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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi...

I have the most awesome mother in law. She is so sweet, sympathetic and fun


BUT - when we come to visit her, she ALWAYS wants us to eat junk food and drink tons of coca cola.

We lived with her for a while and she always served healthy food, a lot of veggies and fruit. But now, she wants to spoil us when we come by for dinner and it's SO sweet of her!

The other day she called me and told that her and her boyfriend were on their way to Sweden (we live in Denmark, and people often go to Sweden for shopping). Anyway, she wanted us to send her a list of things we wanted. I said thank you SO MUCH but we have everything we need. Then she said "oh, I'll just buy you some coca cola then".

Aaaargh! I really need some good advice! How do I ask her to stop serving junk food when we come by for dinner? I have tried to just avoid visiting her for dinner, but she invites us once a week and I can't say no. She's so sweet and she only wants to spoil us. I don't want to hurt her feelings!

And the coca cola thing.. She always puts a 2 liter coca cola in my bag when we come by, and now she has bought 8 (!!!) liters of coca cola in Sweden. Should i say something? I don't want to drink it and I will maybe give it to a homeless. But she kinda deserves to know that the things she gives us, actually goes to a homeless. Or what? What to do?? I am really confused about this
 

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Why don't you tell her that you feel you've been consuming too much sugar lately and have decided to go off it for a while to see how you feel? Make it seem like a temporary change. Down the road you can say how much better you feel without sugar and caffeine highs.
 

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What festive thing could you bring with you to share when you go to her house for dinner? I was thinking maybe a bottle of wine, but it would have to fit with the way you all eat and drink. Maybe an upscale brand of bottled water, if you are all off alcohol. How will she react if you tell her you have decided to cut down on caffeine and sugar? People make changes like that all the time, and their people are usually happy to accommodate them. And bringing a sample of what you do like to eat and drink instead of what she usually offers, and sharing that as kind of a gift for her, seems like a nice enough way to ease into the conversation.
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by JustineEvelyn View Post

she wanted us to send her a list of things we wanted. I said thank you SO MUCH but we have everything we need. Then she said "oh, I'll just buy you some coca cola then".

Aaaargh! I really need some good advice! How do I ask her to stop serving junk food when we come by for dinner?
Your answer is right here. She's giving you soda because she doesn't know what else to get for you. Don't make her think, just ask for what you want. Ask for something else instead of soda! If you redirect her to something else then she will probably stop with the soda. For example, ask for sparkling water or fresh lemonade or green smoothies or tomato juice instead of soda.

Even if all you want is plain still water from the tap then make it a special thing. Say something like, "Oh! You know what I would love?!? Could you put some tap water in a glass bottle and put it in the fridge for me. That way it's nice and cold when I want to drink it. My friend told me that's what they do in __fill in the blank___ and I want to try it."

The point is to give her a task and redirect her actions to something positive that will apease everyone involved. Don't make her think, she doesn't need to "get it." She just needs to stop serving you soda. So just ask her for something specific instead.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
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Originally Posted by Joan Kennedy View Post

What festive thing could you bring with you to share when you go to her house for dinner? I was thinking maybe a bottle of wine, but it would have to fit with the way you all eat and drink. Maybe an upscale brand of bottled water, if you are all off alcohol. How will she react if you tell her you have decided to cut down on caffeine and sugar? People make changes like that all the time, and their people are usually happy to accommodate them. And bringing a sample of what you do like to eat and drink instead of what she usually offers, and sharing that as kind of a gift for her, seems like a nice enough way to ease into the conversation.
If I bring something, she would freak out and fell like she is not good enough. And she knows that I try hard to lose weight, but she says that a glass won't kill you/make you fat. Maybe I should just say it again, and this time really make her understand that I am trying to lose weight and can't drink that stuff.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
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Originally Posted by ElaineV View Post

Your answer is right here. She's giving you soda because she doesn't know what else to get for you. Don't make her think, just ask for what you want. Ask for something else instead of soda! If you redirect her to something else then she will probably stop with the soda. For example, ask for sparkling water or fresh lemonade or green smoothies or tomato juice instead of soda.

Even if all you want is plain still water from the tap then make it a special thing. Say something like, "Oh! You know what I would love?!? Could you put some tap water in a glass bottle and put it in the fridge for me. That way it's nice and cold when I want to drink it. My friend told me that's what they do in __fill in the blank___ and I want to try it."

The point is to give her a task and redirect her actions to something positive that will apease everyone involved. Don't make her think, she doesn't need to "get it." She just needs to stop serving you soda. So just ask her for something specific instead.
She gives me soda, because she wants to give me something nice and fun, that I don't usually get. I will find something really exotic, like a rare fruit or something like that. Then she can find that for me
Thanks for the advices everyone. It is hard to tell people that they do something wrong, when you really love them and don't want to hurt their feelings.
 

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I like Elaine's advice but if that doesn't work for some reason what I often tell people is just that eating or drinking whatever thing they are offering me makes me feel sick afterwards so I prefer not to eat/drink it.
 
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