not interested in dating anyone right now, but thanks for your offer. I'm complimented that you found my attractive" or the like.

And again, see the other post about it.
I prefer to nip all the discomfort in the bud. Much easier. most likely, he'll say "ok" and then move on to the next girl. He may try twice or three times. But usually after seven, most people give up.

If he doesn't and it becomes harassing, use stronger language. as in "stop harassing me."
 

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Come on now, you already know the answer. Honesty.

On a related/unrelated note, I was listening to a great radio show this morning where they have a weekly gig called "Tips for the single mom." It's tongue in cheek. Anyway, today one of the tips is how to tell you child you can't buy them all the hip name brands they want. "Get down on their level and explain it to them in words they can understand, 'We're poor! I can't afford to buy this for you. We don't have the money!'" I thought this was funny...and true.

I think the kindest thing you can do for someone is tell them the truth in a compassionate way. Think about it, not doing so is in reality stringing these poor fellows along. When what should happen is you should tell them how you feel and move on. This also allows that person to move on as well.

I'd be up front from the beginning. I'm not interested in dating you. I'd like to be friends, here's why.

No, it's not easy...it's tough. But tougher yet is being a chicken about it, not saying what you know you should say, and ending up having to explain yourself later.

B
 

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Personally I look at it like this. I'd perfer a female to be direct and blunt up front by saying that "no I don't want a relationship right now", or "can we be just friends". If one person thinks that a possibility exists s/he won't pursure other relationships. There's always the become friends, then spend a day with a few others trying to find a boyfriend/girlfriend for each other (do this with a couple or singles; as long as one of the other people knows you're trying to drop a hint).

It's amazing how much better relationship I had with my one female friend after we both said we wouldn't sleep with the other one if they were the last one on earth. (she thought I liked her, I thought she liked me->neither did in a romantic sense). Of couse we apologiged by the implication the "wouldn't if last on earth" stament made, but at least we knew where the other stood.

Of course if you want to be really direct, you could do the above "tell off" the person, but offer to be friends if they want.
 

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Find out something he dislikes and pretend you are really into it.

For example, if I was pestering a girl and thinking maybe something was going to happen, and then she started talking about Sports, I'd be out of there quick smart.

Learn to bore him; it works like a charm (well, on me, anyway).
 

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I've always just done the blunt, direct thing -

Him: Want to go see a movie with me?

Me: "No."

Him: Can I have your phone number?

Me: No.

It gave me a definite reputation as being cruel and thoughtless, but hey, I never had the problem of having some guy I don't like hanging around me for months.
 

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What about leaving signs of male occupancy around your place?

put your shavings from your legs around the bathroom sink/basin and leave the toilet seat up.... that sort of thing. Then if these guys are ever over they may notice these signs and back off.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
It won't work, man. They are infatuated. They'll do anything for a chance at this bootay. Hehehe....


I guess I just need to go hide in the woods




hehehehehehehhehehehehehehehehehe
 

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I'm a nice guy, aksjg, so I'm gonna help you by pestering a female and see how she gets rid of me. Then I'll let you know what she did.
 

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Oh, good. The last time I brought this problem up with my girl friends they just about killed me for complaining about it.

I'm generally oblivious until I'm hanging out with one of my guy friends and he starts trying to pay for things...
. When I catch what's going on, I generally weasel my way out of it by talking about how nice it is to be single or something... Most of my friends are guys, and, apparently, I've been on dates with most of them. Coulda fooled me. In fact, I was hanging out with some friends a while back and one of them brought up the date we went on years ago (he's married now) and how disinterested I seemed and how he never asked me out again...

Umm.. date?!? I didn't even know! It gave his wife and me lots of teasing-fodder, though.


Of course, now this is probably going to happen to me in reverse with the guy I'm interested in. Argh. Bad karma.
 

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Quote:
Originally posted by aksjg

It won't work, man. They are infatuated. They'll do anything for a chance at this bootay. Hehehe....


I guess I just need to go hide in the woods
Ah, but would you be running around naked in those woods?
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
No- of course not- chastity belt, turtle neck, couple pairs of long johns, very manly looking pants, .....oh, wait- I live in Alaska- then I would be totally irresistible!!!
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
I have the same problem. Every guy that has been my friend has liked me, or liked me now. It's very annoying. I am not good at dealing with it either.... Thanks for creating this thread! hehe.

I should stop flirting.. But I can't help it! It's my personality... it's unintentional.

Sometimes it just sucks being female, doesn't it? I wish I could be blunt!!!
 
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