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I recently found out that one of my dear friends bought a coat that has some fur on it... I am really bothered by it because a couple of years ago (after I showed her some brochures about it) she had told me that she would stop buying anything with fur. However, I recently found out that she has.

I am not sure how to react...She is a very dear friend of mine for several years and has been there for me through many difficult times. I also did not find out from actually seeing the coat on her but from another friend telling me (although apparently she wasn't supposed to tell me so I am not sure if I am now at liberty to go confront the person about it). My friend has been generally pretty good and respectful of my first vegetarianism and then veganism (e.g. she would rarely eat meat in front of me and mostly only if we go out; she would never cook meat if i'm in the house; she has cut down on her meat consumption from having meat at every meal to only once a day; she has also switched to buying eggs and meat only from free-range animals - small step, I know, but still). I also know from previous disussions and showing her some brochures about animal rights issues that she has some idea about what is going on in the meat, egg, dairy and fur industries; however, she just admits to being "weak" and that she can't do it. She gets very defensive about it so my other vegetarian friends and I have mostly dropped the topic.

I don't know how to react now to this though. Also because coincidentally I watched the Earthlings video about a month ago and some of the images with the fur industry are still haunting me. What do you guys think?
 

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Maybe you could start out by asking her if it is real or not. Many people purchase these products without having any idea of what they are buying. If she does not know, you could both check the tag in the clothes lining or separate the hairs to see if they're attached to fabric or preserved skin.

Many people also mistakenly think that fur trim is not as cruel or that it is just a "byproduct". In actuality, more animals die to decorate collars and cuffs than to furnish traditional fur coats. 90% of all foxes killed for fur, die to produce fur trim.

If the coat is real, you could give her resources from www.hsus.org or www.infurmation.com.
 

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if it's real, ask your friend if it was worth the price of lost lives. if it is fake, ask her if she thinks death is so glamorous that if you can't afford it, you feel the need to fake it.

of course, i am basing my comments on how my friends and i are. we are ballbusters and there would be no hard feelings.
 

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It sounds like it's not your business in the first place. She has not shown it to you yet and you're not supposed to know about it. You've shown her brochures and she still does not care enough to avoid buying fur. It's still ultimately her decision to make (even though it is very much an ethical issue -- I am not make 'a right to choice' argument here so much as a 'her choice is not under YOUR control' argument), and you can't control it. If she happens to bring it up, you can discuss it with her. Otherwise, you know where she honestly stands on the issue. Continue to be a good friend. You'll have more influence that way.
 

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^ What he said.

Whilst if I had my way, fur and meat would be outlawed, they aren't, and whilst I require my friends to respect my ethics, if I required them to share them I wouldnt have very many friends at all.

Your friend has been respectful of you in that she didn't show you the fur because she knows how you feel about it, and did not want to upset you. However, she clearly does not object to fur products herself, or she would not have bought it. If you make a big issue out of her making this ethical choice for herself, I doubt you are going to manage to remain friends much longer. Instead, set a good example by not wearing fur, and not being preachy about veggieness. I learned the hard way that people are far more inclined to follow your example if you show them how easy and normal your life is, rather than nagging them to join you at every opportunity.

For my part, I cant see why its ok to eat meat, but not ok to wear fur. In fact, if the fur is trapped rather than farms, the supplying animals will have lived a much nicer life than battery hens.
 

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What if you play dumb and talk to her about fur just as a topic instead of a confrontation. You could organize a viewing of The Witness at your house or local library and ask her to join you with a bunch of other friends. There are ways to confront her without putting her on the spot. Perhaps she needs a reminder about why fur is terrible.

But I think that's really all you can do. As much as we want to change the world and have everyone we care about care as much about animals as we do, that's just not going to happen. We do what we can when we can. But making someone feel like they are a terrible person isn't going to make them change. Education works better than blame every time


Oh, and I don't think switching to free range is small by any standard. It costs more money and involves her going out of her way. Convenience and money stops most people from doing the right thing.
 

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Wow, really, its none of your business at all. You don't have a right to tell your friends what to do any more than they have a right to tell you what to do. You've tried to convert them, they've told you they are uncomfortable with it - really I think you are being pretty harsh to reconsider a very good friendship because of something

1. you heard through a second party and

2. is really none of your business whatsoever.

If you think about it like that, maybe you can find it in your heart to be a little less judgemental. If she really is a very good friend, that would be a terrible thing to lose!!!

Do you get mad at friends for buying leather purses? Sneakers with leather uppers? Really there is no difference if you ask me.
 

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I'm sorry to say that it's none of your business. It sounds like she's gone out of her way not to make you uncomfortable with eating meat, etc etc. Someone else said it up there, and I agree. I always ask that my friends respect my ethics, but not that they share the exact same ones. If you required them to be just the same as you, you wouldn't have many friends at all, I'm afriad.

Let it go. You can't hammer the point in until she runs away from you. It's counterproductive.
 

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don't forget to mention her leather belt/boots/wallet/couch/upholstery in your discussion, and make sure you're not wearing leather or wool either, else the discussion could get embarrassing.

cow skin ~ mink skin ~ sheep skin ~ dog skin
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Michael Conway View Post

if it's real, ask your friend if it was worth the price of lost lives. if it is fake, ask her if she thinks death is so glamorous that if you can't afford it, you feel the need to fake it.
Is that dairy worth the price of lost lives?

c whut I did thar?


And we "fake it" with meat and cheese all the time, why not "fake" a leather jacket too?

some people even fake sex!
 
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