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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I know this sounds like kind of a silly question. Surely this would have been addressed before the relationship, lol. But he knows me as being vegetarian. We're LD and I'm going to go see him next month, so it's kind of important that it's addressed, so that he's prepared to have food around for me (and protection (; lol) because I'd really hate to drop it on him short-notice and inconvenience him. The problem is I feel stupid just bringing it up out of nowhere, and I'm kind of worried he'll react in a judegmental way. /: I know boyfriends should be totes supportive and stuff, but there's just some things that he and I disagree on and he tries to tell me non-offensively, but it still kind of bothers me how he says things. For example, when I explained that I was bisexual he said he felt that bisexuality was a sign of "immaturity" because we can't make up our minds. He said it just like that, not hurtfully or anything, but kind of in a way that made me feel like I just lost 2 adoration points or something. Does anyone understand this? I'm worried I'm either making him look like a jerk or making myself look terribly insecure. I just don't know how to go about breaking the news to him. I feel he took my being vegetarian fairly well, but he's so traditional and reasonable I worry he'll look at veganism as being extreme or something. I really want to avoid an argument about why it totally makes sense to be vegan, so I dunno...I'm just at a loss about how to approach this.<br><br>
What do?
 

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Can you have a conversation with him in which you discuss some (real or imaginary) situation in which your veganism was relevant (e.g. Molly brought a cake in to work today, but it wasn't vegan. So now I have cake cravings and have to spend the entire night making myself vegan brownies). That way you get to casually mention it without dropping it on him effectively as a demand as to how he needs to cater for your visit.<br>
Also, whilst you weren't asking for relationship advice, if you are nervous about telling him something that is important to you because you are scared he will belittle you or not respect your choices, I think that might be a bigger issue you need to deal with than how to tell him you're vegan. Some things are open to debate, and others (such as base ethics (including veg*nism), sexuality and religion) are so integral to who a person is that IMHO they are not up for discussion or criticism in a relationship.
 

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I don't think I could date someone who eats meat, seems like our core values just wouldn't match up... hmm...<br><br>
Anywho! I was nervous about telling my friends and family just because I knew how judgmental they all would be. But when it comes right down to it, it's better you tell him sooner than later. Because he can gripe and whine and tell you it pointless and blah blah... but it won't cause you to change or go back or your decision. Then he'll know and will have it in his mind so he can plan the future better as far as thinking about you and your needs. And as far as an appropriate time goes, it sounds like its a concern of yours so just tell him the first chance you get. Get it off your chest. Concern leads to worry, worry leads to stress and stress is bad for your body. take care of yourself, let him know. (I just blurt out whatever's on my head at any given time)
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>delitebrite</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2933336"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
... But he knows me as being vegetarian. We're LD and I'm going to go see him next month, so it's kind of important that it's addressed, so that he's prepared to have food around for me (and protection (; lol) because I'd really hate to drop it on him short-notice and inconvenience him.</div>
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I think you should tell him as soon as is reasonably possible. You are in a long-distance relationship, but I assume you talk on the phone. Just tell him during your next phone call.<br><br>
I don't understand the statements of yours I quoted above. Why does <b>your</b> conversion to veganism mean dumping responsibilities on <b>him</b>? Instead of your packing one suitcase, say, just pack two. Put your special "vegan" foods and your vegan-appropriate "protection" (I shudder to ask what that means) in the second suitcase. Take some responsibility for yourself.
 

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This is not going to end well. Haven't you read other threads? They all end with "BREAK UP WITH HIM NOW HE'S NOT GOOD FOR YOU."<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/tongue3.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":p">
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Joe</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2934731"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
I think you should tell him as soon as is reasonably possible. You are in a long-distance relationship, but I assume you talk on the phone. Just tell him during your next phone call.<br><br>
I don't understand the statements of yours I quoted above. Why does <b>your</b> conversion to veganism mean dumping responsibilities on <b>him</b>? Instead of your packing one suitcase, say, just pack two. Put your special "vegan" foods and your vegan-appropriate "protection" (I shudder to ask what that means) in the second suitcase. Take some responsibility for yourself.</div>
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Haha! I was talking about condoms. :) Latex ones aren't usually vegan, but I have a latex allergy anyway, so it turns out it wasn't really relevant.<br><br>
Yeah, so not bring nunchucks or anything. XD<br><br>
And I was going to pack vegan foods for while I was on the road since I wouldn't be able to cook, but I can make vegan stuff out of basic ingredients when I'm there. I just wanted him to know so he would make sure he had basic things around (veggies, rice, etc) and so if we go out he's not having to change plans last minute because the restaurant doesn't offer anything vegan. Not that I was demanding he go buy out and buy me a carton of rice cream and vegan mac and cheese, lol. I don't want to burden him. :p I also just don't want to go and insult people by refusing their food and only explaining it then.
 

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I didn't know latex condoms weren't generally vegan. How aren't they?<br><br>
I agree, tell him as soon as you can, and you shouldn't be worried about his reaction. Although the bisexual thing would be a bit offputting.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Aw, haha. Well thanks for the concern and everything, guys. I told him and he said he was perfectly fine with it. :) Thank goodness. I knew I loved this one for a reason. ;P
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>affidavit</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2934815"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
I didn't know latex condoms weren't generally vegan. How aren't they?<br><br>
I agree, tell him as soon as you can, and you shouldn't be worried about his reaction. Although the bisexual thing would be a bit offputting.</div>
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Yeah, I only know this because I needed a vegan, non-latex version and I wasn't sure if they offered any non-latex besides sheepskin (turns out it's totally the opposite, because most nonlatex are polyurethane, lol). But most latex condoms have casein to help with stretching or something. The polyurethane condoms don't contain casein, though, so it's a double whammy for me that makes my life super easy. :)
 

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Well, that is super interesting to know. I was using non-latex just because we happened to like a line of polyurethane ones best of any we tried (at least enough that we didn't bother experimenting with other brands again).
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>affidavit</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2934823"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
Well, that is super interesting to know. I was using non-latex just because we happened to like a line of polyurethane ones best of any we tried (at least enough that we didn't bother experimenting with other brands again).</div>
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Yeah, I never would have guessed. Good thing you were using polyurethane, then! I know I'd be super grossed out if I was putting any animal products in such an intimate area. o_O Plus it sucks to switch to anything new when you already love what you're with.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>delitebrite</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2934818"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
Well thanks for the concern and everything, guys. I told him and he said he was perfectly fine with it.</div>
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Congratulations. I'm glad you told him, and glad it worked out for you both. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/smiley.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":)">
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>delitebrite</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2934811"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
Haha! I was talking about condoms. :) Latex ones aren't usually vegan,</div>
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I was teasing you. I figured that was what you were talking about, but that's a pretty obscure and unusual piece of information.<br><br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>delitebrite</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2934811"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br><br>
but I have a latex allergy anyway, so it turns out it wasn't really relevant.<br></div>
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I'm glad they have polyurethane ones available nowadays.
 

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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>affidavit</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2934815"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
I didn't know latex condoms weren't generally vegan.</div>
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This is a pretty obscure and unusual piece of information, in my opinion. I've been on VB for ten years, and this topic has only come up in <b>one</b> other thread (besides this one we are in right now). Even <b>CondomMan(TM)</b> says he is still scratching his head in confusion over the topic.<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>affidavit</strong> <a href="/forum/post/2934815"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
How aren't they?<br></div>
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<br><a href="http://www.condomman.com/articles/condom-use/condoms-for-vegans/" target="_blank">http://www.condomman.com/articles/co...ms-for-vegans/</a><br><br><b>Condoms for Vegans</b><br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">What exactly is a vegan <a href="http://www.condomman.com/" target="_blank">condom</a>? This is a little hard to say considering there is currently no perfect system or federally regulated standard that defines what makes an item truly and certifiably vegan. In terms of condom production, the use of the ingredient casein is what most vegans seem to zero in on. Casein is a protein found in milk that many condom manufacturers use to create latex for condoms. Vegans feel strongly about not drinking, eating or using any milk products or any by-products of milk. Currently, there are only three latex condoms currently being sold that do not have casein listed as an ingredient.<br><br><br><br>
The Swedish Association for Sexuality Education (RFSU) is a sexual health organization that produces vegan condoms. In 2009, the distributor for this organizations condoms was able to declare their condoms as being certified vegan by the Vegan Action Foundation in America. Another manufacturer in Europe that produces vegan condoms is called Condomi. Instead of casein, this manufacturer utilizes cocoa powder in their production of condoms; however, these vegan condoms are not yet available for purchase in Canada or the U.S. simply because they are making sure they meet all standards and requirements in order to sale within the United States. Glyde manufacturers vegan condoms that are available in the United States.<br><br><br><br>
Vegans also steer clear from any product that has been tested on animals, so some may wonder whether or not that means they also will steer clear of condoms that have <a href="http://www.condomman.com/page/C/CTGY/Lubricants" target="_blank">lubrication</a> on them. After all, most ingredients that comprise the <a href="http://www.condomman.com/page/C/CTGY/Lubricants" target="_blank">lubricant</a> were tested on animals at one point in time. In order to avoid this possibility, vegans can choose to buy only condoms that do not have lubricants on them just to be safe.pardon the pun.<br></div>
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I've heard the vegan condom thing loads of times, on VB and elsewhere <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/images/smilies/huh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title=":confused:">
 

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<span style="color:#800080;">Im really glad he is fine with it! My husband was a total ass about it when we met but in a joking, not jerky way. Im sure if I was a super sensitive person it would have upset me but thankfully that wasnt the case. Not only did I marry an omnivore but I married one that ended up giving up meat and most dairy!!</span>
 
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